


After Hours

by maryforyou



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Badass Reader, But he is secretly a softie, Dominant Kylo Ren, Droids, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond but not quite, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Mixed Signals, POV Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Porn With Plot, Possessive Kylo Ren, Protective Kylo Ren, Rough Sex, Sex Work themes, Slow Burn, Smut, Stripper, reader POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 119,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryforyou/pseuds/maryforyou
Summary: It had been a year since your incident. You knew the risks of the job when you got in and you had accepted them. Still, no one prepared you for what you went through and for what was about to come.On your first night back, you were not nervous to get back on stage, and as you danced, the energy of the room felt strangely heavy.Then, you saw him.You knew better than to be afraid of him, but when he requested your presence in a private room, an unusual sensation filled your body, something you had never experienced with other clients.Lust.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren and You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 132
Kudos: 413





	1. Domar's Realm

**Author's Note:**

> Few things to clarify. I wanted to make a sloooow burn but failed a few chapters in, I REGRET NOTHING. Bear in mind that I suck at tags and that also chapters gets considerably longer and I dare say better each time . The whole idea for this came to me listening to the Weeknd, so you can imagine the vibe of it all. Although there are a lot of canon elements in this fic, it is totally non-canon compliant. In this work the reader is a badass in my personal, heavily biased opinion. I'm really excited as I am writing this so if you like it, please comment and leave your kudos! It would mean so much to me!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Today marked the one-year anniversary of your “incident”.

The familiar images that ran through your dreams almost every night did not allow you to rest. It was as if you could almost feel the pain all over your body again and again.

You woke up. Unsurprisingly, all covered in sweat.

As your breathing started to slow down you got down the bed and started to get dressed. You had already invested a lot of time reliving your gross memories in your dreams to drag them through the day as well. 

When your condition briefly incapacitated you to keep working, you realized that you had to make yourself useful one way or another at Domar’s Realm. As soon as you were able to stand on your own, you had bombarded Terrgar, begging him to teach you about the administrative procedures and supplier relations of the club until he began to give you some responsibilities. 

Now, one year later, you practically ran the whole place.

Domar’s Realm was a place where “business meets pleasure” in Terrgar’s words, even though everyone knew it was just a glorified strip club.

Still, it was not like any other establishment.

Since the days of the Republic, prostitution was abolished in Lothal, which forced Domar, Terrgar’s late father, to come up with a creative way to keep that part of the business running. Because let’s face it, lap dances and drinks could only cost as much. He created a VIP system of “temporary contracts” in which higher paying customers could take a girl home on “commission” in time periods ranging from days to even weeks. 

Funny business.

The operations were so polished that, legally, Domar’s Realm was just an exclusive night club with an extra array of “consulting” services. Rules were to be followed in order to be allowed in, the main one being that any kind of sexual contact was prohibited on the premises. Being able to glance at the girls but not being able to touch them really skyrocketed commission numbers and Domar knew this.

The girls were also special. Each and every one of the 60 girls on payroll had a specific characteristic that made them unique and memorable.

When Domar first opened his business, most of his workers were girls that just wanted a warm plate and a roof to sleep in. As Lothal continued to grow, he decided to improve his services and start teaching his girls classes on how to treat and pleasure a man.

You remembered arriving at Domar’s Realm just a day after your 18th birthday, fairly certain you knew your way around the sack, considering you lost your virginity at 17, and that accounted for enough experience in your little mind. 

Boy were you wrong.

Domar and the more senior girls had taught you that this line of work was not only about being able to dance on stage or the physical act of sex. Your price points included some unspoken abilities that the high end customers could only find in you, not on their wives or in other less expensive whores.

You also learned that your paycheck for each “commission” did not only come in the form of credits, but also in the ways of knowledge and consequently, power.

You were taught on dance, history, sociology, battle strategy when the war broke out, table manners, etiquette, and of course extensive lessons on the technicalities, tips and tricks on all the various forms of sex; a top of the line companionship service. Domar made sure to leave a business legacy, and standards no one else was able to reach.

Terrgar had done a decent job maintaining Domar’s on its full glory, since his father’s passing two years ago. He was literally raised in the business, but he struggled on some of the administrative stuff. So when you so kindly and demandingly offered to help, he was able to focus more on client relations, which in turn transformed every Friday and Saturday night into a full-house kind of situation.

* * *

The day passed by pretty quickly.

Friday mornings were usually the busiest for you. Beverages were delivered at the Realm and you had to do the inventory of the infinite amount of cases containing champagne and fancy wine. You also had to make sure the stages were ready and that lights, music and air conditioning were fully functional. 

Terrgar approached you from your side while you were revising tonight’s weather on your data pad, startling you a bit with his characteristic cheerful tone. “Hey there Muffin!” You had asked for a muffin for breakfast after your first night working and he had baptized you as so ever since. 

“Really Terrgar? You know I hate that nickname.” you said, not even lifting your sight. 

“Oh I DO know Muffin; why do you think I keep calling you that?” he responded with a grin.

“Whatever” you sighed as you shifted from the weather to tonight’s confirmed guest list. “Arel and Jurly are out in commission with those epidote mine owners but are set to return tomorrow morning.” You continued to shuffle through the names of the so called most important men of the galaxy.

“General Hux is coming, he reserved the Omega private room, we are expecting a big party, apparently he is bringing some weapon manufacturers.” Terrgar said. You looked up at him and thought that if Domar could see him now, he would be very proud. “Can you please tell Marla? She would be grateful for a heads-up”

“Yeah I’ll tell her, she won’t be not happy though, she says the guy is not nearly hot enough to act so mean and that whenever she is sent on commission to a Star Destroyer that the cold is awful.” You placed your data pad down and reached for your communicator. You began texting Poe; he was supposed to be here already.

You looked up again at Terrgar, his happy expression had suddenly changed into a more serious look.

“What is it?”

You already knew the answer. You just hadn’t expected it to be on this day in particular. 

“Listen Muffin, believe me when I say that I am the most grateful for all your help during this time. You have truly become a fundamental piece in this whole operation, but it has been quite a while now since your incident and I need you to get back on stage.”

You sighed.

You knew some customers had been asking for you during this period. Some of them had even gotten upset seeing you behind the bar, hair hanging loose, in pants and a jacket instead of twirling around half naked on one of the platforms.

“Do I have to begin today?” 

“Yes, I’m very sorry, I know what day it is today, is just that one of Hux’s party guests requested a long haired girl and with Jurly out of town and all the business that he has been bringing to the club I really don’t want to disappoint. Besides, I will just place you in the Omega’s set list, not the main stage, so that you don’t wear yourself out.”

Remember when you said every girl was special? Well, aside from you snapping wit, you were “blessed” with waist-length, deep brown hair.

Long hair was very rare in this part of the galaxy. It represented wealth and class, mostly because women with long hair were those able to buy impossibly high-priced wigs. Only girls with a specific genetic code were able to grow it fast and steadily and the majority would cut it as soon as they were able to put a price on it.

His tone was more a pleading one than an authoritarian one. Over these past months you had really created a bond. You even considered him more of a friend than a boss, and you believed he felt the same way. You also knew the implications of falling into Hux’s bad side. Ever since he was appointed General of the First Order, he had found out that men fell into a weaker state of mind when surrounded with girls. He used this to his advantage and started to conduct many of his business here, to Marla’s misfortune. The guy had a thing for eyes and was obsessed with Marla’s big grey orbs. 

Terrgar’s eyes scanned you, waiting for an answer, or at least a reaction. You knew that he had no obligation to keep you as his worker when you were not making any profit, but even though his business required him to be cold-hearted, he had always treated you kindly.

You let out a small smile, “Of course I will do it Terrgar, it’s my job at the end of the day.” That last bit sounded a little more bitter than you had expected. “Besides, I’m excited for my stage return. I have been thinking of a new routine for a while now.” That seemed to have saved it, as his gaze softened. 

“You are the best, thank you for being so understanding. We’ll drink to your return when the night is over.” He definitely sounded relieved. You, on the other hand, were succeeding at repressing your lingering nervousness.


	2. Omega

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> link of the song playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygTZZpVkmKg

“You are late” you said before letting the smoke of your cigarette leave your mouth. Odorless cigarettes were the invention of the century you thought to yourself. 

Poe came close to you from behind, and all his intentions of scaring the crap out of you vanished instantly. “What? How did you know I was coming?!” His loud chuckle felt as warm as usual. He was part of the security at Domar’s, and unlike the girls, they did not live on the building, much to his shame, since he always managed to arrive late.

“I can smell your cheap cologne for miles.” You finally turned around to face him, his eyes grew big when he saw you were wearing makeup. You felt his sudden change in animosity as soon as he realized what it meant.

“He can’t do this to you. Not today,” you extended your pack towards him as he continued to ramble “did he even ask if you were ready?” he said, grabbing one of your cigarettes and taping his jacket to reach for his lighter.

You eyed him. You had always thought he looked attractive when he smoked. Besides, you believed smokers shared a common bond, a mutual death wish of some sorts, which made them interesting in your eyes. “Of course I am ready, I always have new routines under my sleeve, you know that.”

You truly were prepared. You had always enjoyed dancing since you were little, it was basically the reason why you had entered into Domar’s. Most of the girls did not like working the stage, it made them feel exposed or truly self-aware, as if being paid to sleep with rich men was not enough reminder of how little they were in the galaxy. You, on the other hand, found it empowering, not in an ego boosting kind of way, it just fueled you having so many eyes set on you and your every move.

“Besides, apparently some really important people are going to be joining us tonight,” you said before allowing him to further complain “and they requested the hair.” You jokingly tossed your hair from side to side hoping for a comedic relief.

Poe gave you a small smile. “I didn’t mean performance-wise,” he said as he came closer to your face. He brushed his fingers through your cheek, watching you intently as he removed a piece of hair from your face, “are you sure you can handle it?”

You placed your dying cigarette in your mouth as you made distance, casually as ever, avoiding his gaze. You knew Poe had a thing for you. It was the sort of knowledge you acquired during your training, being able to read into small gestures and react towards them. With Poe there was not much reading to do anyways. He did not mask his intentions, fully aware of who he was dealing with, but from mere respect he had never said anything to you.

“I think I am, besides, he is only placing me in the Omega room for the night so I don’t think I will be getting any commissions, at least this week.” You gave your cigarette one last hit before throwing it away on the disposal.

“Good.” He scoffed. He had never been the jealous type, not that he had reason to be, giving that you guys hadn’t even kissed before, but you figured he was getting used to you as more of a colleague instead of one of the girls that he had to take care of.

He would never admit to it, but more than a backup for when clients tried to cross a line, he acted as some sort of incentive for the men to open up their wallets and schedule a commission just to get their way with the girls without him watching over them. 

“Come on now, don’t be like that,” you began walking towards the back door, you still had to make some inventory and finish getting ready “make sure to slip inside the room so that you can watch my dance, I expect honest feedback.” He always enjoyed watching your routines, and afterwards, he would always give you commentary that, even though not very helpful with all his wows and awesomes, you always appreciated.

“Midnight set as usual?!” He heard him scream in the distance.

“YES!” you replied screaming too, as you glanced at him through your shoulder with a small smile.

* * *

You sat at your chair, the one you had always sat on in the dressing room. Even though you had not gotten ready here for almost a year, none of the other girls, not even the new ones had dared to sit in it. They were not afraid of you, but they respected you. Ever since you began working alongside Terrgar they even saw you as kind of their boss.

You were compassionate. Not the blindly, innocent, always there for you kind of compassionate, but if you were able to, you were sure to offer a hand in help. You reassured the new girls when they had their first bad experiences with clients or you were always sure to help others with their routines or their song choices.

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You had your whole attire on and the clients had already begun to arrive. You had always found funny this whole business. As you became accustomed to commissions, you wondered why Domar even bothered with the whole strip club logistics, but as you spent more time with customers, you figured it out.

Men loved the chase. They loved being denied of something they desperately wanted and working hard to get it, even if it meant paying indescribable amounts of credits for it. _Foolish_ you thought. Girls played their cards right, even though it was a strip club, full nudity was also prohibited, just to keep things for the imagination and further encourage men to hand over their earnings. They did not just settle with watching you, they had to have you. 

You snapped out of your thoughts when Terrgar called out for you from the door, “Muffin! Come here, I need your help!”.

As you stood up you almost tripped with yourself. You were used to walking on heels, you were good at it in fact, but having worn only boots for the last year made you slightly oblivious to your added height. “What is it?” you said, as you figured out your pace.

“I can’t access the billing software, something about the domain not being correct and a system reboot needed.” He was frantic. You had been in charge of the billing too and perhaps he got more comfortable than needed. 

The rest of the night went by in a similar way, one problem after another. To make matters worse, you were working the same responsibilities of the past months but in a short black dress with a front zipper and heels that only seemed to slow you down. You hadn’t even stepped in the Omega room when you happened to look at the time.

_11:38_

As you walked rapidly to the dressing room, you saw Poe, striding towards you as if to remind you of your dance, but when he saw you powerwalking to the back of the club he just mouthed a _good luck_ at you. You responded with a grin.

The girls in the dressing room weren’t particularly quiet that night, you certainly would need to adjust to that normal turmoil again. You made the final touches to your makeup and as you adjusted your hair into a small tight bun with just a long pin, you looked at the time again.

_11:55_

You began walking towards the exit of the dressing room when Kyleti entered the room in a hectic way. “He’s…. here” she said suddenly running out of breath and a look in her eyes as she had seen a ghost. 

“What? Who’s here?” exclaimed another girl.

You had no time for this. You moved Kyleti out of the way and ran backstage of the Omega room. The lights were already dimmed and you swore you could hear a heavy sigh from the DJ. You gestured him an _OK_ with your hand and the song began playing.

With the mysterious intro resounding through the room and inside your body, you began walking slowly towards the center of the stage. It was shaped like a big T, the pole bolted at the end of the runway, close to where the clients were seated, but you remained in the back, just at the intersection. The room was dark overall, just a red colored spotlight following you. Facing the back, you began moving your hips from side to side to the rhythm, the beats coming in between long lapses.

When the singer’s voice began, you took a small peek over your shoulder. Even as the lights were out, you could feel everyone’s eyes on you. The room had grown silent, and the energy felt strangely heavy. You smiled at yourself, you truly did miss this part. The build-up of it all. 

You turned your head back again as you began going down, knees and heels tightly together, and when you reached the bottom, you opened them in a single cutting movement to the beat. Your hand reached the base of your neck and you moved your head in a circle. When you started going back up you made sure to lean forward just enough so that they could get a small glimpse of the lace fabric that guarded your bottom.

Standing strongly at your feet, you turned around, and the light changed to a light blue, which blinded you for an instant as you began striding down the runway. Each step filling you up with that confidence that you had forgotten was in you and you genuinely missed. You paused for a second to glance at your left and shared a brief look with Poe. He looked so stupidly mesmerized.

When you reached the middle on your way to the pole, you went for the floor again, this time placing the majority of your weight in your slightly opened knees, and taking your hand to the front of your dress. You began to carefully pull the zipper in your chest down. The bra you wore was also in black lace, matching your whole ensemble. The dress was off when you began crawling towards the front, your hips swaying left and right with every movement and your eyes were facing the blurry dark figures in anticipation.

You grasped the pole at the end of the runway, using it as leverage to stand up again. The music shifted from the singing to a synthetized melody. You turned to your back again and leaned your whole body weight to your left leg. You grazed your thigh with your fingers as they made their way to your waist in which they stopped to rest.

With your other hand you grasped the pin holding your hair methodically and as the beat dropped, you snatched it in one move. Your hair flew down as if it had life of its own and you quickly grabbed on to pole, lifting yourself up and swiftly spinning around it, hair flying with you.

When your momentum diminished you got off the pole and continued with the various steps of your routine, including hip movements, lots of hair tosses and sexy looks at the faceless crowd. Suddenly the lights became a little a whiter, which allowed you to better examine the room. You continued working the pole until the song slowed down and you prepared yourself for the song finale. And then, something catched your eye. The faces stopped being dark figures and features were revealed. 

You finally understood why Kyleti was so agitated.

He was looking directly at you, and even though he had his mask on, you could feel an intensity you had never experienced before. You stared at him, eyes big, and your lips slightly parted as you took a harsh breath. 

**_Kylo Ren._ **


	3. Janus

The music died and you carefully gathered yourself. You briefly got a sight of the girls assigned to the room, some of them smiled at you in praise and others entertained their clients, all of them slightly tense. You could hear the chit chatter resume its normal course as you paced quickly through the platform, picking up your dress and headed for backstage. When you arrived you realized you had forgotten to breathe. As you took air into your lungs you forced down a gulp.

You composed yourself quickly and shook off that feeling that was lingering inside you since you had spotted him. Why were you getting so rattled up for? Sure, he might be a cold hearted, galaxy know, professional murderer, but that description sure applied for many of the clients of Domar’s. You began walking towards the dressing room when Poe intersected you.

“That dance was certainly something else! What the hell?! You really outdid yourself! I wasn’t even sure that was possible, but the song, the lights, your moves, everything was just—just perfect, and awesome!” He was clearly getting excited and about to go on a full ramble about your number when he sensed your attitude. 

“Everything all right?” As he said this, his eyes went down to take you in, and he realized you were still out of your dress. He nervously lifted his gaze and waited for your response a little embarrassed, because he knew you had catched him. 

“Yeah, listen, I’m okay, I just really need to catch my breath before entering the room again, I’ll look for you later, alright?” You hurried through your words, sounding more like mumbles instead of complete sentences, but just needed to be by yourself for just a second. You had no time to reassure Poe about your mental state.

* * *

“He’s not so bad, I mean of course he gives off a weird energy but he didn’t even look at me during my dance.” One of the girls was talking about him in the dressing room.

He did watch _me,_ you thought.

“Yeah, stupid Terrgar insisted that I approached him, the audacity, as if I wasn’t shitting my pants. I hadn’t even taken a step towards him when he looked at me and shook his head.” Freya exclaimed.

This was not his first visit; you certainly remembered very well the first time he crossed Domar’s doors since it was the last shift you worked before your “leave”. The whole club went ballistics. The thing was, that every time he came, it would cause a general inquietude in the girls. Basically all of them were too terrified of him to even want to get near him, which pissed Terrgar off very much, because who wouldn’t like the most powerful man in the galaxy as a regular customer. 

“I heard he reads minds” said Kyleti.

“Yeah! I heard that too! He probably even smelled your shit from the distance!” Said another girl looking at Freya. Everyone bursted into laughter and you managed a small chuckle.

* * *

You exited the room and started making your way to what would’ve been the rest of your night when Terrgar stopped you. “Muffin, hey..” he had a worried look on his face “um, so, you are requested in the Janus room.” You could sense in his voice that something was not right but that he was trying really hard to hide it.

“The Janus room? I thought that was empty for the night, did another party arrive all of a sudden?” That room was the second largest at the Realm after the Omega.

“No,” he made a heavy sigh, “actually it’s a private session.” You stared at him blankly and gestured him to elaborate. When someone ordered a large room for a private session it most likely meant you were going to be stuck dealing with an ego-maniac prick who liked to show off how much money they could spend in one seating. Terrgar kept quiet, as if he did not want to continue answering. 

“Terrgar come on,” at this point you made zero effort to mask your annoyance “What is it?”

“ _He_ asked for you.” 

You froze a little. He had been coming here for over a year already and he had never requested for a private session with any of the girls. It looked as if he only made appearances here for the business dealings he and Hux conducted. He would always ignore the girls, much to their own pleasure, but in a sense, him asking for you did not surprise you. At least not after the way he looked at you during your dance. He had never asked for a commission either, rumor had it that he dealt with his “urges” with the prisoners he captured on his First Order quests.

Terrgar interrupted your train of thought, “I know I have been asking too much from you, I know I’m being a terrible boss and a terrible friend, and today of all days.” Your eyes softened a little when he said the word friend. “But, you know as well as I do that this is something big. I swear I will have all security checking on the cameras every second and that they will jump in the second we feel you are in any kind of danger.”

As if Poe or the whole security complex of Lothal could stop this man. You knew Terrgar was only saying it to give you a little comfort, which you certainly didn’t need. “I can take care of myself Terrgar, don’t worry.” You sounded a little too agitated for your own good “I’m a big girl and he’s just another customer.” The last part you said it almost as a reminder to yourself, and even as you truly believed it, you could feel the sweat building up in your palms.

“So you will do it?” His eyes were full of relief. He certainly did not have a plan B if you had refused. He knew none of the other girls would’ve accepted either.

“Yes, but you will owe me one, and I intend to call you up on it.” You gave him a small grin and then you turned towards the Janus room. You didn’t give yourself the time to think twice about your actions because you knew that if you did, you might change your mind. Before opening the black heavy curtain, you took a big breath. It was almost as if you were an actress, and you were getting into character. A character that cared to listen to a man’s problems and dealings, a character whose sole purpose was to make said man feel wanted. You figured that maybe behind all the darkness that surrounded him, Kylo Ren also needed that.

“Just another man.” You whispered to yourself and you entered the dimmed room.

Janus was considerably smaller than Omega, even though it had a little stage, it did not have a private bar. Instead there was a high table pressed to a wall with buckets of ice, some champagne bottles, and a couple of glasses. The couches were also placed alongside the walls and the pole just in the center of it all. The proximity made some of the girls uncomfortable, but they all managed when assigned here. 

When you first entered, you could not see him. Your pupils adjusted to the new light setting and you gave a few steps, posture held high as ever, and you spotted the black figure in one of the couches. He had his hands pressed on top of his knees, the visor of his mask directed towards you from the other side of the room. 

You started circling the stage to get close to him, and by his body language, you were certain he was not going to start the conversation, so you opened your mouth to speak.

“Your mere presence can sure ruffle some feathers around here.” Just a small remark, you thought. You needed his response to scan the nature of this interaction.

“How so?” His voice sounded deep, distorted, kind of mechanical due to his helmet. It sent a small shiver down your spine, and you couldn’t help but stop for a second. You crossed your arms in front of you and continued to speak.

“You know,” you began walking towards him again, “the mask, the clothes, your stance, it all adds to the image.” Your hand gestured a small circle as you said this, referencing his whole demeanor. There were only a few feet between you at this point. “Most of the girls, and men too I might say, are terrified of you.” You paused your words for a brief moment. “Much to your amusement I think.” Long-shot that last comment, you hoped it did not ignite any anger in him, small joke, nothing else.

“You are not.” He said this more like an affirmation rather than a question, apparently not amused by your commentary. “You are curious.” As more words left what you assumed was his mouth underneath his helmet, you reached to sit down beside him, but as if he had read your intentions he leaned back and put his hand up urging you to stop.

When you did, a little startled to be honest, he pointed at the center stage. You took the hint. No proximity with this one you thought, and by the nature of his commands, you figured he liked to be in control. No surprise in there certainly.

You stepped on the stage, grabbing the pole slightly, and you slowly began turning around it. Private sessions where not the place for complicated tricks, they were more about slow movements and furtive eyes, so you were going to deliver just that.

“I feel at a certain disadvantage here” you began after a period of silence, slowly moving down to the floor, grabbing the pole from behind, arms above your head. “You can read my thoughts at any moment and I can’t even look at your face.” You turned to look at him, waiting for a reply. After what seemed like minutes he responded.

“Take off your dress.” He said sharply, coldly even.

Okay, so _that’s what it’s going to be like_ you said to yourself. You complied, that’s what the job was all about anyway. Maybe he was one of those guys who really thought so little about your profession, that to him, you were no better than a piece of meat. You dropped your dress to the side, giving a small look towards the camera that rested on top of his head. You couldn’t help but wonder how upset Poe would be with Terrgar at this moment.

“I can’t read your mind.” He simply said, and you looked down to meet his gaze again. You lightened the tension you had built up yourself. “But I can sense your emotions. You are very transparent with them.” He was resting his whole back on the couch now, getting comfortable in the setting.

“In my line of work, that could be potentially displeasing.” You said intently. You made no further considerations, your mind had already made up about what type of client Kylo Ren was. Not your favorite kind to say the least. Nevertheless, as much as you tried to alienate yourself from this whole situation, as you were trained to do with horrible customers, his energy kept grounding you, as if there was something impeding you to act as if this wasn’t really happening. As if you were not dancing half naked for the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

“So why aren’t you?” His question snapped at you and you shot your eyes at him. “Afraid I mean.” He seemed genuinely intrigued. “You don’t seem to be altered in any way, yet you are at a very vulnerable position right now.”

You indeed were, you were on all fours now, reaching and inclining towards him. “I don’t think you will hurt me,” you said bluntly “and not because I think Domar’s security could ever protect me against you.”

“Then why?” he said, this time leaning down his upper body to get close to you.

You tilted your head a little to the right, examining his mask up close. Okay, this was the time your wit was tested. “Because I think you are more of an idea than a real person.” Shit, not the best idea to come down this path. You thought of shutting your mouth at this point, of just continuing your dance in silence, sure some damage had already been made but nothing a few dance moves couldn’t solve. But you weren’t that kind of girl. Self-preservation was not one of your best traits, experience had taught you that.

“You sell terror for the First Order and people buy it easily.” You couldn’t help the scoff you let out. Maybe you had spoken too fast when you said you thought he wouldn’t hurt you. You peeked at the camera on top, knowing that your murder might be recorded. Your grave was buried deep now, might as well continue. You looked heavy into his visor. “That is why you wear a mask.”

You had pushed it a little too far now, and you knew it perfectly. If anyone could hear you speaking they would surely say you were suicidal, specially because now, you were not able to stop yourself.

“You can act all you want to, act the part you were chosen to play and the one you perform so well” you stood up, thinking that if you were going to get killed you might as well be standing, and you saw him leave the couch as well. Fear could not explain what you were sensing right now, on the contrary, for some reason you felt braver than ever. Your faces inches apart at this point.

“But the eyes…” you could almost feel his light saber cutting your head off as your next words left your mouth.

“They don’t lie.”


	4. Tidal Waves

You were expecting the blow, whatever his weapon of choice, his fist, his palm, or even his lightsaber. A retaliation for your insolence. You were not a rookie in the business, you knew better than calling out your clients on their truths. In fact, you knew it was the last thing they wanted from you. You were here to please them, show them a good time, away from anything resembling their real life, and they sure as hell paid a lot for it. 

And here you were, after years of training, basically calling the _Kylo Ren_ a coward, waiting for your own personal and private demonstration of his characteristic violent rage, a situation you had pretty much built for yourself.

But he just stood there, his face near yours. You could really appreciate his height in this position. Your gazes were at the same level, even though you stood in the slightly elevated stage wearing high heels. You had always been an eye contact pursuer, and since you could not actually look into his eyes, this little staring competition was yours to win, you thought. 

After a while of cut-throat hostility, he finally turned his back, allowing you to breathe normally. You read his body language, hands in the form of fists, shoulders stiff, posture strong. And you realized that you were right, that he was not going to hurt you, even after everything you had said to him. Not meaning that he didn’t want to, of course. You knew that he was trying with every fiber of his being to stop himself from lashing out on you.

You sensed it, the anger running through his veins, ever since he stood from the couch and dared to come close. You imagined that if you could touch his blood right now, it would be boiling. There was only one thing to do now, your better judgement coming to make an appearance at last. 

“I…” you hesitated, uncertain to what his reaction was going to be like, “I am sorry…” The words came out difficult, not rushed and determined as they had been a couple of minutes ago, but honest.

His helmet tilted a little over his shoulder. That was your entrance, so you continued “I should not have talked to you that way.” You perceived a good response from his part. “It was unprofessional and unacceptable.” He seemed to ease up a bit. You got off the stage and stood closer to him. “I apologize.”

It was as if you seriously could not get control of yourself. Were you this out of practice? Or was it _him_ that was making your job so difficult? You should have known better, you should have waited, you knew he did not responded well to proximity, and yet, you still extended your arm, reaching for his shoulder, that lingering feeling travelling your body pleading you to touch him.

So you did.

And it felt as if a tidal wave had crashed in you. A wave coming from an infinite, ruthless ocean. The water cold and creeping into every corner of your body, sinking you. It was covering you completely, this abyss that surrounded you. Pressure began to build up inside you and all you wanted was a release, even though it might mean your own implosion. You opened your eyes instinctively, and all you saw was darkness, and yourself in the middle of it all.

You were dead. This feeling, that is all it could mean. And in that thought you found something, something you were not expecting, something with no shape or format,

_Serenity_

And suddenly you were swimming, slowly coming up, not really going anywhere but cruising around in this nothingness which surprisingly, felt familiar. You stopped, closed your lids, and just floated. You were not able to tell how much time was passing by and you certainly did not care.

Without warning you felt something lift you up, like a hand, pulling you out of the water, taking you out of your trance. You began tracing the outline of the things around you and realized you were indeed _not_ dead. You took in a few sharp breaths, each and every one of them like cutting daggers in your throat, your body mad you had deprived yourself from oxygen.

Then, you saw him.

He was holding you, close, one hand around your waist, the other holding your head. He was focused on you. It felt weird at first, but giving the experience you just had, weird was not too bad. After a few seconds it became… warm. His whole frame covering you, as you rested, not lifeless though, in his arms.

As a sort of unspoken understanding, you gave him a look and he promptly helped you back on your feet. His anger had dissipated into thin air, and by the way he was acting you were sure he was about to say something.

But he didn’t.

He left the room in a swift movement and left you standing there. Alone, and utterly confused. You wanted to go after him, wanted him to explain what had just happened, but you knew that he would be long gone when you reached the front door. Even if he wasn’t, you deeply doubted that he would’ve discussed it with you anyway.

The reality of the situation began to unravel all around you. Your neurons working, a little late you might add, trying to figure out the nature of the interaction you had just participated in. That feeling, when you touched him, what was it? It was something you had never felt before. You tried to explain it to yourself, and even though you succeeded, you knew it made absolutely no sense.

And aside from all of that, before that even happened, what on Earth had been going on with you? Sure you whimsical, but this time you were bordering rude, talking to him the way you did, after years of learning how to repress your real emotions and commenting just the right things, your tongue flying freely in front of the Supreme Leader of all people. He called you up on it, your “transparency”, but you had never been that way.

It was as if something had shifted inside you the moment you were alone with him, and it wasn’t fear, you both had agreed on that. Then what was it?

You decided to give it a rest. You grabbed your dress from the floor and slipped it on. A quick flashback of him telling you to take it off crept inside your mind, making you feel uneasy. When you exited, your two favorite guys were standing there.

Terrgar looked disturbed, as you had expected. You knew he was truly wary when he let you inside the room. Kylo Ren was unknown territory for him, or anyone else for that matter, and that uncertainty was the key to bad outcomes. Those kind of actions had craved the path that led to your incident. The lack of care and diligence from his part with one of the customers, one that was assigned to you. Even as you knew this, you had never made him accountable for it. You figured that nothing good would come out of placing blames, so you never did.

And Poe… Stars… You could not even begin to describe the face that Poe was carrying. He was beyond the limit of bewilderment. You were certain he had watched every second of what went down in that room, and you knew he wasn’t pleased. It was not your fault, you were just doing your job. If he could, he would already be beating the hell out of Terrgar for letting you do this. But he stopped himself, him being his boss and all, and he foolishly directed his anger towards you.

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed in there!” His voice was a little louder than you desired, and you were trying very hard to keep your cool knowing this was only a sort of normal emotional response. He had always used his hands to express himself, and when he was mad was no exception.

“Excuse me? How is this _my_ fault?” You exclaimed as composed as you could. You didn’t want to get into details, really, this was a scene you particularly did not feel like having right now.

“You are right, it isn’t.” He stared slightly at Terrgar over his shoulder, his nose flaring with his rapid breaths. “But you know better than to instantly be all over a man of his kind! And then, reaching for him? Letting him hover over you? Grab you like he did, as if you were... as if you were a fucking amateur!”

You had enough. This whole jealous bit had gotten out of hand. “May I remind _you,”_ your tone was a little louder this time, “that you are not my freaking boss to tell me how I should or should not be doing my job and that you have no right to be speaking at me that way!” Your phrases had come out sharp and full of decision. “I am not going to discuss this further with you, get a grip of yourself and you can come and apologize another day.” You could see his body tighten, as if wanting to throw a comeback, but he held it in.

You looked at your actual boss, who was still just standing there, in the middle of the hallway, looking ashamed. “Do you mind if I end my shift for the day? This has just been… too much.” You glanced at Poe, who had turned his back now, his hand grabbing his chin in efforts to mitigate his anger.

“No, go ahead. We’ll speak tomorrow.”

And just like that, you fled to your room, making sure to lock the door after entering. You were not in the mood to entertain the girls with gossip about Kylo Ren when their shift was over, they would have to wait until the next day.

As you threw your body onto the small bed, flashes of your night kept coming. It was a lot to take in, surely more than you had expected on your first day back at work. But right now, in the quietness of your room, a little more relaxed, you were able to piece back little by little the events that led you to this state of mind. And you came to a conclusion you were not prepared to admit just yet, a conclusion that in fact scared you a bit.

You wanted to see and _touch_ him again.


	5. Carnation

Wednesday morning was as normal as can be. You were pretty rested. Terrgar had insisted that you did not work Saturday given the events that transpired the day before, but you had still helped with the administration. You were doing your best to keep Kylo out of your mind, in spite of the constant questions the girls had thrown at you all day about the mighty Supreme Leader and his dealings. You really exercised your abilities to be as vague as possible.

You had tried to pin the whole altercation on your sabbatical, but deep down you knew it was not that at all. So you concentrated on what you were certain of, which was not a lot.

The run-down of things was that you had an outer body experience when you touched him, something full of desperation but also a lot of peace. Even though you were well read on a lot of subjects, the dynamics of the Force was not one of them. Information about it was not available to simple mortals, which you were certain you were, you had been tested as a child. But somehow, he had connected with you, making a bridge to what you assumed was his own mind.

He had let you in. Building walls around his mind was something that his kind had to take care of. But that night, he didn’t, not with you. And the real question lied there, why on Earth had he let _you_ in? As much as you tried to make sense of it you arrived at the same answer, you just didn’t know. You resolved that you would have to wait until you saw him again, and Friday was a long way to go, if he even was planning on coming to the Realm. So you decided to give it a rest for a while.

In the meantime, you had other things to be concerned with.

You did not consider yourself a senior at Domar’s, you were only 23 years old for that matter, but a while back you had been appointed as teacher of one of the classes for the new arrivals. The topic of today’s lesson was Sub & Dom Behavior, a subject you were particularly good at.

“The thing about submissive behavior, and one you have to remember very well for your own mental health, is that it is not about humiliation.” You paced around the room filled with chairs, the faces of young, curious women looking at you. “It is about conceding the power over your body to someone else, submitting in that sense, in order to be able to experience pleasure without any restraints… figurative restraints of course.” You chuckled a little and so did some of the girls. “When you come to think about it, it can really be a freeing experience, the key is to let your body respond to stimuli in a natural way and let your inhibitions run free.”

You lifted your eyes when you heard someone come into the room, it was one of the kitchen staff, signaling you to come. You followed him after telling the girls to go through the written material. “What is it?”

“There is someone on the communicator trying to schedule a commission, and Terrgar is off into town on errands, he told me you could take the call.”

You picked up the comm and female voice greeted you as you turned on the data pad and opened the software as you had done a million times. “Good evening, I’m calling on behalf of the First Order.”

You choked a little. You had been scheduling their commissions for a while now, but always for the other girls. You hadn’t even performed for another First Order official since they changed their strip club preferences to Domar’s a year ago. The possibility that now your name could pop up made you anxious, as it could only mean that it was in regards to him. “We wanted to check the availability of a member of your operations for a commission this weekend on Star Destroyer.” Sounded as usual business and you remembered this was the part you were supposed to speak. “Um, yes, how long would the period be?” You tried to sound as professional as ever but you came out as shaken instead. “4 days ma’am, from Thursday to Sunday.”

You clicked nervously through the software, and the names of every girl available showed on screen, including yours. “I-I do have several members available on that period of time, may I ask who is the pa-patron?” Really? We were stuttering now? You weren’t sure you wanted to know the answer either, you felt your stomach shift and a sensation coming up your esophagus. NO. No. This was not the time to feel sick.

“This is actually a specific request ma’am, from the Supreme Leader himself, for a Miss Y/N, is she available?” You had to cover your mouth with your palm to avoid spilling your vomit all over the floor. You reached for the bar’s sink and hurled all your breakfast out. Fortunately, you had been quick enough to mute the comm. The woman on the other end kept talking, “I am also obligated to say that discretion is of outmost vitality for this job, we are trusting your services are up to the standards they claim.”

You were breathing heavily, but you knew you had to answer. “She is available.” You heard yourself saying the words, but your mind took its time to process that it was you in fact who had uttered them. You took every last bit of composure you had left and continued “You can tell the Supreme Leader he will not find any problems with our service, we will be returning the call shortly to arrange the details. Have a good day.” And just like that, you hung up, panting, your head still on the sink as you finished emptying your insides. 

* * *

You went outside to smoke a cigarette because now, more than ever, you needed one. For a second you laughed at yourself, vomiting because of too many emotions? That had never been your thing, but maybe seen from an outsider’s eye, it might be funny.

It won’t be that bad, right? It is just the other part of the job; you were good at that too.

At that moment, a thought slid through your mind. All this time you had been wondering and thinking about your episode, about what it meant and stuff. You had assumed you would see him again, eventually, and that you would ask him. A commission even occurred to you for a second, and the turmoil it would cause among the girls and Poe as well. But just that.

You had not even begun to consider what this man would be in bed. Tons of possibilities invaded your brain that it was hard for you to keep track of them. But the most surprising thing of it all was that you were not scared of them, you figured that he might be into some kinky stuff, you could spot a Dom from miles away, and this guy was definitely one. Your mind started to trail off into this thought so much that you didn’t even realize the man who had stood at your side.

When you turned towards him you couldn’t believe it. Poe friggin Dameron, standing right next to you, face full of repent and… holding a flower. You couldn’t help but blushing a little at the sight. He had avoided you all week, and of course he would pick this day and hour to apologize. Not even addressing him, you continued to smoke your cigarette.

“I think this goes without saying, but I’m really sorry about the way I acted the other day, you were right, I had no business talking to you that way, it’s just that I was so angry.” He was making all sorts of gestures and hand movements trying to make his point across. “We don’t know the guy well enough, we just know his reputation, which is not a good one, and I just got scared that something might happen to you… again.” You reacted towards that phrase, memories threatening to crawl inside your mind, but you shook it off by staring into his eyes.

They were looking down, but when he sensed your body turn, they lifted. “This is for you.” He handed you the flower. It was a red carnation and you slowly gathered yourself to grab it. “Thank you” you managed to say. You really appreciated the gesture, but knowing him well enough, you were certain of a hidden meaning behind it.

“There is something else I wanted to discuss, this has been going around inside my head ever since the day I met you and Friday’s events just confirm it.” He looked more nervous than you had ever seen him and you noticed where he was going with this.

“Poe…” This was plainly not a good time.

“Every day I get to know you a little better, and every day I get more amazed by the beautiful, strong woman you are, I just, I need to say this…” He was growing nervous. It really did pain you to cut him off, but this was not a good idea.

“Poe...” You tried once more.

“I know you are smart and have probably figured it out already but I…” His sentence was cut off.

“Poe, I’m leaving tomorrow on commission!” You could see his jaw drop as he took a step back.

“What?! With who?” Not a good tone.

You had no other choice, you had to lie. “With one of the guests of the Omega.” You were looking sideways. You knew it took credit away from your lie but you just couldn’t face him right now.

He was not just angry right now; he was in fury. “KYLO REN?!”

“No.”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me.” He was screaming at this point. This was Poe’s bad side, you had seen him this way once or twice, but never directed towards you. “You want what happened to you last time to happen again?!” That hurt. That really hurt. To top it off he grabbed your elbow, pulling you closer to his yelling face. “What the hell is wrong with you? You are not ready! You fell into his lap the other day like a beginner and you think you can handle a commission?! Don’t be stupid!”

You jerked your arm away, you were feeling insulted and sad. You never thought he of all people would react like this. Sure you had been the product of disappointment for many people, like your parents, or your family, but this was good old cheerful Poe, your friend, or so you thought. His face of disgust was sending you all kind of mixed signals right now.

You shut it off, no more of your energy was going to go to waste. This would be the second time in less than a week where you decided not to put up with Poe’s temper anymore.

You threw the flower to the ground with force, really trying not be so dramatic as to crush it with your foot as well.

“If it wasn’t obvious already, don’t you fucking dare come near me again, asshole.” With that you entered Domar’s, not even looking back.


	6. Patron

Terrgar wasn’t happy either, but his reaction nowhere near resembled that from Poe’s. To be honest, you were not one to hold a grudge, you would eventually forgive him, but you were prepared to give him the cold shoulder for at least a week. He needed to understand that he couldn’t talk to you that way and waiting periods had proven to be a good training tool.

Yes, training, yes, like a dog. Not that you believed that men were dogs, but they certainly did act like them from time to time, even Poe.

Word had gotten out of your new assignment and Terrgar was forced to feed the lie. You both had agreed upon one of the weapons manufacturer that visited the Omega as your alibi, the one who had actually asked for a girl with long hair. It sure raised some brows, but you had to stick to your story.

The day before your assignment you had decided to pay Marla a visit at night. You both went way back, entering Domar’s the same year and becoming good friends almost immediately. When you knocked on her door you were greeted with those giant grey eyes that General Hux loved so much and quietly stepped in, locking the door behind you.

“This is about your commission right?” She asked right away, cutting to the chase. That was one of the reasons you appreciated her, she was very direct. “I don’t buy the whole manufacturer’s tale, and you being here only confirms it.” You remained silent, her tone was not angry or even accusing, it was a statement.

“You are really something else.” You went ahead and sat on her bed, a smile forming in your lips. “I have my moments” she answered light heartedly taking a place beside you, “so, I’m guessing you are visiting the Star Destroyer?”

“I just want some insight, I think you can understand the stakes of this job and I can’t ignore the fact that I have gone a little out of practice.” You confessed.

After searching your face for any kind of emotion she began “well, they do invest on the logistics. Your presence is known to a few number of officers and staff only. It is a military ship so everyone taking up space there has to have a defined purpose. They normally provide me with a uniform in the transport to blend in better and when I get there they immediately take me to Hux’s quarters, where I spend most of the commission’s time.” She definitely was the person to ask to, this year she had gone seven times to the Star Destroyer.

“And how are they? You know, men like Hux, I guess.” You felt like a rookie asking this, but in reality you had never dealt with any officer or general. You were used to merchants, business owners and or some small town politicians.

As much as you could discuss the specifics of your job with Terrgar or Poe, none of it compared to the way you could talk to Marla or the other girls. Terrgar did not enforce the use of the word “prostitute”, but at the end of the day, that is what you all were, whether he sugar coated it or not. All the learning you did was pretty complete but to be honest some of the clients were not even interested in the sound of your voice, they hired you for other purposes, and it was something all the girls came to accept sooner or later.

“You mean military men? Fine I guess. Hux is mean and everything, but I think that is because his rank got into his head. I don’t know if it is because of his tight schedule but he mostly wants um, I need to phrase this correctly, he is rather efficient and prefers a rather quick release.” She shrugged a little before she was consumed by a laughter that you also shared. 

After the amusement died out she looked at you more seriously. “To be honest I don’t think your um… patron is going to be like anything you have experienced.” You just nodded not wanting to catch her stare.

You had your doubts about Kylo Ren. You remembered him being very composed but also kind of a jerk at first. Did he asked for you just to fuck you or would he treat you as an actual human being? If it wasn’t for the whole episode thing, yes that was what you were calling it now, you would assume the first. But even with his whole reputation, something inside you told you that he was not like that.

“You know you got to be careful right?” All the humor had vanished from her tone. “I know you are trying to play strong, but after what you went through is only normal for you to feel scared. Ky.. I mean… your patron, he is pretty scary and even though you are very good at what you do, that doesn’t change the fact that the man is potentially dangerous.” 

She seemed a little troubled when you suddenly stood up. You were grateful for her advice but it did stir you that lately everyone was treating you like you were damaged. Aside from your nightmares, your life whole life was returning to normal, and this assignment was part of the process.

“I will be okay Marla, I’m just a little anxious, I’ve also never been in ship that big.” She was not satisfied with your answer, but as you exited her room you showed her a warm smile.

“Take books! You’ll get bored!” you heard muffled through the door.

As you walked back to your room, you thought about Marla’s words. When you came to think about it, you did not even know this man’s age. He had surfaced all of a sudden in the First Order’s lines because of his power with the Force. Everyone knew he was an apprentice to the last Supreme Leader, Snoke, and that after his death, a very mysterious event according to galactic news, the title fell onto him. But before that? Nobody really knew. Either he had made an amazing job covering his past or he had killed anyone capable of talking about it. Both statements a huge possibility.

* * *

The next day you were ready at exactly 8:00 a.m. Over the phone they had told you a small transport would arrive for you in the morning and urged you to keep your belongings to a minimum, stating that they would provide you with whatever you needed. 

You had taken their advice loud and clear, and just packed basic lounge wear, one dress, one robe and a book, upon Marla’s suggestion. On the underwear department there were two ways to go: the sweet and softer kind, full of pinks and whites, or the bold edgy one that included black and red. It was pretty obvious that you went with the second one.

The shuttle arrived at 9 a.m. and you silently thanked the Maker that none of the girls or the staff had even woken up yet. You were all used to night hours, and you were pretty sure that excitement was the only thing keeping you sharp right now. You certainly needed to be on top of your game this next few days.

When they said it was going to be a small transport they couldn’t have been more accurate. Upon entering you saw that the inside was just a small square with walls filled with control panels. The squad they sent were two Stormtroopers, armed you noted, and the pilot. None of them spoke to you, not even to confirm your identity as you looked for a place to sit. There were no chairs, just something resembling a bench protruding from the wall with a small space designated for you, of course in the middle of the white armored beings.

After a couple hours of flight, they handed you some pieces of clothing, you obviously understood that you had to put them on, but looking at the space you realized you would have to do it in front of them. As ugly and uncomfortable as it might sound, you were not used to doing it without getting paid. The clothes were that of a navy blue uniform. It was ugly, but surprisingly fit like a glove. You were just placing the dreadful hat to top off the look when one of the troopers suddenly stood up, facing you and purposely invading your personal space. “Put your hair up. We are arriving.”

You improvised a quick braid and hid its length inside the hat. Less than five minutes later the door from the shuttle began lowering. It was enormous. The hangar contained rows upon rows of ships of all kinds, TIE fighters, TIE bombers, and a whole variety of shuttles far larger than the one you were on. One of the ships caught your eye, it was massive, it looked like a TIE fighter but a larger version you had not seen before, all black. Assimilation of the true power of the First Order began to sink. Who would, in their right state of mind, try and oppose them? Sure their methods of ruling were based on terror and murder, but no one could defeat such armed forces. 

You noticed that the dock was pretty empty, sure an operation of this size would need a lot of man power for maintenance and administration but they were nowhere to be seen. The little growl in your stomach pointed out that it was lunch time most probably. You figured as well that your arrival time at this hour was no coincidence. 

The troopers began moving and instinctively you followed them. Then and there you decided that you were not going to go exploring around this ship, since literally all the halls and floors you walked around were exactly the same. Elevator, then right turn, then a left one, long hall and door to the left. After ten minutes into the path you decided to stop paying attention. Breathing had become more and more difficult as you were getting closer. You were not sure whether it was because in little time you would be facing the Supreme Leader again or because of the air you were breathing. You had never been on a ship of this kind before, so you were not accustomed to the recycled air. One way or the other when the troopers finally came to a stop you were exhausted.

Breathing heavily, you faced two double doors. This was it.


	7. Look at Yourself

The chambers were located on a long hall that contained several doors, probably rooms belonging to the other important officers. You saw one of the Stormtroopers insert a code on a pad to the left and the doors slid open. Would the doors open easily from the inside or would they literally lock you in here? Marla had not specified but either way if you wanted to get out you would undoubtedly get lost. Still, having the choice would be nice.

You had not even taken three steps inside when the doors behind you slid shut. The room was a long rectangle, furnished in a type of loft living situation, so clean you were certain a surgery could happen here with no risk of infection. To the right there was a black L-shaped couch with a couple of book shelves above it, empty. To the other side a small kitchen, also black, and a table for four. At the end of the room and the mayor visual focal point was a bed. It was big but not giant, like a queen or a full, you were not sure, with, you guessed it, black covers. The whole place, though simple, looked very luxurious for a military facility. There were only two doors, which were the bathroom and the closet, but aside from that, the room was empty, no Kylo Ren in it.

It was weird, there were no personal belongings in the room and the closet was also suspiciously void. At that point you realized that these were not his quarters. You remembered your friend’s words about him not being a patron like any other, and you were now proving it. He would probably meet you here and after he was done with you he would leave to be on his own. You began to feel uncomfortable as there was more indication tilting towards him being the worst type of client there was. Before you could continue making more assumptions, the doors slid open and a droid entered.

“Hello there Miss Y/N,” said the silver machine slowly making his way into the room “my name is TC-712 and I am here to assist you during your stay.” You found him funny looking, of course you had interacted with droids like this before, but you always found their programmed niceness very refreshing.

“Can I call you T?” you said as you took strides towards him, the need to touch him growing by the second. “Well of course ma’am. Is there anything… um, excuse me, what are you doing?” You felt like a kitten drawn towards shiny things as you placed your hands on both sides of his head, examining him closely. “I’ve never seen a droid this clean.” It seemed as if the machine could not have been more pleased by your words since he began uttering thank-yous in a million different ways. You could see your reflection staring back at you from the metal covering him, you looked ridiculous in this uniform.

“Ma’am, I’m assuming you are hungry, please do take this pad, this way you can contact the kitchen directly and I’ll shorty deliver your meal. This button here asks for my presence for any other requests you might have.” It would make sense that they sent a droid to take care of you. After you left they could only erase his memory card, less loose ends for their benefit. You nodded at him.

“Oh, and before I forget, Master Ren commanded me to give you this.” He handed you a small folded card, with a seal of the First Order logo.

 _Master Ren._ Hmm. 

You waited until the droid left the room to open it. 

_Miss Y/N,_

_We won’t be seeing each other today as I have other matters to attend to._

_Make yourself comfortable in the meantime and refer any special requests you may have to the droid._

_I hope you find the quarters adequate._

_Supreme Leader Ren_

You huffed. The whole piece of paper reeked with smugness. _Other matters to attend to_ as in “more important than you”, _adequate quarters_ as in “I’m so rich that this room is standard living”, and _Supreme Leader Ren_ as in “Don’t you forget who the fuck I am.” If his strategy was getting into your nerves, he was succeeding.

Still, a small wave of disappointment came into you. There had been just too much build up towards this man and it was eating you up. You wanted to see him again, to touch him again. It was getting to a point that more than curiosity, you just wanted to get it over with.

You went through the pad T had given you and surfed the menu. They probably had a chef on board, because some of the things looked rather elaborate. More smugness. You settled for a simple soup and pressed send. You went through your belongings and quickly changed into some lounge wear and your robe on top. It was cold, like really cold, but you opted to be barefoot as you were used to that.

You settled yourself in the table after grabbing your book of short stories to wait. You had chosen this book in particular because one, it was one of your favorites, and two, the characters in all of the stories were villains, and the occasion seemed fit. You had always thought that villain personalities were so much more interesting than heroes and they had more depth to them.

Your lunch arrived afterwards, and T kept on blabbering about how there was much more in the menu than just soup and encouraging you to order something else with more nutritious value. You grinned at him but went ahead to ignore his recommendations as he began guessing your body weight and consequently your ideal calorie intake. 

The rest of the day went by very, very slowly. You changed positions from the table to the couch and vice versa and if it wasn’t for your book, you would’ve probably lost your mind. Around 7 you grew hungry again and grabbing the pad you clicked away for some pasta and…, was that chocolate cake? Yes please. Upon a little hesitation you decided to call for T as well. A little idea danced around your head. He arrived, and if he wasn’t a droid, you would say he almost looked agitated.

“Oh Miss, forgive me but the food isn’t ready yet!” His words came out quickly and to a certain point he sounded nervous. Maybe he was used to harsh treatment.

“No, no, T, I know. I was wondering if, well I don’t know if it’s appropriate, but is there any way I could have some wine?” You stumbled through your words. Wine was not listed on the menu, and you worried that even asking for it would be considered an insult aboard a military ship. But it was a special request right? As Ren had specified in his note, you were allowed to make those.

“Oh well of course Miss! Do you have a preference? We have a great variety to choose from, we have Emerald wine, Toniray wine, Port in a Storm…”

“Bring me Master Ren’s favorite.” You couldn’t help but giggle at the sound of your own voice when you said _Master Ren_.

“Right away ma’am.”

When the droid returned he was carrying dinner and a dark bottle. Red wine, good. The bottle almost slipped between your fingers when you read the label. _Alderaanian wine_. Of course the snob’s favorite wine had to be a freaking collector’s item from a now non-existing planet. That bottle itself cost more than what other people earn in their lifetime.

The taste was just perfect, a perfect balance between fruity and dry undertones. When you had finished your food and with it half the bottle, you started to feel a little flushed. 

You decided to remove your leggings and top, remaining just in your underwear and your silk robe. Ah, the cold breeze hit you just right this way. Of course the wine was starting to cast its effects, and not only on your body temperature, but also in the lightness of your head. You served yourself one last glass and laid on the bed, book in hand. You were not sure if it was just the alcohol, but you sank into the bed, feeling funny and more relaxed than you ever were since you arrived in this ship. You were planning on reading a little before trying to sleep, but another idea consumed you as a small grin flashed your face.

It had been a while, clearly. After your recovery period you had relieved yourself a couple of times as a way to get rid of tension and stress, just quickly and to the point. But now, you needed to warm up. Tomorrow you would most probably see him, and the picture of him in a mask and you vulnerably dancing around him that previously made you feel at disadvantage was now starting to heat up your insides. Sure, you had called him a coward for wearing the helmet, but boy, the mystery of what lied beneath it tingled your thighs. Tomorrow you will see his real self, attitude and face, so this was your last chance of enjoying a fantasy.

You took a sip of the wine and removed your robe. You did not even draw the covers as you placed your whole back on the mattress. Thighs parting slightly, knees flexing slowly, your right hand made its way to your stomach, palm resting on top of it. You closed your eyes.

 _He entered the room as you rested on the bed, expectantly. No need for words flourished as he knew damn well you had waited for him long enough. He removed his cloak and a couple of his outermost layers and proceeded to get close to you taking long firm strides. Anticipation filled your body, as your back arched a little and you adjusted your position for a better grasp. Reading you, he reached towards you placing one hand behind your back and pulling you up to his chest until you were completely off the bed. You were about to cling on to him but you were surprised by the yank in your arm. He grabbed you strongly and forced you to walk around the room and into the bathroom door._

Your fingers carefully made their way downwards. You began rubbing them up and down your slit on top of the fabric that was already getting a little wet. You let out a sigh of relief.

_He rushed you inside, quickly placing you in front of the sink. You grabbed the edge of the white marble counter with your free hand in an attempt to stabilize yourself. He was being aggressive, you were not even sure he realized this, but he could spin you around like a ragged doll without any effort. His grip on your arm was sure going to leave a mark._

The thought was suiting; you were certain he was not going to be gentle. You placed your other hand on top of your breast, tracing small circles around your nipple above the sheer layer of lace. They both hardened right away.

_He took place behind you. You felt the rasp of leather as his fingers held on to your jaw and forced you to look up and into the mirror. It was indeed a sight. You stood there, bent towards him, courtesy of his hold, lips parted, chin up, and face burning with desire. The paleness of your almost naked skin contrasted deeply with the black drapes that hung on his body. His helmet was facing completely front and though you couldn’t look at his face, you knew he was pleased at what he was seeing._

Your fingers entered the inside lining of your panties. You were going to take your time, you were in no rush, you wanted to savor every moment of your fantasy as if it was really happening.

_He pressed his chest against your back, the coldness of the metal in the mask threatening to touch your ear. He suddenly let go of your arm and chin and you immediately lurched forward, realizing that your legs had gone weak. You involuntarily placed both your hands on the counter now for support and with the unexpected movement your hips pushed backward. You nearly jumped at the feeling. His member was stiff and the size of it was so big that you were able to trace its outline from the way it bulged from his pants. You grinded your ass against it in hopes of getting a little friction but he took a step back._

You began to slowly circle your clit, not applying to much pressure but allowing the arousal run freely through your veins. Even though you tried to picture him as you wanted on your fantasy, you wanted to include real traits of him in it, making everything more exciting. You sensed he wouldn’t give you what you wanted right away.

 _Your breath grew unsteady. The warmth between your legs became more of an ache when he refused your touch. He just stood there, a few steps back, admiring you. You felt the need to say something, anything, just to make him come near you again. And he did. He reached towards you and placed one of his hands on your hips while encircling you with his other arm, hand just above your panties._

_“Open up.”_

His voice resonated in you as his memory became more firmly present in your mind. Even though it wasn’t his real voice, it made you let out a little moan as you increased the pressure on your clit a little more.

_You obeyed, opening your legs compliantly, and his hand went lower, entering the hem of your panties, and exploring what lied underneath._

_“So eager,” the electronic distortion rumbling through your ears, “waiting in bed, already wet for me.” He traced your slit up and down with two digits._

Your back was arching now; you hadn’t realized that you were pinching your nipples with your other hand. You could feel the heat starting to build up inside you and he had barely touched you in your fantasy.

_He began circling your clit with one finger, the leather feeling sending shivers down your legs. With another, he began flicking your entrance in a teasing manner._

You matched the rhythm of his strokes. Your eyes shut for so long that you were beginning to see stars. More moans were now escaping your mouth.

_He was beginning to increase pressure on your clit and his rhythm was increasing when he suddenly stopped._

The action in your fantasy allowed you a little break from your building orgasm. You didn’t want to come yet, you wanted to make it last as long as you could. Your eyes opened for a moment and you catched a few heavy breaths before closing them again.

_He removed the hand from your panties and you began mourning his touch. Without any warning of any kind he placed his hand in the middle of your spine and pushed. Your chest now laid over the counter, your nipples becoming erect as the coldness of the marble enveloped you. This way he got front view of your ass._

_In a strong yank, your panties met your ankles and you spread bare before him. His fingers rapidly returned to your entrance and you knew what was coming. He carefully let one finger inside and you clenched at the feeling._

At that moment you felt something strange. You tried and mimic his actions with your own, and even though your fingers were considerably smaller, you had to make it work. You perceived something poking in the back of your head, something external. Your arousal not letting you think further of it.

_His finger was large and moans began to fill the room. His other hand held on to your back, keeping you in place. “You like that? You like the feeling of my finger entering your cunt? God, you are so tight.”_

The thought of his voice was rapidly sending you over the edge.

_Between cries and grumbles you only managed to nod. The hand keeping you in position left your back and in a moment slapped your ass firmly. You cried out first in pain and later in pleasure. “Say it. Say you like my fingers using your cunt.” He inserted another one in you._

_You were only whimpering now, words battling out “I… I love your fingers fucking me... Ma... Master.” He grunted drowning in lust. His breaths coming strong from his modulator._

It was as if you could feel him right in your room with you. A similar sensation ran through you as the day you had met him.

He was watching.

Not physically, but mentally. You knew he could not read your mind, but he was surely sensing what you were doing, and who you were thinking of.

_He was fucking you hard and fast with his fingers. The leather of his gloves creating a thick sensation inside you. He gripped your long hair inside his fist and yanked your head forward so that you could see your reflection. “Look at yourself. Look at how you are going to cum on the fingers of a man in a mask.”_

You were unable to contain yourself. From a moment to another your fingers had begun fucking yourself in a quick motion, three of them to try and compensate for two of his. Your heat was reaching levels you had never experienced before, as if it was the combination of two people’s passion.

_He simultaneously curled his fingers inside you and rubbed your clit with just the right amount of pressure with his thumb. I wouldn’t be long now; your release was inevitable. You gazed at the man behind you and then at yourself. You had become so undone before him and you had not even looked at his eyes. Your moans became louder and louder as you reached the edge and…_

You arched your back to lengths you were not used to. The spasms traveling all around your body. Your climax had come in a strong wave, like the ocean in your episode, but filling you with warmth and fervor and something else you couldn’t place. After a few seconds your fingers had stopped, your clit still swollen but overstimulated, and the aftershocks still making you shake.

You slowly tried to sit up, taking your glass to down it once and for all. Saying that your underwear was drenched was an understatement. You lifted your hand and gave one last caress to your pussy and with that your back abruptly fell into the pillows, and a feeling of another orgasm penetrated you. Tension built up from a second to another and you could feel your walls clenching. It was strong and almost harsh but it crept in you as much as the first one.

The glass you held in your hand fell onto the floor breaking into a million pieces and you couldn’t believe it. You had felt it; you had felt it all. This was not a multiple orgasm kind of situation.

It was his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long chapter, but I just couldn't wait much longer to post this. Thank you for bearing with me until this point, things are about to get on, FINALLY. I'm so exited and I'll try to post as soon as possible. 
> 
> Thank you all of you who have taken the time to leave kudos! It is very much appreciated!


	8. Recreation

Realization fell on to you and you did not try and stop yourself as a smile crossed your face. As you laid in bed, hands on your sides grabbing on to the sheets, you let out a loud chuckle, probably a reaction from the sweet alcohol.

When you were able to feel your limbs again, you slowly stood up, carefully avoiding the shattered glass that covered the floor and the small puddle of red liquid barely visible on top of the dark floors. You would wait until tomorrow to call T and get it cleaned. Right now, you just wanted to enjoy the post-orgasm bliss and to get your thoughts in order.

You grabbed the bottle and made the walk to the couch. You took a sip, no glass this time, and sat down comfortably. You didn’t know why or how, but at a certain point he had made a bridge with you again and realized that you were masturbating only to go ahead and join you. You had sensed him, you couldn’t see him, but you sensed him. He couldn’t be far away from your room because he felt as if he was in here.

He had come to you, to your arousal. And you loved it. It was certainly one of the most intense orgasms you had ever had and you also felt his. You were certain it was his, because even though it was not as strong, it felt different, external, but _so_ good.

You were tired, orgasms had always had that effect on you, they made you lazy. As you looked at your hand you realized that you had emptied the bottle. You begged the Maker not to be hungover the next as you drifted into sleep.

* * *

The next day you woke up to the sight of a very shiny and confused droid.

“Good morning Miss, do you feel okay? Did you cut yourself with the glass shattered by the bed? Should I call a doctor to come and check you out?”

Your effort to sit up was stopped short by the wincing pain in your neck. Great, fell asleep on the couch all while having a large comfortable bed at your disposal. Fortunately, the remnants of your night full of drinking was just a light headache. All and all, this was not normal behavior for you, you preached about being professional when on a job and your current situation made you feel a little bit guilty. That treacherous, sweet Alderaanian wine. With a sudden surge of energy, you fully sat. 

“No, no, T, don’t worry, I’m okay, I just had a little accident last night,” more like an unexpected orgasm “but if you could please bring me some Aspirin, and breakfast please.”

The droid insisted on calling the doctor but you once again refused. When you finally got a grip of yourself you figured it was about damn time you took a shower. As you entered the bathroom you removed your underwear and turned the handle. It was a big shower, at the other side of the room was also a bathtub but since you had already ordered breakfast you figured you had no time for a bath. You set the water to a hot setting, as you enjoyed, and stepped in. You noticed that they really did supply you with everything you needed since there were a lot of hygiene products like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, etc.

You made it quick, you washed away the sheer coat of dried sweat from last night and your hair that had not been cleaned since yesterday’s morning. When you were finished, you wrapped your body in a towel and let your hair hang loose. You saw a brush on the counter and as you approached it, small little flashbacks of the previous day crossed your mind. You grinned to yourself and started working your knots.

Everything seemed so vague at that moment. There you were, in a Star Destroyer ship, supposedly doing a job for the Supreme Leader when in reality he had not even wanted to see you. You felt as if you were on vacations and you didn’t like it. It felt wrong. As your mind began getting more and more clouded with discontent, you heard a small noise coming from outside. Maybe it was T with breakfast, you had to go and say thanks. 

You exited the bathroom, still covered with just a towel only to see a black figure standing in the living room area. You did your best to try and cover your surprise but his sudden presence made you give a little jump. He was directly facing you, wearing that stupid mask, standing tall, just the sight that had made you cum last night. Your cheeks had a small blush following your hot shower and you were sure you were still dripping a little. He was not saying anything and you wondered if you were always going to be the one breaking the ice. Your face hardened and you took initiative.

“You kept me out of your quarters.” No greeting, no sudden niceness, no, just a statement of your shock when you first arrived. Even as you had bent at his will in your fantasy last night, it would not be that easy in reality. This was you, your strategy, you always played difficult but complied when needed. That was what you thought your clients loved about you. But right now, he encountered you yet again in a vulnerable position, he was wearing his full attire and you, a freaking towel. Not much power in that.

“Yes” he responded. The all too familiar sound of his modulator made your fingers twitch.

“Scared to show me anything about yourself?” You remained stern. You were not angry; it was a genuine question. You were not sure what he was doing there at the moment, but you needed him to keep talking for you to assess what it was he wanted from you. Had he come to get some of what he paid for? Your gaze suddenly drifted to a bag resting on the table.

Of course he didn’t answer your question, this guy really needed to work on his social skills. He instead took a step forward, like he was challenging you, challenging you to be mouthy again.

The thing is, you thrived on tension.

You acted as if you were going to approach him, mimicking his actions, but with a small twirl you turned your back on him and entered the bathroom again, leaving the door open. You went ahead to the sink, pressed your hips against the counter and grabbed the brush again to casually stroke a strand. 

Your reflection looked carefree and when you looked to the right, he was standing in the doorway, just as you had expected him to. In that position he looked huge. The doorframe was barely big enough to let him through, not only because of his height, but also because of the broadness of his chest.

“I had a funny dream last night,” you began “a rare one.”

He was stiff, not leading into anything with his body language. “I was standing right where I am right now, facing this way.” Your eyes had begun to squint a little and your mouth quivered into a small, barely there, smirk. He picked up on your attitude, his demeanor changing and spiking the sexual tension in the air. You wanted him to be able to picture the image you had gotten off to, down to every detail.

“There was someone with me too,” you parted your legs just an inch and stood still, “right behind me.”

As if he was following a cue, he began walking towards you. You were not wearing heels this time so he looked like a mountain behind you, clearly his proportions last night were wrong. 

“This person, he was… he was holding me down.” A gasp powered through you mid-sentence and you could see perfectly how his chest rose up and down. He was trying to control his breathing, and you found yourself doing the same. It was as if oxygen levels had suddenly dropped. The whole recreation of your fantasy was playing before your eyes and when he grazed his gloved fingers up and down your right arm you almost let go of the bit then and there.

But no. You had to power through your own instincts. He had to explain himself. Had to explain about the episode and about last night, and you wanted him to suffer a little.

“But you know what the strange thing was?” your words were slurred, not as potent as you wanted them to be. “While everything was going on, I...” He was grabbing you firmly now, like yesterday but with less force, your towel tempting to fall down.

You knew, you knew he was visualizing it, the vision that had served as inspiration for both your orgasms. And his touch, it was consuming you. There was no ocean this time, but you were dwelling in it. His helmet was not facing you anymore, he was taking in your whole body.

“Somebody was watching me.” You bended a little over the counter, just as you had done in your fantasy, and you could swear that the sound that came out from his modulator was a groan. Just as you felt that he was going to make a move, you janked away from his grip and turned around to face him.

“Care to explain?” You said while giving him your best death stare. It has literally took every last bit of self-control for you to do that. To a certain extent you felt nasty. He could be a deformed alien underneath his disguise but everything about him lured you in. You wanted to see him, the real him, you wanted your desires to be well-founded, or for them to vanish away completely. It wasn’t this difficult right? Before your incident jobs were not this full of doubt and tension with your clients. You knew what to give them and when to do it. He was just plainly being difficult.

He clearly did not enjoy the stunt you had just pulled. The hand that was previously holding you was now in the form of a fist and you could see his muscles tensing.

He exited the room and you were quick to follow, ready for a lash out in the more open space. But there wasn’t any. God it was impossible to read this man when he this shield around him. Was he embarrassed that you dared to mention his late night intrusion of your subconscious or was he just mad that you seemed to turn him on only to let him down?

He spoke, finally, though he was not even facing you. “Meet me at the ship dock at one. A trooper will be outside your door to escort you. Wear this.” He pointed to the bag in the table. Without so much as a peek over his shoulder to look at you, he made his way to the exit almost crashing into an unknowing T with your breakfast in his hands.

“Oh, Master Ren, good day! I was just about to…” The doors had closed behind him before the droid was able to complete his greeting.


	9. Useful

The bag contained an awful jumpsuit. It was grey and the fabric was scratchy and non-flexible. You hated it. They were switching it up with the costumes apparently. You thought this one in particular served as a uniform for an engineer maybe? Or a pilot perhaps. It made sense, but that did not change the fact that you hated how it felt on your skin.

You considered ignoring his demands and instead wear the uniform you wore to get here but, there were two things to consider: T had taken it from your room for what you assumed was cleaning though you could just ask for it again, and second, you were not sure how he would react to your defiance. Of course he would’ve been upset about your disobedience, and even though you had kinda gotten in his nerves on both occasions where you had physically encountered, he had barely put a finger on you, thus proving your day-one hypothesis, he was not going to hurt you.

You realized anyway that he had a tendency to run away when he got mad or upset, so you decided to suck it up and professionally earn your paycheck, meaning that you actually had to spend time with him without making him so uncomfortable he decided to flee. 

You opted for wearing one of your leggings and a tank top underneath the jumpsuit to avoid the contact of your skin with the fabric as much as you could. Why did he want to meet you there anyway? Where you going to go somewhere? If you were, you had to reach Domar’s to update them on your location for security purposes.

A giggle came out your lips when you imagined him showing you his personal ship, like a little boy showing the girl he liked his favorite toy. You shook it off and finished getting ready, this time getting your hair up before being told to do so.

You reached out for the room entrance half an hour before one. You remembered the long walk getting here and wanted to be there in time so as to not upset him. And that was the plan you set out for yourself as you strided through the various corridors, trying to keep up with the apparently eager and very athletic trooper.

Clearly your normal approach to clients was not getting you any answers or closer to him which you had decided was your ultimate goal. He undoubtedly had not been the smoothest talker or the most pleasant company, but the curiosity that was briefly interrupted by your impatience had regained control after his momentary touch this morning. You wanted more of that and well you also wanted him to be satisfied with your job, because that was all this mental altercation was about, doing your job. Right? 

He wasn’t there when you arrived so you had time to spare and look at some of the ships. Double shot, besides you wanted to look busy to avoid any questions, so you acted as you were inspecting carefully one of the TIE bombers. Fortunately, he arrived before you could do any damage with your eagerness. His footsteps adverted his closeness and you turned around to face him.

“Get on the ship, now.” Wow, such an urgency.

You breathed in and out trying to ignore his sharpness as you followed him into the dark ship you had seen yesterday. Of course his ship was the only black one. You were about to ask him if his color of choice helped with the whole dramatics of his role as Supreme Leader but you stopped yourself remembering that today you were going to play nice.

“Where are we going?”

No answer.

“I would be very pleased if you responded.”

This was not playing out like you had imagined. No excited little boy, just a giant tower of a man ignoring the hell out of you. 

“I need to tell my people where I am going.” Your words were soft considering the impatience growing inside of you. He was now in the pilot’s cabin turning on some controls and when you finished your sentence he turned his helmet a little.

“Lothal.”

You paused yourself, considering his answer. When things clicked you almost immediately snapped.

“What?! You are taking me back? Why did you even ask me to come here if you apparently can’t stand me? What is your problem? Have you no respect for people’s time or are you just so full of yourself to actually deal with me?” So much for playing nicely.

He was now fully standing and facing you. Surely he had not appreciated your little outburst and to a certain extent he was getting angry so he started focusing on the finishing preparations of the ship. He shut the door and you knew takeoff wasn’t far away.

“I am not leaving you there. We are going on a personal errand of mine. You speak Huttese right?”

Was he being serious right now? “Yes but, wait, are you really using me for translation purposes? You know there’s people who charge way less for that service?” Your disbelief was getting to unprecedented levels. Surely he wasn’t that stupid as you were thinking he was right now.

He paused, reflecting on his answer, he seemed to ease up. “Other people don’t have, well, the whole package.” Was he teasing you now? That’s new. A small grin took over the corners of your lips and he quickly turned his back from you. Before you could even begin to feel content with his answer you heard his modulator again. “I advise you as to meditate the way you refer to me and how forward you are” He had placed himself in the pilot’s chair again and the ship started lifting in a measured motion.

Even though you were taken aback by the course of his plans and his sudden mood change, his words resonated in the back of your mind. He was not wrong. This type of situations were the reason you had been trained the way you had, but what possible errand did he have on Lothal with a Hutt?

Ah. Kyber Crystals, definitely. Lothal was in no way a match to Ilum in Kyber Crystal production, but the little amounts taken from the mines were a Hutt controlled operation. Surely that’s what you were doing.

* * *

You were already an hour into the fight and you wondered with how much you could get away with at this moment. Tension had receded and you began feeling playful. Maybe you could pick on him a little, you know, to pass time and all. You didn't care how forward you were about to be. Besides, you were the whole package huh?

“What are you doing?” He was distracted from his piloting by the sounds coming from the back of the ship. He turned around to face you and he froze to the sight.

You were carefully unzipping the awful jumpsuit from your body, staring at him intently, just as you had the day you met. The difference was that time you were wearing a dress and remaining in your underwear, now it was a little more chaste. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

For the head of a military institution claiming to want to take control of the whole galaxy, the Supreme Leader was now lost for words. It took all your will power to avoid shooting him a victory glance. But you remained serious.

“Just walking beside you will draw enough attention big guy, so if I’m going to have eyes on me I want to look good.” Your garments hugged your body in a tight manner. When you let your hair down you acted as though you hadn’t heard the sigh that came out of his modulator. “Besides, Lothal is hot.”

“Uh… Just hurry up. We will be arriving shortly.” He turned and let you be again.

* * *

“So, who is your business with?” You were not sure how you felt about all the glances that were being shot your way. You hadn’t thought very ahead when you did the whole stripping out of the First Order uniform and letting your hair down to mess with Kylo. People here recognized you, going into town for several dealings was in your responsibilities at Domar’s. Your hair surely placed you in all this people’s minds and with that, it got them wondering about the mystery man beside you.

“Brooba Hutt.” Ren had made his best to blend in, he wore a hood on top of his helmet in order to cover it as much as possible, but you knew a couple of observant villagers would recognize him.

“Ah. Dreadful man. He will probably try and sell you the Kyber Crystal you are looking for at triple the price. I am assuming you know that already or are you planning on getting all Supreme Leader on him? I would very much like a head’s up, you know, to get out of the way of your lightsaber.”

“I am aware. How do you know I am looking for a Kyber Crystal?” You knew he was surprised at your affirmation even though his freaking modulator gave you no proof.

“Well I figured that a Force user would only have one matter of business with a Hutt in Lothal” you said. He had begun leading the way himself, but after a little effort from your legs you had taken advantage and steered him through less crowded streets, which he seemed to appreciate as no complaint came your way. “Why not get it in Ilum anyway?”

“The crystals in Ilum are serving another purpose right now.” He regretted sharing that piece of information as a little hesitation met him mid-sentence. That was normal. Clients always began a little reluctant about sharing their dealings with you. It went away anyway, when they realized you could provide good insight on their issues as well. The key was being subtle about it.

“Ah, yes, I heard about that. Starkiller Base right? Top notch weaponry.” He remained silent which only confirmed your supposition. “We are here.”

* * *

The negotiations would have gone way more quickly if stupid Brooba had not taken a sudden interest in making you uncomfortable to the point you felt you were going to puke at just his sight. Hutts had been banned from Domar’s since the beginning, reasons quite obvious to their species and the fact that they were simply nasty people.

_“Will you just look who we have here; one of the highest bidding whores of Lothal, such a celebrity flaunting that pretty hair. How much are you charging right now? I would love to see you with a nice tight collar around that neck of yours. ”_

Bile was reaching the back of your throat. Your stunt at Kylo’s ship had completely backfired. To a certain extent you were happy that he did not understand a thing he was saying to you. Hearing someone talk about your profession the way Brooba was always struck a little nerve inside you. You had learned to repress it, but your best abilities were not always enough. Your mood had shifted and as Kylo looked at you waiting for answers on the transaction, you fought the urge to just leave the place.

_“I am only here in quality of translator. Refrain from saying any more vulgar comments. Supreme Leader Ren is interested in getting a Kyber Crystal.”_

_“Supreme Leader?_ ” Ren probably knew the sound of his title in Huttese, so he removed his hood and stood tall. He was probably very annoyed at the moment. The superiority Brooba had been showcasing since you had arrived suddenly vanished when he realized who the person beside you was. At the moment you felt grateful for Kylo’s whole threatening demeanor, it had become useful for once. _“How much is he offering?”_

“He asked how much you are willing to pay.” Your tone was dry.

“20,000 credits.” He stared at Brooba, almost not acknowledging your presence. 

_“Not enough.”_ Apparently the blob of skin knew numbers in any language. _“I’m sure he can manage, giving that he probably is fucking you for free.”_ The look in his fucking ugly face almost made you lose your composure. He was getting to you.

“He doesn’t want to take it.” At this he turned to you. Probably he was disconcerted that the Hutt appeared to be saying full sentences and you only managed to translate a couple of words together.

Nobody spoke for a while. There seemed to be a power struggle amongst the Hutt and Kylo and at this point you couldn’t care less. You just wanted to get out of here. Your confidence had not really diminished but the anger inside you was threatening to overcome any notion of professionalism you had deeply engrained in your brain.

“25.” The robotic voice said. The Hutt just responded by shaking his head and you knew you that if you didn’t react this could drag out for hours.

You took a big breath before you started speaking _“You better take 25,000 Brooba, you know as well as I do that asking price for a single Kyber Cristal is around 15,000 and I know from a very reliable source that there is a rogue Hutt in Kessel selling at 18,000.”_ Brooba frowned. The thing about Kessel was all a bluff but you knew his species would not let go of a sweet deal like this. Surely there were not a lot of buyers and certainly not a lot willing to pay 25.

The big mass of a being nodded and lifted his fat hand gesturing something to one of his poor employees. The rest of the transaction went smoothly considering the tension in the room and your constant look of disgust towards Brooba. As soon as Kylo inspected the Crystal and was satisfied with it you were both out the door. While walking you noticed he stood just a little closer to you than when you first got here.

After arriving to the ship you both fell into a comfortable silence. Emotionally, you were exhausted as you tried to bury the Hutt’s words and never remember them again. You decided to be as swift as possible with your patron right now, bickering right now would be useless. The ship took off and you stood next to him in the cockpit, maintaining your distance but close enough to feel your breath stammering. You wanted to see the view of Lothal from this perspective. You had never been able to do that on other commissions you had been assigned.

You weren’t exactly sure what made you feel comfortable enough to enter the pilot’s space but your bluntness was not received badly. He seemed focused on the controls.

“What did he said to you?” He broke the silence without looking at you, rather focusing on the moving stars beyond the window.

“Nothing of relevance.” You answered quietly and returned to the back to step into the ugly jumpsuit again and put your hair up.

Time passed very quickly and when you least expected it he was muttering some codes for your arrival at Star Destroyer. After the ship came to a stop he hesitated a little before opening the door.

“You were very useful today.” He said turning to you only to immediately step outside and disappear between the other ships. A trooper was waiting for you again. Was that his way of thanking you perhaps? Complimenting you maybe?

When you arrived to your quarters again the first thing on your mind was food, and you quickly ordered a couple of things off the menu. You were starving. You had no time for lunch in Lothal and it was already late. While you waited for T you took a quick shower just to remove any leftover dust you might have picked up in your home planet. Throughout all of this, he was on your mind. Would he call for you? Had he picked up on what the Hutt had said to you and suddenly found you disgusting?

Your thoughts were interrupted in the middle of your dinner when T entered the room, anxious as ever.

“Oh Miss, Master Ren requests your presence at his quarters.” 


	10. Red Silk

T was a droid, he wouldn’t tell anyone if you started freaking out in this moment, but as he waited for you to be ready and escort you, you sucked it up and did your best to mask your emotions. You did not need confirmation of what he searched for by asking you into his quarters. Quite frankly it was overdue already. You knew you could start thinking about the thousand ways the next couple of hours could go, but as you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror making last touches to make yourself presentable, you changed your worried look to one of determination. The emotions and feelings of this past week be damned, you were going to do your job and you were going to do it well. He could be awful, he could be violent, and that was a risk all of the girls had silently agreed upon when they signed a contract at Domar’s, but in amidst of everything, you were sure as hell that you could handle it.

You had, in fact, already experienced the worst kind of scenario a girl in your business could live. You endured the broken ribs, the bruises that covered your entire body making your skin look blue for almost a solid month, and the physical and emotional toll of the level of abuse you suffered. That son of a bitch had left you to die that night. 

But you had survived.

That reassurance was the force that carried you all the way to this Kylo Ren’s door. As you paused before knocking on the door, you cleared your mind, making it a blank canvas that could only be filled by stepping up and facing him.

T had told you that due to the hour, no uniform or disguise was needed, and that he had made sure the hallway was clear. You wore your hair down with natural waves from being air-dried. Your robe that went down little under your knees was the only thing that covered the black undergarment set you chose in a hurry.

The doors opened before your knuckles had the chance to make contact with them. You slowly but decisively stepped inside encountering a short hall.

“Inside.” The coldness of the floor became more noticeable on your bare feet and a flock of goosebumps covered your arms after hearing his words. You took one last glance of T over your shoulder as the doors closed with a strong glide.

You walked as normal as you could and you entered what appeared to be the main area, you were not bothered to examine your surroundings since all of your attention was focused on the man standing in the middle of the room. You saw his helmet tilt a little downwards and you figured he was taking you in completely. The belt holding your robe at the middle accentuated your waist gracefully and its light gray tone contrasted with the deepness of your locks which in turn framed your face.

There was no defiance or cleverness in your look, only acceptance. You did not go any closer, as you were expecting his orders.

“Do you have any rules?” The plain tone of his voice coder was not enough to stop your inner surprise. You remained serene but your mind stirred at the thought of the Supreme Leader asking about your limits. It felt comforting to a certain extent, and before you could wonder into a hidden meaning behind his question, you took a deep breath to ensure the correct intonation of your next words.

“No.”

He seemed shocked at your answer as you saw his chest suddenly rise up, but you continued.

“My reactions will tell you how far I am willing to go.” You paused a little, you really wanted him to understand your position regarding what was going to happen.

“If something ma-makes me uncomfortable, I will voice it.” The stutter was way beyond your control, and you gulped before opening your mouth to say the next sentence.

“Otherwise you can be as… controlling as you desire.” You felt that this statement was necessary, specially with someone like him. You knew you needed to say that so that he could enjoy his experience with you, fully. He did not need to tell you he wanted to be in charge, you were trained to know it. 

“Come here.”

You did your best to maintain eye contact as you approached him, but once you were within an arm’s reach, your gaze lowered to the floor and you stopped. He was the one who took the last step into your personal space and with a firm movement he placed his gloved hand on your chin to make you face him. Could you really call it facing him when you were only able to look at your reflection through his visor? You did not step back when you looked into your own eyes as what you were staring at was not a vision of someone who was afraid. In fact, you looked what you could only describe as willing.

He left your chin alone and stepped away from you taking position behind you. You saw the way his arm encircled you from behind, as he had done in the morning, to reach for your belt, and you felt inclined to respond to his touch by resting the back of your head on his shoulder, but you contained yourself. With a firm tug, he unfastened it, revealing your front through the gap created. You heard a sort of ruffling when he stepped back, as if he was placing something in a chair or table, you were not sure. You didn’t dare look back and instead took a glance of the room. Right in front of you was a bed, similar to the one in your room but double in size. It sure had to be that way to fit his whole body comfortably.

Suddenly your body stiffened, and the realization of what was going on weighed on you. His touch was indescribable, more so than before because, this time, he had taken his gloves off. He placed his bare hands on your shoulders as he freed you from the piece of fabric altogether. The action sent like electric chills through your neck and all the way through your spine. As your robe rested by your ankles, you felt your breathing becoming uneven. He was very close to you as he began caressing your arm in up and downward movements. He was being gentle, but for some reason you felt as if it was just the calm before the storm.

When he finally stepped in front of you again you were able to see his hands. You remembered thinking that the gloves made them seem big, but that it could’ve been due to an added effect of the extra fabric. That was not the case, no, his fingers were long and thick, and his skin, a color you had not anticipated, one similar to yours, pale with cold hues. He followed your gaze, came close to you and pressed his thumb in the middle of your bottom lip. You stared front at his chest as he increased the pressure and forced you to open your mouth. You thought about sucking his finger, but something inside you told you that wasn’t what he wanted. He was examining you. Sexual tension was spiking and it was reflecting on not only your breath this time, but his as well.

“Stay still.” He ordered, and his touch was interrupted. You saw him as he opened a door and his frame was out of your vision. You were standing there, in the middle of his quarters, in only your undergarments. The only thing keeping you from freezing to death was the growing heat between your legs. You were right, he was deep into making you wait.

He stepped out and there was something that popped from his whole dark ensemble. In his hands he held a little piece of red fabric. From a moment to another your sight became dark. He handled your hair carefully as he secured a tight knot at the back of your head. The fabric felt soft in your closed lids, silk. You breathed in forcefully in anticipation of what his next move would be. Blindfolding was something related to one type of sex specifically and a spark of fear revealed itself by a small shiver at the thought of restraints.

You were grounded back to the moment by a sound you had not heard before. It was a soft hiss like a relief of air pressure. The thud that came afterwards, of what you assumed was the top of a table, confirmed your vague suspicions.

He had taken his helmet off.

He was so centered on showing you any little thing of himself that he purposefully blindfolded you to keep you in the dark, as if you were not about to do something intimate.

You focused on heightening the rest of your senses, in the end that would make the experience much more manageable, and help you figure him out a little. The anxiety that was bubbling inside your chest had to be kept at ease, so, when the sounds of footsteps tainted your ears, you tried and erase any notion of memory or consciousness. His hot breath ruffled the baby hairs of your forehead, and when he placed his hand at the side of your neck, you instinctively looked up. There was nothing to see, only darkness from your covered eyes, but you too, were taking him in.

With his grasp on your neck he tilted your head to right, leaving the other side very much exposed. You couldn’t believe it. When he started placing soft kisses on your collar and up to your ear you couldn’t believe it. His lips felt as plush as feather pillows, and as he made a pathway upwards, he also flicked his tongue, tasting you. They were not narrow or slim, quite the contrary, they felt so full and dripping with desire. Upon arriving at your lobe he took a small nib that converted some of the heat of your stomach into wetness inside your panties.

“Now, **_my_** rules.”

The sound of his real voice almost made you die and come back to life then and there. You had not expected it to be that deep. It was like a baritone with harsh syllables as though he was using every part of his mouth to utter the words, including his teeth. It made you fall into an engulfing trance with no chance or urge to escape.

“You don’t speak, unless I tell you to.”

The sharpness of his command sent shudders through your whole body. His grip abruptly became stronger and his other hand ventured to the small of your back. He was completely hovering you now in a tight embrace that nowhere near resembled a hug. He took a big sniff of the hair behind your ear and proceeded to exhale it. A little grunt escaped his mouth in contempt.

“You don’t move, unless I order you to.”

You couldn’t move even if you wanted to. The truth was that you were glued to the floor, like a marble statue with no flattering pose. You were going to avoid any type of initiative. When a tiny moan escaped your mouth and your judgement, he pressed his chest against yours, taking you closer, and he enveloped you. You were sure you could melt in his arms, but nothing prepared you to what he was about to say. His lips aligned with your ear.

“And most importantly, you don’t cum, unless I give you _permission_.”

Before you even had the time to follow the trail of his whisper, you were lifted from your feet. He had placed both his hands on your ass and raised you to his hips and in retaliation you pressed your calves to his back and your hands grabbed and held on to his arms. The shock of how stiff his biceps were made you fear he could crush you if he wanted to. His legs started moving in big strides and you thought you were heading towards the bed. Your back made contact with a cold wall instead and the pressure of his body increased. His words had made your head spin and your sheer panties started showing the consequences.

His lips then smashed against yours, and by the way he was kissing you, you knew he had wanted to do this for a long time. They took you by surprise and you returned the movement as fast as your neurons allowed you to. If the feeling of them on your neck had been extremely pleasurable, the grazing over your lips was a bundle of ecstasy all by itself. He wasted no time in trying to enter your mouth, and lost in the heat of it all you let him in immediately. 

Never in your life or with other clients had passion escalated so quickly. Nobody had ever kissed you like that. You sure had stumbled upon eager customers, but the fervor in which he attacked you and the way he was holding your body was something you hadn’t experienced. The grip that pinned against the wall was stronger than you had fantasized about, and you held on to him like it was your own life.

You suddenly realized how undressed you were, but more interestingly how each and every one of his movements felt harsher because he had not yet removed anything but his gloves and mask. You reached to his collar to try and blindly unbutton or unzip his top clothing, but it was to no avail. He wasn’t having it. He spun you in what felt like a millisecond, grabbing your back to keep you from falling and threw you harshly into the bed.

If the mattress hadn’t been that soft you sure as hell would’ve broken your back.

He was over you again. His knees pressed at the sides of your hips and with a strong grasp from one of his hands, he grabbed both your wrists and held them tight above your head. 

“I said… **_don’t move_**.”

His voice was full with a darkness you had never heard before and all trace of the gentleness he had been treating you with before faded. You knew you should be scared. Terrified in fact. This man was acting as though he wanted to eat you completely only to spit you in pieces afterwards. But you did not feel that way. No. Every action, bite, or lick he took as he held you down and roamed around your body was triggering your arousal to levels it had never reached before.

His other hand moved up towards your breasts. He groped one strongly, with his palm extended, and you noticed how it almost covered it completely. You arched your back, and he promptly took upon the task of unclasping your bra. No fondling, he got it on the first try. He placed his mouth onto the valley right above your sternum and grabbed the piece of fabric with his teeth. In a continuous action, he carried your undergarment above your head and through your arms up until it reached your wrists.

He lowered his head and you felt his hot breath brushing your skin all the way to one of your nipples. With no shame he brought the nub into his lips, and circled around it with his wet and thick tongue. This made your chest start heaving and when his teeth made a little tug on it you cried loud enough that he stopped for a second, as if waiting for you to tell him to stop, but you didn’t. You could almost see him smirk through the blindfold at the realization that you enjoyed the pain. He resumed and this time he took your other one, who was starting to feel lonely, between his fingers.

“You like it.” He said as he pinched your nipple with his fingers, “You like that I’m rough.”

It was as if he had been muzzled this whole time, because he started going on. His mouth was again at your breast, this time sucking and biting a little more harshly.

“I felt it last night… You love being dominated…” Part of his words were barely audible over your moans. 

“Handled…” He removed his grip from your wrists and liberated you from between his legs. You exhaled in relief as you brought your arms down and to your sides. In a second his hands were placed on your waist and they slowly trailed down to your hips.

“Taken care of…” You gasped at the sudden yank that resulted in the removal of your panties. His hands were now lingering on your thighs and your chest was moving forward in anticipation, your ribs making an appearance over your skin. You still couldn’t get over the swiftness of his voice.

“That is why you act so feisty all the time.” He jerked your knees open, exposing you completely before him. There was a moment where neither you or him seemed to move. You wished with every last fiber of your being that you could see his face right now. It wasn’t natural that you felt this hot for someone you had never seen before.

“Deep inside you just want to be controlled.” A comeback was swelling up inside you as you died to bicker back at him, but his hot breath at the inside of your thigh made you swallow your tongue.

He began following a trail up your leg with soft kisses that had you shuddering and biting your lip forcefully. You did not foresee this. You figured he would just fuck you with no consideration. Hell, you were wet enough for it, that’s for sure. But no, he was going down on you. When he reached a particular soft spot he bit you hard enough that you knew it was going to be a bruise you took home. You cried out in more evident pleasure now and he groaned at the sound.

“You were so good today, even when that nasty Hutt was insulting you…”

Images of the evening rose up, he had picked up your emotions perfectly even if he couldn’t understand the language, and probably had sensed the nasty ones the awful creature was emitting. But you were swept again into the moment by the realization that he was praising you. It fluttered the inside of your stomach and you grinned at the idea. He did not stop his deed of taking in your thighs. 

“You know what good girls get?” you were barely able to stop yourself from coming undone by the sound of his voice calling you a good girl, so you just launched your head from side to side saying no. Your chest was now moving erratically as getting air was becoming more difficult.

“Speak up.” His tone was more serious now and he grabbed on to your thighs keeping you on your place. 

“No…” Should you do it? Would he like it? Fuck it… “ _Master._ ”

You heard his breath hitch and he became stiff all over. Not even you could believe you had the courage to call him that. Pet names were usually talked about beforehand in Sub/Dom relationships, but when a small, guttural moan escaped his lips you knew it had been the right call. 

“They get a reward.”

He said in such a low tone that it came as more as a whisper and just before his lips finally connected with your center, you felt the bridge again. He was opening himself up to you as you were quite literally opened up for him right now. You felt his lust pouring out of the glass of his desires and the way he desperately wanted to sink into you.

He travelled his tongue between your folds, it glided easily and you panted at the feeling. Your clit was already throbbing consequence of his lengthy buildup and you wanted nothing more than to feel his tongue in it. And he did, like he had read your mind, he licked it with a flicker to then go ahead and continue circling the swollen nub with a pattern that you were not able to decipher but that was driving you crazy. Your moans were filling the room as he responded with grunts and groans, pleased at how he was making you feel.

One hand left your thigh and reached your pussy as one finger began to tease your entrance. You were certain you were able to come with just his attention on your clit, but you welcomed the feeling as your walls pressed around his digit.

With his lips surrounding your nub and a second finger entering you, the whole experience was becoming a lot for your body to handle. Your skin was burning, and the midst of your closed eyes, every sensation felt stronger. You could sense everything around you, and if he hadn’t explicitly told you not to move, you would’ve already be all over him. The hardest part was channeling the energy flowing through you to avoid cumming at any given moment. He had not made any signs of giving you permission yet, but all of his movements were taking you to the edge.

Your hand reached down for his hair, to encourage him further, but before you arrived to the destination, he grabbed it with his other hand, intertwining your fingers around his and forcefully placing it into the mattress.

“I will stop if you continue to disobey me.”

His words vibrated around your clit, since he had not made an effort to distance himself from you, and the sensation made your back arch even further. His fingers curled inside you, hitting perfectly that spot that made you quiver and every fiber of your being was inclining to your imminent release. But your desire to indulge him was kept you at bay. You shrieked at the electricity that you felt from your fingertips against his, and the fact that he began sucking on your clit did not make your deed any easier. 

His tongue was getting faster and sloppier by the second and you thought you were dreaming, this couldn’t be real, he couldn’t be this good. He knew exactly what to do and when to do without the slightest sense of direction. His fingers were grasping the right spot inside you every time that they entered and exited quickly. It wouldn’t be long now. You needed to cum.

“You know what you need to do darling. Ask nicely.”

The tingling in your core flared up when he called you darling. It was so sweet but the way that he said it, in such a deep tone and in such a lascivious position, made it seem very authoritarian. You gathered up all the strength inside you and directed your concentration to your mouth.

“ _Please Master, let me cum, I need to cum. Please._ ”

The words were heard like a screaming chant. Your other hand was grasping the covers and your knuckles were turning white. Heavy pants were leaving your nostrils and mouth.

“Do it. Do it now. Show your Master how you cum.”

You came the moment he finished his sentence. Your orgasm took over your whole body and mind as well. Twitches and final screams of your aftershocks had you seeing white instead of black through the fabric in your eyes. You felt as if you were suspended on air, but he was frantic. Between the faint sounds of slurping you heard in the distance and his groans vibrating through you, you knew that he was taking every last drop of your gushing.

You weren’t able to make sense of things, and you hadn’t still touched him. You needed to get a grip and brace yourself for his turn, and you were certain that if he was to pleasure you as he just did but with his cock, you were going to die. At least you would die completely satisfied.

He moved himself upwards and with a passionate kiss you were able to taste yourself in his tongue and lips. You had completely covered him in your juices and he sounded as pleased as you. Before he was able to stop you reached for his cheek with one hand, he was still holding the other. When he didn’t stop your touch you placed a soft peck on those lips. The moment grew very intimate within moments and then you felt a tug at your temple.

The last thing you remembered was his words saying “ _Sleep_ ” as you drifted away in complete darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeey, finally a smutty chapter.  
> Sorry I took so long to update, but this chapter was considerably longer and well for good reasons I think.  
> What did you think? Please let me know! 
> 
> Also, I want to point out that as much as I would like to write shameless smut in every chapter, there is also a plot to take care of, but I'm so excited for it! So please be patient with me! 
> 
> Also were are at 50+ kudos! Thank you to every one leaving them on! 
> 
> Much love to you all!
> 
> PS. I will edit this chapter tomorrow for any errors!


	11. Outburst

It took you some solid 15 minutes of constant blinking and groaning for you to realize what in the galaxy was going on. You began by stating the facts while still lying in bed. This was clearly not your room at Domar’s, no, the sheets were different, you were out on a commission. Right! On a Star Destroyer, you had your own room and you had T, but this were not the quarters you were assigned to, this bed was bigger. And then it hit you. The events of last night started flashing before your eyes and when you peeked under the covers and saw your naked frame, you gasped in awareness.

It had not been a fantasy you orchestrated gracefully in your mind, nor was it a dream in one of those special nights where you tried and find comfort in made up thoughts. Kylo Ren had called you into his quarters yesterday and eaten you out completely until you had cummed at his command. It sounded so explicit, and the worse part was that it was true. He had taken off his gloves and his helmet and taken the life out of you with his kisses. Your mind drifted off for a second thinking about his lips and the way they conquered you. The memory sent a small heat wave to your core and you were tempted to pinch yourself only for further confirmation.

The thing was that you only remembered sensations. Ah. He had blindfolded you too. You glanced to your right, towards the nightstand, and found the red piece of fabric neatly folded next to a glass of water and a piece of paper folded in half. There was no First Order symbol now, but handwritten on the outside was your name. You quickly lift it up and opened it.

_I’m looking forward to seeing you again this evening._

_TC-712 is, as always, at your disposal._

_Kylo._

Well that was certainly an improvement to the last letter he had written for you. In fact, your senses betrayed you as you blushed over his choice of words. Great, not only did you behaved like an amateur in your job when you were around him, but now you were also acting like a 15-year-old teen at the minimal gesture of approval.

You felt inclined to stand up as curiosity finally spiked inside of you. You were at his quarters for one, and the note and the stillness of the room had you believe you were on your own. Like he had given you free reign to explore. You paid close attention and perked your ears up for any type of sound, but by all means you appeared to be alone. You shifted your legs to put your feet on the floor, but your nakedness protested to the sudden chill that encompassed you. You glanced quickly to the center of the room where he had disposed you of your robe, but it wasn’t there. After an initial scan of the whole room, you realized that it was not very different than your quarters, voidness of personal belongings and surgical grade cleanliness included. Something inside you made you think that this sudden tidiness was not the consequence of a cleaning droid.

Now, where would a neat freak like Kylo Ren was appearing to be would leave your robe? You quickly aimed for the closet and opened the big black door. Bingo.

It was like seeing a mass of black fabric and at the right end, your peripheral vision spotted the light gray. If he was here, you would’ve definitely teased him about his choice of color for every little thing in his life. It looked weird, to be honest. Even though your robe was within the scale of neutral colors, it stood out among the rest of his clothes. While his were rigid and gloomy, yours were softer and easier on the eyes, but both born out of a dark base. A very weird sensation covered you when you began making an analogy to the image you were seeing. Maybe he had requested you because of that. Maybe he saw the similarities between both of you _and_ was pleased with the differences.

You erased the thoughts in your head and shook your head in denial. It wasn’t as if you two had spent enough time together for you to start conjuring this type of ideas about his personality. You had to ignore the feelings that had been bubbling up since you met him and with a cold mind, complete the rest of your days here successfully. Still, there was something that pulled you to him. You were foolish to think that you understood him in a deeper level, that you were somehow more than another life crossing on his path, yet why did it feel exactly like that?

You needed to stop, enough of this thoughts, just another client.

You wrapped your robe around your body and just as you were fastening the belt the door swished open. A very shiny protocol droid was staring at you.

“Hi T.” 

“Oh, hello Miss, good morning to you!” Gosh, you loved these droids. “Can I offer you some breakfast? It is getting pretty late but Master Ren asked me to let you sleep as much as you needed.”

Now that you thought about it, you did not remember how exactly had you fallen asleep. You did acknowledge the mind-blowing orgasm he had given you, that was unarguably going to be difficult to forget. Maybe you fell asleep shortly afterwards, damn you and your sexual stamina. Had he slept beside you? You couldn’t picture it. But in reality, you recognized that it had been the greatest sleep you had had in a long time. There were no nightmares, and even though the temperature in the room was borderline freezing you had felt warm.

“Uh, yes please, whatever you see fit.” You were not in a choosing mood. “Excuse me T, do you know if I should return to my quarters or what the hell am I supposed to do today?”

“Oh well of course I know Miss. Master Ren told me you could stay here if you pleased or I could arrange for you to get back to your quarters if you preferred. He will be busy up until dinner I think, but he wanted to see you afterwards.”

“Ah, don’t worry, I want to stay.” More like you wanted to snoop around a little. “But I have no clothes here, or my book, and uh, I think my underwear is also missing…” You were sure your cheeks were red at this moment.

The droid chuckled as his programming read your body language. “Oh yes, it is currently being washed, but I’ll make sure to bring you your bag so that you can wear another piece.”

“What about toiletries?”

“Top left drawer at the bathroom sink, Master insisted we supplied his room with things for you as well in case you wanted to stay.”

When T left the room you were left standing there grinning like an idiot. It made your stomach flutter that he had thought about all the details surrounding your visit, so as the good guest that you were, you began to roam around. There was not too much to look at frankly but your main focus was one bookshelf. After T delivered your breakfast and you took a quick shower you set your mind to rummaging it.

Most of the books were in a language you didn’t understand, but what the drawings indicated, it seemed like they were talking about the Force. You spotted also a couple of history books from Empire times that you had read already. As chaotic as times had been during the Empire, the history behind all that change of government and the analysis of the pieces that led up to it had always been a personal interest of you. At the far end of the shelf there were a couple of texts, separated from the rest, like they were from another collection.

One of them immediately caught your eye. Its crinkly spine gave away that it was probably Kylo’s favorite.

 _Thrawn_.

Unsurprisingly, it was the story about a villain, your favorite kind, one that escalated in the ranks of the Empire due to his abilities in coercion and strategy. The politics were described wonderfully, and very easily you deep dived in the story.

* * *

Time slipped away fast as you ran through the pages of this book that fascinated you completely. As your attention drifted momentarily from the pages, you dared to look at the hour. It was late. In his note he had said he would see you on the evening, but it was well into the night. You stood up, grabbing your own book along the way and placed them both together in the bookshelf to proceed and enter the washroom. He wouldn’t be long so you might as well arrange yourself a little.

You worked your hair into a long and simple side braid, with little strands out of place to flatter the shape of your face. As for your clothes, you opted to remain in the lounge wear, nothing about his intentions was crystal clear like last night, even though you were actually in his quarters and waiting for him. In fact, you wished he would not jump directly into that “stuff” in hopes that you could actually talk to him for a little while.

You were putting the hairs in one of your eyebrows in place when you heard the doors gliding. He was here. Strong stomps through the hallway made you jump a little. Something was not right.

You put your brave face on again, and quietly made your way to the bathroom doorway. He was already at the living room, his chest was heaving and his hands were curled up in fists. Tension eradiated from each and every one of his muscles. He had his whole armor on, not just his usual black drapes, and they looked dirty. As soon as you became visible, his mask turned towards you and even though you couldn’t see his face, you perceived his energy. He was not angry. No. He was raging.

“Get out of here.”

His words came through your ears sharp. The way his voice coder vibrated indicated that his volume was high. It was an order, not a suggestion. It was also a warning, that if you didn’t oblige, he might direct his fury at you. _Might_.

You weren’t thinking, you clearly weren’t thinking. Anyone with a quarter brain would’ve ran away at the chance. You didn’t know what had gotten inside you. You were not challenging him, but you just stood there, glued to the ground. The only moment where you so much as flinched was when his hand stretched along his belt to unshield his weapon of choice.

The crackling and hum alone would’ve been enough for anyone to get on their knees and start begging for their life. The man you had heard so much about, the beast that had taken over a whole military institution and terrorized complete systems was finally revealing itself. He took one big step towards you and raised the red blade. The heat that came of it radiated throughout the sections of your uncovered skin.

“I said… _GET. OUT._ ”

He was full on screaming right now. You were barely able to make up the words as they pierced you due to the frequency. When you still failed to move it was as if something erupted inside of him, he lunged at you and you immediately shut your eyes in disbelief.

The sound of forceful grunts, rips, and the smell of burnt material directed your attention to your left, and as you opened your lids you were able to outline the poor victim of his outburst. The sofa that was just a couple of feet away from you was now completely destroyed. Even the bars that conformed the frame were torn and dripping little droplets of molten metal. Your mouth parted and you glanced at him. He was breathing forcefully, as if he was containing himself.

In between concentrating on his actions and the fire he was emanating, you had yet to look inside of you. You should’ve tensed up, you should’ve screamed, reacted in some way to the madness before your eyes. But you didn’t. You felt composed and in control and not even the slightest glint of fear revealed itself. You knew there was a part of your mind that was screaming in horror and urging you to run, but you had shoved it into a small box at the furthest corner of your head.

The wheels inside you started turning. He had not moved an inch and he was watching you keenly, expecting you. He awaited for a scream, a sob, anything, but something was itching from within you and you felt the need to get close to him. The voice in the back of your head began revolting at your intentions. He was like an open barrel of gasoline and approaching him would make you either the match or the lid.

You were stupid. You truly were. With slow but meaningful steps you began to close the space between you two. His lightsaber was still on and blasting little sparks, but you didn’t care, you had a plan. Long time ago you had read that people in distress responded positively to a rhythm. Of course Kylo was not having a panic attack right now or something similar, but he was vomiting emotions even if he had his mask on.

You held your breath when you extended your hand out to reach his wrist and moved the red blade to the side. His chest rose up and down more frantically and you let go of your soft grip. You stood there, inches away from his body and looked up. Your reflection met your eyes again and you saw they were glinting a little red from saber right in your blown up pupils. Had he not been wearing his helmet, you would’ve searched his face for permission, but since it wasn’t the case you had to settle for your hunch.

Your mind was made up. You extended your palms and placed them both carefully on his chest while slowly exhaling. You turned your head slightly to the side, away from the hue of his weapon and rested your ear on top of his sternum, between your hands. And that was it.

He did not retaliate, nor did he move away. He just stood there, dumbfounded. There was nothing left to do either, you merely tried to breath at a steady pace and hoped your heartbeat was doing the same so that his could mimic yours. You pictured the ocean in your head, the small waves of the middle of the day when the tide is not high, forgetting everything, erasing the image of the monster you had seen a few moments ago.

You were little, in this position he was towering you and he could be able to crush you with one move. Instead he retracted his saber and the missing hum of it made you breathe even heavier. You could hear his beating beginning to slow down, and even though this position was the most vulnerable for you, you realized it represented power as well. You both fell in harmony as you felt his muscles shift, and you knew he was about to embrace you.

The trance you were in was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the doors opening.

“Miss! We need to hurry and get you out of here!” T’s desperate voice was approaching rapidly through the entrance hallway, “Master Ren does not want you here when he - - -” he was not able to complete his sentence and before you knew it, Kylo had separated completely from you and extended his arm towards the droid. In a second the droid was sliding down the wall he had been thrown to.

You hurried to crouch at his side to check if he was okay and fortunately he was just bearing a couple of scratches. You glanced back at Kylo and shot him an angry look with furrowed brows. As you were about to open your mouth you were interrupted by the droid at your feet.

“Oh I’m sorry Master! I did not arrive fast enough!” The droid began to hurriedly apologize but to no use.

“Out, both of you. Out.”

You were not able to say anything before he had entered the washroom and banged the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T, CEO of cockblock. 
> 
> Again, thanks for reading and be sure to leave your comments and kudos if you like it! I'm having so much fun. 
> 
> On another note, please let me know if you prefer longer chapters, I mean, as I reader I sometimes get frustrated if chapters are too short but I also get overwhelmed with long ones. Let me know how I'm doing! :)


	12. Exasperation

You were barely able to make up shapes as T hurried you down the corridors. The droid had told you to be silent, but little did he know that this quiet was only helping your anger boil up inside of you. What the fuck had just happened? As the adrenaline died down you were able to picture the encounter more objectively. He was acting like a child. No. Not like a child, like a fucking toddler. He had entered, flaring from head to toe, and literally thrown a tantrum in front of you for God knows what reason.

You couldn’t explain your behavior either, but the reality was that you had responded by following your gut. You couldn’t understand where these feelings came from, but you sure as hell felt proud of them. They were the correct ones. They were able to calm him down.

At least momentarily.

Sure, you had put your life on the line, but almost every single time you saw him you felt that way. Was that normal though? Being at the receiving end of one of his fits would probably be beyond terrifying for anyone else, and for a good reason. He was a powerful man, and a wave of understanding hit you all at once. Did the Supreme Leader even faced consequences for his actions?

Of course not.

You were clearly at a disadvantage, and you needed to do something about it, quickly.

Poor T looked like he was on system failure when you finally reached your quarters. You waited patiently until the doors closed with both of you inside to speak.

“T, what happened over there? Why were you coming to get me?”

“The command ship arrived from a mission Miss, and Master Ren wanted me to get you out of his quarters before he got there. I had dealings on the other side of the ship and was not able to arrive on time!” His voice sounded as if he was disappointed in himself.

“Why was he angry T?” You tried to remain calm, not lead the droid into any indication of your intentions. “Do you know what happened?”

“I am not sure if I have the clearance to discuss it with you, Miss.” The droid was now looking away. Fuck. You needed to do something if you wanted to get anything out of this machine.

You looked down and shifted your appearance to make it look as if you were about to cry, modulating your voice like a soft whisper, you began speaking, hoping his programming would catch up. “I bet it’s because he doesn’t really like me, right? He regretted having me here. God, I feel so stupid T.” You intentionally cracked your voice at the end and looked up to see if the bait had worked.

The machine was quick to react at your “sadness” and extended an arm out to pat on your back. “Oh no Miss! Don’t say that! It had nothing to do with you!” His tone was soothing.

Just one more little push… “Then why else would he act that way? Why would he kick me out so horribly and push you against the wall? I was just trying to do my job.”

The tear sliding down your cheek closed the deal. 

“He just gets angry sometimes and he vents out that way.” Yeah, no shit. The machine hesitated for a moment but fortunately continued, “There was a Resistance attack on one of the planets controlled by the Order, and the efforts to stop or capture them failed. It wasn’t because of something you did Miss!”

Jackpot.

Pout on, a look of disbelief, and you were ready to speak again. “Really? Wha- what planet?”

“Steriva. Now hush hush Miss, please stop crying, and try to get some sleep. I must be heading back to repairs to get my circuits checked.” The droid exited your room and you threw yourself into your bed while wiping your fake tears away. 

Steriva huh? Going back to your geography lessons you remembered that planet was very hostile, but was known for containing a gas commonly used as fuel for… _Ah…_ ships such as the one you were on right now. A very strategic move of the Resistance indeed you acknowledged. 

Even though your own introspection surprised you a little, you were not able to shake off the feeling of uneasiness in your body. All things considered, you had directly disobeyed him when he told you to get out, but he had no right to try and scare you that way, to the point where he deliberately threatened you with his light saber.

You stood up from the bed and began pacing across the room. You had never been one to let anger get control of you, in fact, what you were feeling wasn’t anger, it was something else. It resembled exasperation more. He could not go along thinking of you as a weak being he could just discard whenever he pleased, just because he paid for your services did not mean he could treat you that way, specially after how you felt when you bridged. 

Without thinking twice, you were already out the door, striding the corridors filled with purpose. For a woman in your position, you had to make sure that at least you possessed a little of the upper hand. Too much control from his part and things could get dangerous for you. Fortunately, your physical memory was enough to get you outside of his doors. You forced a gulp down your throat and with a well formed fist you gathered the courage to slam on his door. Even though you were consumed by your bravado, you still modulated the volume just about enough to make _him_ hear you without waking up the whole starship.

There was no answer, so you decided to knock again. Luckily your self-control stopped you from screaming his name and just before you were about to get strike three, the doors glided open. Your steps quickly advanced through the hallway, but your heart felt to your stomach at the view before your eyes. His back was facing you, so you were only able to see his body covered in probably his sleep wear and also, his hair.

No helmet on.

Raven colored waves reached a little top of his shoulders and they somehow looked even darker than his clothes, but with a particular shine to them. You felt the need to touch them but as his back muscles stiffened you were reminded of why you were here.

“You can’t do that.” You had every intention to enter here and scream your lungs out to make your point across, but instead your voice was soft, well-modulated but soft.

One of his hands made his way to what you assumed was his jaw, but since no response came your way you continued.

“You can’t just charge at me and threaten to end my life with your saber just because you are upset. _I_ am not your enemy.”

You made sure to emphasize the word I. After hearing what happened with the Resistance, you had to clearly state that you were not here to trouble him.

“You were not supposed to be here.” His real voice resonated through your body and unconsciously had an effect in your body. His words came out almost as hiss and you wondered if he felt as irritated as you.

“Well I was.” You fixed your stance, opening your legs a little for added support. You were able to see his big hand running against his hair, and as he did all his arm and back muscles flexed along. Your mind started to get cloudy. He was making this more difficult than you anticipated. You sighed. “I thought you were going to be pleased if I stayed.”

His demeanor relaxed a little. “I wanted you to leave-” You heard him take a deep breath and huff it out strongly, clearly there was something he was struggling to say. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Now it was your turn to be dumbfounded. The way he said it, it sent a wave of heat that covered your whole chest. You tried and remember if your past encounters in the job had felt this intense, and the answer was no, not even a little. You gathered all your common sense and tried to sound stern. You needed to prove your standing, you couldn’t just let your physical responses guide you this night. “Then what did you try to do? Scare me?”

After what felt like hours he answered, “You were not afraid.” A surprised undertone in his voice. His hands disappeared behind his frame as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“No, I wasn’t… And I won’t be either.” Your voice was just above a whisper and even though you felt anxiety, apparently your mind was not betraying you. “Just… You can’t treat me like that. I understand I stepped over a boundary, but surely you must perceive I only meant well.”

It was as if you had just said that what happened was no big deal. He began walking towards the washroom, yet again, trying to get away. “You should go.”

All of a sudden you were bursting with frustration so you raised your tone. “No. We are not done yet.” Your anger was returning quickly. You began walking towards him, but you were stopped on your tracks. An invisible hold restricted all your movement and held you in place, standing in the middle of the room. Fucking Force powers. All you could do was scream then.

“STOP.”

Miraculously, he did. “Why is it so difficult for you to be in the same room as me? You literally paid for me to be here, yet you are always running away.” You prayed to the Maker that the walls here were sound proof. “And I- I don’t know why it affects me this much. This isn’t normal for me; I’ve never been this reckless before.” It was now or never. “Why do I feel drawn to you? To someone who’s face I have not even seen? Why do I follow this hunches that go against all form of self-preservation when I’m around you?” Your words kept coming out faster and faster. “Why do _you_ connect with me, only to leave me hanging afterwards?”

Your chest was heaving now, when did things turned so dramatic? Were you blowing things out of proportion? Had your little outburst finally give him all the reasons for him to be done with you? You cursed yourself under your breath. Great fucking companion service you were delivering right now. You were making all this thing personal when your job had just been to fuck him. You were not even able to do that. Poe was right, you were not ready for this, after your trauma you just threw yourself onto your first customer and gotten too involved, made up things in your head and emoted too much.

At least you hoped some of your words had gotten through him enough to keep him from hurting the next girl in your position he faced, because after this, you were certain you wouldn’t be seeing him again.

You felt the pull keeping you in place slowly fade away. You regained control of your limbs and your muscles relaxed. He had not said anything so you just sighed in defeat. Terrgar was going to be pissed, probably all of the First Order would stop making business with Domar’s after this fiasco. It’s not like you were the only whore house in the galaxy and picking up on the energy from Kylo, you were now an unpleasant presence. Deciding you were going back to your quarters you turned around and aimed for the hall.

Consumed in your own embarrassing thoughts you were not able to hear the steps that approached you from behind until you felt a firm grasp in your arm. Your whole body turned and you were now face to face with his chest. Your breath hitched as you slowly lifted your head to look at him.

All notion of reality left your body as the mystery of the man behind the mask revealed himself. His face was the same tone as his hands, a distinctive paleness that suited him perfectly filled with moles that scattered all around. His cheekbones placed up high and in between a peculiar nose that went hand in hand with the rest of his body, large, but perfectly flattering. His jaw was stiff and somehow the left side seemed a little more pronounced than the right.

And there they were, those lips that had ravaged your body last night, luscious and full with a tint of natural red to them.

But what really perplexed you were his eyes. The lights in the room reflected on them and although his pupils were dilated you were able to distinguish the beautiful brown with gold stripes that encircled them. He also looked way younger than you had expected.

This was the Supreme Leader, and he was beautiful.

Picking up on your awe you were able to see as the corner of his mouth curled upwards briefly, and before you could return the smile his lips were already crashing into yours. You felt his hands grab your hips and press you closer to him, your body responding naturally to his movements. You were instantly caught up in the moment. Nothing else existed or mattered at the moment.

Your arms reached his neck and your fingertips were able to sense the softness of his curls. This time you were not wearing a blindfold, but your eyes were closed as you were melting away in his embrace. He licked your bottom lip asking for permission to enter your mouth, but instead of accepting it you took the opportunity to bite his. The grunt that followed was what awakened the ache between your legs.

His hands trialed down and cupped your ass and instantly you hopped encircling his waist. You liked how he could lift you up like it was nothing, and even though his kiss had started with a kind gentleness, his energy was slowly shifting to a more animalistic one.

He quickly moved you to the bed, and instead of throwing you into it, he sat down at the edge, letting you straddle him. You shuddered when you positioned yourself comfortably and felt the bulge in his pants against your hips. His mouth left yours as he began placing kisses in your jaw and neck. You dared to open your eyes and met his dark locks.

You began grinding your hips in steady movements, and his hands gripped your hips following your movements. You separated your chest from his for a moment and stared at him intently, admiring him. You said nothing, not like you had anything to say either because when he met your gaze, your brain stopped working.

He took advantage of the short distance between you and grabbed the hem of your top to begin pulling it upward. You lifted your arms, helping him with the process, and just as it went through your head his lips were on your again. Suddenly, his clothed bulge grazed over where your clit was, eliciting a moan to be muffled in his mouth. With this he grunted and directed you to feel him again. You head flew backwards and he attacked your breasts, not even bothering to remove the lace that covered them, but moving the fabric away from one of your nipples to lick it freely.

You grabbed on to his hair harder, enjoying every second of finally being able to touch him. In a moment of courage, you reached for his shirt, and when no backlash came your way, you lifted it up in one movement. Your eyes roamed his now bare chest as he got to the task of unclasping your bra. Of course, as you expected, it was pure muscle, every ridge marked sharply, from his pecs to his abdomen. What you did not expect was all the scars that were scattered around him. They had to have been very serious for them to leave a mark, medicine was very advanced. You, yourself, only had a couple of them left after your incident, and you almost died because of them.

One of his arms shifted to grab your back and your naked chests were pressed together. You felt little electric shocks that grounded you again to the moment and away from your thoughts. He turned to lay your back on the bed, this time, softly, and warmness crept inside you. He placed his hands on either side of your head and his hips between your legs. He kissed you deeply and before he could do anything else, you moved your lips to gently suck on his neck.

You felt the goosebumps in his skin as you gently caressed his back, where your hands had come to rest. He snapped out of it as he backed from your touch and grabbed your jaw in his hand, making you face him, this time, really face him. He crouched down to that his mouth would be perfectly aligned with your ear.

“Tell me what you want.”

You knew you were already wet, but the sound of his voice had you staining even your leggings which were increasingly becoming more restricting. Between what sounded like pants you answered.

“I want you.” You said just above a whisper.

His head fell between your breasts, as he began planting wet kisses in them and then trailing down to your stomach. His hands moved along with him and as soon as they reached your hips, he yanked your lower garments away. You found yourself completely bare before him and you shivered at the sudden exposure. He was now placing his soft kisses in your inner things, licking carefully where he had bitten you yesterday. 

“You have to be more specific, darling.”

There was no hint of annoyance in his voice, and the fact that he was asking you to be more vocal turned you on even more. His hot breath made your clit throb, desperate to be touched, but it needed to wait. When he ate you out had been amazing, and you were surprised how eager he seemed to go at it again. You had definitely judged him incorrectly; Kylo Ren was a giver, a dominant one, but a giver.

You wanted, no, _needed_ something else.

“Kylo I-,” you looked down only to find him placed between your legs, staring back at you with those beautiful and intense eyes “I want you to fuck me.”

His breath hitched, and you knew something had flipped inside of him. You propped on your elbows so you could get a better look at him as he slowly lifted himself up from the bed and reached the hem of his trousers. He lowered them in one swift movement and he showed himself to you.

You unintentionally gasped. You had felt him over his clothes obviously, and he was a large man, you assumed he would be packing in the downstairs department. But he was _huge_. He had a full erection already and you immediately wanted to change plans and just put him in your mouth, pleasure him just as he had done with you the day before.

He sensed your eagerness and a huff of pride covered him, but he placed himself again on top of you because he too, wanted to be inside you, now.

“Do you think you can take me?”

He drew a lazy circle around your clit that made you let out a small cry; it was already pulsing. One of his fingers dwelled into your folds and followed the line between them. You saw as his eyes widen and you squirmed below him. You nodded frantically after his action, your insides were preparing themselves and just the sight of him made you ache with longing.

“Ah, I think you can.”

The smirk he threw your way did not go unnoticed by you, but your arousal just made you respond to his touch. You held on tightly around his neck as he aligned his cock with your entrance and both your foreheads came together.

He pulled the bridge up again when you touched, the pleasure in his head was now erratic, and you could feel that he was desperate to feel you. The calmness that encircled you was something that you had never experienced before when you were about to have sex. Both your minds were linked by some sort of connection, but you both had the same craving to feel.

You felt his cock at your entrance, not yet going in, but lingering around your folds. He placed his head at the crook of your neck, and when he pushed forward, you genuinely were not expecting it. Even as he made his way up slowly, the feeling of fullness was becoming too much to bear. Your insides stretched as much as much as they could, and you cried at the feeling, furrowing your brows and making your mouth a big “o”. He was filling you up entirely, and for a person like you to say that, it was a big deal.

There was no pain when he lowered his hips and forwarded them again, but the frantic moans that came out of your lips were unstoppable. His pace quickly picked up, and for a second you thought you were not going to be able to take him. He was just so big, and he touched every single special place inside of you. It was as if he wanted to clash into you with no respect whatsoever of your bones. Your hold loosened a little, struggling to keep up with the battle of tongues going on inside both your mouths and his thrusts.

Your breathing was irregular against him and he was sure to pick this up. By the bridge he was sure he was taking you to your edge. His hand made his way between your bodies and he firmly started to flick your clit.

The sudden contact made you bury your fingers in his back, trying to let go of some of the feeling inside you but to no avail. His thrusts were unforgivable and your body was responding naturally to his own pleasure as well.

The sound of his moans against your mouth were making you hotter and hotter. You had just seen him in all of his definition moments ago, but now, you felt as though you had known him and his body all your life. Your bodies were perfectly in sync and each time his hips neared yours, you retaliated by sinking down further into him, as if his length was not enough to fill you up when it was very much that in fact.

“Yes- yes- yes Kylo!”

You had never imagined things to be this way. It was as if he knew exactly what spots inside you he was hitting and his mouth, God his mouth, it was licking all over your body as if you were the last drop of water in Jakku.

Being the type of dancer that you were provided you with an added flexibility that most women did not possess. You took pride in it, since you were able to do some cool tricks in the pole. But when Kylo grabbed one of your thighs and moved it towards his chest, forcefully making you do a split as he continued penetrating you, you wished your body had not capable of doing it. The new position made him enter you in a deeper angle that you were certain was going to rip you apart. You were feeling you walls clench up around him and that it wouldn’t be long now.

The increasing amount of breaths in your neck or face, depending on where he was kissing you at the moment, told you that he was close too. The warmness inside you was getting to its boiling point, the one where the kettle starts to whistle. His lips began to suck a specific point above your collarbone and when he bit you there was no turning back.

“Kylo, I- I- I am gonna-” You were aware you sounded ridiculous, but your mouth simply was failing you right now, only moans were coming out fluidly.

His face was now in top of you, all his body hovering over you.

“Look at me, look at me **_now_**. Look at me when you cum.”

One glance at his deep brown eyes and it was all you needed to come undone. The weight of your connection finally easing up and guiding you through a state of awareness that exploded the bubble of pleasure inside you. You felt skin accumulating in the insides of your nails, as you struggled to hold on to reality and in turn, to his back. Your walls clenched strongly around his cock, making his breathing stop completely, and with a last violent thrust and a loud grunt, he was spilling inside you.

Your chest heaved as the aftershocks were still making you shiver and he placed his head next to yours, shaking a little. Your eyes locked and small grin formed in your mouth, almost imperceptible, you hoped. He placed one small peck at your forehead that took you entirely by surprise, but that made your heart jump a little.

Just as the high began to wear off, you began panicking a little. Kylo was laying on his side, looking at you with his head propped up by his hand and elbow. He had not answered any of your questions yet, he had just taken you, but in all honesty, you were not complaining. What stirred you was that you were not sure of what to do now. You had just shared a more intimate than casual moment but you were not certain if he wanted you to cuddle up to him, or just get up and leave. He had basically ordered you to look into his eyes as he made you cum, and what you saw in them would stay with you your whole life.

Flashes of your episode, and the effects his touch had on your body flashed through your mind. With other clients, the aftermath of sex had always been clear to you, by that moment you already had them figured out and you knew what they wanted. But Kylo was still a big question mark for you. Never had you encountered such an unpredictable man. The silence between you was extending for too long now and you had not even dared to look at him yet. When you did, his eyes indicated a sort of resolution.

As if he had felt your anxiety, he grabbed your wrist and made you scoot closer to him. From there you needed no further direction. You curled up against his shoulder, placed one hand against chest and one leg between his. He instantly began caressing your naked back, making small circles across your spine.

You were not sure how to explain it, you were never much of a cuddler but were used to it because some of the men you encountered cherished it more than the actual sex. But with him, it felt right. Not forced or obligatory, just right.

It was weird, your bodies had aligned perfectly, and no other movement was necessary to get comfortable.

“Kylo?”

Your voice sounded small, but not in the sense of when you are scared or fearful, it was the sign of complete peacefulness.

“Do you- um… - this… I fee-” you were blushing so intensely that you were glad that you weren’t facing him at the moment. You were not even sure what you wanted to say.

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!! 
> 
> I'm sorry for the delay in the update, it's just that this chapter took foreveeeer to write. I hoped you enjoyed it!
> 
> Next stop: a thickening plot. 
> 
> Also, am I going to insert one of the movie's quotes in my writing if given the chance? 
> 
> Yes I am ;) 
> 
> Have a great day! and don't forget to leave your comments! You have no idea how much I appreciate them :))))


	13. Forget it

Sleep had come easily that night.

It was a particular kind of sleep, one that is a gift from ignorance. For example, the sleep that millions of people experienced in the planet of Alderaan the night before it was completely obliterated by the Death Star.

Kylo’s outburst yesterday had shown you the side of him that everyone feared, and your efforts for standing your ground had proven to be successful as the rest of the night progressed. But as you fluttered your eyelids open only to find yourself in an empty bed once again, you realized you had no answers to your predicament on what is it you felt flowing between the two of you.

The words that came out of his mouth flourished again in your head, “ _Don’t be afraid, I feel it too_.” What did “ _it_ ” really meant? You had no idea. Had he been really truthful when he said that? You were also not sure. 

The sheets were not even warm anymore, and it made you feel a small knot in your throat. You dared say it was something characteristic of him, the warmness he emanated. However, it was not a physical or literal one, but the kind that you felt in your chest. For some reason, waking up this day in particular, you felt cold.

Today was Sunday, you were scheduled to return to Domar’s and you didn’t like how things were looking. The long sigh you huffed out did not work to free your mind from the disappointment of waking up alone, even after what happened yesterday.

He probably had some work to do, he was the Supreme Leader of the First Order after all, he must be a busy man who starts his days early.

Wait, why were you making up excuses for him?

You shook your head no at this thought and turned to the bedside table. There was a glass of water, just as the day before, condensing drops on its outside, but no note. You couldn’t help but frown at this while you slowly sat up and reached for the glass. You grabbed the sheets up to your chest to avoid the cold breeze that made you shriek silently, courtesy of your naked body.

As you downed the water, you heard the doors of the quarters slide open. Maybe that’s why he didn’t left a note, he was returning anyway. A small smile formed in your lips, and as the view became clearer, you did not let it falter when instead of the black tower you were getting used to, a shiny platinum droid emerged from the hallway. 

“Good morning T” you said with a raspness in your voice that you did not anticipate. You made sure to grab on to the sheets even harder, not that the droid would comment anything on the fact that you were naked on the Supreme Leader’s bed, but you felt a little apprehensive as to what your state was, you hadn’t looked at yourself in a mirror yet.

“Good morning to you too Miss.” The droid entered the living area, examining the couch that had been destroyed by Kylo the night before as if evaluating the damage. He chirped once and grabbed the tablet placed in the kitchen area, typing some stuff. You were still stiff as a statue when the droid looked at you again. “I’m glad you are becoming more familiar with the ship’s layout.”

You genuinely smiled at his comment. Snarky little droid. “Don’t you get all protocol on me T, I thought you were getting your circuits checked, that’s why I didn’t call for your assistance. By the way, how are you doing now?”

“I guess that is true. Thank you for asking, I’m doing great. The technician replaced some old parts that had not been damaged as well and I feel like a brand new model!”

You faintly chuckled, your questions slowly taking over, “T, um, do you know anything about the Supreme Leader or about my departure?”

“Ah yes! I almost forgot! Master Ren left early in the morning on a mission.” You simply nodded, trying your hardest not to showcase your emotions, really exercising your training.

“Did he leave any messages?” You really hoped you did not sound needy, that would be embarrassing, and not for the droid, he was a machine after all, but for yourself.

“I’m afraid not Miss.” You forced yourself to breathe, controlling yourself as soon as you felt your brows furrowing together. “Your departure is scheduled at 1400, I’ll deliver the uniform you will have to be wearing with your breakfast, does that sound good?”

“Yes.” You simply grabbed the lightest blanket in bed, covered yourself with it, and entered the bathroom quickly. Once inside you gulped trying to calm the uneasiness in your stomach. Letting the blanket drop after closing the door you scooted towards the tub, you were going to try your hardest to relax before leaving this stupid place.

As the bath began to fill you added the salts and scents that appealed to you the most out of Kylo’s vast collection. The reflection in the mirror showed you all the damage from last night. Your chest and collarbones were filled with either small hickeys or purple stains from his bites. You cursed under your breath. He was making things very fucking difficult.

You slowly entered the tub, letting the warmness of the water completely cover your sore muscles bursting with tension. You wanted to forget everything. All about this fucking visit. There was no one to blame but yourself for the feeling of constriction in your chest that was ragging your breaths right now. The whole morning situation was a plate full of “ _know your place”_ served with a side of “ _what else did you expect?”_. 

Your faced pinched and you became replaying the events of this days. It was never this hard before. It did not feel this uncomfortable. Not even the most disgusting clients you had had with the weirdest kinks had made you want to forget this badly.

It seemed stupid getting so worked up because of him not saying goodbye, but his indifference daggered a soft spot inside of you that had been enclosed for years, and his mixed signals only exhausted you.

Oh but he was smart, really he was, his words last night? Probably just either a heat of the moment situation or a play to shut you up after sex. It was at this moment where you wished you had brought a pack of cigarettes. You usually smoked them out of habit, but lately it seemed as if you began needing them more often than not.

With a little impulsiveness you lowered your whole head inside the water. Staying there for as long as your lungs permitted, you rose with a big inhale, and by the time you took the air out you decided to let the situation rest. You put on your invisible mask on and hung on to the fact that you were leaving. The only memories you were going to permit yourself having from this weekend where the damn marks he had so enthusiastically left all over your body.

There was nothing you could do about them anyway.

* * *

Once again, you found yourself power walking through the corridors of the Star Destroyer. It was just after lunch and this time the halls were full. You thanked the Maker for this ugly ass uniform, because had it not been for it, there would be more than a couple eyes on you.

Just as you were turning on a corner while evading a flock of Stormtroopers, you distinguished a couple of fire red hairs above a pale face that was looking directly at you. Great. As if you needed your wit tested right now out of all times.

“Ah! I assume we will be seeing each other more often now, Officer Y/N?” he said as he approached you purposefully, still keeping appearances in case there were keen ears around.

You did everything to hide your lingering frustration and fortunately succeeded. With a calculated voice you replied “It is not my place to say General Hux, but I am grateful for the commodities the First Order provided during my stay.”

Hux poker face broke down into a small grin as he was entirely pleased with your answer. You knew exactly what to say, it was like a key password to enter into his good graces, mention their rank, and thank their organization. It also applied for business men and political figures.

“Well, believe me when I say we are very pleased with the way affairs has been conducted with your team.” Maybe if he didn’t act so smug you could genuinely like this guy, but his permanent scowl, even when he appeared to be in a good mood, threw you off.

“I’ll be sure to give fellow Marla your regards.” This earned you another smile from the General, and with a nod from both parties, you were on your way again.

“Good travels Officer.” Was the last thing he said, and thankfully you had your back to him, otherwise he would’ve seen your look of discomfort all plastered in your face.

The troopers led you to the hangar, and to a similar transport as the one that got you here. You were pretty certain that you were going to be asked to remove the uniform once again, but fortunately you had prepared yourself by leaving tight lounge wear underneath.

As the ramp started to rise and two troopers took their places on your sides at the bench, you made a promise to yourself that you would avoid as much as you could returning to this place. You were glad sticking to business men for the moment. That would definitely allow you to control yourself better while working, slowly making a return to routine, the way it should’ve been from the start.

* * *

The familiar rattle of entering Lothal’s atmosphere captured your attention from the very interesting rod you had been staring at so intently during all the flight. You decided not to wait for the trooper’s instruction and began stripping from the uniform. You did not hold the huff inside you as you handed it to them; they had not missed one bit from your small private show.

It was well into the evening now, being a Sunday, the girls who were not out on commissions were probably counting their earnings from a probably very busy weekend. You wondered how had Terrgar managed without you these days. A small part inside you hoped it had not gone too well, just to further clarify how valuable you could be to the business.

The transport descended and touched land. Surprisingly, you began feeling happy, probably because land meant this whole ordeal was finally over, and looking into the bright side, you had just earned a considerable amount of credits from it.

Not even bothering to say something to the troopers as the ramp descended, you stood up and exited as soon as you could. Looking at the back door of Domar’s you saw all the lights on. The last thing you wanted to do right now was face all the girls so you silently opened the entrance and scurried down the hallways to your room.

Now, in the confines of your own space, emotional leftovers hit you. You laughed at yourself, and this time really laughed.

The walls of your small room were mocking you too. This whole poignant rollercoaster you had sat on willingly had been a complete joke. In this business there was no room for that. The amount of vulnerability you had shown Kylo was not wrong per se. Some men paid to not feel like they had paid for a woman. They wanted feel like it was the real deal, and you had to indulge them, put on your best acting.

But that night, lying in bed next to him, feeling his heartbeat beating steadily in his chest, and the softness of every breath that came out, it had been different. The problem was not that he wanted to have you that close to him.

The problem was that you wanted it too.

Because for that feeling, that momentary feeling of being held in his arms, both naked and defenses down, you would’ve done it all for _free_.

And the thought made you physically ill.

Four years in the business, five if you counted your “sabbatical”, had taught you over and over again that Domar’s was a place of business, and you were just the entertainment. That getting attached only complicated things.

Kylo Ren might have woken up a lot of things in you, made you feel things that you were still unable to explain. The bridges that he had made with you gave you a glimpse of what that large, complicated man was, and you were intoxicated by it.

It had to stop.

* * *

Sooner or later you had to get out of your room, you honestly couldn’t stand being there anymore. You needed a distraction, and what a better one than food? Before exiting, you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the interrogation you would suffer for your first commission in a while.

“Muffin! I didn’t see you come in! I was starting to get worried.” Terrgar ambushed you in the middle of the hallway, and after the screaming into your pillow session you had had a few minutes ago, you felt renewed enough to meet his enthusiasm.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I was just tired from the trip that’s all. Hyperspace can take a toll on you.” You said as you both began walking side to side towards the dining room.

“You know I have to ask.” He held on to your shoulder to stop you before the doors and looked at you intently. “How did it go?”

You sighed. “As good as it can go. He is a complicated man, but as I told you before, just a man anyway.” Oh and what a man he was, not bothering with the basic rules of human interaction, ignoring you most of the time you were there, forcing you on personal errands like a servant, and threatening your life with his saber. But Terrgar did not need to know that, and you certainly were not going to care anymore. “Were the credits transferred?”

“Ah, yes, you can check them already in your data pad. Do you think he will become one of your regulars?” You knew the question was coated with disinterest, but the reality was far from it.

“Honestly, I don’t think so, but don’t worry, I spoke to General Hux on the way out and they seem to be very pleased with us so far. Ren is just… difficult.” You said shrugging, lowering your volume considerably while mentioning his name.

Terrgar scooted closer to you “I know that from a business perspective I would benefit greatly from having him as a regular customer, more so after seeing he paid double the price of your commission for some reason, but there is something about him that makes me worry.” You enclosed your look of disbelief at the mention of the credits to the best of your abilities. Did he really said he paid double? “I know you handle yourself very well in the business, you are one of the best here, but I hope you don’t have to be in that situation again with _him_ , for both our sakes.” He gave a warm smile.

If only he knew the whole deal.

Your stomach growled loudly and Terrgar bursted into laughing. “Come on Muffin, let’s get you something to eat.”

* * *

Dinner proved not to be so hard. There were not so many girls at the dining room, and the questions were not all that juicy, considering that everyone was under the impression you had gone to Cardari with a weapon’s manufacturer.

Well, almost everyone.

Marla, who was at the table, kept on throwing you concerned glances. You did your best to reassure her with your eyes only, almost convinced she was going to be visiting your room this night.

_“Did it feel like the first time you went on a job?” “Did he show you any of the weapons?” “Did he close a contract with the First Order?” “Was his place luxurious? I bet it was, weapons do leave a lot of money.” “I heard Cardari has beautiful lakes, did you see one?”_

By the end you were surprised you had not died of pure irritation.

You excused yourself to your room and quickly gathered your data pad. Terrgar was very much correct, there was a transaction on behalf of the First Order for double the amount of credits your visit was supposed to cost. Even if Kylo Ren was not in the room he managed to give you mixed feelings, what’s new?

You were tempted to view the extra amount of credits as an insult, like he had thought you were some kind of charity case or as if something in your face screamed _poor._ In fact, you were far from it. Domar’s Realm was sure a pioneer in that sense. They provided housing, meals, some sort of security, and a place to work, but each girl had their own personal account. Of course Domar’s got a portion of every credit you made, but the percentages were fair.

What you, and the girls with half a brain did, was that you would save almost all the money you made to guarantee a safe retirement. Whether you wanted to accept it or not, the business was only for young women, and you tried to make your best out of your productive years. The possibility of someday working solely as an administrator had also crossed your thoughts, but for now, you were content earning the big bucks.

In spirits of leaving the situation behind, you opted to see the money as an extra for the little field trip to the disgusting Hutt.

You glanced to your bedside table and did not hold back the big smile that crossed your lips at the sight of your pack of cigarettes. Just what you needed.

* * *

The night had already fallen and wind was at just the right temperature for the big cardigan you were wearing over your sleeping shorts and tank top. You grabbed your pack and lighter from one of your pockets and placed the cigarette between your lips.

There was wind, but not enough for your stupid lighter not igniting. You were quickly getting angry at the small piece of plastic, and were two tries away of smashing it into the ground. Your curses kept on flowing through your half open mouth even though they did not make the situation any better.

“Here, let me.”

The small blue flame of Poe’s lighter was almost as distinguishable as the sound of his voice. You genuinely had not heard him, and his sudden presence startled you a bit. After your cigarette finally came to life, you did not even spare him a glance and turned away from him.

You heard him sigh, as he pulled one of his own and lit it up, standing next to you, shoulder to shoulder. You didn’t think that you were going to be dealing with this today.

“What are you doing here?” you said, instead of a thank you. “Today is your day off.” Which was a pleasant reminder when you were on the transport, getting here, you would not face him until Monday. Well, only if by then you had decided not to ignore him anyways.

“I was hoping I would see you here, apparently I was correct, you are pretty predictable.” He said lightheartedly, trying to ease up the tension. When you did not respond, or in any way acknowledged his comment, he bobbed his head down, taking another hit.

He gathered up air again in preparation and began again.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, and I honestly don’t blame you, and I know it feels like the only thing I’ve been doing lately is apologizing for being an asshole, which I have definitely been, and to you of all people.” He was rambling already.

“Poe, I just want to enjoy my cigarette in peace, it’s been a long day.” You said, finally turning over to take a descent look at him. There were bags under his eyes, those that you get after a solid 3 nights of no sleep.

“Yes, I’m aware, but I couldn’t go through the day, or the night, without seeing you or saying sorry, and I truly am. I am sorry Y/N.” He sounded sincere, the thing that had startled you the most the last time you saw him was the way he had grabbed your arm. His words had also hurt, but everyone says things they don’t really mean when they are upset, and him telling you that you were not ready was not all that incorrect.

“These days you were gone, they were very difficult for me, wondering if you were alright, if he was treating you with respect, he didn’t hurt you, did he?” Looking at his face you thought if you were the reason of his lack of sleep.

“No.” He almost did, and with a plasma blade, but no.

“If you let me, I would like to begin to make it up to you, please let me.” You considered him, you knew you would end up forgiving him sooner or later.

“Let me take you out, no funny business, just you and me at Reuli’s Cantina, like old times. You can have all the grantinis you can stuff in that pretty mouth of yours, my treat.”

You couldn’t deny it, you were a sucker for those brown eyes, and every time he gave you that side smile you felt better than you did before. Besides, all things considered, you needed a distraction from thinking about _him_ and who better than one of your best friends.

“Fine.” You finally gave in. “But if you end up spending half your month’s credits it’s not going to be my fault.” You pushed his shoulder with your hand in a friendly gesture and threw the tail of your cigarette into the disposal, making your way to the door.

“I’m looking forward to it.” You could see the relief all over his face.

“Get out of here already.” You smiled at him sincerely before closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter beautiful people, I live for your comments, so leave whatever is crossing your mind. :)
> 
> On another note, for those wondering I upload every week! I don't have a particular day to do so but it almost always is on the weekend. 
> 
> Once again, thank you all who have left your kudos! We are almost at a 100 and I feel like crying. :')


	14. Distraction

“Let’s dish.”

When you returned to your room, with a big grin on you face and every intention to go to sleep, you encountered Marla sitting on the floor right outside your door. With an exhausted sigh you let her in, fully aware that as much as you wanted to avoid it, there was no way you could get rid from her personal interrogation.

You went on and lied on your bed, like a starfish, and she was quick enough to gather some space for herself by your feet. “So are you going to tell me how did it go or do I have to force it out of you?”

You groaned loudly. It was as if the world had not gotten the memo that you wanted to get over your encounter with Kylo Ren. “I don’t know what you want me to say Marla.”

“Sure you do, don’t be playing games with me right now. For what I can see, you came back in one piece, so… how was he?” She was not going to let this go.

“He was…” dismissive? Volatile? Hot as fuck? Sculpted like a god? Undoubtedly murderous? “… fine.”

“Come on, you can do better than that.” She kicked your shin with her heel and enough force to make herself look serious.

“OKAY.” You said with a huff, sitting up and rubbing your leg lightly. “It was hard at first. He ignored the shit out of me and acted as if he was annoyed all the time. Damn confusing behavior if you ask me. He even game me separate quarters from his to avoid me.”

“What? Really?” Her grey eyes widened a little at the statement so you just nodded and continued, ready to get it over with.

“Regardless, I did the job, and in all honesty,” you let out a frustrated sigh, “it was not bad.” It was fucking glorious, the best orgasms you have ever had and a chemistry you had not had with anyone else, client or not. “Don’t you dare ask me how he looks like though.” There was no reason for you to remember his beautiful face.

Marla turned away from you and stared at the wall, a grim expression was on her face. “I wouldn’t, and the fact that you did only makes me nervous.”

You furrowed your brows, you were not expecting that reaction, you thought she was basically going to nag you until you told her what he looked like. You would’ve never complied, but you were up for the fight. “Why would you say that?”

“You acting this oblivious and like he is just another client is starting to piss me off.” No matter how much you told yourself otherwise, you knew perfectly that he was no common client, the feelings you had had aside.

You grew a little more serious, “I’m not oblivious Marla. Believe me, I’m not the only person that has been in that man’s bed,” you touched her arm to make her face you, “we just don’t know who the other women have been. That being said, there is no reason for anyone to know me either.”

“I guess.” She didn’t sound convinced and stood up quickly from your bed. “Just, be cautious, okay?” Again with the precautions.

“I’m already here.” You said with a disconcerted look on your face. What else could Kylo Ren do to you a million parsecs away? Besides, the chances of him requesting you seemed to have dropped dramatically based on his indifference in the morning.

“I know.” The look in her eyes was weird. There was something she wasn’t telling you. Before you could ask her about it, she had already exited your room.

* * *

20 minutes after leaving Domar’s with Poe for your “outing” you decided you had already forgiven him.

Who could blame you? The man was literal, walking charm. Being around him was nice, it was easy and carefree. The perfect distraction indeed. You had had your reservations while getting ready on Thursday afternoon, the day you had both agreed on, given the things he had almost said to you before leaving on commission. He was going to confess his feelings for you, and even though he had not gotten around that before he so gracefully screamed in your face and grabbed on your arm, you knew where he was heading.

You figured he would not pursue it further, at least not today, ice was still pretty thin between you, and that was what got you out the door. He seemed a little nervous too, not really knowing how to act around you at first, but after you began nudging his arm with your elbow on the walk there, and constantly trying to make him trip, he began loosening up.

And boy, when Poe loosened up, the man was unstoppable. In the course of an hour inside Reuli’s Cantina, Poe had already gotten you both two rounds of bantha blasters for free just by giving the twi’lek bartender fluttering eyes and that smirky side smile you were well acquainted with. 

“Just so you know, these drinks definitely don’t count as your treat.” You said to him, practically screaming above the laughs, noises, and music present in every cantina. “Remind me to thank that sweet unknowing woman when we leave.”

Poe just chucked at your statement, purposefully avoiding the now glaring eyes the twi’lek had been throwing at him ever since she saw him sitting with you.

“Who knows, perhaps I’ll give her your number on our way out.” You said smiling.

When Poe’s face changed to a little more serious one, you knew it was too soon for those kind of comments. You flew silent. Great fucking way to turn a so far very pleasant evening. “Pass me some credits, I’ll go buy the next round.”

Trying to mask his uncomfortable face, Poe grabbed some credits from his jacket pocket and handed them to you. You appreciated him trying to hide it. Knowing him, by the time you returned, he would be himself again, or at least pretend to.

When you found yourself at the bar, you realized now was as good a time for some hard alcohol. You ordered a couple of shots from the other bartender, trying not to engage the twi’lek, and made your way to the table. By a couple, you meant six shots, three for each.

Poe’s face lit up when he saw you walking towards him. The guy who poured your drinks was kind enough to give you a platter to transport them to your table and you smiled when you saw Poe chuckling.

“God woman, if I didn’t know better, I would assume you are trying to get me drunk.” He said with a smirk. 

“They are to share, you greedy man-child, if I go down, you go down with me.” You said, grabbing one little glass. You had not thought about it, but maybe, just maybe, getting plastered tonight would help on Mission Distraction.

“Cheers to that!”

You both downed your drinks, and with a grimace, you both forcefully pounded the glass on the table in unison. Laughter exploded between you, and you finally began to feel the effects of the bantha blasters in your veins.

“Do you remember the day we met?” He suddenly said to you. A grin covered your face as you remembered that specific scenery. You were just about to begin your first shift ever at Domar’s and the nerves were eating you up, so you decided to go outside for a cigarette because you had heard they calmed you down. Let it be known, you had never smoked before, so you went outside, hoping one of the girls would give you one and instead ran into Poe.

“As clear as day.” You said smiling widely now. “I personally blame you for my disgusting habit.”

“You almost coughed your lungs out that day, but I think you got the hang of it. You sure can hold a cigarette seductively now.” He said while handing you one and lighting it up for you.

You dragged a hit and looked at him with the greatest smirk you could manage before huffing the air out to your right, giving him some serious side eye. “Learned from the best.”

“You looked so cute, all nervous and giddy.” You noticed the way his eyes softened at you and he began reaching for your hand. “I knew then and there I had to make you my … - friend.” The pause between his words was a little longer than you preferred, and to make matters worse, his fingers made contact with yours. He took your hand, and started to caress your palm.

You stiffened for a second. It’s not like you were repulsed by Poe, you in fact found him very attractive, and you cared dearly for him, he was one of your only friends. Were you insane for constantly keeping him at an arm’s length when they were girls fighting with literal claws just to talk to him? 

You recently had been losing your mind for some random man who had hired you while purposefully avoiding the one right before your eyes, one who you knew for certain that he wanted you. Okay so Kylo Ren was not a random man, he was the fucking Supreme Leader, but that is just what made all your past week’s feelings even more ridiculous.

Never should you have allowed yourself to feel that much with a client, leader of whatever he might be. It was unprofessional but more than that, borderline stupid. So when Poe intertwined his fingers with yours, you did not retract. By the look in his eyes he was surprised as well, as if he expected you to shove him or something. Instead, with your free hand, you reached for another shot, motioning to him to mirror you.

When you both finished that as well, you grabbed onto his hand more tightly and slightly pulled at him. “Let’s go dance.”

He beamed at you as you led him into the crammed dancefloor. Body odors from the other beings crept into your nose, but the alcohol helped you at paying them no mind. All you allowed yourself to think about was the man in front of you.

You swayed your hips back and forth in the most modest way you could manage and let your hair hang loose from the ponytail you had constructed before. Poe eyed you curiously, taking all of you in, the smirk never leaving his lips.

In a turn, he grabbed on your waist, pulling you a little closer to him. You allowed him to. Your back was to his chest as both your movements synchronized and rocked to the music. All your worries got shoved to the back of your head as you enjoyed the moment dearly. Life like this was good. Moments like this were pleasant. Men like Poe were the ones you should seek. Yes. That was it.

Poe suddenly grabbed your hair and moved it to the side, exposing your shoulders as he began to nuzzle in your neck. His breathing was hot and sent goosebumps to your skin. He was pressed behind you, so close now. Something inside you flipped, and even though the alcohol was doing a fine job at making you let loose, his touch escalated. When his lips connected with your bare skin you shuddered. You looked around to see if anyone’s eyes were on you, but everyone was in their own businesses.

You gave a step forward, effectively separating from Poe. You turned to face him. His face was worried; he was thinking he did something wrong. Guilt washed over you, and to ease the mood, you reached for his neck. His face relaxed deeply and he latched to your waist dancing again.

This was a dangerous position, you knew that. Looking into his eyes you noticed he was gathering the courage for something. No. Not yet. You needed another drink.

“Come on, we have a shot still waiting for us.” You said, walking away from his embrace.

You didn’t look back at him as you made your way to your table, you knew what his face was going to look like, disappointment. You handed him his drink and you both toasted in the air. After excusing yourself to use the refresher, you realized that last drink might have been a mistake. You were drunk already.

That was okay, this was what you wanted right?

You stumbled a little before reaching Poe, who noticed immediately your current state. He, himself was also feeling the effects, but managed to walk better than you. He offered his arm to you and you gladly took it with a smile as you excited the cantina.

You would’ve settled for a comfortable silence, but for some reason, Poe kept on trying to fill in the gaps as you both walk the way back to the Realm with jokes or banter. You just listened to him, happy and at ease.

You saw Poe hesitate a little when he saw your place in the distance, the night finally coming to an end. It was late already, the streets almost completely dimmed. His body was stiffening and he felt silent.

“I had fun today, like genuine fun. Thank you, Poe.” You said when you reached the backdoor.

You knew what he would try to do now. When you exited in the afternoon, you were full of resolve, not letting anything of this sorts to transpire. But the alcohol was making your thoughts and actions falter. He reached for your hand, his thumb grazing your knuckles with such care that was to a certain extent ironic due to the strongness of his features. But as you gazed up into his eyes, you also saw softness there.

He really did care for you. Why were you so intent on not letting him close? I mean sure, it would probably cause trouble at work. He could probably grow to be jealous, you could see that clearly. He would pay more attention to you and disregard the other girls, that could be dangerous. But what if things did not have to sour? What if you could just continue the way you are, only with additional benefits? And what if you could make a life together with him? Away from Domar’s. Away from the Kylo Rens of the galaxy and Generals and politicians. Just something easy, for once.

The feeling of his lips against yours took you out of your thoughts. They were soft and tender, testing the waters. Not thinking, you relaxed against him. You did not know when he had come to be so close to you, your chests were already touching. You felt him smile when you started reciprocating his kiss and placed your arms around his neck.

His hands were on your waist now; he was pushing you even closer to him. You could taste the amber liquid on his tongue that had battled its way inside your mouth. The kiss was turning more demanding, hungry. You knew he had wanted to do this for a long a time, he didn’t need to tell you.

He started walking, making you take little steps backwards. Before you could ask him what he was doing you felt the cold concrete of the wall against your back. Your eyes were closed, in a fleeting instant, an image popped into your head. Ren pressing you against the wall in his quarters, your belly instantly becoming warm, your insides coiling and your heartbeat reaching the rhythms of when you were close to him. It left as fast as it came, but your reaction lingered. Remembering where you really were, better yet, who you were with made you flinch.

Poe sensed your body stiffening and backed away. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean… If I was too harsh I… I’m sorry…” he was stuttering. You didn’t know how to react, you could see Poe’s worried face clearly but you felt alienated. What the fuck had Kylo Ren done to you?

“I did not want to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry.” You raised your hand, dismissing him. He was clearly panicking. This was not what he wanted. The memory of your first kiss together forever tarnished by your reaction.

“Stop apologizing. It’s okay, really.” You sighed. Right now you were in no state to define what had just happened. “I think the alcohol is showing its effects. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”

He considered you, anxiety flowing from his skin, he simply nodded. Before he could say anything else, you ran inside, leaving him there standing alone. This whole thing had just become completely stupid.

When you arrived to your room you found your center again, feelings becoming more defined now and yourself being able to analyze them.

Interest, confusion, entrancement, desire, longing, _warmness_ …

But, was the warm coming from Poe or from Kylo’s memory?

You buried yourself in your pillows. Not even the scream roaring out your lungs was enough to appease you. Shutting your mind away from thinking why you had thought of Kylo right that moment, you let the emotions run freely through your body. You began shaking, and did nothing to calm down. You didn’t know what to do honestly.

You were afraid of going to sleep. Your mental state would surely fill you with nightmares, adding something else to the turmoil inside you. That night, sleep was not an option.

* * *

You looked like shit. You really did.

Your eyes had not closed for longer than a blink the night before. Even though you were not visibly moving, your insides were trembling. Your cold exterior did not give any clues as to what was really going on. You only looked hangover.

After breakfast you approached the bar in order to check inventories for the night, trying to distract yourself. Terrgar entered the room, shooting a disapproving look.

“I see you had fun with Poe last night.” You groaned. His tone was not accusatory, but you did not want to discuss that with him. He seemingly sensed your reluctance, so he backed from making any further remarks. “Just make sure to cover those dark circles well.” He said before diving into his own data pad.

Only you had been stupid enough to get drunk a night before work. Besides, this was formally your second weekend back, and you were making a terrible impression on your boss, you could sense it.

After a while, you were deeply concentrated on a shipment of whiskey that had been incomplete when you saw Terrgar’s eyes narrow and his lips tighten into a thin line.

“What is it?” You asked him. Something about his unease made you feel nervous.

“The Supreme Leader and his Knights will be joining us this evening.”

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry for the late update. 
> 
> I panicked before posting this chapter but really, I couldn't help myself and my secret ship for Poe. The charm of his character really gets to me.
> 
> Also, sorry for not including our favorite emo space boy in the last I think three chapters? But I swear next chapter will make up for it! 
> 
> As always, thank you all for reading and for your comments!


	15. Strike Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used for this chapter was this, enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LxR5I7cWkI

If you had thought that Kylo Ren had a heavy energy around him, it was clear you had yet to meet his knights. Aside from the darkness that radiated off them, there was also a more primal feel to them, one given by brute force. It made you uncomfortable, but for some reason, the girls were going crazy for them.

Perhaps they had not heard of the stories surrounding them, the destruction they brought. Or maybe they did, but were blind to the sight of these beings who, by the chit chatter you could pick up in the dressing room, _“were super handsome, and built like stone_.”

You saw them when they arrived. You were behind the bar at the moment of their entrance, all seven of them covered in black drapes and a mask, General Hux walking behind them, his scowl forever present. You had ducked down instantly when Kylo’s helmet turned to where you were standing. Apparently, once they had entered the Omega, they had all taken off their masks, the Supreme Leader being the exception of course.

You had almost made a hole on the ground with all of your pacing that morning. You were going to see him again, and now, you were stalling. Of course Terrgar had placed you in the Omega for the night. You didn’t dare ask if it was just his idea or if they had asked for you. Neither option would make the situation better. You wanted to go out for a smoke, but were also dreading the idea of running into Poe outside.

So you went up to the bar and served yourself a small flute of champagne, hard liquor would definitely make you vomit right now. When you returned to the dressing room Marla was already on top of you. “Are you ready?” Her face looked eager, but deep down her eyes were full with concern. She was also assigned to the Omega, for reasons including an eager General.

“Yeah, sure, let’s go.” You checked yourself in the mirror one last time. Decent enough. Makeup really could do wonders at the midst of sleepless nights.

You were standing backstage waiting for your turn to dance. The energy of the room was a mess, but the girls had been correct. You took a small peek, careful to not make yourself seen yet, and you saw the knights with their masks off. Their features were harsh, but they all were indeed very handsome. Even so, all their faces screamed _killer_.

Perhaps out of those black robes and armor they would pass easily as bounty hunters. The scars dotting all of their faces indicated they had lived through some shit, maybe on their course of terrorizing the galaxy. Sure you were one to judge. Especially after sleeping with the worst of them. Kylo was sitting on the same spot as last time, the turn of his helmet to the side, not really paying attention to twirling Marla on stage.

Her song was almost over and you gathered yourself. Fortunately, you were going to be dancing the next time his eyes would be on you, the music would calm you a little. The effect of his presence on the inside walls of the Omega was harder on you than on the main floor of Domar’s. You heard Marla finish and General Hux’s squeaky voice calling for her. You immediately hopped on stage and gestured the DJ and okay.

When the light hit you, you forgot about everyone in the room, mainly because you couldn’t see their faces, but you sure felt him. The intensity of his stare already familiar to you. He came for a show, and he would get one. This time you had opted for a blood red ensemble, covered by a black silk robe. It wasn’t normal to go with a robe instead of a dress, in fact you had one ready for when your dance was over and had to lounge with the clients. But you wanted to trigger something in him, make him remember how he had you the first time those days ago, in his quarters.

More important than everything, you wanted him to realize he couldn’t have you right now.

Because even though he had been an ass most of the time he was with you, you knew he desired you. And you were going to make him suffer for it. Your payback was going to be a bitch.

The music began. An intense tune right from the beginning that allowed for flowy but also sharp movements. You let the initial beats take over your body as you walked to center stage, moving your hair smoothly and looking seductively at where you remembered him being sit. You moved your hips in big circles as you grabbed the belt that held your robe together, playing with it. You didn’t want to tease him with your clothes for much time this evening. He had already seen you.

You walked up the runway, at a distance from the pole. Your pressed your heels together and mimicked the tug he had given you and opening your robe. Your front exposed. The lights turned a little yellow, making the ambiance warmer, and allowing you to see him clearly. His hands were in fists.

Good.

You lifted your hands and grazed both your shoulders making the robe fall, pooling at your feet. Mimicking his actions made you remember the day you had masturbated to your fantasy. The images making your cheeks imitate the color of your underwear and coils beginning to wrap in your stomach. Your body was moving perfectly to the music and you made a classic fall to your knees to crawl to the end of the runway.

Your eyes could kill right now, and they were only directed to him.

You had a surprise for him. When you reached the pole, you grabbed on to it and stood. You placed one foot in front of the other and slowly turned. It was a bold move, you knew this. Instead of opting for the normal, cheeky lace underwear, you wore a thong today, a little bow sewn to the fabric above your tailbone. You looked over your shoulder at Kylo. His body was now rigid, and the temperature in the room seemed to have become hotter, probably from angered energy he was now emanating.

_Strike one._

The rest of the routine ran smoothly. You had captured his uninterrupted attention and you made it worth his while, crouching down whenever possible and dancing gracefully all across the stage.

By the time you were done, the tension could be cut with a knife. The lights sparked a little, and by the faces of the rest of the people there, you both had made it hard for them to breathe as well.

You finally paid attention to the Knights. Some of them were practically drooling. You glanced at Kylo and then shifted your view to the knight closest to him, throwing him the flirtiest smile you could manage and a wink. The knight’s green eyes widened and he responded quickly with a smirk. You turned to grab your robe from the floor and exit the stage. On your walk back, you heard a loud smack and you wanted to turn around to see where it came from, but you stopped mid movement.

“Enough, Ushar.” A grin covered your face. The sound of his voice coder could not hide the venom behind his words. 

_Strike two._

You were halfway to the dressing room when Terrgar rushed to you. He didn’t need to tell you what you already knew. “Tell him I’ll be right over, Janus?”

He was a little taken aback by your intuition but nodded. Before you walked away you looked at him again. “Poe?” You felt bad for avoiding him all night, but with Kylo here, yesterday’s feelings were creeping at your skin.

“I sent him to the main room before you went on stage, he was not happy.” He had a knowing look on his face. You could only manage an apologetic smile. “Thank you.”

You hurried and slipped the dress you had chosen, you had a feeling you would not be keeping it on long, but you still checked yourself in the mirror one last time.

While you walked to the Janus room, you had a battle raging within yourself. On one hand, you wanted to stay on his good side, which meant not commenting anything about your commission and refrain yourself from expressing your disappointment at him for all his mixed signals, in other words, enforce the no strings attached side of your job. On the other, you thought that maybe, if you annoyed him enough, he would stop popping up in your life, move on to next girl and leave you be.

Could you really do that? It didn’t seem fair for the other girls, they weren’t you. Not that you considered yourself into a super high standard, but Kylo had never hurt you. To a certain extent you were learning, at a ridiculous slow rate, how to act around him. You realized at that moment, that if any danger was to be involved, you preferred it be you than a naïve girl across the galaxy or even worse, one of your coworkers. You huffed at yourself. How incredibly altruistic of you.

Everyone’s fear of him was well founded, you had seen it with your own eyes. But you had seen him, all of him, eyes full of emotion. The mask, the soldiers, and everything else was just a cover up, and you were not impressed. The impressive part was how he made you feel every time you were around him. You sighed.

If the Supreme Leader wanted someone to get off, you were okay with the target being you. You took a deep breath, ready for one last pitch today.

The room felt the same way as it did the last time, but with your new found attitude and his lingering anger, the air was dripping lust. Your eyes scanned him, he was sitting stiffly at one of the couches, blending with the dimmed lights. Slow music was sounding lowly, songs with defined beats that screamed sex.

“Did you like my dance, Supreme Leader?” you did not want to portray innocence, but it came out naturally with your words and chosen tone. Your steps towards him were calculated, searching for any indication of where he wanted you.

As expected, he didn’t respond. Fine. He wanted to play distant, you would too. You walked towards the small stage. You thought of his brown eyes, probably eating you up underneath his visor, the memory of when you saw them made your lip twitch a little, but you were committed to your role. In reality, you were surprising yourself and your ability to keep control, a change from your previous encounters in which you desperately tried to keep up with his erratic energy.

“I think your Knights enjoyed it, but that is just my opinion.” From the moment they walked into Domar’s you noted that they all moved as one, perfectly in sync. You had heard that the Knights were a group of force sensitive men completely devoted to Kylo, which is why you realized that if you wanted to stir Ren, you needed to entice his Knights.

You watched his reaction carefully as you twirled around the pole. He was now hunched over to the front, an arm’s length away from you. “What is it Supreme Leader?” your tone was playful, you needed it to be, because you were playing with fire.

“You don’t like to share?”

Your tainting had crossed the line, and he suddenly grasped one of your wrists with force, his breathing sounding heavily under his mask. Had you not been drowning in desire you would’ve gotten mad, but the heat of your belly shifted betrayed you.

“No.”

He had yanked you to his eye level, probably trying to scare you, and you glared at him with an evil smile. You tsked several times, in a displeased tone, not attempting to free yourself from his hold. “Now, don’t make me call security Kylo, it would be a shame someone interrupted this intimate encounter.”

He let you go and you continued with your dance, slowly sliding the straps of your dress, you didn’t want him to command you to take it off. When the top of your dress had bunched up at your waist, you gave your back to him as you lowered it to your ankles, giving him the clearest image of your barely covered ass.

“You see, when I learned you were coming tonight,” you carefully stepped out of the dress and kicked it to side, sinking to your knees with the pole’s help, “I chose this outfit just for you.”

His breath hitched, you practically had him eating out of the palm of your hand. If you were projecting any emotion right now, it would be confidence, and also lewdness, you were sure. Not for a second did you stopped dancing. This encounter reminded you of the times before the accident, but you weren’t going to dwell on that right now.

“It pains me you know, that you haven’t commented on it.” You pouted briefly at him, he was enjoying this, even though the sexual tension between you was getting hard to bear. For the first time in the business you felt that you wanted the client as much as he wanted you, and before you could reprimand yourself for it, you decided to enjoy it for once.

In a swift movement you were off the stage and walking towards him. He instinctively laid back from his previous position and you straddled him. He was surprised, hell, you were surprised by your boldness. His arms shifted trying to put his hands on your ass when you placed yourself comfortably on top of him, but you quickly catched up and shooed them away. 

“No-no Supreme Leader, remember, you can’t touch me…” You were the devil incarnated.

The grunt that came out of his modulator when you started grinding on him was the first sign of your victory. The bulge in his pants, the second.

_Strike out._

You were not even relieving him, you placed your hips in a way that you barely made any contact with him. It was killing him. You knew all he wanted was to grab forcefully on your hips, pull you down, and rub his dick against your clothed clit, maybe even fuck you right on the stage for everyone to see. Considering it, maybe that’s what _you_ wanted.

Your breathing was getting irregular, your need for friction slowly rising over the façade you were trying to play. He noticed.

“You love teasing me, don’t you, _darling_?” Never had the mechanical voice made you drip, but hey, there’s a first time for everything. This was the first actual sentence he had thrown your way.

You bit your lip, you had nearly come undone from his endearment, the ache in your cunt barely containing itself. You looked up at his visor, now, the image of his handsome face present in your mind, chest heaving, you answered. 

“What are you going to do about it?”

You gripped onto his shoulders when you felt it. From a moment to another there was a tingling pressure surrounding your clit, something that you couldn’t explain. It was making steady circles that were sending you to another dimension and deep moan escaped your lips. _The Force_.

Never in your life would you have guessed the Force could serve this kind of purpose.

“You were a really bad girl tonight darling, exposing yourself almost completely with that thong.” His words were music to your ears, your orgasm building up steadily. Unconsciously, you had lowered your hips a little, making him moan too. It was a distorted sound, but it was taking you to the edge. “Making my Knights think depraved thoughts about your body.”

Your plans, as always, were backfiring, but in that moment, you couldn’t find a fuck to give. Kylo was working wonders with your body, like a partner who had trial and error training for years, and he wasn’t even touching you.

“I don’t think you deserve to cum.”

Shock spread across your face. His building up and his words had you at your tip, there was no way he could deny you your orgasm. But then you remembered, he was controlling the Force right now, he could stop at any moment.

“That’s right.” He must’ve seen your realization on your eyes. “You are going to have to beg for it, slut.”

You should’ve gotten mad. It should’ve upset you that he was referring to you as that, in your fucking workplace of all places. But it only soaked your panties through and onto his pants. You were not supposed to be doing this, this is what commissions were for, but you needed him to make you cum. You _needed_ it.

His mask was on, but you didn’t care, you had seen what was underneath it, and it was sexy as fuck. You remembered the faces he had made when you were both on the Star Destroyer, he probably had that face right now, lips parted, breath coming in from his mouth and nose, brows furrowed.

“Please Kylo, please make me cum. Please, I’ll be good. I promise.” Your moans were making it difficult to mutter the words, but you needed release.

“You know better than that.” His mask was furrowed in your neck, not really touching you but irradiating coldness that send goosebumps through your spine.

“Master, please.” The pressure increased suddenly, and you had to bite on his clothed shoulders to suppress the scream that came out of you. He growled at the feeling of your teeth sinking in and your hips, still moving continuously against his length.

“Yes darling, soak my pants, cum for me.”

And you did.

Your vision went white, your insides burst into flames, and all you could feel was the Force dragging your orgasm as long as it could and his length firmly pressed against your covered cunt. Your chest was expanding and lowering heavily, making your breasts touch his chest momentarily.

As you came down your high, you relaxed, knowing that in the cameras, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Even though deep down, you knew you had broken more than 10 rules that would have gotten you fired.

You climbed off of him before he ordered you too. Control looking a little redundant, now that he had made you beg to cum, but still.

“Next time you act like tonight, I will be forced to punish you.”

He stood up, a large stain covering the front of his pants. You could still see his erection tensing his pants. You were only able to give him a mischievous nod before he exited the premises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started writing another fanfic, but about daddy Charlie Barber, it is very different from this one, but if it's your vibe, check it out. 
> 
> Thankyou for your kudos and comments, love you guys!


	16. Possibilities

To say the rest of the night went weirdly, was an understatement. After coming down from the haze that was Kylo Ren, you tried your best to compose yourself only to find a smirking General Hux at the Janus room exit, waiting for you. Without so much as a hello, his body shifted close to yours, making you instinctively step back and before you realized, you were flushed against the wall. Normally you would’ve gently put him in his place, solely because of his position in the galaxy, otherwise you would’ve shoved him away, but the surprise of his actions and the post-orgasmic bliss you were in clouded your judgement. By the look of his face you knew he was enjoying this greatly, which made you feel instantly sorry for Marla. He slowly leaned into your ear, making you tense out of fear in the way, and said

“We’ll be seeing each other soon Miss.”

The eerie tone of his words haunted you instantly. An even wider smile appeared on his face when he saw the color slightly fade from your skin. As if on cue, you heard a familiar voice approaching.

“That’s enough buddy.” Poe’s voice had a warning emphasis, but modulated enough to avoid angering the General. His words always seemed the right ones, since the people he was supposed to placate were often very powerful. He always made sure not to hurt their egos and just remind them of the rules of the establishment. He had to, for his own safety.

Hux glanced at Poe and lifted his arms in surrender, stepping away from you, “My apologies, I was just letting the _lovely_ lady know how much I enjoyed her dance before I left.”

The way he said lovely with so much disdain made your stomach turn, but the last peek he took from you and your body almost made you vomit in the middle of the hall. General Hux was no way near as intimidating as Kylo, but from the first time you had seen him entering Domar’s, you knew he was evil. Not in the way of a story book villain who laughs dramatically when something bad goes his way, but in the I would love to see the galaxy burn kind of way.

You had never been frightened about him since he had never hurt Marla, but the look in his piercing green eyes when he pinned you to the wall screamed danger.

Only when he was out of sight did Poe approached you, grabbing on to your shoulders and staring deeply into your still fearful eyes. It was not an emotion you were used to while being awake. Normally you would only feel fear in the course of your nightmares.

“Are you okay?”

You didn’t need to answer him. He already knew that the altercation had startled you.

“I’ll talk to Terrgar.” That was all he said before turning and leaving you alone in the hallway. You wanted to protest, tell him it was not a big deal, but somehow the General’s words had agitated you. Did he mean see you as in Kylo Ren would request you soon or as in _he_ would request you soon? The thought made you feel dizzy, and for a moment you were grateful for Poe’s initiative.

When he came back you were still leaning on the wall in your skimpy dress. You forced yourself out of the uncomfortable feeling the General left you with, instead readying yourself for another round of work. You would maybe take the main stage once or twice and avoid making any connections this evening. Instead, Poe just took your hand in his and lead you to your room. In general, you thought the feeling was very bold, but the fact that maybe Terrgar had given his approval made you play along with it.

You knew you should be focusing on earning the largest amount of money that you could, taking in as many private rooms as you could and making new connections for further commissions, but at the moment you couldn’t care. You had broken the rules earlier by letting Kylo Ren Force touch you into orgasming and also you were shaken by Hux’s attitude. His phrase sounding more like a threat than a statement and that made you feel uneasy. When you finally arrived to your room, Poe just stared at you as you fumbled with the lock.

Only then did it occur to you that he might be wanting to speak with you about the night before. Unconsciously, you panicked a little.

“I’ll come here when my shift is over. Try to get some rest in the meantime.”

With that he left you alone, returning to Domar’s main floor. You glanced at the clock, it was already kind of late, and in around 20 minutes they would start emptying the club. You sighed, and tried not to think about the impending conversation you had to have with Poe.

Kylo had drowned all of your thoughts since Terrgar told you he was coming, so you didn’t even think about what to do with Poe. Yesterday you had considered giving him a chance, and there was no denying the chemistry you both shared. But now, sober, and with a clear head, you realized that as long as Kylo Ren was in your life, there was no way you could be with someone else. Up to this point, he was just a customer, you had cleared that already, and you made peace with it. What you couldn’t deny was the connection that you felt with him, one that would deliberately prevent you from forming a genuine relationship with someone like Poe.

You weren’t his by any means, nor was he yours, but Kylo had a hold on you that you knew he wouldn’t let go anytime soon, and in reality, you didn’t want him to.

You got out of your work attire and into the shower, you didn’t take your time with it, your movements automatic. When you got out, Poe was already sitting in your bed. His elbows were on top of his knees and his hands wrapped around his hair. He looked distressed, very much contrasting to your own demeanor, which exuded resolution.

He wasn’t looking at you, but straight into the ground. You were still just dressed with a towel around you, not even underwear underneath, and your hair set straight on your back due to its wetness.

“I don’t want us to scream at each other today.” You broke the ice. Tension had already grown too much between you two and you were not liking it, not with Poe.

“Me neither.” He said, and after that, a whole lot of silence. You took a deep breath and started towards your closet to get into some sleepwear, giving him the time he seemed to need to get his thoughts together. Before you moved past him, his hand latched onto yours and he brought you closer to him. You didn’t stop him.

He was still sitting and his hands moved to clasp your waist. A shuddered breath came out of him before he pressed his face in your stomach. Even though the position was very intimate, you were grateful for the distance between your mouths. By the way he was slightly trembling, you knew he was very emotional right now.

“I know you think this is a bad idea, you and me.” His voice was soft but he was composing himself quickly. “That is fine, I respect that.” A huge wave of relief came over you. He really did know you and was making the talking himself because he knew you were dreading it. “I just want you to know that there are other paths away from Domar’s, away from the generals and scum businessmen. I know you like your job, but I believe you could be happier, that **_I_** could make you happier.”

You furrowed your brows, it was not as if you had never imagined yourself away from here. Sometimes, when you thought about your retirement it seemed so far away, but that life without the dancing and the acting, was never shared with anyone. You started to caress his dark brown locks.

“We could do other things, use our skills, do some good.” He started planting small featherlike kisses in your belly, which made you feel very warm, and you began to get lost into his fantasy, it seemed nice. For the future, you reminded yourself, not now. “We could help the galaxy.” His tone had gotten way lower to just above a whisper. Help the galaxy? What the hell did he mean by that?

“Poe, I…” you mimicked his tone, being careful not to startle him. You were not used to this affection. You had been out of work for a year and Kylo had certainly not given you this kind of softness. It felt lovely.

“Shhh… I know, okay?” He suddenly stood up, and just as you thought he was going to grab you and kiss you, he moved towards the door. You would’ve stopped him had he leaned into you, but still, his movement confused you. “Just know I’m here, for when you are ready.”

With that he exited your room, leaving you with a knot in your throat and a promise of another type of life.

Well, at least you didn’t fight.

* * *

“I received a call from the First Order.” Terrgar’s voice and phrase stopped you right on your tracks. You surprisingly managed a couple of hours of sleep after Poe left you the previous day, but your movements were slow in the morning regardless. You turned to look at him. Had Kylo called for you already?

“From General Hux.” Your eyes widened at him. It insulted you to certain point, surely Poe had told him what had happened the night before. The only thing that kept you from storming out of the room was the look in his eyes. Something was off. 

In that moment, you didn’t care to find out, so you just spat at him. “No. I don’t want to go.” Your arms were crossed, and to a certain level you felt like a child about to throw a fit. You scolded yourself internally, damn Kylo Ren and his contagious antics.

“He asked specifically for you, besides you have not even listened to me.” He approached to be closer to you, as if he didn’t want no one else to hear.

“I don’t care. I have a right to say no, don’t I?” Never in your life had you said no to a customer or a commission. That was probably the reason you found yourself left for dead about a year ago, so maybe it was a good change. General Hux had stopped being an irritant presence only to become an unwanted one in your radar. You just scoffed and turned your back on him, ready to leave. 

“Muffin, wait, he doesn’t want a commission.” He had grabbed on your shoulder, which you didn’t mind, since just his words had made you stop altogether. You couldn’t help it, now you were intrigued.

“You can say no if you wish, but he doesn’t want a commission, he wants a meeting with you.” The thought of that confused you even further. What the hell did Hux want with you if not… _that_? Maybe that’s what he meant yesterday, that he wanted to meet with you. “He said he wanted to see the possibility of speaking to you, nothing else, he was very clear on that.”

That made sense, he was clearly infatuated with Marla, so then again, why the need to speak with you? And also, why so suddenly? It calmed you a little that you weren’t being asked to sleep with that snake. You decided to play it a little cool around Terrgar, see if he had any idea as to what Hux wanted from you, without sounding to obvious.

“Will he pay?” you tried to make your voice as uninterested as possible.

Terrgar tried his hardest to mask a smile. The possibility of you doing this really pleased him underneath his need to keep you safe. Somehow on your first couple of weeks back on the job you had been requested by both the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and now, its General too.

“Full commission price. You don’t even have to stay there, he said that he could provide with transportation for you to return at night.” He was eyeing you expectantly. Everything seemed legit. It would just be a conversation, an uncomfortable one that’s for sure, but you would be a couple hundred credits richer than last night.

“I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I kind of have them on hold so that they can send for you right away.” He already knew you were going to say yes.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” His smile beamed at you. “Just, don’t tell Poe about it.” His apparent happiness faltered at that. Poe and you were not even in a relationship and you were already having problems with your boss. Problems that did not concern him and came in between his earnings. Luckily, Terrgar was your friend, so when he sighed, you knew it was not in annoyance, but in realization of your situation.

“I’m on it. Looks like you will be leaving for Korfer to close a deal on a new brand of whiskey for the bar.” You shot a side smile at his wit.

Seeing him stride towards the comm, you realized you had little time to get ready for your “meeting”. You decided to gather a pretty big breakfast, and as experience called for it, you would wear underclothes for the trip.

* * *

On the shuttle flight to your peculiar assignment, you learned that the Star Destroyer’s name was the _Finalizer,_ thanks to a less than awful and chattier Stormtrooper. You were well aware of the Stormtrooper program, so when you asked him his name and he answered with FN-2187, you were not surprised. As you did with T, you decided to give him a new nickname. F seemed a little cold for an actual human being, so you landed on Finn.

“I love it.” He said, and even though his helmet muffled his voice, you could hear his apparent excitement, the same way you could hear the disgust from his partner.

You made up your mind that you really liked Finn when his head turned to the side when you were told to change in the now familiar officer uniform.

* * *

Walking down the ship’s hallways seemed a little easier now. You just had to remind yourself that you were here for just a conversation with a particularly repugnant General and then you would off to Lothal again. Besides, passing as an uptight officer from the First Order came easily to you.

The sliding metal doors outside of Hux’s office were very similar to the ones they used for the quarters. You saw one of the two troopers approach the pad on the side of the door to announce your arrival. You couldn’t help but wonder if Kylo was in this ship or if he had gone on a mission.

The room was way colder than the rest of the ship and probably not because of the AC. The man behind the desk was watching you with the most frigid eyes you had ever seen as you stepped forward.

“Officer, what a pleasure for you to join us this evening.” He said courteously with a hint of a smirk, while the troopers swiftly scurried outside. You needed a strong front, so your eyes never left his even after hearing the doors close behind you. Hux was playing a game, you had figured as much during the morning, so you would have to be the best player.

“Well, you requested me General. I merely obliged.” The tone of your voice was flat. No expression in your face whatsoever. The office was spacious but nearly empty aside from his desk and two chairs in front of it. He had not offered you a seat, so you remained standing up straight with your hands behind your back, like a mannequin in display.

Hux suddenly stood up and circled his desk. The battle of stares you were having nowhere near resembled the ones you had with Kylo. This was not the good kind of tension. “Yes, indeed, I’m glad you did.” Your curiosity and desperation were getting the best out of you, but you wouldn’t give the General anything if he didn’t ask it.

“You really are a sight to look at,” he began approaching you slowly, like a predator about to eat its prey. It was making you uncomfortable but you didn’t dare show it. “I’m pretty sure you are well aware.”

You kept your stare forward as he took place behind you. Somehow you were starting to doubt his agreement of just talking.

“Refined features, dainty figure…” His hands moved up to the hat you had grown to hate only to remove it and let it fall on the floor. When he took the pin that was holding all your hair together your body stiffened. “Not to mention your beautiful hair.” The cold of his hand in your neck almost made you shriek, but he just moved your locks to the side to expose your shoulder.

You didn’t know how you were able to not vomit when you felt his breath close to your ear and the sound of him whiffing your hair.

“Exquisite.”

Your poker face was threatening to shift into one of disgust. But then you stopped feeling his presence to see him make his way to the front of his desk. “I’m not going to lie, Ren never struck me as a guy who would appreciate those kind of details.” He spoke in such a condescending way that you realized that maybe the General was not so fond of his Leader.

“So that leads me to believe there is something else about you that he finds alluring enough for him to want to keep seeing you.” Well, he did have a point. That was the million-dollar question wasn’t it? You had spent a significant number of nights wondering the same thing. 

“Let’s see. Y/N L/N” When he finally turned to face you, he was reading from a folder in his hands.

“Age 23, in the business for quite a while now, estranged with your family and no personal ties with anyone besides the people that you work with.” As he flipped through the pages you realized that it was your personal file. You should’ve been surprised, but with the way the First Order was slowly taking over the galaxy, you figured they must spend a lot of resources on information.

He paused for a second. “Hmm, now this is interesting. No records of you for the last year. I can personally attest to that, I’m sure I would’ve noticed you had you been twirling around that pole during this time.” The ‘compliment’ hit you the wrong way, not to mention his knowledge of your accident. “What happened?”

You didn’t want to be daring, after all he had paid for you fair and square. “I’m sure you also have a copy of my medical records in that folder, General.” You were not going to give him the benefit of looking surprised.

“Smart girl.” His smug grin greeted you again. “I’m getting it now.” Had he not been your client you would’ve scratched that smile off his face with your nails. “What type of clients do you normally deal with?”

Where the hell was he getting at? “You know I can’t disclose that kind of information, sir. It would put my business in jeopardy.” So far he hadn’t managed to get to the point of where this conversation was going and you were growing desperate.

“Oh and we don’t want that.” He put the folder down and looked straight at you. “Let me rephrase. Have you ever been assigned to work with another member of the First Order or its allies?”

“No offence sir, but I would think you would have the answer to that.” You were careful to keep your voice soft to mask the fact that you were doubting his control over his organization.

“Believe it or not, we really do throw these kind of business dealings under the carpet.” You nodded knowingly at this. You guessed that was a good thing. In spite of everything you wanted to get this over with and he was trying to pull some tactic on you.

“I have not worked for over a year. The same time stamp for the First Order’s sudden flourishment.” There, you answered him without giving any specifics and as vaguely as possible.

“Just what I wanted to hear.” His smile grew fonder this time, as if he had seen the truth coming out of your words. “You see Y/N, although I’ll admit you seem like an intelligent woman, I am not sure you understand the possibilities of your growing liaison with Ren.”

You couldn’t care less about the possibilities. You knew the power you held with Kylo, not meaning you would want to use it against him of for your own favor, but something deep inside of you told you to lead him on, figure out where he was getting at with this.

“What kind of possibilities, General?”

He chuckled. “I am smarter than denying his power, but his _temper_ and poor decision making strategies has proven to be a nuisance in the system.” You saw him sigh. The distance between you both made you feel a little more tranquil. “The thing is, he is a reserved man. No one has been able to get close to him.” Meaning that he had tried to, before.

“Until I came along.” You were playing along, trying to get the most information you could with a fake mischievous smile. That only seemed to spur him further.

“Until you came along.” He agreed with you, nodding. His façade was growing more comfortable than intimidating. Good. You had played him just right. “It might not seem like much to you, but Ren has never taken this much interest in a woman before in order to seek her out more than once.”

He didn’t need to say anything else for you to understand what were his intentions. He wanted to use you to get to Kylo. 

“And the power you hold between your legs might be of great use to both of us.” The phrase almost made you spit in his face. “For now, just know that the First Order compensates its allies better than it compensates its courtesans.”

The shaky breath you let out of your nose was the product of pure anger. Before you could retort something at him, his voice cut off your thoughts.

“There is a gala, next Saturday.” You actually knew about that. It was a yearly encounter for the First Order. Its purpose? To flaunt their growing power and further encourage its investors. This edition was supposed to be the best one yet, a promise of a new Supreme Leader and an actual threatening presence in the galaxy was making it the event of the year, much to the New Republic’s dismay.

“I think it might be a good idea if you attended. Given your previous job situation, you wouldn’t be recognized and you could give our Supreme Leader a little moral support in the crowds. He’s not the best host and the Order desperately needs this night to go faultless. Besides, I understand you are well educated in current affairs, right?” You narrowed your eyes a little as you nodded. 

“You will of course be compensated, shall you wish to accept, and please, Miss Y/N, don’t see it as a normal commission. Think of yourself as more as an advisor to our dear Leader.” You were smart enough to read between the lines of this proposal. In reality, he meant, keep the Supreme Leader busy so that I can make all the connections necessary in peace.

You had to give it to the General, he really did have a way with words, but his disdain for Kylo gave him away.

“I’ll have to check my schedule sir,” he glared at you after saying those words, he was clearly not used to not getting his way. You, on the other hand, did not want to compromise yourself at the moment.

This whole situation was turning into a bigger deal than you had thought of at the beginning. Maybe this is what Marla had warned you about. She knew the General and his intentions enough to know you would end up getting caught in the middle.

You genuinely thought he was going to snap at you but instead, he changed his demeanor to his usual smug self. “Very well, Miss. I expect to be hearing from you.” He handed you your hair pin and you quickly made a bun out of your hair, picking the hat up from the floor.

Pressing his hand on your lower back he escorted you to the exit of his office, not before leaning in to whisper in your ear just before the doors opened.

“ _Careful Y/N, I don’t take rejection very well._ ” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah... Definitely a plot and dialogue heavy chapter. Before you guys hate me, know that the next chapter will come out tomorrow just because of my excitement and also because it was getting very long so I cut it in two. 
> 
> What are your theories on Poe and Hux? 
> 
> Sidenote, I'm super happy of introducing Finn into the story and potentially give him more dialogue than just screaming "REY" all the time. (No offense JJ). 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading and leaving your comments and kudos, almost 3,000 hits and I'm over the moon. 
> 
> LOVE YOU!


	17. Stay

You were mad. The stomping of your borrowed military boots on the shiny corridors of the ship was a clear indication of it. You had just exited Hux’s office, and you decided then and there that you would not let fear get to you. So you did the next best thing… get mad. Get mad at him for threatening you, get mad at yourself for agreeing to this “meet up”, and get mad at your naïve brain when it thought that Kylo Ren was an ordinary client.

Fuck him, and his Supreme Leader title, and his addicting energy, and his wizard abilities to make you cum, and his stupid handsome face.

You were too entranced in your thoughts to be able to focus on anything else until you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you stop abruptly. “WHAT?!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that you are walking in the wrong direction, Officer.” Finn’s voice came out hesitant even over his mask. You had entirely forgotten of your two personal shadows and the fact that you had no fucking idea where you were going.

“Sorry for snapping, I just…” You let out an exasperated sigh. You felt your anger slowly flowing out of your body. Finn’s hand was still touching you, which you found weird but decided to give him a few seconds to react. When he didn’t, you shrugged and he instantly dropped it.

“Don’t worry, almost everyone that exits the General’s office has that same frown in their face.” You catched on that his remark was supposed to be funny, but what really made you relax your face into a smile and genuinely laugh was the muffled noise that came out of his mask. It sounded like a busted vibrating engine with a whole lot of wheezing disguised as a chuckle.

Suddenly Finn and his asshole trooper buddy, who had been groaning this whole time, became very stiff and shifted to a saluting posture. “What the...”

“Leave.”

You flinched at the sound of his voice. Of fucking course you would be walking unconsciously straight into the Supreme Leader’s direction.

“What are you doing here?” His tone was harsh, as if it was the worst crime in the galaxy to be on this ship right now. You were not having any of it. Before you could move to face him, your vision was already blocked by his wide chest.

“I had an audience with General Hux.” You said dismissively before swiftly moving around him and making your way towards where you saw Finn escape to.

He was probably too stunned by your revelation, since you managed to take a couple of steps before he began to follow you.

“An audience? That’s what you are calling it now?” Low fucking blow Ren. You internally seethed. Not even bothering to stop, you just looked at him over your shoulder, eyes narrowed, shooting invisible daggers at his neck. 

Facing forward again, you began walking faster and speaking louder. “You didn’t hire me, I am not obligated to talk to you.” You perfectly heard the grunt that escaped his voice coder.

“I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order, you will respect me.” Now this, this made you stop and turn to face him. There was something about his modulated tone that seemed different. _Oh…_ Was he jealous? Your cheeks began to strain as you tried to contain your laughter.

Surprisingly, you managed to hide your inner musings. “Not that it’s any of your business, but he just wanted to talk.” You would never admit it to yourself, but you found this bickering fun. Seeing him this riled up was simply a pleasure.

“About what?” Just two of his giant ass strides and he was already inching on you. Yep, he was mad alright, but you weren’t done with your attitude.

You placed your hands on your hips and twisted your neck up to face his visor. “I’ll have you know that I’m a great conversationalist, you would’ve realized it, had you ever made an effort to actually talk to me.”

A very displeased huff was all you could hear from him before he forcefully grabbed on your wrist and started yanking you down the corridor, an opposite direction from where you were going.

You were appalled. “Let me go or…” Your voice turned to something lower, darker. “I. Will. Scream.” You were definitely being a brat right now, but he must’ve known your threat was not empty because he released his hold. Probably dragging a screaming female officer down the ship would not do his image any favors. A mischievous grin appeared on your face. “You can get a lot from a woman by asking nicely.”

His chest was heaving and his hands were balled up in fists, clearly not amused by your strategy, but if you were going to deal with him outside of your paycheck, it was going to be your way. Danger he may throw another lightsaber tantrum be damned.

“Shall we converse somewhere else?” His voice was so low and full of hatred that you almost didn’t catch it but you couldn’t help smile at the victory. You were tempted to make him say please, but, well…

Baby steps.

“See? That wasn’t very hard, was it? Lead the way, Supreme Leader.” The huff that came out of his mask did not go unnoticed by you.

It was a strange feeling wandering the halls next to Kylo. His steps were long and his footsteps resounded in your eardrums. He really did look menacing. The small number of people you encountered on the way quickly either stood frozen until you passed them or hurried down another way. His cape was fluttering behind him and you wondered if he had ever tripped on it. The thought made you giggle but when he looked at you over his shoulder you immediately composed yourself.

You arrived at the corridor of his quarters, and it amazed you that you were able to identify it. With a quick wave of his hand the doors opened and you both stepped inside. Once you were in the living room you started gathering your surroundings. You hummed at the sight of a new couch replacing the one he had destroyed.

“Speak.” He said taking you out of your trance.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, nevertheless, sporting a small smirk in the corner or your mouth. “So demanding…”

“Watch your tongue.” His tone was harsh, threatening even to some but you had long ago stopped being intimidated by his presence. His arms crossed in his chest, making him look wider.

“Take off your mask.” You snapped at him, mimicking his posture in a clear mocking way. Part of you just wanted to retaliate to his demands, but the other desperately longed to see into those eyes again. The last time you saw him, the lights were dimmed and your sight was blurred by the lust that ran through your bodies.

Sighing a little, his hands fell from his posture and made their way to the top of his head. You heard the latches go off and then the signature hiss of the pressure.

The Maker knew you had tried really damn hard not to gape at the sight of him, but your raising brows and parted lips betrayed you completely. You gulped before speaking again.

“You know… good hosts usually offer their guests a drink.” You desperately needed to get some distance between you and this man. You saw him roll those beautiful browns and start for the kitchen, leaving his helmet on a table and discarding his cape too. 

“Wine please.” You chirped from across the living room. Alcohol would help you relax, and the tension (sexual and literal) called for it.

When he returned he was holding two glasses filled with the sweet and bitter crimson liquid inside them. He seemed more at ease when he offered one to you, but his stare did nothing to relieve you. He was looking at you intently when you took the glass to your mouth, taking a big sip. His eyes moved to your lips, and after the liquid slid down your throat, you passed your tongue through your upper lip, gathering the remnants of the fluid. You saw the grip at his own glass tense at this and his shoulders stiff. He was holding back from jumping on you.

You tore your eyes away from him, suddenly incapable of maintaining his gaze.

You started pacing across the room “Have you read my book?” you said glancing at the bookshelf and spotting your paperback. “I forgot it last time I was here.” You turned, feigning disinterest as you walked towards the new couch. 

“I have.” He said, joining you and sitting across from you in another one.

You sipped at your wine again. “Did you like it?” You moved your head to the side and removed the lousy hat you had been forced to wear from your head. It felt weird speaking to Kylo about these sort of mundane things. 

“Not my usual preference,” he expressed unbothered.

“Clearly...” you muttered under your breath, glancing at the ancient texts.

“But it is written in an interesting fashion.” You hummed in approval whilst nursing your drink again.

He shifted in his seat and you sensed that his patience wearing thin. This was the limit for him.

“He wanted to know about your sudden interest in me.” You said suddenly. You knew you had to be careful with how you managed the next couple of sentences. Since he did not say anything and his face remained stoic, you continued.

“I don’t know if General Hux is your enemy, but by the way he speaks of you I am certain he is no ally of yours, which is kind of interesting since, to my knowledge, he is the second in command of this whole organization.” Your free hand aided your gesturing and you had leaned your back comfortably on the couch. Your bluntness made Kylo narrow his eyes but he still said nothing.

“Do not mistaken me Kylo, he did not say anything explicit, but I am trained to read on voice tone and body language” you looked away from him before saying the next part. In reality you were unsure of saying it because of the way he could react, but you continued anyways, “and I am positive he is looking for the slightest opportunity to bring you down.”

When you glanced towards him again he had turned his head, and sighed. You figured he already knew this information. 

“I’m aware.” He said earnestly.

“Good.” The air started to get a little a little awkward so you went ahead and downed your drink. The initial tingleness of the wine started getting into your senses, making everything more bearable until he broke the silence.

“What can you read of me now?” You felt the energy of the room suddenly shift and before you knew it, you were biting your lip.

You took a deep breath in, tilting your head to the side as if you were just now analyzing him. You were feigning inquisitiveness, like you hadn’t already spent countless nights trying to figure out the man siting authoritatively in front of you. Maybe he took a course in intimidation before becoming Supreme Leader, because right now, he exuded nothing but power.

“You are definitely a piece of work,” you said while placing your empty glass on the coffee table, “a challenge I might say.” Your voice was sultry, tendrils of seduction dripping, just as you had learned at Domar’s. His ragged breath was your cue, and you stood up and moved closer to where he was sitting.

When you were standing by his side, you lowered your upper body and placed a dainty hand on his tough shoulder before closing the space between your mouth and his ear, whispering “But you cannot hide your desire for me, Supreme Leader.” You glanced by his eyes and you could perfectly see the primal need in them. Something was awakening in them. You gently placed a feathery kiss on his cheek before standing to your normal stature again and starting to walk to his quarter’s exit.

“If you excuse me, I have a transport waiting for me.” You wanted to leave him like this. The feeling in the room was getting too hot to bear with just a couple of words swinging amongst you. You didn’t know what could happen if you stayed any longer. You heard him shift behind you but payed it no mind.

Making your hips sway, you began walking towards the hallway, gathering your lent hat on the way. Even though the uniform you wore was far from pretty, it fortunately flattered your body in all the right places. Your breathing was labored but for some reason you felt triumphant.

“Stay.”

His booming voice made you stop on your tracks. He had said it not so much as an order, as he often did, but more of like a… _pleading?_

Your brows furrowed and you quickly turned around just to see him standing at the end of the hallway. The simple word that he had just muttered initiated a raging war inside your head. This was nowhere near what you expected from today.

Your logical sense shifted immediately to thinking that the General had already paid for your time for a night and that there was no harm in indulging yourself on this, since there was no doubt whatsoever that you majorly enjoyed your time with Kylo.

 _This Kylo_.

Not the dismissive, ignoring asshole he could perfectly be, but the one without a mask, the one that connected to you with those eyes, the one whose touch you couldn’t get out of your mind.

The other part of your mind, the emotional one, made it clear to you that even if it wasn’t the case of your time already being paid for, you would’ve remained here at your own will.

And the realization hit you lit a ton of bricks.

You considered him, his expression was full of lust, and the heat in your belly was something you couldn’t deny. Were you about to do this? Never in your life you imagined succumbing this way to desire for a customer, more when he even wasn’t your customer. If this was going to happen it would be by your own choice. There was an opportunity here.

His voice quivered. “It’s already late, and leaving now will only cause suspicion…” He wasn’t even looking at you right now, going off with his rambling. “I’ll pay...”

Before he said anything else you interrupted him. By the look in his eyes you knew he had only said it to make you stay, desperation lingering. He didn’t have to know that Hux had paid for a full commission.

“Stop.” You raised your hand to cut him off. “Don’t say anything else.” You said this more like a whisper. If you played this the right way, it would be a breakthrough.

With a new wave of confidence, you started coming closer to him. “I’ll stay” your voice was soft, trying not to scare him away, “under one condition.” You could feel his breath from the small distance between you.

“You have to be there in the morning.” He stilled.

“If you have to leave early, wake me up, and say goodbye.” You gathered a big breath before continuing. “No notes, no vanishing.” You were not even looking at him right now, just to his chest that was inhaling and exhaling deeply. “You have to say goodbye.”

His hand went up to your face and started to caress your cheek with an unknown affection. He was silent for a while until he was not.

“Okay.”

Before you even realized it, hell broke loose.

This time was different. This time, you were going to do this willingly. This time, you had the upper hand.

When your lips touched each other again, you dwelled into their softness and firmly pressed back. There was no more need for words. You figured that as much as you wanted him, he wanted you. His tongue touched your bottom lip and you immediately opened up for him, his movements rushed and your head spinning. He was dripping lust and you were happy drowning on it.

You felt it again, him opening up to you, much like the first time you gave him a private dance. This time you were swimming from the start, no drowning feeling, you were just cruising through the body of water in your mind. His hands were on your waist, gripping your firmly and you were thankful for that. Your knees were suddenly bucking in weakness at the intensity of your kiss.

When he removed his mouth from yours and reached from your lips to your earlobe, you moaned in satisfaction. You felt him start walking, and with him, your body as well, but you were too entranced in the overall feeling surrounding you, pretty much as if you had dip dived in the ocean.

His ocean. 

His hands started tumbling on the buttons from your borrowed uniform and you realized where this was going. You wanted it, badly, so after he discarded your top and before he could even try to drop you on his bed, you dropped on your knees. He had begun to rid himself of his tunic and when you started fumbling with his belt, his breath hitched.

You remembered how deeply you wanted to taste him the last time you saw his cock, and now, no one was going to stop you. It didn’t seem like he wanted to anyways. You unzipped his fly and lowered his pants moving your hands to caress his clothed length. The sudden touch made him part his lips, and you took this as encouragement as you enclosed your fingers around it, as much as the fabric let you, and started rubbing him.

When you felt he was hard as a rock, you looked up at him before firmly tugging the hem down and letting his cock spring free. One hand snaked to grip him and with you thumb, you spread the precum that had gathered at the tip through his head. A guttural groan came out of him. Before doing anything else, you spat on your other hand, making it nice and wet, to reach for his base. You began pumping on his length slowly, gauging for his reactions.

His eyes were closed and his brows knit together. If this had him worked up, you couldn’t imagine what would happen when you actually began. You glanced at his cock. The size of it still surprised you. Even though it had already been inside you, you began questioning if you would be able to fit him inside your mouth.

You moved the hand that was previously at his head towards your lips, taking your tongue out and passing your thumb on top of it, tasting him. You shuddered. He tasted as good as you had expected, salty and musky, but overall, wonderful. When you glanced at him again, he was already looking at you in an indescribable awe. Your other hand had not stopped pumping him slowly, so you positioned yourself at the best angle and finally pressed his head on your lips. You drew a circle with your tongue before you dipped your head forward, closing your eyes.

The moan that came out of him was honestly the most lascivious thing you had ever heard.

Your mouth was so full of him that when his hand towed on your bun, you didn’t even feel it. With a yank, he let your hair run free. You were bobbing your head forward and backwards on his shaft and moving your tongue along the bottom of his length while at it. Your other hand working the part of his cock your mouth was still struggling to take.

Kylo then gripped on your hair with one hand before he spoke.

“Look at me.”

Your eyes opened and shifted upwards to meet his gaze. His lips were parted, cheeks painted with a rosy pink, and when your eyes made contact his dick twitched inside your mouth. You increased your speed whilst looking at him fixedly.

Suddenly, his grip became harsher, and you took the executive decision of relaxing your neck to make things easier for him. At your response, he began to force your head to take him even further, the hand still working him moving to grip his hip. When you gagged, you contracted your throat muscles, simulating as if you were swallowing, eliciting the loudest moan from him you had heard. 

“Argh… yes, take this cock.”

His voice was so deep and lost in the moment that he didn’t even realized how seductive he was being.

You felt all hot and heavy, an incontrollable feeling between your legs as you tried to control your breathing through your nose. His scent was intoxicating and you continued your treatment of hollowing cheeks and restless tongue.

With a yank he pulled you out and you realized he didn’t want to cum in your mouth. You stood up again and his hands were all over you, working your pants. He quickly got rid of his and connected his lips to your again. Both your clothes began to pool around you as you desperately tried to get rid of them until you were in just your undergarments before one another.

Both your movements were rushed, as if hurrying up before the dream ended and one of you would inevitably fade away. His hands groped any piece of skin they could and your lips only parted ways when ultimately necessary. Seeing Kylo this way was weird, but extremely gratifying. His eyes were hungry and exuding a fire similar to the one you felt when you first slept together. Your daze was interrupted by his rasping voice.

“Get on all fours.”

You unconsciously became even damper then before. You did not hesitate and immediately hopped onto the bed to hold yourself in your knees and palms. You heard Kylo muttering a curse under his breath at the sight and you leaned into him as he started to caress your backside. His fingers started moving in tender patters in your back thighs.

There was nothing else in your mind aside from the need you felt to feel Kylo inside of you.

You naively thought that the next thing was that he was going to do was lower your panties and take you in that position. But the stinging pain on one of your ass cheeks took you out of your comfort. Your back arched as a strained cry came out of your mouth and you tried to control your breathing.

Another smack came your way and it resonated with so much force that your body lurched a little bit forward. Tears almost began prickling out of your eyes but what stopped them from coming out was the immense pleasure that came after each one of the hits.

“Shhh, there, there…” Kylo said as he rubbed the flesh he had just assaulted, “I couldn’t let you go without any punishment darling…”

The mattress shifted as he came closer to you. This time he placed a tender kiss on the small of your back before delivering another smack. 

You muffled your pathetic moan by biting your lip and focusing on his words of encouragement and your aching cunt, not making the slightest effort of escaping his pleasurable aggression.

“All your teasing yesterday, and that fucking skilled mouth of yours…” His last words were silenced by the scream erupting from your lips consequence of another hard slap. “You get in my nerves every time I see you, always lingering in my mind...”

You were impressed by the fact your body had not succumbed to the pain and your position remained the same, anxiously waiting for the next blow. You were not going to lie, the force of his hits had taken you by surprise. You were no stranger to this dynamic, but it being delivered by one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy resulted in the most excruciating blissful agony.

“Kylo… Please…”

He paused himself, satisfied when he saw that the outline of his palm was clear in both of your cheeks with a red hue. That was surely going to bruise tomorrow. His hands caressed the back of your thighs and you leaned into his touch. He came closer to you and hooked his fingers on the hem of your panties, slowly gliding them down.

“Darling… you are glistening.”

You whimpered when you felt his breath near your cunt. A tongue glided through your slit making you gasp and you thought you were going to come undone after hearing his pleased grunt.

“And your taste… It is the most intoxicating thing…”

His words sounded like he was talking to himself, and your clit was throbbing and begging for the attention that Kylo was purposefully neglecting. 

But not for long.

His head dipped lower and you felt the velvet of his tongue on your bundle of nerves. Your back arched even more and your head fell forward at the feeling of his lapping. You were so turned on from his spanking that you knew if he worked you just a little bit like he expertly knew how to, you would cum.

A large finger began circling your entrance in a teasing manner, making you whine out loud. His tongue stopped for a second and a sound resonated in the room.

Was that a chuckle?

You couldn’t even dwell on the thought because he proceeded to enclose his luscious lips around your clit and insert two fingers inside of you, curling instantly. The sudden sensation made you paralyze altogether, well, all except for your vocal cords, who resonated loudly at the intrusion.

His tongue started circling your bundle, and his fingers slipped in and out of you at the perfect speed. He always had a way of maintaining his motion at the constant you just needed. Your inside wires started coiling and you began to tense up… Just a couple more seconds…

When all of his treatment stopped abruptly, you genuinely felt like you could cry. You were about to lash out on him and take matters into your own hands, sick and tired of being denied for so long of release, when he spoke again, and his words as specific as he had read your mind.

“Stay there and don’t you fucking dare touch yourself.” 

The way he muttered his curse made all your intentions blur into nothingness as you didn’t even have the guts to look back at him to figure out what he was going to do.

His touch brought you back to reality. His big hand firmly pressed between your shoulder blades, urging you to lower your upper back. You complied by placing your head into the mattress, cautiously looking sideways and exposing your now dripping cunt even more.

In a swift motion, his hand grabbed on one your wrists, moving it towards just above the end of your spine and quickly gathering the other to tuck them together. When you heard the metal of his belt, you gasped.

Leather enclosed your wrists in a tight embrace that could only resemble the tie in one’s boots when you want to ensure they don’t slip during your whole ordeals. You took in a deep breath, trying to prepare yourself as you felt him place himself between your legs.

Everything felt so out of body. His mischievous intentions were projecting onto your mind as you felt the waves resonating around you in the ocean you had deep dived into.

Time stilled as he aligned with your entrance and slowly began to penetrate you. His hand was firmly clasped around the belt that surrounded your hands and as inch by inch filled your insides, you felt glimmers of stars surrounding your sight.

A shuddered breath came out of you as your cheek was placed firmly into the covers, nothing more to support you than your own shoulders and knees sinking into the mattress. The feeling of him made you groan and for the tiniest of seconds, you felt complete. Euphoria surged from all around your body as your bodies connected in synced motions that could make any long time lovers jealous. The feeling of his cock inside you was one you didn’t know you had needed throughout the course of this weekend. Right now, this second, you couldn’t explain how you could go on so long without it.

For a long time, sex had felt like an obligation, one that you had to partake in a constant basis due to your line of work. But this…

This was something else.

As Kylo began a pace and held tightly to the belt around your wrists you felt a desire enveloping all of your senses, silencing all of your innermost preoccupations. You realized this was not just the thrill of your first formal client after a hiatus. No. This was the feeling of true, untainted chemistry between two souls merging together. 

From what you could tell from previous encounters, Kylo was one for dirty talk, always pricking at your feelings and bringing out your darkest longings, but right now, in this moment, the only thing that came out from his mouth were grunts of satisfaction and inner mumblings that you couldn’t make out.

He did not only began increasing his speed, but also the forcefulness of his thrusts as he began grazing the top of your cervix every time. Once again pleasure had overridden the pain.

You were now both inserted into a misty cloud of craving that could only be sated by the other’s body. Your screams came unmuffled from you lips and his own became more desperate. 

Here you were, fucking the Supreme Leader in a way that most sexual fantasies were based upon, but this was true, and your needy cries were a proof of it.

Kylo’s breathing became heavy, and he suddenly moved on of his big hands to surround your neck and in one swift motion lift your body up. With the new angle, your back flushed to his chest and his grip on your neck, his cock began to tap on your g-spot. Without any form of will, as your hands were still tight behind your back, your face and inner walls were the only source of relief.

Your eyes were shut tight at the arising feeling of your orgasm beginning to form, and you began clenching around him, feeling the corners of his length inside of you.

“Are you gonna cum darling? Are you gonna cum for me?”

His index finger from his free hand hastily made his way towards your clit and began rubbing circles. Even though you weren’t facing each other, the position was the most intimate you could ever imagine. The lack of oxygen due to his grasp was heightening all of your feelings as his cock was pounding inside of you and you were merely capable to take his relentless pace.

“Yes Kylo, please, please make me cum!”

You intended for your words to come out as sexy screams, but in reality they sounded as needy hushes. You met each and every single one of his thrusts with your hips as you began noticing them become erratic.

His lips were connected to your neck all this time, sucking and nipping on every piece of flesh they could, so when a quiet gasp resonated in your ear, it was all you needed to release.

Your walls clenched tightly all around his cock and in a unison moan you both seeing white around the anchor in one another that you had created. A frenzy coursed through your veins, as Kylo’s treatment on your clit had not stopped, dragging your climax as long as it could.

You flinched when you became oversensitive, making Kylo stop and slowly pull out from you, untying your binds, and both your bodies slumping forward into the mattress, breathing heavily.

His big, heavy arm rested in your back at the height of your waist and your features facing each other into the pillows. You took the look of his face, lids heavy, cheeks flushed and parted lips, and embedded it into your memory as he clinged to you and forced you to come closer.

The moment transfered into a very intimate one in the matter of seconds as he placed the softest kiss amongst your expecting lips.

This image, weird and out of character as it may, from his face a breath away from you in complete and uttermost passion was the one that lulled you to sleep.

Knowing he would be there in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not only did this chapter ended me completely because of its length, but it also made me question all my writing abilities. I don’t know if any other fanfic writer has felt this, but sometimes I read other people’s work and it is so immaculately good that I start questioning what am I even doing anymore attempting to write something. 
> 
> I was and still am very excited for this chapter and how it will do on this platform, but those negative thoughts around my quality and school starting once again and other stuff still prickle my unconsciousness, hence the uploading delay. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy it and please, if you liked it, or not, that is also accepted, comment or let me know what you think, as you have no idea how hearing from you, good or bad, motivates me. 
> 
> As always, love you Kylo/Reader community. 
> 
> Stay safe!


	18. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third-person chapter, different perspective, hope you like it!

Her chest rose up and down steadily.

Kylo was fixated on staying up as long as he could, watching, taking her in. After he was certain that she was asleep, he had propped himself up on one elbow to get a better vision of her, his hand resting comfortably in the crook of her waist.

He had done this all the nights she had spent on his bed.

Every time he had visited the Realm, he had sensed her. The first time, he had seen her dance, and she had him completely and utterly mesmerized.

He had berated himself for a while after that first time. The whole reason for conducting business in an establishment of the sorts was to lower the already ridicule defenses of the men they were trying to poach by appealing to their ‘weak’ needs. It always worked, and it certainly was a better solution than killing them off should they oppose.

Yet, that first night, he felt as if he was succumbing to those needs.

He took no interest in the fakeness of it all. The rehearsed smiles, the giddy laughs, or the flashing lights, it was all a farce. Not that he was looking for the real deal anyway. Every time he indulged in those kind of practices he looked for one thing and one thing only.

_Release._

Snoke had enforced it. Kylo was a man after all, and sometimes physical and mental training were not enough for the once young apprentice. Kylo never asked where the girls came from, frankly he didn’t care, they just appeared in his quarters from time to time and left quietly after he was done. He never talked to them, nor did they ever talk to him. They just followed orders. Hell, he will be lying if he said he could remember their faces. He also never showed them his.

Then there she was. Dancing around the main stage with an energy so distinct from everybody else in the room. Her moves were confident and so full of grace, much like an experienced fighter wielding their weapon of choice, only hers was in the form of a utopian figure and a deviantly pure face.

After that night, she disappeared for months. Vanished. He convinced himself for a while that he had imagined her and punished himself with deep meditation. It was the first time he, by his own mental linings, had desired someone that way. But it was for the best if he strayed away from those liaisons, more so after seeing Hux so centered on him choosing a girl every time they went there.

The day he felt her again, he had not expected it. It hit him as soon as he walked in and discretely looked around the room and stages for her. He didn’t find her there, but behind the bar, hair up in a long ponytail, in boots and jeans. What really caught his eye was her walk. Her strides were stumbly and her footing sometimes faltering. Something had happened to her, and by the missing spark in her eyes he knew it had been something bad.

Now, lying beside her, room illuminated only by the window facing the vastness of space, he was able to make out a couple of scars scattered around her naked frame. With a feathery touch, he grazed above one that was in her hipbone, only to trace a line all the way back to the one in her ribs. They were white, almost imperceptible because of her pale skin, but not to Kylo’s keen eye. He knew somebody had hurt her, and it made his stomach turn.

A hum rumbled in her chest and Kylo stilled when she began shifting. Her weight moved from being on her side to laying on her back, her breasts completely on display. He had to control the sudden urge to lower himself down and litter them with kisses.

That was new for him too, the kissing.

He remembered his first kiss. It was back at Luke’s Temple with a girl who had suspiciously started being nice to him from one day to another. It was awkward and bumpy, his nose always haunting him, but she stopped him and took the time to teach him how to do it. It would’ve all been reduced to a pleasant memory had he not overheard her the next day, flaunting about winning the dare her friend placed and about how she had taught the “freak” how to kiss. 

But when _she_ was near him, he couldn’t get enough of her. Her scent, her touch, her taste. Kylo wanted to roam all of her body with his lips for reasons unknown to him, and not only kiss, lick and bite as well, have her whimpering in distress below him.

His hand took place on top of her stomach now, due to her movement, but as her breathing stabilized again, one dainty hand of hers made its way to rest on top of his. She made a sigh of relief before she was completely out again. Kylo shivered at the sudden touch.

A couple of weeks ago, he was thrown off by not seeing her at the bar, commanding servers and sorting bills. Her energy was there, but her now characteristic, and out of place outfit was nowhere to be seen. He had seen her get better with time, but he had definitely not been expecting seeing her on stage, and not just any stage, but the one in the First Order’s private room. She was just like he remembered her when he first saw her, elegant movements, glinting eyes, everything about her sparked carnal desires within him.

That time he couldn’t care less what the rest of the group, Hux mainly, thought about when he asked for another private room. He needed to have her close.

_“I feel at a certain disadvantage here,” “you can read my thoughts at any moment and I can’t even look at your face.”_

It was true that he couldn’t read her thoughts, not easily anyway. Maybe if he put some effort in it, he would succeed. The thing about her was that her thoughts were very quiet, he did not have purposefully shut them out as he had to with everybody else. More often than not the task got tedious, the ‘gift’ just serving its purpose during interrogations.

The same could not be said about her emotions, which radiated around her very strongly for someone her size, and had the ability to engulf Kylo completely. When she opened the drapes and stepped inside, Kylo had predicted fear, terror, or maybe disgust for being placed in this situation with him.

She was _serene._

Her first instinct was to come closer to him, which Kylo stopped immediately, barely getting accustomed to the feeling of her near presence. Everyone rattled away from him at the slightest opportunity of doing so, and this girl dared to try and come near him.

That was his first hint that she was special, and when she opened her mouth was the confirmation. At that moment it enraged him, really. Those cutthroat words she spoke were so contrasting to her beautiful exterior, that was heightened by the lights and the dance she was performing. Only when he felt himself starting to get mad at that mouth of hers did he feel glints of fear coming out of her. He could not blame her. It would be very easy for him to spiral out of control.

_“You sell terror for the First Order and people buy it easily.” “That is why you wear a mask.” “You can act all you want to, act the part you were chosen to play and the one you perform so well…”_

When she touched him, the appeal to her energy finally made sense.

Kylo’s mind had always been a vast sea of emotions and power. Shortly after beginning his training with Snoke, the sea had transformed into a typhoon, leaving his connection to the Light as a lonesome raft who refused to completely sink down. Snoke hated him for it, tried his hardest to send a lightning to destroy it into a million pieces. But he was never able to.

Now, with his Master dead, Kylo was finally able to slow down the tides. He took everything he disagreed with, from the Sith and the Jedi, and created a new mindset for himself that would avoid what he did not believe in. The fact was, that even though he accepted the strengths of the Light, he was constantly reigned by the Dark, and he had made peace with that. It made him a better leader, and even though he still had rage attacks and took pride in exuding power everywhere he went, he had become more measured.

Probably the reason why he hadn’t killed her after accidentally letting her into his mind.

Maybe it had been a moment of weakness, maybe even the ways of the Force, but when she slipped in, and she started swimming through the storm, her serenity came back. It dawned on him then, that feeling was something he had sought all of his life without even realizing it. 

It was too much for him out of a sudden so he left her there.

Not for long though, since she consumed his thoughts every day until he gathered the courage to have a call placed to her establishment. Over the course of these days, his thoughts had turned darker before he realized he was lusting after her. It was a weird feeling. He assumed the women sent before were also paid for, but there was a different sensation to him asking for her specifically, for four days to be exact.

He deeply regretted ignoring her that first night. He did have meetings to attend and a training session with his Knights, everything leaving him free after 7. But having her this near, and quite literally at his disposal, no one stopping him from taking her in any way he wanted, could be potentially dangerous. Because this would be different. He did not just want to fuck her and get his release. He wanted to taste her, make her scream his name and make her come undone at his touch. He desperately wanted to hear how she would moan and whine whilst he explored with her his deepest fantasies.

All of those things he had never wished before. 

Then he felt the pleasure coming in waves from her, and he couldn’t stop himself. It hit him like a punch while he was pacing around in his quarters and only in that moment did he curse her for having such a quiet mind. He knew that she would probably feel him probing into her thoughts, but he needed to know the reason behind her ecstasy.

When he sent the first tendrils, he froze at the flash of the image he received. Momentarily, he was able to see the outline of her almost bare frame bent down in some kind of surface, surrounded by a black he knew he was familiar with. This was a fantasy she was playing to get herself off. A fantasy involving him.

His own arousal spiked and before he knew it, his hands were already working his now stretched trousers to free his cock. It took all his willpower to not rest inside her mind completely to perfectly see the sight she was enjoying. So based on what he was able to catch from time to time, he started imagining too while he rested on top of his bed.

When her climax hit her, he completely lost it, tugging and pulling at his cock frantically, as he imagined her laying down with her brows furrowed, mouth open, and her delicate fingers buried deep inside that cunt he desperately wanted to meet. He did not fully realize he was still connected to her when he came on his stomach. 

The next day he was going to spend time with her even if there was a chance he could lose control at the sight of her, which he almost did, when she pulled that stunt in the bathroom.

_“I had a funny dream last night,” “but you know what the strange thing was?” “While everything was going on,” “Somebody was watching me.” “Care to explain?”_

The woman had a way to make him feel like he was entirely at her mercy. Everything he could think about when she made him follow her inside the refresher was taking her against the sink as she watched herself cum all over his cock in the mirror. But of course, she wasn’t going to let that happen before she called him out for sneaking into her mind. She was a perfect little brat.

And he loved it.

Kylo knew Huttese enough to make the transaction he needed, but there were three things he wanted to get out of the trip, all of them only after he had to endure her mouthing on his ship.

_“What?! You are taking me back? Have you no respect for people’s time or are you just so full of yourself to actually deal with me?”_

The first was a Kyber Crystal that would serve the Order’s new interrogation technology, a machine that elicited burns as painful as lightsabers to its victims. The second was a quick reckon of Capital City, Lothal’s main hub, as he had heard rumors about the Resistance performing underground recruitments in town. And the third, seeing how she would hold herself in her town and at the interaction of someone as disgusting as a Hutt.

He felt how she grew uncomfortable as she endured Brooba’s insults towards her, and he was almost about to take over when she surprised him yet again with a clear head and making the deal happen. When he heard her refer to him as ‘Supreme Leader Ren’, his dick twitched.

When they arrived to the Finalizer again, he was going insane. He needed to have her that night, there was no doubt about that. But he didn’t want to get ahead of himself and wanted to control the situation entirely. Before, everything had been done under his terms, that night would be no exception, but never had he had the need to take his mask off. For what he wanted to do that day, he would need to improvise.

_“My reactions will tell you how far I am willing to go.” “If something ma-makes me uncomfortable, I will voice it.” “Otherwise you can be as… controlling as you desire.”_

That made his mind spiral into all the things he wanted to do to her. Still, he had some sense to take it easy for now. Her energy was as calm as he had grown to expect it, and when he was finally able to place his lips onto her skin, her desire for him had him going crazy.

But her taste…

That was what really made Kylo realize that he was doomed. That he was going to miss that taste every time he didn’t have it. He tasted her lips, which perfectly retaliated to him, her skin, that was as soft as he had imagined, and her cunt, that was a sweet and tangy as he had fantasized about.

“ _Please Master, let me cum, please please please. I need to cum. Please._ ”

After he had her cumming on his tongue, he had coerced her to sleep. It was new to him, but he followed every slight reaction and mental inkling coming from her to make her climax. Apparently he had done a good job. It was not as if he was not dying to fuck her, he was. He was just not sure he would be able to control himself enough to not ruin her if he did.

His animalistic tendencies had placated down after he had laid her comfortably in his pillows and covered her in his sheets. Even though she was in a forced slumber, she had curled up in the bed as if she was the owner of it. He carefully removed the blindfold so that she would sleep better. He did not want her to see his face, and not because of some kind of insecurity. More often than not Kylo took advantage of the fact that not a lot of people knew what he looked like in order to blend in in certain missions. 

It was a protection of some sorts, not for him, but for her. He knew his enemies would jump on the idea of getting an updated description of him, and try to use her against him.

Kylo had watched her into late hours of the night, sitting on the other end of the bed. Her nose just breathing heavily into the pillows around her until he finally managed to lay beside her. For a while he pretended he was not the Supreme Leader, that he was just a man with a beautiful woman on his bed.

He had a purpose and a vision for the galaxy, but the Maker knew very well the toll it took on Kylo sometimes. He had been given the graces of the Force thanks to his bloodline, and he was decided on finishing what his grandfather started, even if that meant fighting all of his enemies every step of the way. Furthermore, there was no harm done by allowing himself this kind of moments.

By the time the morning came, he had decided that he was going to have her that night. He figured he couldn’t be there in the morning, helmet logistics and all, but he wanted to assure her in some way. So he left her a note.

After an hour on the bridge looking into new possible allegiances for the Order, chaos broke out. The last thing he wanted that day was to hear Hux’s snarky voice busting his eardrums screaming orders to the officers. Apparently the Resistance had taken control of their operations on Steriva, a key planet for the Order considering they extracted half their fuel supply from there.

When finally, Kylo had jumped on his ship and entered into the planet’s hostile atmosphere, the Resistance was already making its way out, not before placing a series of bombs that completely destroyed their facilities. He managed to take a couple of X-wings and damage their main ship’s shields, but that was not nearly enough to placate the rage running through his veins.

Only after he had Hux’s pale skin turning purple from the lack of oxygen his Force choke was delivering, did he remember the girl was in his quarters. He called for the droid to take her out of there as he exited the hangar, his mental state was nowhere near control and he knew what could happen if she got more into his nerves, which appeared to be a specialty of hers. 

His blood was boiling and his body fuming in anger, so it took him a couple of seconds to sense her presence in the room. He was going to destroy that droid and hoped he did not destroy her in the way, so he gathered his breath and demanded she got out before he would spiral.

But she just stood there. Frozen. As if she was in a Force hold, completely ignoring of his defensive demeanor. Her intent stare was too much for Kylo and he couldn’t hold it any longer, he took his lightsaber out and charged at the couch next to her. After he was finished, chest heaving and fists clenched, he made a small effort to reach out to her feelings.

And she was fucking _calm_.

Not only that, but again, she scooted closer to him. This was definitely not what she was paid to do and still, she always seemed drawn to him. Kylo went stiff and his mind began racing as she just looked away from his weapon and placed her head and hands on his chest. Her actions effectively distracted him of his earlier failure, as he focused on the small frame that had invaded his personal space with timid breathing and peaceful energy. His brows furrowed behind his mask, and nothing else seemed to matter as they both stood there in silence.

The droid’s voice brought him back to his grim reality. The Resistance wasn’t gone, the Order had indeed failed miserably at the expense of no more than 2 enemy squads, and his darkness gained weight all over again in his mental scale.

As he quickly showered to scrub the grime out of his body all he could picture was the way her eyes filled with confusion when he told them both to get out. He knew he was going to hate himself for a couple of days when he decided then and there that he would not ask for her in the time they had left. It would be too weird.

But Kylo soon learned, the girl was just as stubborn as she was a beautiful. He felt her anger as she banged on the door demanding for him to let her in. He had planned on dismissing her soon enough so he didn’t even bother to put his helmet on. When he heard her faltering voice, all his cold exterior swept away.

_“You can’t do that.” “You can’t just charge at me and threaten to end my life with your saber just because you are upset. I am not your enemy.”_

Kylo considered her words and emotions. Once again she did not hold an ounce of fear. But she did not understand that she should be afraid, that she couldn’t always count on him to control his darkness, because sometimes it consumed him. He had made a mistake bringing her here because he subconsciously had never intended for her to just be a quick fuck, and that’s where the danger of it all was held.

He had taken an interest in her, a genuine one, a feeling he had never experienced before, and her barging into his quarters only proved that it was not one-sided. She felt it too. This thing that was flowing among them was risky.

_“Why do I feel drawn to you? To someone who’s face I have not even seen? Why do I follow this hunches that go against all form of self-preservation when I’m around you?” “Why do you connect with me, only to leave me hanging afterwards?”_

And if Kylo had known the answer, he would have told her right away when he felt the sadness coming from her after his silence. The connection that brew between them was nothing he could explain, but it opened every time he was with her in the midst of both their desires.

He heard her turn to leave, and against all rational thoughts, from one moment to another he was smashing his lips against hers. They both got lost into a cloud of craving as they roamed each other’s bodies. Her eyes fixated on him from time to time in fascination, which Kylo found endearing as he removed all of her clothes.

_“Kylo I-,” “I want you to fuck me.”_

And boy, didn’t he almost lost it that second. As he pushed himself into her for the first time he had no doubt in his mind that there was where he needed to be. Sensations heightened inside of him and all he could think about was getting the moaning mess in his arms even closer than she already was. He wanted to embed the sight before him deep into his mind, as he relished the way her mouth parted and her skin flushed. He took every piece of flesh available to him in his mouth, licking and biting, as she muttered profanities mixed with his name under her breath.

He felt the second her walls clenched as he took her leg and placed it over his shoulder. He knew he was being unforgivable with his thrusts, really unable to control himself, but she took his cock so perfectly like the good girl she was for him. But what really sent him into another dimension was the look in her eyes when she came all over him, making him spill in her insides. 

He watched her hesitate when they finally separated. Her emotions only described as doubts revolving their connection and that Kylo couldn’t really answer. She fell asleep all on her own after he placated some of her apprehension, which left him all alone in his own mind now.

Even though her presence had been strangely soothing to him, his mind couldn’t help but wonder that he could’ve most definitely ended her life in the crisis of his fury. As much as he craved her, more so after he had finally had her, he couldn’t risk it.

It annoyed him that as soon as he had indulged into desire, into something good, he was reminded of his reality, of his path, and of who he really was.

A monster.

Feeling her that second night, as she slept comfortably on his chest, just served as a punch of misery into his gut. The delicate creature that laid upon him and was capable of easing up all of his worries even if it was for just a second, was someone he was not allowed to have, someone that he did not deserve. He had even put her in more danger by allowing her to see his face, and even though her awe had stirred something in his cold heart, he knew it had been a bad move.

So that night Kylo held her tightly, as he cursed his destiny and his circumstances. He didn’t sleep at all and left his quarters, and her too, in the middle of the night. He would get over it, and as he strutted through the Finalizer’s corridors to reach for his ship, he chastised himself for getting so invested with someone who was literally getting paid to be with him.

He repeated himself that the weekend had not been a real encounter, just a special fuck to justify the girl’s wage. He hoped that his resolve to not see her again would cloud the images of her squirming under him, or the way that her cunt took him as if she made for him, or the sounds of her lustful moans, all those things that were playing on repeat inside his head, haunting him in the most alluring way.

The next days he had been doing a fine a job at forgetting about her. Well, not really, since she plagued almost every single one of his thoughts, but he was managing to work around them. His Knights had questioned him about her, probably having sensed his swarm of emotions through the weekend, but he was quick to dismiss them and tell them it was nothing.

He dreaded the moment Hux told him they were meeting with an ambassador of a planet with a supply of fuel at Domar’s. If he didn’t completely distrust Hux and his intentions, he would’ve avoided the establishment and the meeting at all costs, but that was a luxury he was not able to afford, not now that he was Supreme Leader. Steriva had left them a little vulnerable and he was not going to allow the Resistance to take advantage of that.

When his Knights requested to go with him, he figured they would serve as a distraction from her, as they were the only beings in the world he truly trusted, even if they sometimes acted like animals in heat. Kylo deeply understood their urges, the dark side really heightened those kind of desires. He thought that after getting release with her, his own would diminish.

And then she walked out of that stage.

He realized he couldn’t have been more wrong. Her sinful hips sent spasms directly to his crotch, since she was acting as if he was the only in the room, he surely felt like it. He sensed his Knights also notice her, even though they were harboring the attention of the rest of the girls.

When she turned around and showcased that thong that barely covered her perfect ass he had to contain the groan that created in his throat. His Knights didn’t know how the girl he had spent the weekend looked like, so they didn’t even figure their Master would be fuming after hearing their very descriptive and obscene thoughts about what they wanted to do with her body. He knew she was purposefully tantalizing him when she shot that wink towards Ushar.

_“What are you going to do about it?”_

She wanted to derail him and she might have succeeded had her body not betrayed her completely and he had her cumming without so much as touching her.

He wanted to say he regretted succumbing again to her, but he would be lying to himself. He rationalized that as long as he felt in control, he would allow himself to see her, because now, more than ever, he was assured he could not stay away from her.

Everything brought him back to the present, to her small hand resting on top of his as she slept soundly in his mattress.

It was strange to him, this kind of closeness. A reality beyond their lust even if they had not really discussed it. Neither did the Sith or the Jedi condoned this feelings, and Kylo was not sure where they came from. This day had been different merely by the fact that she had stayed _willingly_ with him. The way their bodies had merged with one another was something so natural he couldn’t help but wonder if other people felt this way.

_“Kylo… Please…”_

He would ravage anyone of anything that stood in the way of him making her beg like that. The dominance he could exert on her body was a pleasure only similar the thrill he got when he was in battle. For a second he thought he was being too harsh with her when he restrained her, but her moans and delightful whimpers shooed those thoughts away. 

Aside from their undeniable chemistry, the way she had explained her conversation with Hux had Kylo feeling that she was on his side, a loyalty he could not understand, one that was blind. It was clear to him that Hux was trying to coax her to get to him, the fucking weasel, and deep down it worried Kylo. This was what he wanted to avoid, but the way she always held herself with such confidence relieved him a little. Hell, she had never even been afraid of him, and that spoke tons about her. 

If he wanted to continue doing this, he had to make sure she was safe from all of the dangers, aside from himself, that could get to her. Now, he was sure he wanted to keep seeing her, but he needed to ask her if that was a risk she too, understood, and was willing to take.

Slowly, but steadily, this was transforming into something real for him, and the realization made Kylo want to embrace her a little tighter.

He began moving in bed to finally will himself to sleep and enjoy these moments of peace before the morning came and they had to part ways. His rustling proved not to be so quiet as he felt her move a little too.

He glanced at her and watched as her brows furrowed and her eyes opened heavily.

“Hey… You’re leaving?” Her voice was hoarse, probably from all her earlier screaming, but he could feel waves of disappointment coming from her.

When he finally laid completely on his back, he delicately grabbed one of her arms and pulled her into his chest again, where he felt she belonged. She made no protests and her eyes soon fell closed again as she fitted her body against his.

He placed a small kiss on her forehead as he took the scent of her hair into his nostrils.

“I’m not going anywhere…” He whispered under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sure use a lot of ocean metaphors for a bitch who doesn’t know how to swim. 
> 
> Honestly, I think a Kylo chapter was long overdue with all the mixed signals he gave reader. I hope it provided you some clarity for his personality. In some sense, the mentality I placed for him in this fic was what I would’ve liked to see in the movies, a dark, but not completely dark persona, in tune with himself and striving for a better galaxy. (With a slight fluffy side too ;) )
> 
> Anyways, I don’t think it is going to be a common occurrence but it would definitely won’t be the last chapter from our emo space boy’s perspective. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and thank you for reading!


	19. Warmth

You couldn’t help yourself. You really couldn’t.

The moment you woke up, you were only able to feel the warmth radiating from under you. It was kind of disorientating at first, but when you began to discern last night’s events, you came to the realization that Kylo had indeed stayed.

And you couldn’t help but stare.

You intertwined your fingers as a makeshift stand for your jaw and placed them on top of his broad chest. His head was slightly tilted away from you, showcasing his profile in all its glory. His features were so prominent you imagined that while growing up they were not very proportionate to the rest of his body, that surely had changed now.

His face was relaxed, not a single line in the white canvas that was his skin, only little dots perfectly scattered as if they had been painted on by the most careful artist. Hair was splayed out as a black halo all around him, which gave you a small peek of his ears. You smiled internally when you saw their real size, yeah, everything about this man was big, you concluded. He looked like a completely different person when he was sleeping.

His arm was loosely wrapped around your middle and his breaths steady. The only hint you could gather that he had woken up was when his fingers started drawing little circles on your back.

“You are staring…” His voice was like a low grumble that awakened your insides.

“I am.” A small grin covered your face when you saw his eyelids slowly open and finally offer you those browns you had secretly began to long for. “Good morning.”

He took his sweet time to answer while he just blinked at you. “Morning.” For some reason, you felt like he was thinking the same thing as you, trying to figure out is this was really true, not a vision or fabrication from either one of your minds.

“This is not too bad, isn’t it?” You shared while huffing a breath out of your nose. Right at this moment, you were happy, and you were not going to hide it. The corners of your mouth slightly curled upwards.

“Don’t patronize me.” He said while he ran a hand through his face, trying to sweep the remnants of sleep.

Your face turned serious as you inhaled and muttered the fakest gasp you could manage. “Supreme Leader, I would never.” The sarcasm dripped from every syllable as you fell into a big, sleepy smile.

He looked at you disconcerted for a second before out of his mouth came a small chuckle.

You didn’t really notice you were biting your lip until the sting became a little stronger. Your head tilted to the side as you considered him. “Is this how you really are?”

“What do you mean?” His hand was now stroking all of your back, leaving a tingle at every shadow of his touch.

“When you are not acting all evil and superior.” You freed one of your hands from under your jaw and began tracing back and forth over his collarbone with a finger.

His gaze turned into a smirk. “Is this how you really are? When you are not being a total brat?”

You remained silent for a while before a smile formed again in your lips. Was Kylo Ren charming?

“Touché.” You were not going to deny him. You truly were a brat sometimes.

You both continued caressing each other, enjoying the silence and the amenity it provided. To say it was weird was not correct, because it felt so good, so natural.

“I like you like this.”

Your brows furrowed at light speed and your mouth suddenly ran dry. His eyes had shifted to the patterns he was making on your back, purposely not meeting yours. He seemed unfazed by the impact his words had on you. “How?”

He shrugged sounding very nonchalant. “Like you are not pretending to like me just because you are being paid to.” His eyes met yours again, and you saw the same look that he shot you when he asked you to stay last night. You were not able to put a name on it back then, but you understood it now. It was just a glint that you could see, but it was definitely there…

Vulnerability.

You couldn’t be offended by his words. It was your job to act you liked your clients, even when you didn’t. It had actually been the mindset you adopted before you crossed words with him for the first time. The funny thing was that every interaction you had with him felt very much real, even when you would get all exasperated with him.

The motions of your finger stopped and you reached out to his face, grabbing an out of place strand of hair that was covering his forehead, laying it where it belonged. You quietly sighed. “I’ve never pretended with you.”

You didn’t look at him as your words came out, feeling vulnerable yourself, so you just laid your cheek on his chest again in the same position you had been when you woke up.

For some time, no noise came out from either of you. You knew you were going to be a whirlwind of emotions the second you flew off this ship, but at the moment, you just wanted to relish the closeness. Kylo seemed to be in the same mindset.

“Come, let’s get washed up.” Before you could agree or deny his proposal, you were swung from the softness of the mattress and into the hulking arms of the man you had willingly spent the night with. His hands gripped harshly on your naked thighs and you instinctively wrapped them around his waist and your arms on his neck as he stood from the bed. 

A squeal came out of you when one of his hands made its way towards your still sensitive ass and gave it a firm squeeze. “Kylo!” The high pitch of your voice was the least sexy thing you had ever heard, but that didn’t deter the man from walking towards the bathroom with you leeching on his body. “You know I can walk right?”

With a little Force telekinesis here and there you both found yourselves inside the shower and Kylo placed you down slowly, only to grip on your shoulders forcefully. The action bewildered you. He had been so careful with his touch all morning and now he was sinking his fingers into your skin. Your gaze moved up to him, perplexed, and you saw how his face turned into a smirk. Before you could call him out, you felt the flicker of one of his digits, and then what felt like a literal whip of coldness.

“FFUCKING HELLS AHH!”

The giant idiot had placed your body underneath the showerhead just before he turned the ice cold water on. If you hadn’t been completely awake before, you definitely were now as you tried to free yourself from his hold.

“YOU FFUCKING PIECE OF--, STOOOOP!”

No matter how much you trashed and raged against him, Kylo did not move an inch. You were just about to let out your most vulgar profanities when you saw it. You saw Kylo Ren… _smile_. No, not smile, _laugh_. It was short and passing, but you were certain you had heard it, and for some reason it made your heart swell.

The water began to turn lukewarm and he finally stepped inside the spray, letting go of your shoulders. His hair had started to flatten and only remnants of his smile rested on his features as he looked down on you and your trembling body. You shot him a deadly glare as your skin slowly erased the goosebumps that had covered you.

“You know what? I take that back, I prefer you all serious and menacing.”

Your turned your back at him with a huff and stepped out of the stream to reach for the soap, but you were stopped on your tracks as a strong hold covered the back of your neck and spun you around roughly. Your hands slipped up instinctively and to your dismay, they landed on the man’s broad chest as he craned your head upwards for you to face him.

Your breathing started getting labored and your core was sparking when you saw the look of hunger in his eyes. He was looking at you like you were his prey, and not in the bad way like you had felt earlier with Hux. This time you wanted to be eaten.

“You do?”

Your mouth parted and a moan almost came out at his tough man-handling. The liveliness of the air had faded and it had been replaced with something full of lechery. He bent down so that your face was just inches away from you, shifting his hold from the back of your neck to its front, making you effectively shudder and gasp.

“Ah, you do.”

Even if he wasn’t constricting your airway, you would’ve still found it hard to breath. His other hand moved to the back of your head as he pushed you backwards into the tiled wall. Wincing cold crept in you again and Kylo barely gave you time to recover from the surprise before his lips were against yours.

There was nothing tender about him anymore as his kiss escalated making you whimper against him. You immediately complied at his desires when his chest pressed against yours. The warmness of the water was fogging up the shower glass and filling your senses with need.

His grip loosened a little around your throat, letting the oxygen enter your lungs and your mind as well, as you rapidly managed to respond to his mouth. You bit his lower lip harshly as a form of vengeance but that only seemed to spur him further. His hands moved again towards your thighs and your tailbone hit the tiles as he held you there suspended.

A loud moan came out of you when his member started grinding on top of your folds, grazing your clit every time as your hands moved to tug on his hair. You opened your eyes in a haze to find his staring back at you with the outmost passion, both of your chests heaving, breathing each other in. Your insides were already craving fullness as you saw the tiny droplets fall down his sculpted front.

This was carnal desire at its finest. All you could manage was a nod as you carefully aligned your hips and braced yourself against his body for what was about to come.

A scream and a growl filled the room at his plunging thrust and you swore you could see stars. He remained fully sheathed inside of you for a while before taking out his cock almost completely and shoving all of him inside you over again. His pace was tortuously slow, pausing between every thrust to roll his hips and move around your insides. He wanted to make sure you felt every ridge of his length and the tightness of your cunt was eager to comply.

Both your moans transformed into breathy gasps as you both stared at each other, lips no longer touching but foreheads pressed together. Into those browns you were able to see everything that mattered right now. There was no job, no responsibilities, no worries about your position in his life, only you and him, connected by an invisible bond that was stirring way beyond sex slowly but steady.

Every now and then, his cock would hit that sensitive spot inside you and make you furrow your brows, only to be rewarded with a knowing look from him, as if he was aware he was ripping you open and wanted to reassure you all was right. He would bare his teeth in effort at the most forceful thrusts, which you would reply with a slight caress on his cheek, sucking up the pain they brought to you and drowning in the pleasure.

He was fucking you like nobody had fucked you before, each and every one of his movements glazed with a brutal nature, like he wanted to split you in half. He was embedding himself into your mind and body so deeply that you would not be able to step into a shower without remembering the feeling of sinking down on his cock while your spine was pinned to the wall.

Even with the rough aura of it all, the intimacy was undeniable and unlike anything you had felt your entire life. You didn’t dare take your eyes from him as he intently stared back at you, both contemplating the realness of the being in front of each other.

You were not sure how much time had passed, you were so lost into his movements and the sensations that you only knew he was close when his fingers tightened more around your thighs. You threw him a questioning look and he nodded quickly. One of your hands squeezed between your bodies as you began to cautiously rub your throbbing clit. Your arousal was on a such a high level that you knew it wouldn’t be long before you came.

Kylo moved to place his head in the crook of your neck and you could feel him getting erratic as his hips started gaining speed. You whined as your orgasm began to build up faster at your ministrations and your breath resounded near his ear. His voice was just above a whisper as he struggled the words out.

“Cum on my cock darling. Cum for me.”

Your cry was muffled by your teeth sinking in his shoulder and his grunt was all you were able to hear. Your walls made sure to milk all of his cum as you heard his breath hitch. After some motionless moment, both your highs more manageable, he turned to look at you again. You both gazed at each other before leaning into a tender kiss that was very contrasting to the last couple of minutes.

When he slipped out of you, you gasped. He helped you gain your footing again as your legs were a little numb from being tight around his waist for so long.

You looked up at him again and saw how his cheeks were flushed. A smile pulled into your lips as you stepped into the stream once again, surprised that the water was still warm. You were both breathing irregularly still as he grabbed on the soap and joined you.

You let him do everything he wanted to as he began lathering the pleasantly smelling bar against your body. Had you not just fucked, the whole situation would’ve felt very erotic, but at the moment, it all felt caring and pleasant. His hands roamed every crease of your skin, and every time his lips sank closely to place an intermittent kiss, you would shiver slightly.

You washed your hair as he did his own body, both falling into a familiarity you didn’t know you had in you. When you finished with yourself you grabbed the shampoo and placed it on your hands. With just a flicker of acknowledgement, he lowered himself a little as you reached upwards to his head, placing the product in carefully.

He relaxed against your touch and you were grateful that he was letting you do this. His hair always seemed so luscious and you felt drawn to it as well as to its owner. You would patter his face with soft kisses on his face whenever you could, really trying to hold yourself to not seem overbearing, but he never seemed to mind.

After you were both finished washing up, you both stepped out of the shower and he handed you a towel. You were still refusing to face the fact that you were going to leave in a couple of hours and were focused on how at ease you were feeling right at this moment.

The smell of caf filled your senses as you noticed the setup that had been placed at the table. You grinned at Kylo and he granted you a small nod. You were not sure when you had fell into this sort of silent communication but you found it endearing. You were about to reach your last night’s undergarments before Kylo stopped you.

“I’ll call to get you fresh ones.”

You didn’t mask the relief in your features as you saw him reach for a comm-link and instruct T to bring you what you needed, not only panties and a bra, but also another uniform.

“What do I wear for breakfast?” You said tilting your head towards the table.

He paused for a second before turning to his closet and handing you a worn down black sweater hesitantly. You were grateful that it was something warmer than just a simple t shirt, and when you slipped it on, you gazed at how it covered you to the middle of your thighs. The scent of it over your skin made you close your eyes, as it smelled deeply of him. He seemed affected by it to, as you saw him take in a breath in.

You both sat on the table and you fell into a comfortable silence that you were grateful for. Everything felt so familiar and normal that it didn’t feel as if you were just now having breakfast with the Supreme Leader of the galaxy. The thought made you want to chuckle but you held it for the sake of tranquility.

You were quietly nibbing at a piece of French toast when you felt Kylo’s stare boring into you. He had dressed himself in the layers of his usual outfit, just missing his tunic, belt, gloves and cape. Oh, and of course his helmet.

“What do you think of the First Order?”

You slowly swallowed the piece of bread that was in your mouth as you slowly turned to him. “I feel like there is a lot of weight under that question that I’m not aware of.” You said carefully, really taken aback by the turn of the morning. “Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m curious” He said dismissively as he sipped into his black cup of caffeinated beverage.

You sure had very strong opinions about everything in politics, but you were taught to try and always remain neutral in these kind of situations. The fact that you were about to share your thoughts with the head of a prominent political organization made you kind of weary. You didn’t want to lie to Kylo so you settled for your general perspective of things. You sighed before starting.

“You are a military institution. Your mere existence and numbers showcase that there is something wrong with how the galaxy is being ruled right now.” This was true, even though you were not totally on board with the methods the First Order used to subdue planets into its regime, you understood their vision in contrast to the situation the New Republic placed around the galaxy at the moment.

Then there was the whole thing with the Resistance. “The fact that you have an opposing side only brings more chaos into the equation.” Although not as well-equipped as the First Order, Kylo would be a fool to underestimate their power, since a lot of people could turn to them in the midst of defying him.

“War is horrible, it is merciless and destructive and it brings out the worst in people.” His expression was stiff, he had long gone stopped eating and you couldn’t really meet his gaze right now. “The only thing that justifies it, is the promise of the delicate peace it brings at its end.”

Both of you remained silent for a while after that. He didn’t offer you an answer but neither did he try to coerce you into his own ideals, which you appreciated. Just before you stood up from your chair, thinking the conversation was over, he spoke.

“I have a lot of enemies.” You blinked at him trying to figure out where he was going with all of this.

“I know.” You offered him, still cautious on your tone. You felt like there was something deeper you were ignoring.

“I meant what I said that night with the…” His bare hand gestured towards the new couch. Funny how you had almost forgotten about his little outburst when you fell into his arms once again. “I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Marla’s cautions resonated in your mind again. You could act as if you knew what you were up against all you wanted, but deep inside of you, you knew that everything around Kylo was dangerous territory, one that you were most definitely not familiar with, more so with last night’s and today’s actions.

His body tensed up a little and you figured he was struggling with his next words. “I just, I want you to know that I would collectedly accept if you no longer wanted to be associated with me.”

There it was. The real reason for his whole charade. His words warmed your heart, and had they been said by any other client, you would’ve believed they were just the common niceties said to a person you had just slept with. But he sounded too real.

There were many reasons for you to stop whatever it was you had him right then and there. In complete honesty, you had just started to get to know the man in front in you. Yet, somehow, you had already placed a blind trust in him since the day you had met him, all in spite of his alarming reputation. This had stopped being more than a job ever since you had stormed into his quarters, and as he had said it, that would bring many threats.

Was it really something you really wanted to be a part of? Was this you were feeling inside of you enough to look past all the risks it entitled?

“Answer me something first.”

He practically could see the wheels in your mind turning. “Okay.”

You stood up abruptly, suddenly incapable of either looking at him and staying seated. “The first time we were together, you told me something.” You sensed him standing up as well. “You said I shouldn’t be afraid, that you felt it too,” before your bravado could lower, you blurted the next words out, “What did ‘it’ meant to you?”

You finally looked his way and he was standing tense in the middle of the room. He sighed in frustration before speaking.

“I can’t really explain it. Something flows between us that heightens when you are near. It is new to me and I haven’t found answers about it.” His voice was low and calm as he took a cautious step towards you. “It’s… comforting, and I can’t stay away, nor do I want to.” You remained in your place and let him get close to you. His big hands went up to cradle your face as one of his thumbs caressed your cheekbone. Your eyes closed as you leaned into his touch.

“I know you feel it too.” The little sparks running through your skin and the way your mind eased even when his was spiraling was proof of it.

“Say it.”

You gazed at him, looking into those eyes you never imagined you would be able to look at even in your wildest dreams.

“I do. I feel it.”

Your body shivered in delight as he leaned down and placed the softest of kisses in your lips. Even your cheeks began turning a shade of pink as you gave in to his embrace. There was still a huge pit of uncertainty among both of you, an unknown lane that neither had crossed before. The only thing that was established was that there were going to be a threat following you every step of the way.

But you were willing to risk it, all because of this feeling, this closeness…

This _warmth_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SEE REEEEEED. 
> 
> Sorry, I just couldn't help myself of a little shower quickie. 
> 
> Love y'all and thanks for reading!


	20. Dirt

“I could kill you right now!”

No matter how much you had prepared yourself in the shuttle for Terrgar’s scolding, you still grimaced when he shouted at you on your way to sneaking into your room. You shot your arms up in surrender as you turned to face him.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry!” He approached you rapidly through the corridor.

“You almost gave me a stress induced heart attack last night.” His voice had leveled down and even though he was still pissed, the relief of seeing you alive and in the flesh was evident.

“I know I should’ve called, it’s just that the meeting ran late because Hux was busy so they just offered me a room to stay for the night.” Your rehearsed lie came out perfectly as you saw the understanding in Terrgar’s eyes.

“What did the General want anyway?”

“He wanted to invite me to the First Order’s gala this Saturday and we went through the logistics.” You could see Terrgar’s suspicion rising, and before he could question you, you continued, “He said it’s just going to the party but if I wanted to accompany Ren for a while he would be pleased.” Terrgar did not know how much the Supreme Leader and the General despised each other, he probably thought it was a move from Hux to get into Kylo’s good graces.

His brows furrowed anyway. “And are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a gala, good food, drinks, who knows? Maybe I can make contacts and bring new business to Domar’s. I might be calling you up on that favor you owe me for my absence that day.” You felt just a tiny little bad that you hadn’t told Kylo that you were going to be there on Saturday, a decision you had also made on the shuttle on the way here. You did not wish to distract him, but genuinely offer him support from afar. Besides, you would take the opportunity of him seeing you in a gown any day, and probably make him take it off of you as well afterwards.

Terrgar nodded at you, visibly more at ease than before. “Well that sounds great, and don’t worry for missing the day, you help me a lot around here. Before I forget, what do you know about Poe’s new job?”

“Poe’s new what?!” You didn’t even try to hide the surprise in your voice.

“New job, yesterday after you left, he came into my office and asked me to switch him as a part-time employee, something about him getting a huge opportunity in another job. He will only be coming for club nights. I figured you would know about it.” 

Confusion rose inside of you. Why hadn’t he told you about it when you both went out? Is that what he meant that you both could have another future? Was he already looking into that? A pit grew into your stomach as you recalled that night in your room, seeing him holding to you with such genuine care and hope, talking about a life together outside these walls.

“No, um… I don’t know anything about it.” It shouldn’t have hurt saying those words. It was true you both had not been in the best of terms ever since your comeback on stage and the appearance of a certain dark Force user, you rejecting his advances didn’t help to the situation. But you considered Poe to be your best friend, and it stinged hearing from his accomplishments from someone else.

“Oh well, anyways, Marcoll is now the new head of security, in case you need anything, okay Muffin?” He placed a hand on your shoulder in sympathy.

You just nodded at him and he took it as his cue to leave. You didn’t remain in the hallway much longer, basically rushing towards your room and slumping into your bed.

That kiss with Poe was a mistake, you knew that very well, but maybe you had misinterpreted how things between you and him would move forward from there. He sounded so sincere when he said he wanted to make you happy, yet you couldn’t help but think this whole new job thing could be to put some distance between both of you. There was also that little voice in your head that screamed that you had brought this upon yourself.

Then there was the whole deal with Kylo. There was something about having seen him so vulnerable and pleasant with you that made your stomach flutter. Before you knew it you were smiling at the ceiling like an idiot recalling last night and the morning, a joy pestering just above the dread you felt regarding Poe.

You didn’t want to dwell into the negative aspects about this thing you were incurring on, which frankly were too many. At the moment you had no idea where things with Kylo would go, and you didn’t care.

You felt at ease knowing that the feeling you got when you were around him was not one sided and that he felt it too. It inevitably gave you peace, or as he had said, comforted you. That was enough for now.

* * *

When you contacted a suspiciously cheerful General Hux, you learned that the gala was not going to be held in the Finalizer or any other of the First Order’s ships. Chills crept into your spine by learning it was going to be held in Ilum. From what you learned when Kylo took you to visit Brooba the Hutt, you knew that you were going to be stepping into the Order’s new Kyber crystal fueled weapon.

By this point, the amount of information you held within yourself was more than enough to get you killed if you weren’t careful. Even if you had realized it before, this conversation silently reminded you of the fragility of your position. You had been involved with powerful men countless times, but the fact that the galaxy was at the brink of a full on war and that you were sleeping with the leader of one the sides didn’t do you any favors.

More than ever you understood the reason why Kylo had that conversation with you. He wanted to give you a chance to walk away from all of it, no remorse. Doing that, was something that your mind couldn’t conceive now.

You were going to be taking the identity of a newly appointed representative for a Mid Rim astronomical object named Kalinda. The only thing that Hux told you was that the planet had recently entered between their allegiances and wasn’t really relevant since it had no remarkable resources other than a couple of crops. It was now occupied mostly by farmer communities and you had been appointed to “speak on behalf of the people”. 

It all seemed simple enough, and you would be making more research on the planet just to be safe even though Hux told you there was a high chance no one would ask you anything and to stick to formal pleasantries. 

“General, I actually wanted to run something by you.”

Hux stopped his rambling for a second to allow you to speak. It was weird enough you were talking directly to him on comm, but at the moment you were grateful for his lack of physical presence.

“I’ve thought about our conversation, and given the circumstances of this commission, I don’t wish to be compensated through my establishment.”

If Hux thought you were going to be his lap-dog that night of all nights in particular, he was very, very wrong. You knew your presence would one way or the other disrupt Ren and you didn’t want to screw that up for him, so you figured you could arrive to the party only after everybody there was already a little drunk and their senses, as well as any memory they could gather of you would be foggy.

It was your own safety net, and you didn’t need the pressure of the General actually paying you to be there to get in the way of your plan. Very powerful people would be attending, and you didn’t need to enter their radar, for your own and Ren’s sake. It was simple really, if Hux wasn’t paying you, he couldn’t give you orders. Well, he could, but you were not obligated to follow them. If he wanted to force you around he could say goodbye to Domar’s entry and you would threaten him with leverage you were planning to get soon.

“Rethinking your allegiances, aren’t you Miss Y/N?”

You could perfectly imagine the self-satisfied look on Hux’s face as he said those words. Stupid, stupid Hux. He actually thought you were agreeing to be on his side, just like you expected he would given his ego. The man was so full of himself that he most probably thought he had driven you to submission by fear and the promise of power.

“Perhaps gauging where real power resides, General. Let’s just look at it as personal favor, no charge.”

You made sure to make your voice stern, to avoid the suspicion that was probably brewing right now. You really wanted to make sure he could not have any type of leash on you but making him think he had one. You didn’t know when you had turned into a political snake yourself, but you would be lying if you didn’t think you were managing it well.

“Very well then, any sort of necessity, including your dress, would be taken care of. Until Saturday Miss.” His tone was cold, any type of ploy was already over and he was moving on to his next order of business.

You sighed as you turned off the comm-link. Marla was a fucking saint for putting up with that bastard. It was kind of weird that she hadn’t snuck her smart ass into your room lately but just as if you had summoned her, she appeared right in front of you in the main room.

“You got a visitor baby.” She said as her head tilted towards the back door. Even though her eyes were as gleaming as ever, you saw the bags under them. She was probably not sleeping well, something you would question her for later.

You knew who it was waiting for you outside the door. Frankly, had he not come to you today, you would’ve probably barged into his apartment the next day demanding answers. You wanted to give him the grace of time and he had apparently gathered the balls to face you already. You opened the door and gathered a big breath inside of your chest as you saw his frame outlined by the lowering sun in the distance.

When he heard the sound of creaking and noticed it was you, his face contorted into the biggest smile you had ever seen on him, making you inevitably beam back at him. Suddenly all negative feelings that had mustered ever since Terrgar mentioned his new job, faded into the sunset.

“What is it Dameron?” You said, furrowing your brows in question at his irradiating happiness but not letting your smile fall.

He was wearing that brown leather jacket that snuggly fit him in all the right ways. Even if he was standing a couple of feet away from you, you could perfectly see all his features. He scoffed into his sincere smile and brought one hand up to his jaw, grazing his three-day stubble.

“I did it.”

His statement gave you no information and you could feel your desperation getting the best out of you. “Did what exactly?”

He paused and moved his hands to his hips, getting into that peculiar Poe stance you knew so well. He stared at you in the most earnest way for a while before he spoke again. “You are staring at the 20/20 eyes of a certified pilot.”

Your jaw fell instantly at his words and your eyes widened. “WHAT?!”

“Remember you would constantly give me hell for arriving late for work?” You nodded quickly, urging him on and rapidly closing your mouth. “Well I’ve been late because I’ve been taking flying lessons on the side and the base is a little far from here.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. Piloting had been Poe’s greatest dream ever since he was a little boy. When you met he had told you how his father used to be a pilot during the war against the Empire. He had promised a Poe that when the war was over, he would teach him how to fly anything himself. Sadly, he had perished during the battle of Endor and never got to fulfill his vow. When Poe’s mother fell sick just as he was coming of age, he was forced to work to earn the credits they needed to survive, thus making him leave his dream behind.

“Gods! I’m so happy for you!” You couldn’t contain your excitement and you jumped into a sprint straight towards him. His brain barely registered you coming at him with a smile plastered on your face as he opened his arms and had you crashing into him with the tightest hug you could manage. Your arms scrunched around his neck and your legs gathered his waist, as his hands held you steady before he started spinning you around.

Laughter erupted from both your mouths and you almost felt like you could cry out of joy.

He gently placed you down on the ground and reluctantly let go of your body as he stared at you with a grin. You threw him a sincere glance of pure pride as you ran your fingers through your hair. His chest was heaving and he fidgeted with his hands before placing them on his hip again.

You suddenly felt very close to him. His eyes began softening and you saw him bite his bottom lip. You lowered your head to look at your shoes as you cleared your throat.

“But, what is this new job anyway?” You said lively. He still had not gotten around to that and you were dying to know the details. In his front pocket you could perfectly see the outline of a box of cigarettes and you quickly fished for it. 

You saw how his expression suddenly turned serious as you took another one and handed it to him. You fished for your own lighter and lit both sticks with it. You took a hit and raised your brows while looking at him, clearly waiting.

“I can’t really tell you.”

You took a step backwards as you stared at him in disbelief. “You can’t really tell me.” You tasted the words in your own mouth and it did nothing to reduce how appalled you were at this second.

He huffed some smoke out and slowly shook his head no.

Your face turned into a frown as your brain began to run ideas as to why he had changed demeanor so suddenly and his hasty mysteriousness. It suddenly clicked inside of you. “For fuck’s sake Poe, you are running spice, aren’t you?” Your voice really encompassed how mad you were getting and your blood started boiling at a crazy speed.

“I not running fucking spice Y/N!” You were grateful he hadn’t screamed at you with those words specifically, even if he was on the verge of doing so. His eyes rolled away from yours but you definitely weren’t done yet.

“Then what is it? Why can’t you tell me?” You tried to sound more tranquil only for the sake of him telling you the truth. What was he doing that required this amount of secrecy?

He exhaled forcefully and that seemed to loosen up his tension by a little bit. “I will, okay? Just, not here, and not right now.” He was looking all around, as if he was checking nobody was hearing your conversation.

And something deep inside was telling you that you were, in fact, being watched.

* * *

“You look like shit.”

“Well, hello to you too Y/N.” You saw how Marla’s eyes rolled vigorously at your sudden presence in her room. Poe’s attitude had you feeling uneasy and you wanted to distract yourself as much as you could from the topic. At the moment, you had more imminent worries.

“You haven’t been sleeping well, haven’t you?” You said as you took a seat next to her in the bed.

“No… But I think it’s just a passing thing.” She audibly sighed. “Nothing to be worried about.”

You shot her a concerned look. This was very unlike her, sure she wasn’t the most gleeful person in the establishment, which you liked very much, but she was always a calming presence. Looking at her now, she seemed, … anxious? Your hand moved to rest on her thigh, a supporting affection in case she wanted to share anything else. Knowing her, you weren’t surprised when she changed the subject.

“So, where were you on Saturday? We missed you at the main stage.” You gulped at her question. What were you supposed to say to her? Yeah, so I was called by one of your regulars to ploy against the Supreme Leader but then I ran into him and ended up fucking him basically for free, and then again the morning after. No, thanks.

“I went to Korfer to see if I could get a good deal out of a whiskey supplier.” Marla narrowed her eyes at you and your neck. Thankfully the marks Kylo had left on your neck had already faded almost completely and you acted unbothered by her scrutiny. The thought of him and the fact that you were going to see him soon had your belly tingling already.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but let me remind you I’m not stupid. You have the same flush in your cheeks you get every time someone mentions Ren.” Of course she wasn’t believing you, she knew you damn well. You opted for silence at her statement.

“I need a favor from you.” You said blatantly after a while of arduous quiet. Marla just stared at you expectantly with those grey eyes of hers.

“I need _dirt_ on Hux.”

She took a deep breath and slowly turned away from you. You could tell how she was waging the outcomes of sharing information with you and why you needed it on the first place.

“I just… I think he has it against me, and I want something to hold over his head just in case he crosses the line.” For some reason you didn’t feel comfortable saying out loud that you knew Hux and Ren hated each other or that he was planning on using you against him.

“I understand.” You felt a wave of relief coming over you. “Just answer me something.” The wave came to its brink. “You are going to the gala on Saturday, aren’t you?” And it came crashing down. Why would she ask you this? You had intended on keeping it completely a secret from everyone except Terrgar, and even then, you had already asked him the favor of having that day off. Telling him where you really were going to be was just a matter of personal safety.

Before you could keep on with your internal turmoil, you felt Marla’s hand in yours, silently encouraging you to answer. You didn’t even look at her when you slowly nodded, bracing yourself for another speech of hers on how you had to be careful and such.

To your surprise, she let go of your hand and stood up from the bed, heading for her dresser. She opened a drawer and started rummaging it. When she came back she was holding something in her hand. You frowned.

“This hair pin belonged to my mother.” She handed you the hair piece. The long clasp was golden colored and just at the end there was an ornamental black gem in the shape of a circle surrounded by small little zirconia elements. It was beautiful. “I always take it with me on commissions, it is sort of a lucky charm.” You stared at the center rock again. Its blackness was deep contrasting with the shine that it had, and it was big. You imagined it had to be expensive given its size. “Maybe you could wear it with your dress.”

You had never seen it on her before, which you thought was kind of weird. If your mother had ever cared enough to give you something like this, you would’ve wore it every day. You scowled at the memory of your mother and returned your gaze to Marla. “I… Thank you, really.”

She gave you a small smile before sitting on the bed again. “So… Hux.” You placed the pin carefully in your pocket and turned completely to face her.

“I don’t know if this could help you, but there is something curious about his upbringing.” You leaned forward. “It is well known around the Order that he is a bastard. His father was also someone with a high rank in the Empire, so everyone knew he was conceived outside of marriage when he suddenly appeared in the ranks of the Order with that last name.” You almost felt bad for continuously calling him a bastard in your mind, almost. “The funny thing that almost nobody knows is that his mother was actually a member of the Rebellion.”

Your jaw opened instantly. The First Order as well as the Empire always expressed an open disgust towards the rebels. To have one of their heads, the fucking General, being the son of a Rebel would not look good for Hux. If the information got into the wrong hands, it would discredit the whole organization deeply.

“Wait, how do you know this?” If you were to use that, you didn’t want it to be traced back to her or get her in any kind of danger.

“He got drunk one day and let it slip. He doesn’t know I know.” Sometimes you forgot how smart she really was, never would you make that mistake again. She was looking at you carefully when you stood up from her bed.

“I don’t know how to thank you.” You said while standing near the door.

“No need, really.” You saw her hesitate. “I think you should try and gather something on Ren. As you said, just in case.”

You tried not to be insulted at her commentary, knowing she was right on a certain level. But what you had with Kylo was not like what she had with Hux. Your face became serious and you just nodded at her before exiting her room. Your mouth felt sour at that encounter.

When you got back to your own room you glanced down at the pin resting in your hand. You huffed a breath out and decided to look at it as it was, a nice gesture, as you carefully stored it inside the bag you would be taking to Ilum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay darlings. This chapter was going to be longer but I broke it in two for the sake of fluidity and to avoid a point of view change mid chapter, sooooo spoiler alert (I regret nothing) next one we have a Kylo chapter 
> 
> Also I don't know at what moment we reached fucking 4,300 hits. Seriously thank you all that keep reading this indulgence of mine and for those who constantly leave comments, I love you all 
> 
> NOTE***   
> I finally made the time to make a TUMBLR account, so hit me up under the same username!   
> https://maryforyou.tumblr.com/


	21. Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third-person chapter. Hope you like it! 
> 
> Also, if you want some visuals, open these links when reaching the ************** part. 
> 
> 1\. https://www.etsy.com/mx/listing/716237931/black-silk-slip-dress-black-midi-silk?ref=related-6&frs=1
> 
> 2\. https://www.farfetch.com/mx/shopping/women/alexander-mcqueen-top-bustier-de-encaje-item-15489951.aspx?storeid=9359

There was one vision that Kylo couldn’t, for his own good, take out of his mind.

It had taken every bit of self-control within him not to chain the girl to his bed after he saw her wearing nothing but his sweater, his favorite sweater, after their shower.

He had planned on railing her with everything he had against the shower wall when she so bluntly told him that she liked him being menacing. Even if it had been a joke, Kylo had gone feral at her body’s reaction to his dark nature.

But the moment he had her writhing against him, something inside of him snapped and told him to fuck her slow. She took every inch of him so good even though he could sense he was wrecking her completely. Something connected them, he hadn’t figured it out yet, and at this point he didn’t care anymore. Kylo needed more.

Her, walking around his quarters so peacefully with only that sweater on, even after the hard conversation they had to have, would make not only his dick, but his chest too, throb every now and then. And Kylo needed more.

He almost went down the rabbit hole and asked her to stay again, but he knew he had to plan it better. It was clear to him that he wanted her around more and more each passing minute. She had become an intoxicating presence in his life and one he was pleasantly happy to abide. And yes, Kylo needed more.

Her intelligence and political knowledge were being wasted away in her place of work, which he promised he was not going to think about, because just imagining her with other men made him enter into a stage of rage that he was sometimes not able to calm. He didn’t like sharing.

From what Kylo had gathered, she had no firm posture on the war, which was not ideal but also not bad. That meant she was not against his cause, even if she was also not with it. Maybe he needed that kind of perspective in his life, since all his advisory team seemed to care about was sucking up to him.

He would lie if he said that the days after she left, his mind had not entertained the thought of offering her a position in the First Order, always there if she wanted to take it, one he knew she would excel at. He had no doubt that she could carry herself very well during negotiations or with politics with just a bit more training.

He would also lie if he said that he hadn’t thought about all of the benefits that could bring. Like he had said once to her in his ship, she was the whole package. Besides, having her around meant that he would be able to protect her better.

What had bugged him ever since the idea had implanted in his head, was the possibility that she would say no. He wouldn’t get mad if that was the case, slightly devastated maybe, but not mad. To ensure that wouldn’t happen, Kylo knew he had to take things slow.

He didn’t know when he had become this person that gave a damn about somebody other than himself, but there was no way for him to deny that the girl occupied many of his thoughts ever since they had crossed words.

Kylo appointed Trudgen to keep an eye on her over in Lothal, look where she went and stay out of sight. Just an added precaution for his own peace of mind. He considered not doing anything about it, shocked with the fact that he was desperate enough to appoint one of his Knights to it, but that need to know from her was greater.

Every night since she had left, Trudgen would contact him at the same time, which was now an hour he began to look forward and what got him through the week.

On Monday she apparently had met with an accountant. Kylo was not surprised she also had those kind of responsibilities at her work, which he knew the other girls didn’t have.

“Any suspicious activity around her?” Kylo trusted her, for unknown reasons, but he did. What he didn’t trust was that his enemies hadn’t learned of his sudden interest in her. Lothal was not a very big planet, and she was known in it. New intel had shown them that there was indeed a recruitment post for the Resistance in the city, but they had laid low enough that they couldn’t pin point their exact location just yet.

 _“No Master.”_

Tuesday she went towards the city market to foresee the delivery of some food supplies. What did her boss even do if he was leaving all these errands to her?

 _“She also went into a small bakery shop and bought a muffin, she greeted some vegetable stand owners, and then she returned to her home.”_ He had told his Knight to be as thorough as possible, making sure he gathered every detail each time she stepped outside her establishment.

“What flavor?” If Kylo closed his eyes, he could imagine her walking down the streets, her long hair maybe tied up in a ponytail and a slight smile on her lips, holding to a boxed muffin to savor later, maybe while taking a bath.

 _“Excuse me Master?”_ He heard the confusion within his Knight.

“The muffin Trudgen, what flavor was it?” he replied, a little exasperated. 

_“Chocolate.”_ Kylo hummed. He almost felt like he already knew.

Wednesday had been his favorite day of all of them. His day had run a little bit later than the others and he was almost compelled to leave his contact with the Knight for the next day. He was extremely glad when he didn’t.

“Report Trudgen.”

_“Uh… Well, she went into the city this day and did some shopping Master.”_

Kylo grunted, his Knight knew better than to give him a report this vague, and that day was not the one to be ambiguous. “Where did she go shopping?” He was almost snarling.

_“She only went into one shop, but she remained there for at least two hours.”_

His patience was wearing thin at his Knight’s sudden incompetence to give him a simple run down of the girl’s day.

“What shop?” His tone was as harsh and cold as it could get.

_“Scarlett Delight.”_

Kylo’s breath hitched. He knew now why his Knight had been so uneasy. Scarlett Delight was the best known lingerie franchise in the galaxy. What could she possibly had bought this time? Maybe what she chose was with him in her mind. His pants started straining just at the thought of it.

“Did you see what she got?” The question was a double ended knife and Kylo knew this. He had asked Trudgen to be very observant, but a small part of him would get jealous if his Knight got to see what she purchased first.

_“No Master.”_

After learning who was the girl that had been hovering their Master’s mind, his Knights had been careful with their thoughts on the girl. Kylo knew that even though they had seen her dance just once, she had made a strong impression on them, on Ushar and Vicrul specifically.

Their thoughts had been the loudest of all and even after learning who she was, and sensing Kylo’s strong desire, they lusted after her even more because they knew they couldn’t have her. Kylo made sure to push them a little further than normal on training that week. Maybe a couple of ribs were broken and maybe some shoulders dislocated.

“Good.” With that he ended the connection and placed the comm in his night stand.

Her words from his last visit at Domar’s resounded in his head as he slowly removed his clothes and laid comfortably on his bed. All that remained of her was the faint smell of her hair on the pillow she had slept on. Kylo hadn’t dared use it.

_“You see, when I learned you were coming tonight,” “I chose this outfit just for you.”_

Kylo found himself sporting a small smile at the memory and also a growing erection. He had been so tense all week that he felt like he was going to combust. Without any second thought, he moved his briefs and took his cock out. 

There was nothing else on his mind but her as his own little fantasy started playing out behind his closed lids.

******************************

Kylo was sitting in his throne room, the one he had claimed as his own on board of the Finalizer, one that his previous Master had never even touched and was altered per Kylo’s demands. The entrance lift opened to a long runway with a large circular area at the end, where he ominously sat in his threatening throne, one that was carved with a piece of precious rock from the first planet he had seized as Supreme Leader. No drapes covered the windows that occupied the whole back wall, just the infinity of galaxy, one that he was going to conquer.

He was going over the plans of a mission he was undertaking the next day on his data pad when the lift doors swooshed open. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was.

“Hello darling” He said as he lifted his eyes to stare at the tiny frame that was standing, arms crossed and brows pinched, at the end of the runway. She was wearing a pitch black silk dress that laid loosely over her perfect body.

“I’ve been waiting for you in your quarters…” She said, lifting her jaw and making it really clear she was displeased. “I’m getting impatient.” Kylo rolled his eyes, such a little fucking brat.

“Impatient for what exactly?” He teased, placing his data pad down and sitting down straighter to fully face her.

She remained silent for a while, her eyes narrowing in challenge. “I got you a gift.” A mischievous smirk covered all of her features as she lowered one of her hands to rest on her hip.

“Really?” Kylo could feel the arousal growing inside of her as it soon began to fill him too. She nodded slowly. “What is it?” He said, starting to dislike the distance that rested between both of them at the moment.

Without responding she began walking down the runway, her heels clacking softly on the polished floors. “It’s best if I show you.” She slowly began lowering the thin strap from her shoulder taking her arm out and mirroring the action on the other. The soft fabric glided easily over her skin as it fell to the ground in one swift movement.

She stepped out of it, and what lied underneath had Kylo’s mouth watering. Her steps resumed as Kylo took all of her in, leaning an elbow on the armrest and propping his head on his fist, eyes dark. A tight lace bustier covered her pert breasts and ribcage, the sheerness of it showed the outline of her hardening pink nipples that begged to be caressed. Straight vertical wires cinched her waist and shaped her form exquisitely. A cheeky pair of matching panties completed the ensemble. All of it, black.

He couldn’t help it, Kylo growled at the sight. 

As she entered the main space and neared the throne, Kylo’s fingers moved a little, effectively making her stop with the help of the Force. She looked at him with questioning eyes, but understood what he wanted. When he released his invisible hold, she remained in place. He could feel her satisfaction as he took her in, drinking every single crevice and curve of her body.

He forcefully took a breath in, nostrils flaring in hunger. Her smirk faltered for a second at dark energy he was emanating.

“Come here.” He said while gesturing with a single finger.

Kylo saw her gulp a little too strongly as lust started to spark between them. She closed the space between their bodies and without any further command, she straddled him. He wasted no time grabbing on to her waist, this time, nobody there to stop him and no rules to follow.

One large hand trailed up her back, palm feeling the ridges of the clasps that held the fabric so snuggly, up until it reached the nape of her neck. Kylo reached for the skin under her jaw and he felt her fingers tighten the grip she had on his shoulders. He inhaled her scent and let out his hot breath right on her pulse point. Goosebumps flourished in her skin and a small side smile formed on his lips.

She was already squirming.

Only placing the smallest wet kiss, Kylo leaned back a little to look at her again. He had the whole galaxy behind him, just a matter of time before it was at his mercy; a sight so immaculate that not a lot of people had the pleasure to see, and even less in his position of power. And all he wanted to look at, right at this moment, was at the creature in front of him as she bit her bottom lip expectantly.

Her voice was just above a whisper. “Don’t keep me waiting Supreme Leader…” 

The words were enough for Kylo to go feral, finally pulling her head closer to his and crashing their lips together with rush. Not one more second did he want to spend not tasting her, not feeling her, not having her.

Her hips started grinding against his and with every roll, a jolt of electricity ran across their skins. He moved to her neck again, finally sucking and nibbing her pale skin as she found just the perfect angle that grazed her bundle and gave his cock some friction.

She moved her hands to his hair and tugged on it lightly making Kylo quickly start to lose his composure. He wanted her all dressed up when he fucked her so he removed his hand from her waist and moved it towards her mound. The fabric of her panties slid to the side and he ran a gloved finger through her slit. A soft groan came out her lips.

A lonesome finger began trailing circles around her clit, as she stilled above him to enjoy his pattern completely. Her head fell on to Kylo’s shoulder as she began planting kisses on his neck. It drove him insane when she bit on his lobe. Out of nowhere, Kylo felt her palm rubbing on top of his pants, stroking his length as best as the fabric allowed her to but only for a while before she started working his belt. Gracefully, she took his cock out and began gliding her hand with care along it. Kylo could do nothing but shudder. 

Both their desires started to accumulate and blend together. When he heard her breaths getting quicker, he knew she was ready.

He removed his finger from her clit and latched both hands to her waist again, holding her steady and lining up with her entrance. Her eyes connected with his as her jaw fell slack and her face scrunched up a little, a breath getting stuck in her throat while she slowly sank down on his cock.

When he was inside to the hilt, her exhale morphed into a loud moan that resonated all around the curved room. She went up again and it was Kylo now who was being vocal. She held on to his shoulders again for extra support as she started making a steady rhythm that was making Kylo see the stars in her eyes.

Right at that moment, sitting in his throne, the dark and the light side of the Force flowing through him, and amongst everything, with **her** bouncing up and down his throbbing cock, Kylo felt like the most powerful man in the entire galaxy.

He urged for her lips again, claiming them, muffling her cries and moans through the passionate wrestling of their tongues.

He smacked her ass, making her capture his bottom lip in her teeth, her characteristic counterblow to his antics that only made Kylo even more hungry

He took a moment to admire her, which ended up being a huge mistake since it was taking him over the edge. She just looked so sinful with her back arched and her head falling back to give him the best view there was.

Her hips started rolling differently but at a higher speed and Kylo knew she was close. He pressed his forehead to hers as he started bucking his own pelvis to meet hers and take them both to climax. He heard his name rolling off her tongue, chanting it like a prayer, but he was so enraptured by the way her walls were squeezing him that it was no later that he was spilling. 

******************************

Kylo opened his eyes abruptly.

He glanced down and saw how he had busted all over his stomach, his other hand clinging tightly to the pillow she had used. He hadn’t even realized he had reached for it.

It had all felt too real and unconsciously so, it had been the last straw.

He needed her with him.

* * *

As it always happens, after the ignorant blissfulness that Kylo had woken up with, Thursday took a turn for the worst.

The First Order’s gala of this year was kicking his ass.

It was his first as Supreme Leader; he had not been obligated to attend the previous ones given by the fact that he was busy running errands for Snoke, which in a sense, he was grateful for. It was not his kind of function.

The event had only added more meetings and responsibilities to his already large pile. It innerved him that for once, he was out of his element, while General Hux seemed to be thriving on it, and knowingly so. He didn’t miss the way the redhead’s whole demeanor became more pompous on the days closer to the gala.

It was not that Kylo didn’t know politics, he held on every piece of information concerning the galaxy, he was just not good at the relations. In all honesty, he did not want to be, didn’t care for it, that’s why he had people like Hux doing that kind of work. In spite of it all, he wasn’t stupid, and he knew he had to constantly be watching over the General’s doings to stop him from gaining too much political power.

He also knew he had to be seen by all the other lower ranking officials for morale. He needed as many people he could get on his side and loyal for his plans for the galaxy. So he had sat through all the meetings, foreseen all the preparations, and learned everything he needed to establish civil conversation with the most important allegiances.

He had decided the day before that when he got the gala over with, he would call for her and get her to the Finalizer as soon as possible. Get her to him. And oh the things he would do to her as soon as he could put his hands on her skin. 

Just thinking about it was making it harder for him to focus at the meeting he was currently on. The holo-projector was showing the final touches remaining for Starkiller’s weapon to fully be functional. The base on itself had been operational for a while now, and they thought they had managed to keep its existence somewhat under the radar of the galaxy, but hearing the girl talk about it as if it was common knowledge had him making some adjustments to the management there. In Kylo’s vocabulary, that meant executing the chief of intelligence of the base.

“The accommodations for our guests have been already established and the majority of them have responded with their itineraries as well as with their flight plans.”

General Hux was striding along the conference room with that air of superiority that only himself seemed to believe.

“How much of Starkiller’s capacity would be occupied that day General?” One of the upper rank lieutenants asked.

“About 70% of the base would be in use.” Hux answered nonchalantly.

“Won’t having so many allies and officers of the First Order in the same place make us vulnerable for attacks, Hux?” General Pryde spoke. He was a fine General, perhaps even more loyal to him than Hux ever was, but he has aware of the man’s never ending ambition.

“There will be no reason to worry Pryde, with the overflow of guests there will also be an extra amount of First Order Stormtroopers and crew available in case anything should happen.” Kylo knew that, he had signed on it specifically.

When the meeting was finally over, Kylo strode to his quarters with purpose. Trudgen had probably been trying to contact him for the last half hour with news on the girl’s day. Just what he needed before succumbing to a deep sleep.

Arriving at his quarters, he slumped into the living room’s couch, using the Force to bring his comm-link to him.

“Report Trudgen.”

His Knight remained silent for enough time for Kylo to question if the connection had been correctly established.

 _“Master… The girl did not leave her establishment all day until night time that she just went through the backdoor of the building.”_ At the moment Kylo did not think much of it, he had learned of her smoking habit since Monday. He had no problem with it, but his Knight’s tone did not sit properly with him.

“Just for a cigarette?” he said with question.

“ _Um… not really._ ” He heard Trudgen take a deep breath in. “ _She met with one of the members of security at Domar’s_.” His Knight paused between his next words. “ _They seem close Master…_ ”

Kylo felt his blood start boiling. Jealousy had not been an emotion he was used to feeling. He knew the power other men held was nothing in comparison to his, yet this was something else. It was closeness with the girl that he was not sure he had yet. And it made him livid. Who was this guy that ‘seemed close to her’?

“How close?” he practically gnarled.

“ _They hugged for a while and he spun her around…_ ” He felt his Knight’s reluctance at saying the words, confirming that what he spoke was the truth.

Kylo took a deep breath in and out. “Name.”

“ _Dameron. Poe Dameron, Master._ ”

Kylo hadn’t even taken a second to entertain if she had someone she cared for in the sidelines. She always seemed so free of commitment that his mind had simply shunned that thought out. Now it was alive.

There was no much thought to put into it. She had to be his. And he would be sure to make it clear to her the next time he saw her.

He didn’t even say anything else before ending the call with Trudgen. He would be kidding himself if he did not admit to the fact that he had thrown a fit inside of his chambers, aiming for the same sofa all over again at the thought of her in the arms of someone other than him. Now more than ever, her profession unnerved him to outstanding limits.

He soon aimed for his data pad and called for all records on _‘Poe Dameron’_ to be sent to him as soon as possible. Maybe he was a friend, maybe a colleague, but he needed to know who the man was.

On Friday, his training session with the rest of the Knights had run late due to Ushar and Vicrul’s healing injuries, obligating all of the group to take it slow. He did not feel like answering Trudgen’s call for him to tell him all about how she had danced so seductively and enticed so many weak men with her talent, even more after learning more about Poe.

The man had been working at her establishment for a while before she entered and was the offspring of a Rebellion hero. The latter sparked suspicion in Kylo. Those kind of people were the ones with the perfect profile to be contacted by the Resistance, people with a vengeful agenda to fulfill. He didn’t want those kind of people near her.

He had barely been able to conceal sleep that night. He just wanted to get the stupid gala over with and continue with more important matters.

Saturday morning, he had left the Finalizer early to make the journey towards Starkiller on his command ship. About 30 minutes into hyperspace, he received a signal from Trudgen. Kylo was almost quick to dismiss it, thinking that it was his Knight only letting him know that he was on his way to Starkiller himself, but something told him to answer.

“What is it Trudgen?” He was not in the mood for inept reports.

“ _Master… The girl just left in a shuttle, I don’t know where she was headed, they jumped to hyperspace before I could gather their destiny’s coordinates._ ” 

Kylo’s stomach turned. Where the hell was she going?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter so much! I hope you liked it! 
> 
> Let me know if you enjoyed me including visuals of clothes or things, or if you prefer to make your own images based on the description! I'll be taking it into account for the next chapters. 
> 
> As always, much love to y'all and thanks for reading! 
> 
> **Note: Quick reminder that I'm on tumblr!  
> https://maryforyou.tumblr.com/


	22. Yearn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some visuals of the dress 😊
> 
> https://i.pinimg.com/564x/fb/a6/7e/fba67eac473b0a88a39fb8bbd078ddfe.jpg

_Cold_. Bone creeping, teeth clattering, penetrating and relentless _cold_.

You had borrowed a cape from one of the girls at the club who came from a colder planet to wear at your arrival at Ilum. The thing was not thick enough to do you any favors apparently. The shuttle they had sent this time did not look like the ones they had sent before. It was more of a commercial model than military instated one and it was very small.

You were pleased to see that Finn was escorting you again this time, only him and well, the pilot. He said it had something to do with the volume of people arriving to base, also the reason why they sent for you in this particular ship, to blend in better.

The ramp had not even lowered and you were already shivering. You had arrived a little while ago but were waiting for the bridge to validate your accessing codes to the hangar. Why did they have to put the freaking base in an icy planet?

You were not forced to wear a uniform this time, maintaining your new identity since the beginning. Hux had given you the liberty to choose your own name for the cover and you had landed on _Meira._ You had once read a book about the battles between some ancient Gods, and in there, Meira was known as ‘the giver of light’. You had always thought it was a beautiful name, and the irony behind it, given the people you were involved with, was definitely not lost on you.

As the shuttle entrance lowered, you got a glimpse of the busy hangar. It was enormous, even more than the one at the Finalizer. The chill of the air that hit you so suddenly made your cape flutter around you, giving you goosebumps as the cold crept beneath. You just hoped the rest of the base had some sort of heating system.

Perhaps you underestimated the number of people who were invited to this thing. From afar, you could recognize so many important faces from all different powerful positions in the galaxy. All swarming around greeting officers and staring at the installations in amazement. Finn took the place next to you as you lifted your cowl, trying to cover as much as your face as you could.

You heard the trooper audibly sigh. “It’s gonna be a long walk.”

And it was one indeed. Even though the temperature had increased once you passed the doors from the hangar’s entrance, the drift of cold air was ever present. Finn reassured you that the hall where the gala was going to be held was near the quarters you would be occupying, which relieved you. Walking in hells the same distance was not something you would be looking forward to.

The halls leading up to your room soon became empty and even as you had fallen into a comfortable silence, you decided to have some small talk with the white armor. “How long have you been a Stormtrooper, Finn?”

“Not very much, I used to work on sanitation in this base while it was still under construction, but they made me a trooper about a year ago when I finished training.” You glanced at him. His walk was very soldier like and his spine was straight as an arrow, blaster sitting comfortably under his right arm.

“So you have been in many missions? I bet you have visited many planets.” You said, trying to encourage him to keep talking. You briefly wondered what he looked like underneath. Yeah, you definitely had a problem with masks.

“Not really. My first one kind of went badly, my aim was terrible, so they placed me on the Finalizer mainly as a guard or making rounds around the halls, and well, now, escorting you.” By the tone of his voice you could sense the fondness behind his words. In your head you pictured he was smiling.

“Hmm… Well, personally, I am grateful for your bad aim. The other troopers kind of suck. Why are they all so stuck up?” His posture stiffened a little and you worried he might have taken your comment the wrong way.

A sigh came out of him. “We were raised inside the Order since we were kids, and as you can tell, it is not a very cozy environment.” Just as he said this, another breeze hit your face. “Some of us are nicer than others, but in these war times, it is difficult to find moments of happiness.” He paused his words for a second. “That takes a toll sometimes.” You were genuinely surprised by the trooper’s introspection. Before him you were convinced all troopers were soulless robots passing as humans.

You just nodded in recognition of his words, continuing with your lengthy walk along the halls. You neared one with various doors on the sides, pretty similar to those in the Finalizer, so you knew you were close. Finn gave you your access code and room number as you both stood in front of your temporary quarters.

You moved to the pad on the side to enter the numbers and said. “Do you like it? Being a Stormtrooper I mean.” Finn remained silent behind you as you clicked enter and the doors slid open. Stepping inside the room, you glanced back at the trooper, waiting for his answer. Just as the doors started closing again did he respond.

“No.”

* * *

You tried not to be bothered by Finn’s response, he had said it so harshly that you couldn’t help the strange feeling that followed. Taking small steps into the room, you saw that it was very similar to the one they had given you on the Finalizer, perhaps a little bit smaller. You didn’t mind as long as it had a refresher with a big mirror for later when you had to do your hair and makeup.

As you placed your bag down on the little living room area, you spotted a note right at the end of the bed. You quickly reached for it, removing your cowl and sitting.

_Dear Miss Meira,_

_In the closet you will find a gown for the occasion. A seamstress is available should it need any last minute alterations._

_Celebrations commence at 8 pm, be ready._

_I expect your full cooperation on this evening as previously discussed._

_A._ _Hux_

For a moment you wondered what the ‘A’ stood for before scoffing and crumbling the note to throw it away. “Let’s see what we got.” You mumbled to yourself as you made your way to the closet. Time froze on you for a while at the sight.

You had to give it to Hux, the man did have taste. Crimson red blew your pupils in the form of sequin filled fabric. The dress featured a low neckline, not plunging, but enough to avoid a bra altogether while still being tasteful. Elegant and simple, with a little bit of sparkle to draw just the right amount of attention. It was something you genuinely would’ve chosen for yourself.

You undressed yourself and took a robe you had brought with you out of your bag, placing it on the bed. Carefully grabbing the dress, you slipped it on, almost breaking a sweat trying to reach for the zipper. You noticed the low back of it too, a detail you particularly enjoyed in gowns. It fit you rightfully snug, grabbing on to your curves with a tightness that would still allow you to move freely. When you tried to reach for the refresher to look at yourself in the mirror, you almost tripped, noting how the dress was a lot longer than your height, even if you added the heels Hux had also procured.

You stepped out of the garment and sighed, putting on your robe and reaching for the data pad in one of the nightstands. As specified in the note, a seamstress option appeared and you quickly called for it.

After a droid, who sadly wasn’t T, retrieved your dress, all there was left for you to do was wait.

Taking a look at the time, you saw it was 4 pm, still too early, even more since you were planning on arriving at around 10. You had brought another book, having every intention of leaving it behind for Kylo to take a look at if he had the chance. This one in particular was about the King of a faraway and nonexistent planet who ruled with such harshness and selfishness that his people ended up revolting and staging a coup d’état.

The coup was effectively crushed, and with it, half the planet’s population, making it impossible to retrieve the natural resources of the land. Unintentionally, the King had gotten rid of his workforce, blinded by the thirst of complete dominance.

It was a famous novel, one that Kylo had probably already read, popular for exploring the morality around power. Given his current position, a little reminder of it couldn’t hurt. In a way, you knew that Kylo was a smart leader. The methods the Order had been using to sum more planets into its allegiances were less destructive than when Snoke was in charge. Not that you thought they were justified, but at the end of the day, there was still a raging war, and intelligence sometimes got foggy in the search of control.

Deciding on a bath, you soon entered the refresher and started to fill the small tub with the oils and soaps available to you. Sinking down, you grabbed on to the book and exhaled before trying to quiet your mind and your sudden anticipation nerves.

Somehow you knew that Kylo could be mad, his temper always an unpredictable feat. He didn’t strike you as the kind of guy that liked surprises, but you would still grab on to any chance you got to tantalize him.

* * *

A little less than 6 hours, a long bath, a big dinner, a wrestling match with a curling iron, and some surgical skills with eyeliner later, you were ready.

Finn had been anxiously waiting for you for two hours already. He was exasperated to the point of knocking forcefully on your door for 20 minutes straight before you had let him in and made him sit in the living room like a scolded child.

You took one last glance at yourself in the mirror. Long waves of hair cascaded beyond your shoulders, matching red lips and a couple of elegant earrings you had bought a long time ago completed your ensemble. As you took another peek at your hair, you couldn’t help but think that the hair pin that Marla had lent to you did not combine entirely with the dress.

Had the gown been black or some sort of teal color it would’ve matched very prettily, but the shining red and contemporary nature of the design did not go well with the antique black stone, not even as a contrasting statement. Deciding that less was better, you left it safely in your bag. What Marla didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

Stepping out of the bathroom you called out for Finn, who was now pacing the room. “Can you help me with my zipper?” You saw as the trooper abruptly stopped and stood frozen. Good. Just the reaction you expected to inflict on a particular black clothed man.

You did your best to hold back your laugh as you felt his trembling fingers fiddling in your back. As soon as the zipper was in place, he almost ran towards the door. “You’ve got to relax Finn, I’m ready, let’s get going.”

As the trooper had said, the walk wasn’t very long. Turning on one of the hallways you began to see those poor guests who had gotten very drunk way too early stumbling either to the refresher or their quarters. Just the perfect time to arrive.

The entrance doors were ridiculously massive and the inside was just as big as the hangar from earlier. Tables scattered all around the room and from the ceiling hung red fabrics with the black emblem from the First Order. As you scanned the room, you soon realized the color choice for your gown was no coincidence, as everyone was wearing either their uniform or something in the shades of black or red. Additional beauty or decorations weren’t present, a gentle reminder that this was a military event after all.

Everything looked fancy enough, but amongst the crowds, you couldn’t find the one person you were searching for. At a far end you could see what resembled a throne, the backside of the seat larger than the rest of the chairs and considerably wider.

Empty.

Strolling a little more inside you encountered something that made you forget what you were even doing here. A big table was filled with the most delectable kind of sweets, pastries and treats, but in the center of it was a big chocolate fountain that was just screaming your name.

You walked with ease, confidence the primary ingredient for your identity to be believable. Grabbing a strawberry, you carefully dipped it in the chocolate and almost came at the taste. Before you could continue delighting your tongue, a frigid hand was placed on your lower back.

“You are late.”

If you hadn’t recently become acquainted with the General’s voice, you would’ve mistaken the words for the hiss of a cat. You turned to be greeted by a smiling face that didn’t reach those eyes that were ignited with rage. 

Sucking up a breath, you stepped to the side for him to release his grip on you. “I’m sorry General, you know how women are. We take forever to get ready.” Disdain and sarcasm resounded with every syllable you spoke. Your gaze shifted towards the room again, trying to find any sign of Kylo. 

“At least you look the part.” When you turned to Hux again he was eyeing you from head to toe with no shame. You scoffed. That was the most he was going to get out of you tonight, looking. 

“Is that a compliment?” You fished with clear disinterest as you narrowed your eyes at the General.

“Don’t push it.” He said again with that hiss. You rolled your eyes.

“Where is the Supreme Leader anyway?” you said as you lifted your hand to call over a waiter that was carrying champagne flutes in a tray. To the outside eye, and given by your exterior composure, anyone who saw you could think you were both civil acquaintances, maybe even friends. On the inside however, you barely stood the man’s presence. 

“He excused himself during dinner, you know, mask and all. He shouldn’t be long now.” Hux grabbed one flute too and took a long sip. He remained silent for a while before his mouth turned into a smirk.

“Have _you_ seen him without it?” 

For a millisecond you panicked. The question was so direct that you couldn’t possibly dodge it and you didn’t know the repercussions of telling the truth. Given that lies were supposed to be your specialty of the night, you gathered a stern voice.

“That’s not relevant.”

You tried to sound petty, implying that you were kind of hurt because the answer was a ‘No’. That seemed to do the trick, because Hux huffed a laugh. In a sharp movement, his stare moved away from you to the main entrance. The music seemed to have lowered its volume and the faces of the people not completely intoxicated craned to the same spot. Standing there, as ominous as ever, was Kylo Ren, followed by all of his Knights. He lifted a hand in greeting to the room, something so out of character but with a clear purpose, he wanted everyone to get back to what they were doing.

As he crossed the threshold, his step faltered just the slightest bit. A familiar warmth filled your chest as you saw his helmet scanning the whole room while he walked towards his grand chair. You intently watched his every move, shuddering a breath.

Just as he was about to take a seat, his helmet moved with force, casting a line of sight directed straight towards you. You felt his eyes and the consuming energy he was drowning you with. Even as your whole body stiffened in anticipation of his possible fury, a sinful smile crossed your lips.

No sound came out as you kept his stare and mouthed an innocent _“Surprise.”_

In a slightly tense manner, his body moved to sit on his makeshift throne, never once his vision leaving you. You latched on to your hair, that was partially covering your neckline, and you moved it swiftly behind your shoulders as you turned your back on him.

General Hux had promptly left your side, leaving you standing alone. Downing your flute, you quickly called for the same waiter to bring you another one. It was not as if you were trying to further anger Kylo by basically ignoring him. You were just trying to play it cool to not rise any suspicion on the guests of your mutual liaison, and he seemed to be thinking the same.

Music had started blaring all over again and you unconsciously started swaying at it, the rhythm triggering your physical memory. You wondered if Kylo ever danced.

You stayed like this for a while, near the dessert table for easy access, and occasionally engaging conversation with people who had no idea who ‘Meira’ was and certainly wouldn’t remember you tomorrow. It was not turning out to be the nuisance you initially expected, in a major part thanks to the chocolate fountain and the attentive waiters who kept the champagne coming. Good thing the golden liquid was not a weakness for you. Same could not be said about wine.

Every now and then you would sneak a glance at Kylo. It surprised you how well he was handling himself, not that you doubted him, but you didn’t expect to see him anything less that completely irritated. He constantly had someone talking to him, but if he wasn’t already looking at you, he would casually lift his helmet in acknowledgement, which would make you smile and only to turn away again.

It was not until a particularly chatty gas supplier lingered at your side for a little too long and little too close for your liking that something happened. You felt Kylo’s stare from all across the room, and then, a large brute hand gripping at one of your arms. The man that had been talking to you hurriedly walked away at the sudden presence of one of the Knights of Ren at your side. 

You recognized him from the time they went to Domar’s, greenish eyes that complimented the brownish tone of his skin. Maybe he was from a beach planet, that would suit him. He was dressed in some sort of armor, perhaps one a little lighter and fitted for the occasion without his helmet, same as his 5 other counterparts who were all huddled around Kylo in the distance. When he started to yank you, you snapped.

“Eh eh eh.” You said, raising your voice a little and planting your feet strongly into the ground. What was it with dark Force users that found simple manners so foreign? “You need to ask nicely, stranger.” You punctuated your syllables strongly enough to be heard above the music.

Still without letting you go, the man had the audacity to scoff and try to continue pulling you. The force of it obligated you to take a couple of steps towards him. Your jaw tightened in anger and your eyes narrowed, as you stared him down before speaking. This time, the tone of your voice devoid of any initial friendliness.

“You have three seconds to let go of me or I will cause the biggest fucking scene you’ve ever witnessed.” The Knight seemed to be bewildered by your sudden demeanor change, but you continued. “I advise you to comply, as your Master is well aware that my threats aren’t empty.” At that, the man reluctantly let go of you. 

Latching on to your composure you took a deep breath in and out as the Knight eyed you closely. “That’s better.” You straightened out your dress with your now free hands and sighed contently. “Now, what’s your name?”

The man was visibly getting a little desperate, but you couldn’t care less. If you didn’t let yourself be manhandled by Kylo, you were sure as hell not allowing one of the members of his obscure gang to do so.

“Cardo.”

“Okay, _Cardo_ …” You said, tasting the name on your lips. “Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to grab one last chocolate dipped strawberry and then we’ll be on our way to wherever you were trying to drag me to. Sounds good?” It was clearly a power play. Your eyebrows raised at him, urging him to voice that he understood.

The Knight grunted under his breath but slowly nodded either way.

Sparing Kylo of your self-satisfied look of victory against his Knight, you almost skipped towards the fountain, dipping the red fruit completely and eating it seductively, just to further tease the man watching you from the distance.

Licking your fingers from the remnants of sweetness, you walked towards Cardo, who was still impatiently waiting for you. “Come on big boy.”

His steps took you past the entrance and into the maze of hallways. Even though you were tempted to ask where you were going, you found relief in realizing he was not escorting back to your quarters. The Knight abruptly stopped in a hallway that seemed utterly abandoned, even if it was very near to the event.

“Wait here.” Was all he said before scurrying out of sight himself. Your face turned into a frown as you couldn’t believe the man had dragged you out of the party just to leave you alone in a cold hall. Doors littered the walls, but they didn’t look like the ones the used for bedrooms. Before your curiosity spiked, a flutter of black filled your peripherals.

Walking straight towards you, was Kylo, looking as powerful as ever. You were able to see him closer now, and as same as his Knight, his armor was more fitted. You couldn’t help but notice how it did wonders for his body, you were almost able to see the ridges of his muscles as he approached you rapidly. His cape was also different you noticed, now hanging by latches in his shoulders, not really covering them.

Without further notice, the man grabbed your hand and continued walking. A smile formed on your lips as he so naturally fitted your fingers between his. You were not sure if he also felt the rush of glow that filled your senses, but you didn’t dare voice it. This was definitely a clear improvement from his normal arm grasping, even if he was still yanking you a little and you were practically running to catch up with his strides. You didn’t speak as you saw him enter an access code in one of the doors and making you step inside.

Your frown returned as you saw you had walked into an office, the desk at the end of the room a clear indication of it. Just as you were about to ask him if it was his office, you heard the pressure of his helmet releasing and the loud thud as it connected with the ground. You turned to face him, and before you could even take in his features all over again, his hands were grasping you with force to move you closer to him.

You sheepishly looked up at him in surprise, concentrating on keeping your breath even as you found yourself flushed to Kylo’s chest. “Hi…”

Your voice sounded so small, but in all honesty, out of all the scenarios you had pictured on how Kylo would address you this evening, getting you into an office and holding you closely was not one of them.

“Darling…” His silky low voice was like a fire that ignited in your core, as the next thing you knew was that his hand had traveled to the back of your neck and his lips were now smashed against yours. Barely being able to return his unexpected kiss, his mouth moved hurriedly to you jaw and his other hand to your lower back. To say you were in shock was an understatement. He was acting like a starved man and amongst your imminent surprise, you couldn’t help the elation you were feeling.

A small whimper escaped you before you were able to speak. “Wait… you are not mad?” He didn’t stop the trail of wet kisses that was shifting lower towards your almost bare front.

“Oh, I am.”

Your brows came together and a tiny moan escaped you, as a particular kiss landed very near to the fabric that covered your breasts.

“After I’m done with you, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow...”

He said as he started walking you backwards. Your walls clenched around nothing with his words and you felt drunk, not in champagne, but in lust.

Your ass reached the end of the desk and Kylo was soon grabbing and sitting your body on the edge. He hunched down to gather the hem of your dress as he started to pike your skirt up. His mouth quickly returned to your neck and you felt his gloved hands at your thighs as he opened them to step in between. “Kylo… Ahhh…” A whine cut your sentence short as two fingers started gliding over your panties. “The gala isn’t over…” He hummed under in your ear. “You should be associating with your guests…”

His face suddenly turned to face you and his hand left your mound. His eyes had turned dark and serious which startled you a little. “I know.” He said as he lightly tugged on his bottom lip. The sight was so erotic that you started mourning the loss of his touch, cursing yourself for speaking up. You were convinced that he was going to walk away and leave you a writhing mess as punishment, but he once again surprised you. 

Leaning towards your ear again, he whispered in a sultry tone you hadn’t heard from him yet.

“I just want a taste...”

Not a second later he had sunken to his knees and grabbed on to the lace of your panties to lower them down. His gloves came off and out of the corner of your eye, you saw how he carefully placed your underwear in one of his armor’s compartments.

You swore you could die that second.

He was placing soft kisses all along your inner thighs, his big hands nesting in your hips, effectively immobilizing you. Your breathing started getting labored and every notion of time or space dissipated at the feeling of his tongue connecting to your core. He wasted no time, immediately focusing on your tingling clit while he lowered his hands a little to split your folds with his thumbs.

It had only been a week since you last saw him, but you found yourself craving him, and by the course of his actions, he seemed to feel the same way. This was the reason you had agreed to all of this in the first place, to be able to feel this closeness with Kylo as soon as possible. You just didn’t expect he would be so desperate himself to take you like this. You certainly didn’t mind, he could do to you whatever he desired and you would let him just to feel him this way.

Control over your body came as a secondary necessity over the need to express your ecstasy, and loudly so. His plush tongue circled around your bundle, those soft lips of his covering the surrounding area and driving you to the brink of euphoria.

Your hand shot downwards instinctually to grab on those raven waves that you had grown to adore and tugged slightly. He hummed in response as he increased his pressure and changed his pattern. Your mouth was gaped open and your free hand latched to the end of the desk, trying to gather some balance.

“I fucking needed this cunt…” He mumbled between kisses.

Your back arched as he began sucking on your clit and your grip on his hair got a little more forceful than usual. This man was going to be the death of you, that much was certain. Your certificate was going to read “ _Died by passing out of pleasure at the hands and mouth of Kylo Ren,_ ” and you would gladly accept your demise.

Your hips started moving, chasing more contact as your climax began building rapidly. Kylo was devouring every single drop out of you and just until he was satisfied did he eased two fingers inside of you. You gratefully clenched around him, not really caring anymore about the volume of your moans and how your nails were almost digging into the wood of the desk. He was taking you to the top, and you were certain he knew this. Seconds or even minutes passed, you weren’t sure. Everything was blurring into a big mass of frenzy in which only you and him coexisted. 

“ _Kylo… I’m going to…”_

You weren’t able to finish your sentence, not that it mattered, since Kylo had perfectly understood you and hummed around your clit. The vibrations, combined with his unforgiving fingers and the feel of his lips against your most sensitive skin were exactly what you needed to cum. It hit you harsh and hasty, the beginnings of a moan shifting into a guttural groan at the blissful stimulation.

Letting go of you, Kylo stood up again, retaking his position between your legs as he watched you coming down of your high in plain awe. Chest heaving you saw how he lifted the fingers he previously had inside of you in front of your face. Grinning at him, you opened your mouth to let them in and sucking them earnestly. His own breath hitched and a satisfied look covered his features.

“Good girl.”

It took a whole lot of effort and willpower to not whimper at the pet name. He carefully helped you stand up from the desk as he arranged your dress again, the tent in his pants hilariously visible. You were about to ask him what his sudden hunger for you was all about when he swiftly pulled you close again for a tender kiss.

Your taste was all ingrained in his lips, making you squirm in bliss. He didn’t have to use his words for you to understand what that particular kiss meant.

He had missed you, and with your tongue, you tried to tell him the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200 fucking kudos and almost 5,000 hits. 😭😭😭
> 
> I'm beyond elated honestly. ♥︎


	23. The Dance

Separating yourself from his lips, you opened your eyes again to stare at the man in front of you. You were sure you were disheveled as can be, but you certainly didn’t care. Kylo was looking down at you with a slight tug on the corner of his mouth.

Your hand shot forward to arrange some of the black waves you had messed up tugging him so harshly, an action so unnecessary, given that he would just cover it in a matter of minutes. Slowly coming up to the rest of your senses, you took your surroundings again.

“Kylo, whose office is this?” You asked as you took a step backwards and checked for your dress straps to be firmly in place.

Kylo moved to put on his gloves, good thing his fingers were clean thanks to you. “General Hux’s.”

At first, your mind didn’t quite process it, his voice so carefree and nonchalant that it resembled a simple remark. After a few seconds however, your jaw had fallen in pure perplexity. 

You had just cummed on the General’s desk.

“You know he was the one who invited me.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. All his attitude seemed unaffected. Your hands moved to your hips as you tilted your head to the side, watching him carefully.

“I don’t like that he used you in whatever ploy he is planning. I imagine he asked you to distract me.” You nodded while looking away, his eyes suddenly becoming too much to bear. You didn’t regret coming, but perhaps you should’ve waited more time before making an appearance, even if that could’ve triggered unprecedented anxiety on Finn.

You heard Kylo sigh. Probably feeling how uncomfortable you were growing, his body once again making its way near yours. Leather covered one of your cheeks while his other hand grabbed on your waist. It wasn’t fair how he could make you so easily fall into his embrace.

“I didn’t accept his money for coming. The fool thinks I crave power.” Still not being able to look at him, you placed both of your hands on his chest, flattening the fabric absentmindedly. “But I just wanted to surprise you.”

The position you were in, silently reminded you of that time in his Finalizer quarters, just after his outburst. Only this time, he had been the one searching for your touch. Funny how things were changing.

When you finally looked up at him, in his eyes you could see understanding, which relieved you endlessly, and amongst it maybe a little bit of… gladness? You weren’t sure how much time you had already spent at the office, a side effect of cumming strongly, but you realized something.

“Wait, what if he is doing something right now while you are here?” You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if Hux’s plan had gone successfully in any way despite of your positive intentions and precautions. 

“Don’t worry.” His thumb glided a small caress over your cheekbone before he let you go. “My Knights are keeping a very close eye on him.” You nodded and started to mentally prepare yourself to enter the gala again, rapidly going over your cover.

You smiled when, before walking to reach for his helmet, Kylo grabbed onto your hand again, casually as ever, as if he had done it for years. “Come, I’ll ask Cardo to escort you back to my quarters while I finish up here.” You compliantly followed his lead until you realized what he had said. You prayed on all the Gods that your post-orgasmic haze would soon fade away since apparently everything was taking forever to register.

“What?” You said as you stopped on your tracks. “No!” As much as you enjoyed his newfound urge to grab on your hand, you let go of it. “I want to get back to the party.” Kylo had turned to face you again, his lips in a tight line at your defensiveness. “The music is beautiful and one of the waiters told me that a second round of chocolate pastries was coming”. Your voice had a matter of fact ring to it, one that meant there was going to be no discussion about it, even if he got all Supreme Leader on you. There was no way in hell you were going to miss _that_.

Kylo stared at you for a while before letting out a huff, one that resembled the effort of hiding a chuckle. Sometimes you wondered how much he laughed when you were not around to be the source of his mocking.

“Fine, but he will keep you company at all times. Understood?” He raised his hand to point finger at your face, mimicking a threat. His attempt to be intimidating genuinely amused you, he had long lost the ability to instate that on you. Widely smirking, you batted his giant finger away. With an innocence that was not believable even to yourself, you answered.

“Yes… Supreme Leader.”

Kylo finally turned, crouching down to grab on his mask, and as he began to lower it on his head you faintly gathered the word he spoke under his breath.

“Brat…”

“I heard that!” His visor reflected on you before he stepped out of the room. For some reason you knew he was smirking.

* * *

Patting yourself as a double take that everything was in its rightful place, you started walking towards the exit. You had waited around 5 minutes just in case anybody passing by had seen Kylo. As the doors opened, you were greeted with man in a frown.

“I think you would look more handsome if you weren’t making that face.” Your arms crossed in front of you. It was not like you were purposefully trying to antagonize Cardo, okay maybe you were, but that was Kylo’s fault. If you were going to have a babysitter you would at least try to have fun with him.

“What is wrong with my face?” It was almost comical how the mountain of a man could ask such a sensitive question. His deep voice made it very difficult not to laugh at his furrowed brows. He was not taller than Kylo, but in comparison to your size, all of his Knights were giants.

“Oh, so he _can_ speak more than one word at the time.” A grin splayed over your features. You saw the man take a step forward towards you and lift his hand. A string of uncertainty of his actions had you on alert.

No, Kylo wouldn’t have left you with him if there was any possibility he would hurt you. Sucking up any sign of the flinch your body threatened to display, you stood strong as a finger swept over the corner of your mouth. His green eyes were trying to pick you apart, but you were not going to budge, even if his actions were increasingly bewildering.

“There… We wouldn’t want you to walk around with a lipstick smudge, wouldn’t we?” The man retreated, eyeing you closely and waiting for your reaction.

You scoffed right into a big smile as you realized his playful nature, all covered up in that stiff expression that never faltered.

“I think… I like you Cardo.” The man nodded in accordance, gesturing towards the hallway in indication to get on our way. 

Walking felt funny. The little breeze that crept between your legs because of the fabric’s movement was now reaching other places, places it hadn’t reached before. Coldness was a little more noticeable because of it, but in a way, it pleased you to know that Kylo would maybe be thinking about that when he watched you from the distance. Think how he had your underwear in one of his pockets as you so casually strided around the room.

Your internal ramblings were interrupted by the man walking next to you. “I’m sorry for trying to grab you like that earlier.” You hummed. You were starting to like him more.

“It’s okay, I know that your Master can be… impatient.” You genuinely struggled to find a word to define Kylo. Impatient was not it, but still true in that particular situation. “Furthermore reason to keep him waiting.” You said, throwing him a side smile.

The man couldn’t spare you a chuckle, he just looked at you more intently. As if awareness had clashed on him for a second, he turned ahead again and said. “Hmm.”

You were this close to rolling your eyes at him, but decided to play it cool just because he was stuck with you for the next couple of hours instead of doing whatever dark Force users like him did. “Alright, spit it out, what is it?”

“Nothing, I just realized something.” His face was like a mask all on itself. Not a single ounce of emotion recognizable through it. Quite frankly, you admired it a little even though the man was toying with your patience.

“What did you realize?”

Cardo sighed thoughtfully, you knew he was enjoying dragging his answer as much as possible just to mess with you. “The reason behind Master Ren’s good mood on Monday.”

Once again, you, a 23-year-old woman involved with what could be considered the most dangerous man in the galaxy, found yourself internally squealing like a teenager at Cardo’s untroubled revelation.

“Are all of you this vague when you are talking?” you said, effectively masking your elation and referring to the rest of his dark posse.

“Not really, wait until you meet Vicrul and Ushar.” The mention of his fellow Knights was the first glimpse of humanity you could see in him.

You were tempted to press on further about the men he had just mentioned, but you found yourselves at the door of the hall. As the waiter had promised, a new batch of chocolate mousses was waiting for you at the dessert table, where you bee-lined straight towards.

The evening had continued to unfold and suddenly there was an increasing flux of Officers and allies that came to speak to you. The alcohol levels in their systems high enough to completely ignore the large brooding man standing a couple of feet away. You knew the reason behind this.

The event was coming to a closure and the search for someone to spend the night with was on. You wanted to think that this, being a military event with such high stakes, would make the men behave differently and ignore those urges.

You were wrong.

At Domar’s, men would use the only card in their favor to lure the girls. Credits. You were used to that, immune even. Your ears were attuned in awareness to roughly determine the level of rich your clients were. Preference would go to that who said things like “ _I think I’ll have my ship painted to match your eyes honey_ ” over the one who would say “ _I’ll fly you first class baby_ ”.

But this, this was politics.

People here didn’t care about credits. They all swam in them one way or another. The chips played here were different you had come to learn. For a second you regretted not following Kylo’s instruction to return to his quarters. From the distance, he seemed more at ease with Cardo looming near, interacting with guests stiffly but with an impressive level of decorum. His was not the only stare you felt from time to time. Hux had also been eyeing you constantly, always with a sneer on his face.

Each man that approached you, you sent on their way, some of them easier than others, but all offering something different. Suddenly they all seemed more interested on Meira, the new ambassador of a farming colony. You only found comfort on the fact that they would all forget most of their night. 

_“I could get you a contact for farming machinery, a discount even if you play your cards right.” “Maybe a place in the chamber of agriculture could boost your trade, although skipping bureaucracy has a special price.”_

_“A small publicity spot on the holonet could improve your sales, we could talk more about it in my room.”_

That last person had made the Knight behind you step a little closer, but you gently let the man down stating you were not interested. Glancing around the room you became aware of the giant window that stood behind where the band was playing. How you had been unable to notice it earlier was completely lost on you. A thick piece of glass divided the dimmed room from the white exterior. Throwing some eyes at Cardo, he understood you were moving.

You had been to cold planets before, some icy, some snowy like this one. A slurring officer had let you know that this planet was no longer known as Ilum, but completely as Starkiller base. The name had once sent chills up your spine wondering what the mystery weapon did to earn such name. Now, you could ask Kylo later.

But in all your trips, you had never seen the snow fall down. You found out it was even more soothing than watching rain, the slowness of the flakes in their movement towards the white, plush ground was simply a mesmerizing pleasure. 

You weren’t sure how long you stood there, completely in trance at the display of nature in front of you. Having the music so close to you was making you unconsciously sway again. It was all so calm and pleasant that moment, and knowing you would be with Kylo again later on was already making you feel warm.

As if the universe had read your mind, you felt Cardo approach you, a silent notion that it was time to leave. You found the room half empty already and Kylo gone. Silently saying goodbye to the slow music and to the fountain, you obediently followed the Knight. Your energy had significantly dialed down a notch and a breeze of amenity overruled the cold. 

After a couple of minutes, you realized Kylo’s quarters in Starkiller were in a completely different place than yours. Turning in different looking halls you entered what you figured was another section of the base entirely.

Reaching a two-way junction, Cardo stopped you. “Straight that way, then take a right.” he said as he pointed to the left corridor, himself sauntering towards the other one.

The shoes were already killing you, and you cursed Hux under your breath for the millionth time that night. Turning where instructed, you were met with the Supreme Leader leaning on the wall. Even though his mask quickly shot towards you, the sight of him lounging and waiting for you was endearing.

Without so much of a previous notice, Kylo hurried towards you, and in a swift movement, grabbed onto your waist and hoisted your body up and over his shoulder. Even before you could start uttering a protest, he beat you to it with a huff as he started walking.

“You walk too slow.” You scowled at the blackness of his broad back. You were a little grateful you didn’t have to walk anymore, but you were sure as hell not giving Kylo the satisfaction of knowing that.

“Excuse me? You try walking with these fucking heels then!” The next thing you noticed was the flashing pain in one of your ass cheeks, the sensation effectively making you gasp. “Ow!” It was clear to both of you that you were exaggerating the pain you felt, a frisky undertone in your exclamation.

“Language, dear.” Ultimately, you ended up sighing in defeat as your body rocked with each step he took. You knew he was feeling smug underneath his stupid helmet.

The man was in a particularly good mood, which you didn’t expect given the part he had to play tonight. You just hoped it would last him long enough to forget his promise from earlier. You were certain that if he put his mind to it, you would, without a doubt, not be able to walk tomorrow.

You heard the swoosh of the doors and your feet touched the ground again. As quickly as you gained your footing again, you saw Kylo removing his helmet and stalk towards you. There it was again, that hunger in his eyes as he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you into a kiss. You wondered if you would ever get used to this man’s lips.

Probably not.

You had come to regard them as an intimate kind of pleasure you hadn’t shared with anyone else. You liked to think he hadn’t either.

This kiss, albeit a little forceful, resembled the one he had first greeted you with. The only difference is that it seemed he was taking his time with it. You easily got lost in it, on the strongness of his biceps that you held on to, the feel of his tongue teasing your bottom lip for you to open up, and his particular smell that shot signals of familiarity in your brain.

Both pausing just to take a breath, you were able to take in your surroundings. Your eyes widened because this was the room you had expected the Supreme Leader to have. Kylo seemed to notice your awe, since he soon stepped away to let you take a better look while he removed his gloves and cape. 

The layout was very similar to his quarters at the Finalizer, but this one actually looked like someone lived here. It was immaculately clean, but a whole lot of books lined up the shelves and here and there you were able to see what looked like… souvenirs? Pieces of rock, some little statues and trinkets of the sorts. Similar to the window at the side of the bed that showed the stars in his other room, this one offered a beautiful view of the snow covered mountains.

“You spend more time here, don’t you?” You crouched down to remove your shoes, leaving them close to where you saw Kylo hang his cape. Walking around the room was easier this way.

“I used to.” He moved towards the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine, serving himself a glass. It must’ve been difficult going through the gala without drinking. “I was stationed here back when I was Commander.” He lifted the bottle and raised his eyebrows at you, silently asking if you wanted a glass too. You swallowed a giggle. Apparently, he was quickly learning how to be a good host.

You shook your head no and returned your attention towards the shelves. A giant smile was barely enough to show your excitement at noticing a particular item in the corner.

Speakers.

Rushing towards them and before Kylo could ask you what you were doing, you shuffled through the integrated screen, finding just the perfect song. When you adjusted the volume to a pleasant level, you turned to see Kylo frowning at you. Fuck, you desperately wanted to kiss that frown away.

You crossed the distance between you and casually grabbed on his glass to place it on the table. With a little bow, you offered your hand to him. “Dance with me.”

When you glanced at him through your lashes, he looked taken aback and highly hesitant. Did he always have to be so difficult?

“Come on! I’ve been wanting to dance all night.” You said, lowering your hand to clasp it with one of his. Maybe you were forcing him to dance with you instead of inviting him, but you would take it anyway. He could let go at any moment.

His body was stiff as you moved your other hand to place over his shoulder. He reluctantly fell into position and with a grin you started moving. Just like you had done less than 20 minutes ago, he sighed in defeat and followed your steps. The hand on your bare lower back was tense, but the one grabbing yours felt natural.

Happiness enveloped you as his movements started getting more relaxed. You hoped your emotions were enough to thank him for indulging you. The music at the gala had been beautiful, and if the room hadn’t been filled with snakes, you would’ve danced all night. Nevertheless, this felt different. Pleasant in an intimate matter.

“Well, why didn’t you?” he seemed to be enjoying it too.

You rested your cheek right on his chest. Without the heels on you were reminded of the height difference between you. Your eyes closed and you let out a small sigh. “Because I only wanted to dance with you.” Your voice didn’t tremble and the words were spoken with decision. Even though the statement was a little cheesy, it was completely true. You had no interest in engaging with anyone else but him in that room, but you couldn’t do it without raising a thousand brows and potentially placing a target over your head.

His chin moved to rest on the top of your head, the music coming to a second term under the feel of closeness. “What was supposed to be your name?” his voice was soft, well, as soft as could be with that distinct deep tone of his.

“Meira.”

His chuckle came like a low rumble in your ears.

“The giver of light.” Giving the number of books you had discovered in this room, you weren’t surprised that he knew the meaning behind your chosen name. “How fitting...”

After you briefly smiled, you looked up at him, his eyes lowering to meet your gaze. “Don’t patronize me.” The mocking was clear, just the words he had said to you last Sunday.

“I like it.” After that, both of you remained silent, gently swaying against each other and letting yourselves enjoy the moment for what it was, another milestone in this thing that was growing between you.

Unfortunately, the song ended too soon for your liking. Separating yourself from Kylo, you were able to see the content look on his face, knowing in all certainty the night was far from over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell me I didn't warn you! The fluff tag has been there since the beginning 😅😁
> 
> 90% of this chapter was done since Wednesday, but yours truly began to write the next one instead of finishing this one first. I have no self control bbys ♥︎. 
> 
> PS. I wrote a Paterson oneshot if that's your vibe and want to check it out, comments for it and this work always welcomed. 
> 
> Feel free to pass by my tumblr, my ask is always open 😘  
> maryforyou.tumblr.com


	24. Yours

After he had ended his call with Trudgen, Kylo had fallen into a rampage. Just the trajectory from the hangar to his quarters on Starkiller came with a total toll of two Stormtroopers crashed into the walls and an officer currently in the med bay. His mind couldn’t help but wander into dark areas.

He didn’t understand why he was getting so worked up, he was aware of the requirements of her job. Hell, he had even hired her himself. Just because she had chosen to stay with him last Saturday didn’t mean she was his, even if that notion had sparked inside of him after learning about that guy she worked with.

What if she had been hired by another man? Gave her body away for someone else to touch and consume? If it had been up to him, she would be here right now, writhing under him, screaming his name. But the possibility that she was with somebody else was making him fume.

He had always felt emotion very strongly, specially those feelings belonging to the dark side. But possession had never been one of them, not until recently, not until her. Why did she have to be so intoxicating to him? Why did her energy have to tune so perfectly with his that when she was not around his body was painfully aware?

The worst thing was that she wasn’t making him weak. Posing a threat to his power could’ve been the perfect excuse for him to forget about her and move on. But no, right at this moment, as he paced around his room, really trying not to destroy anything, he was feeling the dark side of the Force rolling through his veins with an unprecedented strength. And it was not only that, when she was near him and at ease, not seducing him as she so expertly could, the Light would fill him up with comfort and warmth, enabling him to be more balanced.

Kylo did the only thing he could think of at the moment. He needed to have a clear head for the gala one way or another, so he took a deep breath and sat on the floor to meditate.

He was normally met with that ocean inside his head. He would revel in the sounds of waves and furthermore focus his efforts on finding his center and calming it down. Today, as he tried to stay afloat in tides, he began sinking down. He let it happen, knowing where the pull was trying to take him, it only surprised him that it was happening now.

It was very uncommon that Kylo had visions. Up to this date he wasn’t sure what triggered them, but they had a way of coming when he didn’t even know he needed them. He had in some ways looked at them as gifts, even if what was shown to him had almost always been the acts precedent to the tragedies in his life. They were flashes of a possible future, accurate more often than not. He had one in his sleep the night before his mother had told him he was leaving with Luke to train. Another presented itself at the end of a sparring session with another Padawan, a week before the Temple burned to the ground. The last one had been in these same quarters, a month before he gathered the courage to murder Snoke.

What stunned him the most, was the fact that in this one, he was seeing her.

He always felt himself in the scenarios, everything developing from a first person perspective. She looked like she was arranging her hair into soft waves in the refresher. Looking around it seemed like his Finalizer quarters? Or maybe the ones in Starkiller, it wasn’t clear. Kylo always tried to remain calm in these visions, as to not disturb the scene in front of him. He was fighting the urge to grin.

She was wearing a dark grey dress, but on the fabric covering her left breast, the First Order symbol was embroidered.

Perhaps the vision was trying to tell him that his swarm of emotions was valid, that he did, in fact, have a future with her, one in which she didn’t work at Domar’s, one where she was near him.

“Want me to do your hair next?” Her future self said with a big smile on her face. She was mocking him, but Kylo only leaned by the doorframe with a slight tug on his lips.

She moved on to gather some pins to keep the hair out from her face. “I know you are nervous about the assembly, but I’m sure you are going to do great and finally change the fate of the whole galaxy.”

Kylo just stood there in silence. He had no clue what she was talking about but maybe the quiet would make her talk more. The fact that she looked so beautiful with that color made everything more difficult. It suited her perfectly, dark with a glint of light, just like her.

She sighed as she looked at herself one last time in the mirror before turning towards him. With that graceful walk she came close to him, placing both her hands on his chest. The action felt familiar, she had done it a couple of times with him already, maybe it was one of their things? His head tried to wrap around that thought. He never had ‘things’ like that with anybody else before.

“I wish I could be there to see you from afar.” She was looking at him through her lashes. Something inside him encouraged him to lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead. She hummed in content. “But rest assured I will be thinking about you all the time dear.” The term made Kylo feel tight in the chest, she had always referred to him as Kylo, or Master if she was feeling frisky. He liked the endearment.

“Now hurry, before I jump on you and make us both late.” She said patting on his chest and separating herself from him. Kylo watched her move around him, and towards the kitchen to where a pot of caf was brewing. Everything looked so natural, like she belonged there.

Taking her sentence as his cue to leave, he started towards the door. The lines were starting to get blurry and he knew it wouldn’t be long before the vision ended. He spotted his helmet and as he was about to put it on, he was stopped by a hand on his arm.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?”

Kylo felt the tug of the Force and he let it guide him on what his future self would do. As a puppet, he let his feelings do the work, and surprising himself, he reached for the back of her head, pulling her near, and planting a kiss on her eager lips. Under his breath he muttered something he hadn’t even intended on saying, but that seemed to be recurring between them as she responded so quickly.

_“Mine…”_

_“Yours…”_

Returning to his place on the floor, there was no doubt that he felt more calm. The vision reassured him what he had unconsciously thought about through the weeks. She was one way or another going to be his.

Still, there was a sour taste in his mouth. His Force visions were usually warnings that something terrible was going to happen. This one in particular didn’t seem like one. It was full of elation as opposed to the normal imminent threat.

* * *

He felt her energy as clear as day, and relief coursed all throughout him as he entered the gala hall for the second time that evening. His mood had not been the best, but it was a clear improvement from the one he had when he arrived to Starkiller.

He couldn’t believe she was actually there, and when he spotted her, looking all pretty and dressed up for the occasion, other parts of his body were reacting. The plunging neckline and exposed back of her dress were simply sinful.

Mutual understanding rose between them as she made no efforts to approach him, proving her intelligence all over again. Kylo saw how she elegantly dismissed every man that approached her and felt her untainted pleasure every time she indulged in one of the great variety of pastries. He would get her as much delicacies as she desired.

But then that lowlife officer dared come to close to her, and he knew he had to have her sooner than he expected. He didn’t miss Hux’s gaze trained on her as well, and as he gave it thought on why she was actually there, having her cumming on the General’s desk while Vicrul kept a dutiful watch on him seemed like the perfect payback for going behind his back.

He didn’t even care if he got himself off, his mind revolving around the vision he had earlier about her in a First Order uniform and telling him she was his. Attacking her lips desperately, he knew he was coming on too strong, but now there was no doubt in him he wanted her close by. She soon caught up, and the best part was that she didn’t question him. She had not seen his Force vision, yet she was giving herself up to him completely.

There was simply no better pleasure than to see her come undone by his mouth. He counted the minutes to have her again on his quarters, and he felt great satisfaction that at the end on the night, she seemed completely at ease.

When Cardo finally took her to his quarters, her skin felt like fire. It was a subtle flame that bruised his calloused fingers as his hands covered the expanse of her body.

Inch by inch, he felt like he was unwrapping his own personal present as he carefully removed the straps that held her fabric upwards. This time there was no need to rush, he wanted to roam free on her nakedness and enjoy what he had been neglected of this whole week, this long and tortuous week.

Conflict rose inside of him. Not the one he used to feel before as he so desperately wanted to get rid of his light, but a simpler one, gratifying even. He couldn’t decide if he liked her better dressed up in some lingerie or like she was right now, completely bare.

Up to this date, Kylo considered himself a terrible human being. All his decisions in life, ever since that fateful night at the Temple, his surrendering to Snoke, and the destruction of entire planets, felt like a weight he would have to carry the rest of his days. Every single hateful, power-hungry, vile deed, made him what he was right now, and he was not appreciative of it. First Order officers would envy him and the power that he gained every day, but Kylo understood now that he had been doomed ever since he was born. His position was not something to envy, it was a burden, one that he felt obligated to see through, his resolve never once faltering.

But this woman, this beautiful creature, breathing harshly as he took her neck with his lips, that whined at the feel of a nip of his teeth and that squirmed when his hands groped on her plush breasts, he was thoroughly appreciative of. This night, he wanted to show her that.

He laid her in bed with a gentleness strange to him. It wasn’t going to last long, he knew this and hoped she knew it too. His fingers were struggling from gripping at her skin forcefully. He just couldn’t understand how he gone so long without her.

Trailing down her neck with his mouth, next her collarbones, and making a pause to focus on her nipples, he thought about just minutes earlier. Her small body pressed against his, desperately trying to make him dance with her, all on her personal volition. It didn’t seize to amaze Kylo how much she searched for his contact.

Maybe it was the respect that he had always held towards the Force that granted him her willingness to be with him, to put herself in danger by dealing with Hux or entering that big hall full of snakes, just to come and see him.

“Kylo… I want you inside me…” Her words were like music to his ears.

The air changed around them, and Kylo knew he could finally let go. He wanted her warmed up and ready for how he planned on fucking her, but after hearing his name surfacing over her increasing moans, there was no way he could control himself any further.

Grabbing her waist, he moved her more into the bed. Reluctantly separating his body from hers, Kylo began shedding of his clothes. He saw how she propped onto her elbows, to better look at him. In her eyes he was able to see something so recognizable, the passion driven desire in which they always stepped around was now ignited with hunger from her side.

When he was done, he reached up for her again, but before she was able to wrap her arms around his neck, he quickly turned her around. Her breath hitched as his large frame rested on top of her small one, relying on his forearms to not completely crush her.

Taking his sweet time, Kylo felt the urge to plant kisses all over her back, relishing how her body responded to each ghost of a touch he left on her skin. Shifting his weight, one of his hands shot towards his length, pumping slowly. He knew she was about to beg again, but he shut her up by letting her feel the head of his cock teasing between her folds.

Gathering a large sniff of her hair, his lungs deflated as he slowly entered her. The gasp she let out was not lost on him. Kylo groaned at the feeling of her insides, wet and perfect, just for him. He didn’t know if it was the angle that was making her feel this tight, but her moan when he had finally sheathed himself completely inside heightened his senses.

He would admit he did not give her much time to adjust before his hips started crashing with hers with speed. Reaching out a little towards her, he knew she was barely keeping it together with the feeling of fullness she was experiencing.

Without pulling out, an arm snaked around her body, pulling her up so that she was on her hands and knees. Her back arched instantly, making Kylo growl and plant an especially big love bite above her shoulder blade. With more freedom of movement, she was meeting each and every one of his thrusts with her hips. The sounds she was making were able to erase everything else around them, breathy little moans and the repetition of his name coated with craving.

She moved her hands forward, latching on to the top of the headboard, making her back almost touch Kylo’s chest. Wanting to feel her even closer, he moved one of his hands to rest on top of hers, intertwining their fingers together. The need to look at her was growing, so he hurried to move her hair to the side.

Her head moved to the side, allowing Kylo to press a fervent kiss on her lips. He knew his thrusts were getting forceful, her muffled cries an evidence of it, but he was getting lost in the middle of the energy flowing around them.

“Do you feel it darling?” He was surprised at how low his voice sounded, given that he was drowning in lust. With a snap of his hips, the only response he got from her was a loud moan.

“Who is fucking you right now?” His head was at the crook of her neck, whispering in her ear. Her skin was filling with goosebumps. He was getting feral, but she was taking it all so well, like she always did.

“Say it, scream my fucking name.” The order came out as menacing, but he felt her walls slightly clench around him. She was embracing the dark too.

“Ky-Kylo Ren…” Her breath was hitching, both their bodies melding perfectly. Her response was not good enough for Kylo, he wanted to hear her scream in pleasure, so he shifted his knees, making her open her legs even more for him, and the hand that wasn’t holding hers latched to her waist, assisting on pushing himself further. He was sure if the walls to his quarters were not soundproof, the whole ship would be awake right now. 

His teeth grasped at her lobe, trying to distract her from his punishing pace. “For whom is this pussy clenching for?” Her head moved to give Kylo more access to her neck, to which he promptly complied with wet kisses there.

“Kylo Ren…” Her voice faltered just a little at the end, but it was still not enough for him.

His hand on her waist drifted to tug on her hair lightly. Kylo knew she was getting close, he was getting there too soon enough.

“Who is gonna make you cum?” Now it was his voice that was slightly crumbling. He felt full to the brim with passion, his hips staggering already. She was reacting to his words and falling over the edge.

“Ky…” She tripped on her own words with a high pitched groan that went straight to Kylo’s cock. 

“Who-who owns this cunt?” He was certain she was the only one able to hear his words, but as soon as he had said them, he felt her pussy start gripping him even more despite the slick coating both their legs now.

“KYLO REN!”

There it was. Just the reaction he wanted. Giving in to the familiar sensation, Kylo bridged into her mind a little, and as both their orgasms rippled through their veins, they were both sent to another level of ecstasy. With one last thrust of his hips, he whispered what he had been silently willing to call her as all night.

“Mine…”

Just as he was coming down from his climax, he heard her mutter something under her breath. Clear as day for him, especially after the vision he had, as she carefully rested her head on the pillows and closed her eyes, completely oblivious of the significance of the word for Kylo.

_“Yours…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swore there was going to be more plot development in this chapter, but the gratuituos smut got in the way 😁. Once again, I regret nothing. 
> 
> Thank you for all of your comments and those who have followed me on tumblr! I love you all and I'm soo excited for the next few chapters ♥︎


	25. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! I always makes notes at the end, but I wanted to include some warnings for this chapter.  
> There will be mentions of violence, drugs, and physical abuse at around the first half of the chapter. 
> 
> Also, please note that we have a perspective change, from Kylo's to reader's pov, it is marked with two rows of "**********"
> 
> Hope you like it!

It wasn’t long before she fell soundly asleep to Kylo’s touch and caresses. He knew he had been brutal, the bruise on her shoulder blade already turning green and her trembling body struggling to move. With some audible whines from her part, he had successfully tucked both of them under the covers, her body acting like a magnet to his frame.

The whole scenario still felt new for him, having spent so many years without that kind of affective touch, let alone sleeping with someone next to him. But as her head found way over his shoulder and a hand laid on top of his chest, the worries that often plagued his head vanished. This was a feeling he didn’t expect, didn’t know existed and didn’t want to let go of.

The logistics of it all was still a little uncertain, even if he had subconsciously been planning for it all week, but in the morning, before she left, again… he was going to offer her a position in the Order. Even without knowing she was going to be here tonight, he had a brief meeting with Pryde right after his meditation, in which he asked him what positions were available in the Finalizer for a “new talent” he had come across. The information the General had sent him was now sitting in his data pad, he just needed to pick one, the one that could suit her best, one of the privileges of being the Supreme Leader and all.

Nepotism was not uncommon in the First Order, Hux was a clear example of it. It had bugged Kylo for the longest time, especially in the first few months of becoming Supreme Leader. What kept him sane, was the silent understanding that if anyone, no matter how they had gained their position, proved to be incompetent, they would have to pay the consequences, which were often fatal at his hand. Kylo had a feeling that if she accepted, she would go off about how she wouldn’t want special treatment. For some reason, he knew it wouldn’t be necessary.

Glancing at the clock, he saw that she had been asleep for almost an hour already, all while the wheels in his head were turning. Gently untangling her limbs, he heard her groan, probably at the loss of warmth, which caused him to slightly grin. Her body curled up again after he stood up, her long hair splaying all over her pillow.

 _Her pillow_.

The one he would not dare touch after she was gone tomorrow. Kylo silently put some sweats on and made his way towards the couch, were his data pad rested, and sitting down on the cushions, he began browsing through the report Pryde had sent him. He would give her time to think about it, the possibility of a sudden rejection almost as distressing as the dread of waiting for her answer, but he didn’t want to push her.

After some concentrating, he found one similar to what he knew she did on the side at her current workplace, one regarding ration and food supply to a couple of the Order’s bases. It was a good job, one that a lot of people would kill to get, but Kylo knew that if she accepted, it was not going to be because of the perks, it was going to be because of him. He silently hoped she would say yes.

Losing track of time in the midst of reviewing some plans for the rebuilding of the fuel facility in Steriva, the one the Resistance had previously destroyed, a whimper resonating in his ears brought him back to the present. Returning his attention to the woman in his bed, he frowned at the sudden change in her energy.

Standing up and locking the data pad, he walked towards the bed. Her brows were all crunched up, and above her exposed back, a slight coat of sweat glistened in the dark. Her body fidgeted from time to time and with the white glow coming from the window, Kylo was able to see how her muscles were tensed. He knew all the signs as he too had been a victim of them countless nights.

She was having a nightmare.

He had no idea how to proceed, should he wake her? Her anguish was suddenly hitting him in waves, what could be the source of it? His eyes shot towards her ribs, which guarded her hitching lungs, the pale scar more visible than before. A buried memory came forward as the bed dipped to accommodate his body beside hers.

He remembered being that little raven haired boy in Chandrila, **_Ben_** _,_ tormented by awful images when he closed his eyes from far a too young age. His mother had a way of knowing when his nightmares were really bad, and when she was not out on her many political trips all over the galaxy, she would do something with the Force to soothe him in his sleep. It sometimes worked, it sometimes didn’t, and even though he was asleep, he knew it was her signature lulling him.

Taking a deep breath through his nose, he positioned himself sitting next to her still anxious body. Trying to mimic what his mother used to do, he lifted a hand towards her face, but instead of the torturous mental probe he often did, he began sending hints of Light towards her. The practice felt foreign even though he often meditated on this side of the Force and used it to heal himself from really grave injury sustained in battle. His selfishness and position never really required him to use this sort of abilities on anybody else. His Knights would probably prefer to literally die before allowing something of the sorts to be inflicted upon them.

She immediately started to relax her body, but her affliction was still very present. Kylo couldn’t help the curiosity that was eating him up, it would be so simple to just peek a little inside. As if on cue, he felt her tugging at the peaceful energy he was providing, dragging him into her mind.

It was so cold, which struck Kylo since all he had ever coming from her was a distinct warmness. The woe that hit him suddenly almost made him figuratively stumble. He was able to form the shapes in front of him, the tall buildings, the cruisers going at high speed, luxury reeking into his pupils. He figured he was at some place similar to Canto Bight, if not there. Why would she be having nightmares about a place like this?

Then he saw her.

He had turned around to face the other side. He had not noticed that what he had been staring at were ceiling to floor windows, inside of what looked like a hotel room. Her gaze was fixated on the glass as she laid down on the floor, a harsh wheezing sound every time her chest tried to rise.

Her lip was busted and a small trail of blood exited through the corner of her mouth, the rest of her body was littering with bruises, turning her pale skin into a mixture of yellows and blues. Kylo’s stomach dropped as he realized the reason behind her rib scar. As clear as day he was able to see the outline of a boot, that seemingly had struck her so hard and continuously that part of her skin had opened. Shreds of glass were also scattered around her body, a particular large piece lodged in her hip.

Kylo scrambled to her side, sinking to his knees, trying to comfort her in any way, but he only got one single reaction from her. One emotion he hadn’t pinpointed earlier but now was engulfing the air around her.

Hopelessness.

He had seen many gruesome things in his life, but for some reason, this was actually affecting him. He knew this was not just a fabricated scenario from her imagination, it had been the reason for her sudden disappearance about a year ago, but knowing it still haunted her in the form of nightmares made him feel sick. Her emotions felt too similar to what he had been through before killing Snoke, a never ending cycle of mental pain. Knowing he wasn’t helping her any longer, he snapped out of her head.

A loud gasp came out of her lips as she suddenly sat forward in the bed, lungs desperately trying to get some air. For a moment she was choking in her own saliva, Kylo could tell. Trying to calm her down, he instinctively latched on to her shoulders, pulling her close to his body. Her face buried into his chest, and even though she wasn’t crying, her breaths were coming harsh and spaced out. He could only think of running his fingers through her hair, patiently waiting for her to calm down.

He had never comforted anyone before, but he had never felt more compelled to it than right now. After an eternity of silence, Kylo heard her sigh. “You saw it.”

She didn’t move from her place in his chest, letting him hold her still even though her muscles had relaxed a while ago. Her voice was shaky, but her words weren’t a question. “I felt you there.”

Nodding in silence, he moved to lay down, bringing her with him. She didn’t put any fight, as she avoided his questioning eyes and fell on top of him. His big arms were cradling her head close to him, a hand still playing with her hair. Kylo didn’t want to ask her, but a small fire of rage had ignited within him. The person who had dared done that to her would pay. He would make sure of it. As if she knew what he was thinking, she spoke again.

“They never really figured out the guy’s real identity. He just came into Domar’s one day with a fake name and a big wallet.” Her voice was just above a whisper. Kylo couldn’t believe the ineptitude of her boss, he was internally seething, but he didn’t show it for the sake of keeping her talking.

“Said he was a hotel owner in Canto Bight.” Her body tensed for a second. “He took me there and…” She shifted from under him shaking her head as she sat again pulling the sheets close to her chest, threatening to leave the bed. “I’m sorry, I probably woke you up and I’m just rambling right now… It’s late and you probably have things to do in the morning.” This was a sensitive topic for her, she wasn’t usually this coy. With a gentle hand, he forced her to look at him by resting it on her cheek.

“Tell me. I want to know.” Kylo made sure to keep his tone soft, something he wasn’t used to, but in her current state, he was sure he wasn’t going to get the answers he wanted by forcefully demanding.

She sheepishly nodded and continued. It was so out of character seeing her like this, her usual confidence wavering at the reminiscing of a dreaded memory. “That first night we visited the casinos, everything was going fine, until he started doing _ryll_.” Kylo tensed a little at the word. The Order was having some trouble subduing a crime syndicate that moved that particular type of spice in one of the mid-rim planets they controlled. It was a dangerous drug.

“He got erratic and mercurial, and I started to feel unsafe, so I went back to the hotel room to call my boss and ask for a transport, but he returned before I finished packing my bags.” She grew quiet for a while. He knew that silence, even though he wasn’t in her mind anymore, he knew she was replaying the events.

“He said he wanted to get some of what he paid for, didn’t like that I refused.” She let a shuddering breath out, probably done with her story. Kylo’s hand moved to caress her back, trying to relax her while on he was livid on the inside. Between gritted teeth he asked a question whose answer would surely set him off.

“Did he force himself on you?” His tone was low, the image creeping on his fury. He was glad she wasn’t looking at him.

“No, I think he forgot about that in the midst of beating me.” The cutthroat words made Kylo’s chest feel suddenly tight. There was no doubt in him that the guy had his days counted. For a second he thought she was done talking.

“I couldn’t work for a while, so I handled the administrative issues for Domar’s.” She paused. “You were my first client after him.”

A pang shot through Kylo’s gut. Even though their first encounter had been glorious, he had not forgotten the outburst he had with her, and he was sure she hadn’t either. How she still wanted to spend time with him after that was just a mystery to him. He sighed. “And I threatened you with my lightsaber.” Regret coated his words.

It wasn’t an apology, but knowing all of this, he realized how difficult it must’ve been for her to deal with such a terrorizing killer as himself. And he had been a complete asshole.

She shrugged before taking in a big breath and lowering her body next to him again. “I guess, but I felt that you really didn’t want to hurt me.”

That much was true.

After that, nothing else was said. Her eyes slowly closed as she looked outside the window next to his bed. Her energy became normal again and Kylo knew she was at ease again. He on the other hand, was far from it, but he decided he would swallow his anger for the time being, he wanted to hold her close at the moment.

*************************************

* * *

*************************************

It was almost laughable the amount of sleep you both had gotten that night. In between leaving the gala almost at its ending, the dancing, the fucking, and your midnight terror, no more than two hours passed when the sun began shining on the snow from outside.

You had fallen asleep looking at it while resting on Kylo’s chest and now the reflection of light on the white was bothering your closed lids. You wished you had Kylo’s Force powers to just move a finger and close the curtains, but being the human that you were, you were going to have to stand up. Silently groaning, you detached yourself from the soft human furnace beneath you.

A shiver ran through your body as your naked skin made contact with the air. “Fucking ice planet.” You muttered under your breath.

“I thought you liked the snow.” His voice startled you at first, but glancing his way and seeing that beautiful face of his with a sleepy expression was enough to make you grin.

“I like watching the snow fall, but I hate feeling cold.” Seeing him all bunched up beneath the covers made you suddenly feel very naked. You hurried towards the window.

“Then why are you standing there naked?” A smirk covered his features. You knew for sure he was eating you up completely with his eyes.

You were desperately trying to move the piece of fabric hanging from the rod, but the damn thing wasn’t budging. “Because. I don’t have telekinetic abilities like you and the fucking light was pissing me off and… Fucking hells! Why doesn’t this thing fucking move?!” The irritation on your voice was palpable and notable thanks to your incontrollable swearing.

Giving up, you turned towards Kylo again huffing and furrowing your brows. You were about to go on a rampage about how his curtains were stupid and useless when you saw that his hand was pointed to the metal hooks that held the fabric. The smirk was even wider now.

“You are a dick.” You really tried to sound pissed off, but that cocky little smile was doing things to you. You opted for rolling your eyes.

He chuckled. “Come, bring that foul mouth of yours here and I’ll keep you warm.”

How were you supposed to say no to that? You liked that he was growing more comfortable with you, his real personality occasionally peeking through that cold exterior he always had. You thanked the Maker for making you trust that gut feeling when you had first met him, that feeling that drew you to him.

You remained there for a while, between the sheets and stolen kisses that more than once got heated. Your cunt still ached a little from last night’s endeavors, his words still resonating in your core. He had called you his, and surprising yourself, you had agreed. The crude reality was that no one had ever fucked you like he did, but more importantly, no one had made you feel the way he did. Even though you were trying very hard to just let things flow and appreciate the moments you had with Kylo, you were silently aware that new emotions were rising with each time you saw him.

That morning, you rode him slowly as he desperately held on to your flesh and placed marks over your chest with his lips. His big palms trailed over the expanse of your back as he let you take control of the encounter, his body resting against the headboard that now had scratches from your nails. The feeling of your hands holding his broad shoulders as you grinded with his cock inside of you, combined with his hot breath covering your collarbones and neck when he nipped at your sensitive skin, was a quick recipe to take you over the edge.

Your head will fall back in pleasure and Kylo would be quick to grab the back of your neck to make you face him again. With those browns, and his unforgiving cock, he was piercing your very soul, making sure you saw the face of who was owning you right now. When he held on to your waist tightly and began bucking up his hips, hitting that special place with each thrust, it was over for you. He spilled inside you moments later, both of you breathing heavily against each other.

You both showered and decided on a naked breakfast in bed, it the most perfect Sunday morning you had had in a while. He called to get you some clothes and one of his cowls, sending you off with Cardo towards your quarters to pack with the promise of swinging by before you left to say goodbye.

It was weird seeing the Knight with a helmet on, but on the long walk you were able to make him confess about how one of the other members of his posse, one called Kuruk, had gotten smashed last night and was now the subject of their teasing.

It made you laugh how he said everything with his staple stoic voice that sounded even more terrifying with his modulator.

* * *

A sense of dread was filling you as you placed the last of your toiletries in your bag. You double checked that you weren’t forgetting anything in your head, makeup, pin, curling iron, yeah, everything seemed fine. You had also left your book on the dining table, hoping Kylo would spot it before a droid threw it into the trash. Temptation to take the heels Hux had given provided rose, thinking he would definitely have no use for them himself, but you didn’t want him to have anything over your head. Stepping out of the refresher, with your bag in hand, your mood picked up just a little noticing that Kylo had arrived.

He was taking his helmet off as the finality of this visit was sinking down on you again. You didn’t know when you would see him again. Even if he asked you to stay, you had responsibilities back in Lothal, you were already extending your graces with Terrgar a lot, but in the other hand, it would feel weird for you, and you thought that for him as well, if he hired you. There was no doubt you would gladly accept, but things were different between you now.

After placing his mask on the table, he sauntered towards you, a peculiar expression on his face. When he was close enough that you had to crane your neck up to properly look at him, he grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. You wrapped an arm around his middle. The silent farewell heavy between both of you.

“I have something to ask you.” His voice sounded a little hoarse, probably he had raised his voice in the meeting he told you he was going to attend. You kept quiet. It was nice that with Kylo there was no need to speak every time for you to understand each other.

“Have you ever imagined what you would have been if you were not working at Domar’s?” A flash of Poe’s face and his arms around you crossed your mind quickly. Trying to shake it away, you stiffened a little before separating yourself from Kylo. Another memory ran through, you at 15, desperately trying to get out of your house, looking at a recruitment flyer from the First Order. Your mom screaming at you to hurry up cut you off before you could see more of the information.

“There is an open position in the Finalizer, one that I believe you could manage very well with your skillset. I know you don’t share many of the First Order’s ideals, but I think you understand my ultimate goal.”

You couldn’t do anything but gulp, this was not what you expected this morning to go as. You could tell he was getting restless at your lack of words and widened eyes.

“You are offering me a job?” Your tone reeked disbelief, but not in the condescending manner, you were genuinely surprised. 

“Yes.” He breathed, his own body turning a little tense too. His eyes suddenly left yours, as if he was looking for the next words to say. “You are well read and from some of your comments I already know that you are smarter than a bunch of the Officers and Lieutenants currently under my command. Your mindset is something I would like to have in the Order.”

When he turned towards you again, it was you who had to look away.

“I will respect whatever your decision is, I’ll have the proposal sent to you. Take all the time you need.” You could sense he was getting uncomfortable. Before he would leave you spoke again. There was something you needed to ask before you parted ways.

“Is my skillset the only reason you are offering me this job?” Your voice faltered a little but it still came out strong. After everything that happened las night and in the morning it felt strange to be talking this formally with him. When you finally looked at him again, you noticed that his features had softened.

Approaching you and placing a finger under your jaw so that you wouldn’t drift your eyes away from him, he spoke. “I need you to understand that I genuinely believe you could do great things.” He sighed, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “And I hate when you leave.”

That was all you needed to melt to his touch, reaching for the back of his neck, he did not waste a second before leaning down and placing his lips against yours. You reveled in the feeling of this proximity, not knowing exactly when you would have it again, but now, an open possibility for it to be frequent.

* * *

It had been two weeks since you had seen Kylo, two slow, uneventful weeks in which your mind swirled through your options. He had sent you the proposal, and honestly, it wasn’t bad. You had told him you needed some time to think about it and he assured you that you could call him when you came to a decision under the name of Meira.

You still hadn’t made a decision.

Workdays had also been slow, apparently some tension had rose in Lothal due to rumors of a Resistance base in the outskirts, retaliation from the First Order only a matter of time. Not only you, but all of the girls hadn’t been scheduled for a commission. Lothal, being an Outer Rim planet, did not have a clear allegiance with any of the sides, also a silent planet in the Senate, which made everything even more dangerous.

That grew a pit in your stomach, the reality of your possible job sinking in. It was kind of ironical honestly. You had always viewed the war in an impartial kind of way, in academic point of view you might say, only to provide insight when randomly asked about it by your clients and as a personal interest of yours.

Now, you were considering joining one of the sides, and with it, opening to the idea of further advance whatever it was you and Kylo Ren had. It was riveting. There was no denial that the man had a particular effect on you. You were drawn to him and he, on his part, was drawn to you, that much had been proven to you over and over again with your passionate encounters.

Not only that, but you would also be leaving everything you had ever known, everything you had built for yourself. Ever since leaving your biological family, Terrgar, Poe, Marla, and this job had become your life. Were you really thinking about leaving all of that for a man who you really didn’t know? To join his cause?

Sure, the possibility of getting to know him better with time was there, but what if he got bored of you? You had to remember he was not just any other man, he was the Supreme Leader of the First Order, on a mission to gain control of the whole galaxy. He had said he would respect your decision, whatever it was, and the promise of a life without selling your body to whoever could pay your price was tempting. Maybe, even if he got tired of you, you could actually build a career, something you had always secretly longed for, but were the First Order’s ideals the path you wanted to take?

His words resonated in your head. Had anyone ever believed that much in you? Your family certainly hadn’t, Terrgar had given you various responsibilities, but those where child’s play compared to what you would be dealing with in the Order.

You and the girls had opted to catch up on your studies during this time, yourself being the teacher for a couple of classes on the current laws being set in these times of war. You had been scrolling over the holo-news for a while now in your data pad in one of the common rooms when the clearing of a throat catched your attention.

“What are you doing here Dameron? Aren’t you supposed to be in your new secret job?” you said rolling your eyes. Poe hadn’t really talked to you ever since letting you know he had become a pilot, which had frustrated you a lot, but with the current dilemma on your head, you hadn’t really tried to force it out of him.

“I actually came here for you. Do you have some time on you right now?” In his eyes there was something you couldn’t really determine. His hand had stretched towards you to help you up your seat. Ignoring it, you turned your attention again to the screen in front of you.

“I’m busy.” It wasn’t going to be when he felt like telling you what it was he was caught up upon. You knew you would exasperate him with your answer, which was definitely your main intention.

But apparently Poe was set on getting you to come with him. It was a little unsettling, but maybe you could use the time to talk about what you were considering. He would be angry, you knew it perfectly, but maybe he would also see the upside of not working at Domar’s anymore? He had finally got you out the door, and as you took the scene of Lothal, you quietly feared it would change if the First Order orchestrated an attack on the city. For some reason, he didn’t seem like the Poe you were used to, it seemed like something was bothering him.

“You seem nervous. Where are we going anyways?” you said after a whole lot of mindless walking. He wasn’t using his normal walk, his movements a little stiff. What threw you off the most was the fact that he hadn’t smiled that cheeky grin of his at you. Probably bringing up your new job offer right now wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Reuli’s Cantina.” The answer surprised you, maybe he was taking you out for some friends drinks again? The whole situation wasn’t sitting right with you, maybe some liquid courage could crumble the wall of tension that was resting between you.

“I want you to meet my new boss.” Before you could question him as to why he wanted you to meet his employer in such strange circumstances, you were both standing in front of the cantina’s doors. Just as you were to demand answers as to why he was acting like this, Poe grabbed on to your hand, a futile attempt to comfort you because it seemed fake, dragging you inside. 

Entering the cantina, it was way more calm than it had been the last time you were here, given that it was the middle of the week and quite early. The ambient music played at a lower level and in general it would’ve felt nice if it hadn’t been for all the secrecy and weird behavior from your friend.

“Last booth on the right.” He said, pointing at a secluded table at the very back of the establishment, his gaze not meeting your eyes.

When you started for it, you noticed his strides were aiming in the opposite direction. “Where are you going?”

“I’ll be there shortly, I’m gonna get us some drinks.” Your brows furrowed. Meeting a stranger was the last thing that you needed to deal with right now.

“Poe, you know what, I think I’m leaving, you are acting very strange and for some reason I think you are mad at me for something. I don’t know what is going on with you, but right now, I couldn’t care less about meeting your boss.” 

This caused Poe to tense up. Finally getting close to you and meeting your eyes, he rested both his palms on your cheeks, the touch feeling more sincere. Flashbacks of his kiss lit up with this proximity. You had avoided thinking about it for the sake of your own sanity, mentally dealing with a particular dark leader was enough weight, but you couldn’t deny that it had been a good kiss, filled with the release of frustration of walking around each other for years.

“Please just talk to her, for me? I told her about you and she wants to meet you.” His voice was low, eyes piercing you. With the way he was looking at you right now there was no way you could say no. But why the hell would Poe talk about you with his boss? It didn’t make any sense. Sighing you nodded, earning a small smile from Poe.

He let you go and began walking towards the bar. Approaching the booth, you were able to see a woman who, at first glance, looked way too overdressed for the setting. You noted her posture and movements as she noticed you, a complete regal energy coming from her. You had never seen her before, but you got a feeling she was a person of interest. Quite literally forcing yourself to sit down across from her, she lifted a hand to shake with yours, a warm smile covering her features.

“Hello Y/N, nice to finally meet you. I’m Amilyn Holdo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thankyou all for reading and putting up with my shit 🖤 
> 
> Things might be moving slow, but I PROMISE we are getting there, sooner rather than later. 
> 
> Sending all my love 🖤🖤🖤


	26. Betrayal

_Amilyn Holdo._

The name rang a distant bell for you. Her eyes were kind, collarbones peeking from her dress, a mass of purple hair the most identifiable trait. Taking her extended hand, you shook it with care, your mind still on alert for the situation. Whatever matters she had with you would have to be quick, since you were on the verge of walking away from this nonsense Poe had orchestrated.

You remained silent, eyeing her intently, not giving her the pleasure of showing any kind of emotion. You waited like this until she caved and spoke again.

“I know you are a busy woman, so let me get to it.” Her demeanor changed a little, her head stood a little taller, and her back straightened. She seemed like she was going to talk business now.

“The Resistance has been more than pleasantly surprised with the work you’ve delivered so far. Never in a million years did we expect to have this kind of opportunity, even less now that the stakes from this war have risen exponentially.”

Your body tensed up.

Before you could stop it, your brows furrowed uncontrollably. Your mind was spiraling out of control. You should have seen this coming, all that talk from Poe about wanting to do good in the galaxy, and what his father died trying to achieve, of fucking course he would join the Resistance the first chance he got. But what really made your stomach turn was another piece of information the woman had fed you.

‘ _The work you’ve delivered so far…’_

You glanced over to Poe, who was still at the bar with his back turned to you, purposefully avoiding your gaze. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you knew you needed to compose yourself to understand what the woman was talking about. Preparing your voice, you opened your mouth.

“I wouldn’t call it work, but more of like a favor.” Using the same tactic you had used with General Hux, you hoped this woman would buy it.

“Oh please, don’t discredit yourself. Honestly, when Poe and Marla first came up and told us about your particular situation, I couldn’t believe it, but after hearing the recordings you gathered, all command knew this was a big thing.” Apprehension crept in. Her warm smile now unsettling.

“We were told that technical difficulties impeded you to record inside of the gala, but your relationship and the job he offered you, could really give us the advantage we’ve been desperately searching for.”

You almost threw up after hearing those words that your mind desperately tried to process. Marla, the recordings, the gala, the job, your relationship… It was all coming together.

_That motherfucking pin._

It had to be it, there was way too much coincidences to overlook it. You didn’t have it with you during the gala, and left it in your assigned room when you slept with Kylo. Only when he came to say goodbye did he offered you the job, and the pin was right there in your bag. You remember regarding the rock that stood in the middle of the ornament, too big and strange, it made you feel weird from the beginning.

And Marla? Your insides shifted once more. So that’s why she was so pressed on asking you about Kylo every time you saw him. Not only that, but she also had General Hux around her finger, now you knew the reason why she put up with such a disgusting human being. You scoffed and stifled a humorless laugh.

Holdo seemed unfazed at your inner turmoil, continuing with her rambling. “Now, when are you planning on giving him a call to accept his offer? It’s just that we need you to go to base before you leave, you know, to file you in with the details, objectives, means of communication, extraction strategies, that kind of stuff.”

You were done listening to her. Your hand lifted to stop her mouth, your expression stoic. This wasn’t really her fault, you imagined the Resistance scraping the ground for leads, they thought you were on their side, completely unaware that entering the First Order was something you were genuinely considering. Not on their terms though.

You couldn’t, refusing the idea of betraying Kylo completely. Yes, the Resistance held more humanitarian ideals, perfect advocates of democracy, a system of government that supposedly gave everyone a voice. But obviously something was wrong, because last time you checked, it was the galaxy’s current situation, and its results were far from ideal. Criminal organizations everywhere, slavery still present in some planets, snakes hidden in the Senate as well. What would they even do if they won the war?

“I’m gonna stop you right there. I’m sorry you were misguided as to where my allegiances reside, but I do not wish to be caught up in the middle.” Your voice was as clear as could be expected, lacking that particular bite you wanted to deliver. “Those recordings were taken without my knowledge or consent, and let me make something clear, I have no wish of becoming a pawn in this war.”

Holdo grew silent, her face morphing into seriousness. Not giving her the chance to mutter another word, you stood up from the booth and quickly made your way out, not sparing a glance at Poe.

By the rattling of the doors a few seconds after you had exited, you knew he was following you. Your mind was in chaos. Things had gotten so out of control you were not able to keep track of them. A grip on your shoulder and the sound of your name made you turn around. You didn’t even think about it.

Your hand went up and you slapped the man in front of you. Hard.

Poe’s expression was stunned, but as he oved his hand towards his reddening cheek while clenching his jaw, you knew he wasn’t mad. “Okay maybe I deserved that.”

You huffed in disbelief. “Fucking asshole.”

Sensing your intentions to flee, Poe latched to your shoulders, forcing you to face him. The anger you were feeling at this moment almost made you want to spit on his face. “Please, just listen, let me explain.”

Forcefully shifting out of his grasp, you couldn’t contain yourself anymore. You started screaming, not really caring if anyone was nearby. “What did you think was going to happen?! That I was just gonna nod and blindly agree to spy on the most powerful man on the galaxy? That I was going to put my life in danger just to feed your and Marla’s heroic desires?”

“You got to calm down…” His expression hardened as he looked around searching for anyone who could eavesdrop.

This only served for your anger to boil. “I don’t want to calm down! You used me! And the worst part is that you didn’t even tell me about it.” The betrayal was rattling your bones. Never in a million years had you expected this coming.

“I’m sorry okay?! It’s just that Hux did not end up inviting Marla to the gala and I knew you would’ve said no if we told you.” His eyes were suddenly drawn to the floor.

His apparent shame did nothing to simmer your anger. “Damn right I would have. Do you have any idea of what you just did?” Your nose was flaring as he remained silent and slowly lifted his gaze. 

“Just think about all the people that would jump at the opportunity to even slightly affect Ren, and now, thanks to you, they know who I am.” Your finger connected to his chest and pushed slightly. “Worst part is that he might be unbothered if something happened to me.” It was weird voicing the self-doubt you had sometimes about this whole thing with Kylo. You had come to terms with the fact that you had slowly started to care about him, even if those feelings might not be reciprocated.

“They won’t do anything if you agree to help us! Don’t you see it? I’ve seen and heard the guy. He has feelings for you,” his voice suddenly lowered as his eyes left yours. “I recognize the signs all too well.” Before you knew it, his hand had reached for yours, sporting a strong grip. “If you were on our side you could give us the most valuable information any spy dreams to gather.”

You sighed. He truly wasn’t getting it. “Did you ever stopped one second to consider I don’t want to be a spy? That I don’t want to put my life on the line for something I don’t believe in?” Without the adrenaline of revelation, your anger had begun to transform into sadness.

In a hush, he dropped your hand as he desperately started to run his fingers through his hair. “How can you be this selfish?! There is a war going on in the galaxy, whether you want to see it or not. You can’t just keep ignoring it by dancing on a stage, not anymore!” He had raised his tone of voice, which you didn’t like. Already fed up with the whole situation, you matched his volume with finality.

“I won’t do it, and you can tell your friends at the Resistance that it’s your fault for keeping things from me, for taking advantage of our friendship.” Your legs started moving to get away from him, making you way back to Domar’s to process in peace.

“So what? You are going to join the First Order now? Do you believe in _their_ ideals? Full of oppression and based on terror? Is that who you want to become?” His words made you stop in your tracks. That was the real question wasn’t it? What had been tormenting you for two long weeks.

“It’s not that simple.” You felt him behind you, and even though your voice was low, you knew Poe had heard you. Before you started walking again, you heard his distinct chuckle, only this time, it was void of humor.

“You have feelings for him too, don’t you?” Images of Kylo holding you close after your nightmare and how safe you felt in his arms flashed before your eyes. How he had called you his and how you had so easily agreed, that whole perfect morning that kept making you smile in the middle of the day. Yes. You had feelings for him whether you wanted to admit it or not. Your sudden silence was enough of an answer for Poe.

“I’ll be damned.” Circling your body to stand in front of you, he started to invade your personal space. “HE IS A MONSTER.” His volume shocked you, your body becoming stiff. As he sensed your change in demeanor, he sighed, softly lifting both his hands and grabbing your face for the second time that day. “Can’t you see that?” 

“You don’t know him.”

“Neither do you.” You saw how the bones in his jaw moved. His voice lowered. “He is a killer, soulless, capable of destroying entire planets in a blink of an eye, you know this.” You knew what he was doing, using proximity to try and unbalance you. “And I know you…” his thumb began caressing your cheekbone and for the first time since you had met Poe, you flinched at his touch. Where you once found comfort, only deception was found “I didn’t want it to be you, but I am not surprised that he took interest in you. Just, please Y/N… Imagine what life could be if we took the First Order down, what _we_ could be.”

You grasped Poe’s wrists with your own hands, slightly caressing his skin, and in his eyes you could see the hope that he might’ve convinced you. For a second, you tried to envision the possibility of what he was saying, but your mind remained blank. You loved Poe, but this time he had taken it too far, and no amount of nice words and promises would make you forget what he did.

Your head shook from side to side as you removed his hands from your face, your eyes answering him. His whole expression became grim as you slowly turned your back on him.

This time he let you walk away.

You felt your emotions at the top of your skin, each movement making you feel raw and weak. You just wanted to get in bed, get lost between the sheets, and never be forced to emerge into real life again. But there was one thing you needed to do first.

Caring little about Domar’s door hinges, you strode inside your home/workplace with purpose, passing the door of your room in the way. Not bothering to knock, you forcefully opened the door of your destination, making your way to the dresser.

You didn’t have to fumble a lot to find what you were looking for. Finally connecting eyes with that characteristic grey, you threw the pin to the floor, effectively crushing it.

Marla remained silent from her place in her bed, sitting up to be more at level with you. Just as you had suspected, two little wires and a small microphone emerged from the insides of the decimated rock.

“I tried to warn you. I told you to be careful, that he wasn’t just any other client.” You were baffled, the eyes you had once seen as kind were now cold. You could give her the award of the ‘Galaxy’s Best Actress’ right at this second. “But you kept going back to him. You left me no choice.” She was speaking so casually, lacking the forgiving voice Poe had. She didn’t need to ask you to know you had turned Amilyn and Poe down, the betrayal and hurt you were feeling was written all over your face.

“I left you no choice? How about just, maybe, not lie to me? Huh? How about telling me you worked for the Resistance?!”

“Shut up! Someone is going to hear you.” Her gaze softened slightly. “I’m sorry, we wanted to wait and recruit you the right way, but the gala was among us, and I saw that you were getting very close to him.”

You didn’t notice the way your nails were burying into your palms, the tension making you feel sick. She stood up from the bed but kept a significant distance between the two of you.

“I heard the recordings, if you agreed to work with us, you could really help us. You are very smart, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

You couldn’t digest her persuasion, you had enough of this for one fucking day. Her unbalanced morality was almost comical. She was honestly trying to make you side with her using guilt? As if she hadn’t thrown away years of honest friendship the first chance she got.

Fact was, you didn’t feel as awful with her as you did with Poe, you were just done wasting your energy away with her. Rolling your eyes you just exited her room and almost sprinted to yours, making sure to lock the door after you.

A treacherous feeling engulfed you, its root was a place you hadn’t touched in a long time. When you left your family, you had been okay with being alone, they had always been indifferent towards you, and disappointed later on. You had never felt love from them. It was as simple as that. They weren’t the nicest but they were also not the meanest. You had come to regard them as passing faces in your life.

Now, sitting in your bed alone, you felt absolutely stupid because you had honestly thought that the void of love inside your heart had been fulfilled by what you considered your chosen family. Poe, Marla, and Terrgar. You felt like you didn’t even know them anymore.

Poe and Marla used you to gain points for the Resistance, people you considered to be your best friends. Terrgar might be true with his feelings, but at the end of the day, it didn’t change the fact that you worked for him and your relationship was majorly transactional. You felt like a lost piece of a sick game that everyone around you played. A person only used and discarded for someone else’s benefit. Poe and Marla were supposed to be your friends, but they had treated you no better than Hux did, and _that_ realization was the one that hurt the most.

Sighing, you realized there was only one person who had been honest with you since the beginning. Someone who seemed to feel something genuine for you, something neither of you cared to define, but that felt very real and where you had undoubtedly found comfort and warmth in.

 _Kylo_.

Not wasting another second in exasperation, you stood up and grabbed your personal comm-link, careful to keep your voice leveled despite your crushing emotions. The line rang a couple of times, until a female voice greeted you stiffly.

“This is Meira, from Kalinda, calling for Supreme Leader Ren.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay ya’ll, let me get something out of the way, I’m an Aries, so I live for drama, and I think this chapter shows it. 
> 
> Sorry for it being too short, this week was a lot and it was kind of difficult to write this. I think I will be posting the next one pretty early in the week sooo yeah 😅
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	27. Revelation

You were walking dangerous waters, that much was certain.

Kylo didn’t give you much time to prepare the speech you were now silently repeating in your head before he had told you he was on his way.

There was something desperate about the tone of his voice that was making you feel uneasy. You had told him that you wished to speak to him in person regarding the offer he had made you, but he almost sounded mad? Maybe you had reached him at a bad hour or you had taken too long to answer.

You needed to tell him you had been contacted by the Resistance, it was something you didn’t wish to have over your head later on. The tricky part here was getting him to believe you had no wishes to help them. Your confession could be seen as a tactic to get him to trust you. You weren’t afraid of him, but the possibility of him lashing out would always rest in the back of your mind. Besides, you had to thread the explanation carefully, he would sure have questions about how your meeting with Amilyn had come to be, and even though you were hurt from Poe and Marla’s actions, you didn’t want to put them on Kylo’s radar.

Which is how you found yourself driving in the middle of the night into a sector on the outskirts of Capital City. You had never been here, but the coordinates he had given you were pretty straight forward. The speeder you were on was in deplorable conditions, you often preferred to walk everywhere, but this distance was considerable.

He said he didn’t want to alert anyone of his presence here, and you understood. With the knowledge that the Resistance was in fact very present in Lothal, the last thing you wanted was to transform this little late night visit into a full on battle.

In the distance you were able to distinguish the outline of his black ship, how had he gotten here so fast was lost on you. Maybe the Finalizer was near Lothal’s atmosphere. Your deep breath came out as silent under the sound of rumbling of the half dead motor below you. Having no clue how the night was going to play out, you hoped it would survive enough for your way back.

The air was kind of cold at this time of night, and you were tempted to blame it for the shiver that crept down your spine as the ramp before you lowered. Keeping your steps light, you entered the main area of his ship. The layout was the same as you remembered from when he took you to talk to Brooba the Hutt, but the air was more stiff.

“It looks good on you.” His unmodulated voice startled you as he emerged from the cockpit. Your brows furrowed until you quickly realized what he was talking about. You might’ve stolen the cape he had lent you at Starkiller by secretly hiding it in your bag, but having seen his closet and spotting several of them, you were certain he wouldn’t need it back. It had unintendedly served as a piece of comfort during your time apart, and now, given the nature of your encounter, it served you to pass unrecognized among the streets.

Lowering the cowl that partially covered your face, you tried to relax yourself, knowing he could sense your emotions. “Thanks, I uh… I’m sorry I took it.” Meeting his eyes almost made you sigh, he shouldn’t wear a mask with a face like that. He looked so at ease and content at seeing you, making you feel silly for thinking he was mad at you before. He would sure be mad in a couple of minutes.

His body came close to yours, ungloved hand reaching the back of your head as the other made home in your waist. “It’s fine.” With some sense of delicacy, he placed a soft kiss on your lips, like a natural greeting. It made your belly flutter and granted you an ounce of relief, even if it was short lived. He separated from you before giving any indication of deepening the kiss. You wished you could stay in that moment forever, one full of placidness of seeing each other again. But he was much too smart to sense better. “What’s wrong?”

“I have something to tell you.” You were definitely not looking forward to this.

“About my offer.” He easily remarked. He didn’t have any idea of the storm going on in your head. Well, he surely had a clue, as your palms had begun to get clammy and you didn’t need to be a Force user to know something was bothering you.

“Yes, but, there’s something else too.” You removed the cape completely, the room feeling too hot all of a sudden.

Kylo eyed you curiously as he gestured for you to sit down in one of makeshift seats. You gladly obeyed, feeling your legs start to shake lightly. “You are nervous.” His tone had grown more serious, probably being on edge at seeing you act this way, so out of character. And just like that, you couldn’t take it any longer. Deciding on ripping the band aid off, you looked down to your lap as you blurted out your next words.

“I was contacted by the Resistance.” You felt the second he finished processing your words as the energy in the whole room changed. Your sudden anxiety was making you no favors as you suddenly felt very small in front of his full standing figure.

Your eyes shot downwards to your lap, your fingertips suddenly becoming mesmerizing. His scrutinizing gaze was something you couldn’t handle right now.

“When?” His words were void of any emotion, an invisible obstacle standing between you from which any kind of sentiment had vanished. Maybe you had downplayed the gravity of the situation, for some reason you seemed to forget just how high the stakes of war were at the moment and who exactly was the person you were dealing with.

“Earlier today…” Your voice sounded small, the unsettling thing was that you hadn’t gotten to the worst part yet.

“And what did they want?” Every syllable was spoken slowly, almost sounding as a threat demanding veracity. You felt bad for making him force out answers from you by asking, but your whole speech had dissipated from your mind the moment you stepped inside the ship.

Forgetting about your fingers and grabbing the edge of your seat you finally spoke. “They wanted me to spy on you…” Your voice was so low it was almost not hearable, your face now looking to the side, muscles tensing up.

You were waiting for it, the moment you were dreading and on a certain level, totally expecting. Your ears prepared themselves for the erratic hum of his lightsaber, your eyes for the red hue that would cover the surfaces of the small space you were willingly confined to, and your skin for the heat. But it never came. You dared to look up at him only to find Kylo pacing back and forth, mumbling something to himself you were not able to hear above the sound of your own pounding heart. You felt yourself getting restless, making you stand up and open your mouth against your better judgement.

“I told them no.”

At this he stopped, still not facing you, so you kept talking. “Somehow they found out that you’ve hired me before and… they placed a bug inside my bag for the gala.” You wanted to get everything out before you cowered, a not very common attitude in you but that was creeping in right now.

What you wanted to say next was key, what would define if tonight ended in tragedy. “I’m very sorry.” You hoped he could sense that you meant it, as he had not moved an inch from where he stood. “I honestly didn’t know, but they only heard you offering me a job because I spent the night in your quarters and they saw it as an in to the Order and I swear I had no idea.” You were speaking very fast, almost rambling, but after that, you were done.

And for what felt like an eternity, you endured ice cold silence. His chest expanded and deflated, his fingers slightly twitching, now making you think he was going to use the Force on you instead of his lightsaber.

“Do you believe me?” Even though you threw your whole speech out the window, this was the part that remained the same, whether or not he believed you.

“I need to see.” The sentence came out from gritted teeth, you heard it, even if he still had his back to you. You knew what he was talking about, a pit forming in your chest, but you felt compelled to ask nonetheless. 

“What do you mean?”

“I need to look inside your mind.” It was obvious his rage was barely contained, his face turning just a little to look at you over his shoulder. It weighed on you now, his expression speaking more than a thousand words. He wanted to trust you, it looked like he really did, the mere thought physically straining him. But he needed to make sure, there was no way around it.

“To know if I’m telling the truth.” You said softly, your limbs moving on their own accord. You found yourself standing in front of him, eyes trailing from the clad that covered his chest up until the outline of his face. In a stoic expression, he nodded.

“Okay.” It was weird seeing those beautiful brown eyes so vacant, but this is how things were going to be. Maybe that was the expression he wore underneath the mask when he interrogated his enemies.

“It hurts.” He paused. “A lot.” You had heard your share of horror stories about Kylo Ren’s interrogations. You never dwelled in them, as they seemed too dramatic to be true. You should’ve paid closer attention as to get an idea of what to expect, but how were you supposed to know you would end up in this particular situation?

A harsh breath infiltrated his lungs and he was seemingly lost in thought. “Or I can let you walk away right now, if that’s what you wish, unharmed, to never see you again.” You were sure he didn’t spare a lot of people at the midst of treason.

It was a dark thought, not seeing him again. He had earned a space inside your mind even if you been together a handful of times. The sensations he donned you with ever since you met triggered something inside you, always present at the back of your head. If you left you would be stuck remembering every last detail of them; but knowing you wouldn’t be able to experience them again, by your own decision, would be plain torture. Some might argue that it was the most reasonable option, based plainly on self-preservation, who in their right mind would voluntary subject themselves to pain? But if you walked away, what would you go back to? To your “amazing” job? To your “friends”?

After speaking with Marla you had hastily came to the decision of leaving Domar’s, but after calling Kylo you had put more thought into it. Poe was right, things in the galaxy were changing, everyone would be forced to choose a side sooner rather than later, and there wouldn’t be any part of the galaxy who would come out unaffected. It was almost a miracle that tension hadn’t arisen in Lothal up until lately.

Did you ever imagined yourself becoming a part of the First Order? No. But did you ever imagine yourself being kissed so softly, fucked so roughly, or held so tenderly by the mighty Kylo Ren? Also no.

You quickly wavered your options once again, but there was no more thinking left to do. There was no doubt you were taking the biggest risk you had taken in your entire life, but for some reason, it felt right. Your hand made its way to his arm. “Do it.”

Your response floated in the air between you. That dense and stifling air making it hard to breathe.

It happened too quickly. From one second to the other you found yourself pinned to the wall. Kylo’s forearm covering the space above your collarbones, holding you in place. Strings of pain coated your back, but they weren’t as potent as your confusion. 

Sensing it, he spoke again, this time less cold. “You will subconsciously try to move away.” You could just imagine what kind of device his prisoners were strapped to when he did this to them, the pure thought made you grimace.

His other hand shot upwards, hovering in front of your face. You shut your eyes tightly, suddenly aware and expectant of the pain you were about to suffer. You hear Kylo sigh loudly and instead of the spams you were sure would present themselves, there was nothing.

For a moment you thought that he wouldn’t do it, deeming you not worth of all of this trouble, that he would just let you go into the night and stripping you of a new future. That concern faded when you felt his fingertips grazing your cheeks. Your eyes opened once again, a more familiar sight welcoming you as his gaze had softened. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear before his lips muttered words again. 

“Think of the meeting, remember it, try and bring it forward, it’ll hurt less.” You nodded, your eyes closing again as you pictured the inside of Reuli’s Cantina, now purposefully avoiding the times you looked at Poe.

No amount of gossip or told experiences would’ve prepared you for the wincing pain you began to feel. It was like if your brain was being shred to pieces with a machine specialized for your specific kind of torture. Far away you were able to hear your scream piercing the quiet of night, guttural, agonizing. You sounded like a wounded animal.

“ _Breathe darling. Please_.” 

Kylo’s voice resonated inside your head like a rumble similar to the way he spoke in the mornings. Hearing the endearment granted you a little peace as you rummaged through the distress to find the will to fill your lungs with oxygen. It was almost laughable how a human being could inflict so much pain as he spoke that softly. Trying to connect neurons together, you remembered of the task at hand. 

“ _Good girl._ ”

You went back to the afternoon, remembering Amylin’s purple hair and her warm smile, as your conversation started to play in your mind like a movie.

_“We were told that technical difficulties impeded you to record inside of the gala, but your relationship and the job he offered you, could really give us the advantage we’ve been desperately searching for.”_

You felt your initial shock all over again, the tone of her voice clear as day as you desperately tried to grasp to any distraction to the torment you were feeling.

_“Now, when are you planning on giving him a call to accept his offer? It’s just that we need you to go to base before you leave, you know, to file you in with the details, objectives, means of communication, extraction strategies, that kind of stuff.”_

The disgust engulfing you, simple denial of betraying Kylo surfacing. It seemed like he was not only looking for what the Resistance had told you, but also how you had reacted to it.

_“I’m gonna stop you right there. I’m sorry you were misguided as to where my allegiances reside, but I do not wish to be caught up in the middle.”_

Strong resolve, unwavering, all while needles were penetrating every one of your nerves.

_“Those recordings were taken without my knowledge or consent, and let me make something clear, I have no wish of becoming a pawn in this war.”_

Lingering sadness from your friend’s betrayal. NO. No. You didn’t want Kylo to see them, but it was like what you wanted or not was irrelevant at the moment.

Your traitorous mind suddenly shifted, adding dizziness to your misery. Poe’s face coming into view, a particular piece of conversation that you had desperately wished not to come forward.

“ _You have feelings for him too, don’t you?_ ” The thoughtfulness, then the realization ignited.

“ _I’ll be damned._ ” Dread of what he might say surged. “ _HE IS A MONSTER._ ” You felt the wince at his tone again. “ _Can’t you see that?_ ” You saw Poe’s palms grabbing your cheeks, the softening of his eyes as he looked at you. In the middle of your ache you felt Kylo’s grip on you tighten.

“ _You don’t know him._ ” Your words containing firmness, an honest earnestness.

The pain suddenly stopped.

You felt your legs going limp as you started falling to the ground, a couple of arms instantly grabbing you. That breath, the one just after the anguish, felt like a cure, the tendrils of dolor making their way out of your body as you felt Kylo holding you close.

Both your frames hit the floor gently as Kylo cradled you between his legs, waiting for your breathing to even. It took an eternity, and after you felt normal again, you stayed in the same position, your back now resting comfortably on his chest as he leaned on the wall.

Your question was still unanswered, but feeling his calm energy, you imagined that you had made your position clear. Just when your legs started going numb and you were considering to stand up, he spoke again.

“I’m sorry.” There were silent words following that, you knew it. He had told you he never wanted to hurt you, yet he had done just that. The scary part was that you had let him.

“It’s okay, you had to make sure.” You moved a little, just enough to be able to look at him. His face was now how you remembered dearly, no creases on his forehead, no flaring nostrils, just his beautiful face, looking right back at you.

Fingers gathered under your chin, as he slowly lifted you into position, and there it was again, the reason you had agreed to all of this. His lips roamed above yours, a taste of desire and delicate affection that could morph into lust with just a seductive touch. Yes. This was definitely the biggest risk you had taken in your life, but maybe it would be worth it.

“Are you going to come back with me to the Finalizer?” He said after pressing another kiss, this time on your forehead. Your eyes closed briefly as you relished the feeling.

“Yes, just, give me a day to sort everything out here.”

* * *

There were not a lot of times you had entered Terrgar’s office, giving that you dealt with most of your business in the common areas or at the bar, so when you asked to talk to him there, he instantly knew something was up.

“I’m quitting.” Saying the words out loud only contributed to the sinking feeling that this was really happening. It didn’t cease to amaze you how your life had drastically changed so much in so little time.

The privacy of the small room did nothing to muffle the volume of his words.

“YOU’RE WHAT?” Maybe it was real sadness what you were seeing in his face, not only anger at losing one of his girls and realization of how much money he would stop earning.

The lie you were going to tell him was too close to home, but you had to make sure it was believable. Logically speaking, it was not a good idea if your former boss spread rumors about how you were part of the First Order now, so he couldn’t know. It was bad enough that the Resistance knew who you were.

“This past year I’ve been silently struggling with what happened to me. I thought I was ready to come back, but everything with Ren and Hux made me realize I wasn’t. I’m way over my head.” The shock had not vanished from his face. You couldn’t really blame him, these sentences were something you never imagined yourself saying. “I’ve saved enough money to start over somewhere else, and I just… I don’t want to do this anymore.” 

Terrgar shot up from his desk and made his way to you, assessing the veracity behind your words. It was a tiring task trying to convince everyone around you were telling the truth, even if in this case, you weren’t. 

After a long silence, he spoke again. “Muffin, it’s okay. You’ve been a real life saver working in the administration, how about you go back to only doing that?” You had predicted he was going to say that, but by the glint of his eyes, the news seemed to have really affected him.

“Terrgar, I really just want to get away from all of this.” You turned your gaze away from him for dramatic effect. “Too many memories.”

You knew he had ate it up when a hand touched your shoulder. “I get it, you do what you must. I just want you to be happy.” You hadn’t judged him wrong, he really cared about you.

An honest smile spread across your lips as you pulled him in for a hug.

* * *

Kylo had told you he was going to send one of his Knights to pick you up in the afternoon, one named Trudgen. There was not much packing to do as you realized you wouldn’t have a lot of use for your skimpy dresses and high heels in a place like the Finalizer, but all your lingerie collection did make the cut inside your bag. Aside from that, you packed some of your favorite books, maybe you could convince Kylo of lending you some of his own from Starkiller if you got bored. It was certainly exhilarating thinking about what you were going to do now, but you tried to contain your wonder up until you got to the ship again.

There was just one more thing you had to do before you left this place.

You had messaged Poe last night after returning to your room, for him to meet you. He had not responded, and as you waited for around 20 minutes at your usual spot near the back doors, you had begun to think he was not going to show up.

Just before you were going to give up, you distinguished the brownish curls. His face was serious and it looked like he hadn’t slept the night before. You kind of looked the same, it was very late when you returned to your room.

His whole presence wasn’t his usual carefree one, there was something grim about him, and even before greeting you, he said “Where did you go last night?”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him. “You seriously can’t be expecting me to answer that.” He nodded while looking away, reaching for his pocket to take out his pack of cigarettes. Even though one sounded like glory, you refused when he offered you one, you needed to make this quick because he was late. “I’m leaving. I just came here to say ---”

His laugh interrupted you, making you instantly feel very uncomfortable. “I tried so hard to convince myself you weren’t going to do it.” You could almost touch the heartache in his words as he took a particularly large drag. “Guess I was wrong.” He looked disappointed, which was unfair, since he was the one who betrayed you in the first place.

So you sighed and got on to why you had called him. “There is a chance you have been profiled by the First Order. It might be a good idea for you to leave as well.” You knew Kylo had seen his face, and even though what he saw was not Poe explicitly talking about how he was a pilot of the Resistance, it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out he was involved with them. Even though you were still raging about what he had done, you didn’t want him to get harmed.

His jaw tightened as he silently nodded, not sparing you a look. It was painful to think that this was the way you were going to say goodbye to someone you considered to be your best friend for the longest time. Charming, and sweet Poe, now not bearing to look at you because of apparent disgust.

You were about to walk away when your own mouth beat you to it. “Will we see each other again?”

His cigarette had almost burned out, as he flicked the ashes before putting it again between his lips. “I hope not.” A pang shot through your chest. “We are on different sides now, I can imagine the circumstances won’t be pretty if we do.” With a flick of his fingers, the cigarette ended in the disposal. He looked at you with sorrow, which you were certain you were portraying as well. 

Stepping closer to you, he gave you a tiny side smile, like he was finally figuring out that this was in fact a goodbye. You let him put his arms around you, as you softly wrapped yours around his middle. You could hear his sharp breaths in your ear, but you soon realized he started whispering.

“Don’t react to what I’m going to say, please just listen carefully. Nod if you understand.” The tone if his voice was low, as if someone nearby would be listening. Tensing up a little, you nodded once.

“There is a mole in the high ranks of the First Order, they will make themselves known to you when you get to the Finalizer.” You wanted to separate yourself from him, tell him that you didn’t want to hear it, but he sensed this as he held you more tightly in place.

“If you ever change your mind or feel in danger, contact them.” His lips pressed on your cheek in a gentle kiss, one deeply contrasting to the grip of his fingers into your skin. You remained rooted to the ground, incapable to move. Before you can say anything, Poe had let you go. Suddenly feeling light-headed, you saw his frame getting lost between the alleyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but I loved writing this chapter in particular so much. Let me know what you think! 😬
> 
> P.S.A. !!! I didn't address this in the story, but I feel compelled to include this note, let's remember reader was a sex worker, so even if I forgot to instate it in earlier chapters, she wears an implant or something of the sorts. I just don't want to misguide anyone when I write that she feels sick or feels like throwing up, I use that as a nervous emotional response. 
> 
> Anyways, sending you all a lot of love. ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎


	28. My Dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo POV

It was relieving to feel her presence again.

He would never admit it to her, but he was nervous. Not for today in particular, but for the first few weeks in the Finalizer. What if she didn’t like it here? The ambiance of the ship was perpetually cold and serious, and even though she did not have the bubbliest personality, a trait that he certainly enjoyed, it would take her some adjusting.

He received a message from Trudgen the moment they landed in the hangar, and he purposefully sought her signature out. In the middle of all the screaming consciousness of engineers and officers, there she was, and with a needle of awareness, he realized she was excited. That made him grin under his mask in the middle of the meeting he was at.

What had happened the last time they saw each other was delicate business. It made Kylo realize several stuff. Firstly, he became aware of the fact that if she hadn’t told him anything about the Resistance or given him any reason to be diligent, he would’ve blindly let her into his life without so much as a second thought. Him, the Supreme Leader of the First Order. It would’ve been reckless, something he couldn’t afford to be with the current stakes of war. He always trusted the Force, and something about her felt right to him, but even so, he should’ve been more cautious.

Secondly, he still couldn’t believe she had willingly submitted herself to the pain of a mental intrusion. Searching memories and specific information was agonizing for the victim, it required a big channeling in the Force that strained the nerve endings of the subject. Present thoughts and emotions were different since most people projected them without even knowing.

What he saw in her head also kept him awake at night. The Resistance had sent Amilyn Holdo, her familiar face triggering something in Kylo’s gut, which could only mean one thing.

They had her completely profiled.

Probably his mother knew about her too. There was no more doubt in his mind that, had she not accepted to come to the Finalizer, she would’ve been in danger one way or another. Kylo knew Amilyn was well into the high ranks of the Resistance, a loyal companion to his mother even before the organization was born. It was a sick feeling, because if anything had happened to her, it would’ve been just because he couldn’t bring himself to ignore her energy, or just keep it in his pants. Or even worse, she might’ve joined the Resistance, and if she had, he also knew whose fault it would’ve been.

Poe Dameron’s.

The name now felt sour on his tongue and the twinge of jealousy he had felt when he first learned of his existence had grown into a full hatred. He had guessed right, the man was allegedly a part of the Resistance’s fleet based on some intel Trudgen was able to retrieve from a drunken Rodian at a local cantina just before he had returned to the Finalizer.

Trudgen’s previous indifference and now growing suspicion of the girl was the reason he had appointed him to her care on the time they were apart. He sensed his Knight’s disapproval of her ever since before the gala, reason why he trusted his reports would be more thorough, which they had been.

Before that specific day, Kylo had been restless. He insisted that she took as long as she needed to decide if she wanted to take his offer, but the waiting was killing him. Two weeks, two full weeks he had gone without her, and even though his mind had been whirling all day with new attacks of the Resistance in their outposts, his mind and all preoccupations faded the second she entered his ship in the darkness of night wearing his cape.

There was nothing more he wanted to do than kiss her then and there, but he knew something was wrong. The moment she told him the Resistance contacted her, he was awfully reminded of their circumstances.

But then she let him into her mind, even when he gave her an out. As twisted as it sounded, Kylo felt more connected to her after that. He felt the betrayal from her friend, the impending feeling of having no one on your side, one he knew too well.

And now? Now he was counting the seconds before looking at her face again and taking her in one of the many ways he had fantasized about. It was a weird emotion. All he had been looking forward to the past decade of his life was achieving power, gaining control of the galaxy, and as soon as he obliterated the Resistance, he would get it. In the middle of it all he knew he had been losing himself, living just to fulfill the path he was born to be in, if one could even call it living. Loneliness had become a second nature to him, his existence deemed more of a tool than that of a human being.

He was glad he found her, and her way to make him forget about everything, or how she could heighten his sensations to make him remember he was actually living. A person whose behavior and actions showed that she was on his side, and if the Force wanted, he would be on hers too. He didn’t concern himself with how serious things were between them, with time they would figure it out.

Things just were, and they were good, and now she was here. For now, that was all he needed.

“There have been bombings in five of our Inner Rim outposts. The bombs have been getting more complex in nature, making repairs costlier. It looks as if the Resistance’s efforts have been turning to affect our image more than our numbers, since casualties have been minimum.” Hux’s voice brought him back from his reverie. 

“Two of our allies, Arreyel and Bastatha, have begun to raise questions about our reach, especially in inner planets, were our presence is bigger in size.” Pryde chimed in.

Kylo gritted his teeth. He knew the Resistance did not have a lot of resources, their manpower was spread across the galaxy in small bases to avoid large conglomerations and an easy and definitive attack, which is what was making them so hard to eliminate. Besides, the First Order had many affairs to attend, seizing control of the galaxy did not mean just erasing opposition, it also meant the organization of government, eradication of crime syndicates and the dealings that came with trade routes, all bowing to the First Order. Going on a wild hunt for rebels all across the galaxy was simply not an option.

“If I may, Supreme Leader, Starkiller’s weapon is three weeks away from being functional, and I think a test run on some opposing planet would be enough to convince our allies of our power and lower the Resistance’s hope.” One thing that exasperated Kylo was Hux’s attitude towards Starkiller. The whole development of the weapon was assigned to him by Snoke, which Kylo decided not to revoke when he rose to power, but he was now regretting that decision.

“Options.” The voice modulator sounded as cold as he intended. Despite acknowledging the logic behind a move like that, the idea of destroying a complete planet was not something he was truly looking forward to. Kylo searched to become a different ruler than Snoke at all costs, and this would be one of the things he would’ve agreed to right away. But as politics commanded, he needed to take into account his council’s opinion.

“We are in need to find a new fuel supplier after the attack on Steriva. The leaders of Caltama have refused to make an alliance with us to sell us their fuel, so they would be a perfect example to anyone that opposes the First Order power even after peaceful negotiations.” Hux’s eyes were piercing at him, almost in challenge. Kylo desperately wanted to suffocate the grin out his face. Not even taking the ambassadors of Caltama to Domar’s had persuaded them to sell their supply to the First Order. 

Pausing for a long time, he thought of the best way to approach the situation now. “The construction of the base has been _‘almost done’_ for at least two months. We’ll revisit the subject of Caltama when Starkiller is actually ready, General” Kylo relished the way Hux’s cocky smile slowly faded away in humiliation. A couple of nods spread across the room just in time for Kylo’s patience to drain. “Dismissed.”

There was no specific way to notice what time of the day it was as he strided the corridors with purpose, the windows only provided the darkness of space, but Kylo knew it was late. He had ordered a silently reluctant Trudgen to show the girl where her official appointed quarters were, not that she would be using them much anyway, and more importantly, the best route to his own room.

There were still some details to their new situation they needed to discuss, like how their activities would have to remain a secret for her well-being. Even though she was now in the “safety” of a First Order ship, Kylo was the most aware that it didn’t mean someone wouldn’t jump at the idea of using her against him. The worst part was he knew now that she wouldn’t want to cooperate, which could make her circumstances even more dire.

That thought presented itself as an ache in his chest, one that had started off as warmness when he felt her arrive, now morphed into tightness. He found himself in front of the doors of his chambers. Maybe it had been a mistake bringing her here. Maybe it had been a mistake even talking to her that night he saw her dance. He knew better, everything and everyone around him ended in tragedy. He should’ve just ignored her, demand Hux to switch clubs since that first night.

Taking a deep breath, he warily opened the doors with a gesture of his hand. Crossing the corridor, he saw her at simple glance. She was sitting in one of the couches, legs crossed underneath her, shoes long discarded, too entranced at whatever she was reading on her data pad to even notice he was there.

It was a whole vision on its own. He savored it differently than when he would look at her when she was sleeping, but she irradiated the same serenity. Could it be? Could this be his life now? What he could look forward to when the night settled in and all of his other responsibilities were done for the day?

A loud squeak from his boots alerted his presence. No flinch, no fright, just her shifting her gaze and looking up at him with a fucking smile on her face, even after he had physically hurt her endlessly the last time they saw each other. She looked genuinely glad to see him. The room that often presented a threat of solitude to him was now filled to the brim with her energy, making the visor between his eyes and real life suddenly too much space between them.

“Hi…” her voice was sweet, honey to his ears.

He frowned underneath his helmet, the motion of quickly taking it off in her presence becoming automatic. She sucked up her smile, trying and failing to hide her apparent glee. It didn’t seem like she needed an answer from him. What was he supposed to say anyway? He didn’t have much more time to consider when her frame stood up and sauntered towards him. Pressing both of her hands in his chest, she greeted him again with her eyes.

Leaning down to kiss her was an instinct, one that he never expected to have. The coldness of the room was swiftly leaving their bodies, replaced by rumbling hunger. In her emotions he could sense the overall the longing, she too had missed being able to have him like this. The details of life in the Finalizer could wait, right now there was only one thing he needed.

The word “mine” just kept repeating itself over and over in his head as he managed to use his hands to pull her closer to him, deepening the kiss. Her hair was down too, surrounding his gloved fingers as he sought her body even more, taking in her smell and feeling. He wanted to say something, anything, give her some tranquility or a piece of his mind he knew she was scraping pieces for. But he didn’t, now they had all the time in the world to get to that.

Clothes began to get discarded as he reveled on how his touch left goosebumps on her skin. In reality, there was no need to say anything else, why would it? From a time in the past they had already begun to understand each other wordlessly. Desire was dripping from his lips and he wholeheartedly decided to let it spill on the crook of her neck, earning some well-deserved shudders from her.

He had waited too long. Two weeks were just enough to ignite the craving in his gut, and now there was no one who could stop him from taking what he wanted. Even though he couldn’t believe it entirely, he knew she desired him as well, and as both their naked skins began to make an appearance, he couldn’t see an end to it.

Today he wanted to look at her become unhinged, make her feel things that he was now going to make to make sure no one else could. She was going to be his, and by the way she was whimpering when he sucked a piece of skin on her neck and how she was whispering his name above her breath, she was going to let him.

The taste of her lips was always something unexpected, something he couldn’t have prepared to with all the training in the world. Together, they moved in unison in a way Kylo wasn’t sure if she was following him or if he was following her, they just melded together at a beat just right for each other.

Her hands slipped around his neck and her legs around his waist as Kylo completely hovered her in the bed, their clothes carpeting the cold floor. She was now with the First Order, potentially working to help him on his quest with a loyalty he honestly couldn’t find easily in his ship. It was something he couldn’t even fathom, how could this creature, so small and beautiful, would be willing to take a chance on him.

Snoke, Luke, and his parents had really done a number on him, making him question everyone who dared come close to him. But her, he had looked inside her mind, felt her intentions, seen her come close to him even though all logic oriented her to stay away.

His mouth travelled from her neck to her sternum, pressing soft kisses that this time, wouldn’t leave physical remnants. Her sighs were like music, only spurring him further to move to her now fully peaked nipples, taking one between his teeth, he internally smiled at her body lifting itself lightly from the bed in response. Soothing her ache, he moved his tongue around it, making her grip his hair between her fingers. He released her nipple with a pop, moving hastily towards the other one, sucking and nipping until she let out a little cry for mercy.

The Maker was to blame, it was the only explanation Kylo could find for the need to have his mouth on every inch of her skin, especially her cunt. But it seemed like he wasn’t the only one thinking something similar, as he felt a dainty hand in his shoulder when he was reaching the lower parts of her abdomen with his wet kisses.

“I want to taste you too…” her voice was low, but enough for Kylo’s dick to twitch between his pelvis and the mattress. Shifting from his original plan at the promise of something new, he moved up the bed to lay completely on his back.

He didn’t even have to voice the words “sit on my face” for her jump on top of him, presenting her cunt like a gift for him, and lowering her torso to eagerly grab his cock in her hands. Even though this was a completely different sight, it was just as divine. He moved his tongue to trace a line over her slit, a teasing gesture to respond at her soft and kitten-like licks all over his length.

With the help of his thumbs, he managed to open her up a little bit more to find his mission. Gliding a circle around her slowly hardening clit, he savored the muffled mewl from her. When the warmth of her mouth finally enveloped him, he couldn’t help the moan she elicited from him. It was like a game of give and take, if Kylo dared bite gently at her swollen lips, she would take his cock out of her mouth and softly graze the front of her teeth over his tip, a motion so cautious and dangerous at the same time that left tingles all over his large legs. If she briefly gagged on how deep she was taking him, he would suck at her clit and threaten a finger around her entrance.

He didn’t want to go in yet, even though the idea of making her cum while she was on top of him and servicing his cock was appealing. He wanted the first thing for her to feel to be his cock, stretching out her insides and filling her completely.

As he increased the speed of his tongue he realized he wouldn’t be able to last long in this position either, her moans coming as hums around his cock as her head bobbed up and down at a steady rhythm. It was too much all of a sudden.

His hands moved to her waist, not before giving her a well planted smack on her ass for her to be alert. Her mouth left his dick and even though he couldn’t see her face in this position, he knew she was furrowing those brows of hers. With his strength and a little help of the Force, Kylo lifted her body up, hoisting himself up and aiming for the end of the bed so that he could comfortably sit with his feet on the ground with her still on top of him.

With her back now almost flushed to his chest, he guided her hips just above his cock, allowing her to get the idea. His hands moved around her body, encircling her frame, granting him the ability to reach her breasts and also to keep her steady. With an intangible connection, she began pumping him with the slick of her saliva and slowly guide him to her entrance.

The view from there left him breathless. Watching her sink down his cock, the line of her spine in display, her unruly hair trying to cover it, and her ass bouncing just the right way with every one of her movements. A painful moan shredded her throat as she took him inch by inch. He reached to press small kisses on her back, taking the taste of her skin.

Her hands landed on his knees to gain more balance and ride him properly, allowing Kylo to grab the back of her neck and watch her pussy bury his cock on its confines. He had never had sex like this, none that felt so good and at the same time felt so intimate even if they weren’t looking at each other’s eyes at the moment. Her tightness surrounded him, warm and welcoming.

He tensed the grip on her neck, making her body still, her knees pressed hard on the mattress. With his other hand he gained support behind him as his hips started bucking into hers with an even greater speed. With every thrust he was able to feel the pattern of her walls, steadily tensing up on him and hurrying his own climax.

He heard her scream something out him, the words blurring with his arousal, but better yet, he felt it. Her cunt began clenching indescribably and it was impossible for him not to shoot and paint her insides in that moment.

Her body fell forward from bliss, but even in his haze, he was able to catch her. Both of them were panting nonsense, but content either way. Pressing one last kiss on the crook of her neck, he lifted her up from him, placing her almost limp body on the bed.

“Can we take a bath?” Her eyes were closed and her voice hoarse, but he enjoyed seeing her like that, all fucked out. He would make sure to leave her like that more often.

“Sure.” He glanced at the clock, it was still late, but not late enough to not indulge her. Any other day, Kylo would still have a couple of hours of tossing and turning in his bed before he fell asleep.

The pats of her bare feet on the floor would’ve been undetectable for anyone other than him, but as he turned from the tub he was preparing, he saw her standing in the doorway, leaning by the door and above all things, biting her lip. His smile was well concealed under his normal serious façade. Extending a hand for her, they dipped in.

The tub fit both of them just fine, her body resting in front of his, letting the hot water surround them. Pleasant silence filled the air as she traced lazy patterns on his arms. Normally he didn’t have the time or the patience to take a bath, but with her body cuddling up to him, and the relaxing smells of the oils and bubbles, and her steady heartbeat so close and so naked, Kylo found out he didn’t mind it.

“Are you going to lend me some books for the shelves in my room?” the peace wasn’t disturbed by her words, soft and subtle.

“Huh?” He had only heard her absentmindedly, lost in the trance she had put him in, like a beautiful sorcerer.

“Yeah, I mean, the room you gave me is kinda void, and---”

Before she could say anything else, he interrupted her. “The room is a formality.” He could see how she would’ve misunderstand the situation, but the reality ushered him to have her close as much as possible. “I want you to stay in my quarters.”

“Really?” He had to give it to her, Kylo didn’t do much in terms of appeasing her, he would have to work on that. Crossing one arm around her middle and brushing his lips above her shoulder, he nodded. He knew she was smiling.

He had, in fact, sent for uniforms and things she might need to be delivered to his room, avoiding the spark of rumors by solely commissioning the task to his droid, TC-712. 

“When does your assignment start?” She had thrown her hair up into a high bun, giving him perfect access to her neck and ears, which he nibbled carefully, half trying to fill her with goosebumps and other half relishing her hot skin under his lips.

“Tomorrow morning at ‘ _cerosevenhundred_ ’ hours, did I say that right?” He wished he had a mirror on the wall, just so that he could look at the placid expression she sure wore right now.

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Yes.”

She remained silent for a while, her hands fumbling with the water. Most of the ship’s crew was sleeping or far away enough that their consciousness wasn’t bothering him, and her mind also quiet to his awareness, making the moment evermore peaceful.

“What do people call you around the ship?” He knew the real question behind it, ‘how do _I_ call you?’ Their dynamic had silently changed so greatly, from hiring her as a sex worker, to having her willingly, to hiring her again as an employee of his organization while still having her willingly. Kylo just hoped things would flow as easily as they had lately.

“Supreme Leader.” He secretly awaited the day she would be forced to call him that in front of other people without a hint of lust.

“Hmm.” The took an eternal pause, enough to make Kylo close his eyes momentarily. “And what do you want me to call you inside these walls?” The question was odd, maybe she was wondering if decorum would also be needed when they were alone. It was a silly thought, but he answered anyways.

“However you wish.”

Her chest rose a little signaling a deep breath, her nipples almost showing above the line of water. Leaning a little bit closer to him, if it was even possible, she moved her head to the side, thinking long and hard.

“ _Dear.”_ His breath hitched remembering his vision. _But rest assured I will be thinking about you all the time dear,_ she had said at that time. Things were starting to align for that vision to come true, what he still couldn’t figure out, and was purposefully avoiding on thinking, was the reason he had seen it. It had no destruction, no sadness, and no negativity, unlike his other ones. Maybe it had been a different type of vision for once.

“May I ask why?” His eyes were open again, taking in her profile.

“I’ll tell you, if you tell me why you call me darling.” She had a hint of a smile on her lips, one that he was on the verge of sharing, until he really began thinking about her question.

It had been random when he had said it the first time, he remembered it coming out as natural from his lips and enjoying it enough to keep calling her that. It suited her. His little, bratty, darling.

But then he remembered.

Flashes of his father calling his mother that began to run through his memory, a young Ben looking up at his parents, the times when they weren’t arguing with each other, seeming like the perfect family. Another one of his father towering over his mother, giving her a kiss before stepping on the Falcon’s ramp. _‘I’ll see you soon, darling.’_ looking at her and _‘See ya later, kid._ ’ looking at him.

When he snapped out of it, all his body had tensed. The arm that looped around her, probably too tight and accusatory. She had tensed as well, placing her hands on his legs, in what he thought was an attempt to ground him.

He was just about to stand up from the tub, leave the room immediately to avoid the conversation, but as if she had read his intentions, she spoke again.

“I started reading one of your books while you were working, one about the Force.” Her words came out as rushed, but soon slowed when he remained in place. “It said that it’s something that flows amongst all things, but a very few people are special enough to wield it.” He focused on her, desperately trying to bury the thoughts he had moments ago.

“Back in ancient times, way before the Empire, the word ‘dear’ in Basic meant special or valuable due to scarcity.” He was more relaxed now, kind of curious where she was getting at.

“I thought about that a lot today, and I don’t think being able to use the Force is what makes you special.” he began to frown as her body turned to face him. In her eyes he could almost see her soothing nature, filled with intensity and a hint of care.

“At least not to me, _my dear_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering if I felt absolutely filthy after writing the smut, yes I fucking did. I regret nothing. 
> 
> I'm sorry for the late update, last week I had all my finals, good news is I'm finally free so we're back to regular schedule 😊. Again, thank you for reading, we're just about to hit 8,000 hits and 300 kudos and I just, I mean, I can't even. 
> 
> Sending you all much love ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎


	29. Assignment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is a visual of what our new uniform looks like, just imagine it dark grey colored. It's the one on the right. ♥︎
> 
> https://i.pinimg.com/564x/15/c3/e6/15c3e608fbb7b50b24782476e71b6e62.jpg

Warm, warm, warm all over. It was the same feeling that enveloped you each morning.

Waking up took all your personal will and strength. Nobody could blame you, not really when Kylo’s arms and body almost always were on the brim of suffocating the life out of you. The first nights you had spent together he had been more shy, just positioning himself so that you could scoot close and lay above his chest, maybe a rogue arm would circle your back or straddle your head.

Now, for some reason, you always woke up in a tangle of limbs and a hot breath fanning the hairs of your forehead. It was a welcoming warmth, since every night after you had officially moved to the Finalizer, you ended up naked in bed, and yesterday hadn’t been an exception. He had arrived to the quarters in a frenzy about some pressure he was receiving from the First Order’s council and didn’t even finish explaining what was bothering him before he was all over you.

You were getting pretty good at gauging his moods, as they all translated into how he would fuck you. When the day was good, like when a treaty was signed or they had made a breakthrough, he was thorough and gentle, covering all your body with the trace of his lips, leaving you restless and filling the room with breathy sighs and soft moans. Other days, when he was particularly tired from training with the Knights, he would let you ride him until midnight, never actually giving you all control as would only let you finish when he clasped your body close to his chest and started meeting your hips with his at a punishing pace of his own.

Days like yesterday however, he was always hot and rough, almost as if he was taking out all his tension on you and your body, which you certainly didn’t complain about. He would fuck you where he found you first, in the shower, in the couch, and more than once in the dining room table. He would litter your body with love bites, all in places no one else could see, but he made sure you would feel them throughout the day under your clothes. Your screams would fill his eardrums, which apparently worked to silence his mind.

Your position in the ranks of the Order exposed you to all the gossip around the ship, and the latest revolved around the fact that the Supreme Leader’s tantrums had been reduced almost to cero in the last weeks. It was a general a cause for happiness, since it made the people believe that things were turning out positively for the First Order. You couldn’t help but smile internally when you overheard a particularly whimsical officer joke about how “he was surely getting laid”.

If only they knew.

Even when your eyes refused to open, you always forced them to, as the view that would greet you was a precious one. You liked how his mouth was always a little tightly pressed, probably a lingering tension that followed him even in his sleep but that made his lips look more than kissable. Lifting your chin up, you nuzzled the tip of your nose with his, placing tiny little pecks on the corner of his mouth. A big huff of air on your face let you know he was waking up, but he still didn’t open his eyes.

“Wake up dear.”

His little growl was the only answer. You had expected life to accommodate a little rough around the edges in the beginning, but you and Kylo had quickly fallen in sync. Maybe it had been the course of fate, or a gift from destiny. You had to admit, you were more than surprised when he had told you he wanted you to stay at his quarters, something you found out you had unconsciously longed for.

Finally moving his body and granting you a little room to breathe, you closed your eyes and stretched under the sheets. Little grazes of his lips on your skin were his normal greeting as he snaked his way on top of you to give you a well planted kiss. Even when you had been mesmerized by his beauty the first time you saw his face, the differences of his appearance in the present were clear as day. You remembered the little dark circles under his eyes, which you never really lingered too much on distracted by his brown eyes, but that had slowly faded with time. More often than not, he also lacked the lines in his forehead or between his eyebrows, unless he was exerting himself fucking you into oblivion.

“Are you okay? After last night I mean.” One of your favorite things was the first words he would say in the morning. His voice was always deep, but at the break of a figurative dawn, it would have a scratchy undertone to it. You nodded at him, wanting to make sure he understood you had no problems with him railing you into the mattress. “I’ll call for breakfast then.” Placing one last peck in your forehead, he let you go. Whenever he didn’t have an early meeting or training, he would have breakfast with you inside the quarters, T being the only one allowed inside and programmed to secrecy of your presence there.

He had talked to you about that, how he deemed it better to keep your relationship on the low, which you had eagerly agreed to, partly because you thought the same thing and also because it was the first time he had called what you had a relationship. There were only so much drastic changes you could handle at once, moving to the Finalizer was already a big event for you, and being constantly under scrutiny was not something you would look forward to. If word were to get out that you were sleeping with the Supreme Leader, your job certainly wouldn’t become easier.

“Will you join me in the shower?” you scurried under him to break free, dragging the sheet around your body, which uncovered his naked frame and delighted your pupils. You sent a teasing smirk his way, watching him quickly stand up and gather a pair of pants to cover himself up.

You would be quick to admit how much you liked him in all his intimidating attire, cloak and all, lightsaber clipped, and firm armor concealing him. He looked and was dangerous. But you also like him like this, sweatpants hung low on his hips, hair disheveled from sleep and droopy eyelids threatening to close again.

“As tempting as that sounds, I need to revise some documents first.” You chuckled and nodded, making your way towards the refresher, mentally ready to approach this new day.

The bathroom also looked more full, your things and products now taking up space too. He wasn’t with you, so a long shower was not justifiable. After being done with it, you reached for the closet, the image always igniting the memory of coming here for the first time. The only difference was that now, at the right end next to all his black garments, you could find your section, and similar to the robes you owned, a spark of dry grey defined them.

You had become more familiar with military ranks, even though you didn’t have one. It had to be that way given your previous lack of experience that couldn’t be faked, but still, the position that Kylo had given you didn’t really call for one. You were what was called a “Consul”, supposedly a middle point between a consultant and a negotiator.

The clearest and most obvious upside to this, in your opinion, was the fact that Consuls didn’t have to wear the forsaken uniform of an Officer, which meant no hideous hat, much to your pleasing. Since you were to represent the First Order in certain settings, they had deemed best to offer the most pristine image, certainly not forgetting about feminine charm specially in negotiating circumstances with the opposite sex, which meant your uniform consisted of a dress.

The silhouette on itself was complex and fitted, but favorable to most body types, the fabric, although a little bit scratchy, nice and durable, undoubtedly expensive. It had the First Order logo embroidered neatly, a red detail you often complimented with your lipstick. Kylo liked it, and by like it he meant that he thoroughly enjoyed pulling the back zipper down and ripping it off you each night.

On your first day on the job you learned why you had never seen another Consul on your previous visits. The answer was simply due to numbers, your division, the only one on the Finalizer, only consisted of thirty people, all of them filling very coveted positions and with a specific set of responsibilities.

Every day, as you finished getting ready in your whole ensemble, you often took a second to look at yourself in the mirror. Sometimes you dared say you didn’t recognize yourself, everything was different, but thinking about the man that sometimes got ready beside you or was waiting outside for you, made it okay. The smell of caf suddenly indulged your nostrils, making you smile.

Still barefoot, you stepped into the main room, finding Kylo well concentrated in his data pad as he sipped from his mug at the table. T was nowhere to be seen, but the food that covered the surface was still steaming. Leaning your body to press a kiss on his cheek, he finally lifted his attention.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened yesterday, or are you going to make me ask Cardo?”

you said as you took the seat next to him. The Knight had also become a constant presence in your life, more than other ones, and you soon found out the man was an unredeemable gossip, which was particularly funny due to his bulky form and expressionless face. You often seeked him out when Kylo was particularly busy.

A grunt was the answer he gave you, maybe not the best idea to bring this up when the man was having his breakfast, but you had never been the patient kind of girl. It was not like he told you everything about his dealings, at least right now, for safety reasons mainly, but when something made him come to the quarters like he had the last night, you always pressed and asked.

“Starkiller is ready, and the council is desperate to make a demonstration of power.” You hummed, realizing that this was information you would learn of sooner or later. The nature of your position nowhere near placed you in a role to make important decisions for the Order, but it granted you a level of clearance to know most of the dealings before the rest of lower ranking officers.

“What do they mean with a demonstration?” The jam and toast was calling out your name, and if your stomach hadn’t ruled your actions in that moment, you would’ve seen the hesitation to answer in his expression. You chewed fervently, barely noticing the hanging silence in the room as Kylo hadn’t answered.

“Utilizing the weapon on opposition.” The words were muttered with finality, as if he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Lowering the sweet treat in your hands, you finally gazed at him. Of course he wasn’t looking at you, suddenly finding his plate very interesting.

“As in, with a planet?” You threaded your tone carefully, grimacing as you started to regret the couple of bites you were able to take, nausea making you hazy.

He nodded as he took a bite from his food, and just like that, the bubble of happiness in which you had comfortably inhabited the past weeks was bursted.

In a second you were reminded of the ugly aspects of the First Order you had purposefully ignored and pretended didn’t exist. You liked the job you were given, somehow away from all the killing; it made you wonder if Kylo had planned it that way. It was not all just reduced to control and politics, which you had been drowned into. It also meant terror, and right next to you was the head and face of it all.

Kylo was quick, but you were too, he was beginning to sense your distress as you stood up hastily and reached for your shoes by the door. Standing up with you, he wasn’t having it. “Hey, hey, what is going on?” A hand reached to you, but you ignored it as you aimed for your own data pad.

“I need to go.” Short, low muttered words. The room was getting much too stuffy to bear. Quick, you needed to get out quick, there wasn’t much he could do unmasked and half naked. “I’m going to be late.” You weren’t even facing him, knowing that if you looked into his eyes you would melt and that’s not what you needed now, you needed to clear your head.

“Darling, wait.” You shook your head, rushing towards the door. Yes, Kylo was quick, but right now, with this circumstances, you were quicker. Before he could use the Force or anything else you found yourself out the door.

You were desperately trying to control your breathing as you walked through the High Command living halls. You had only been questioned about why you were there once, the answer simple. A “General Colban” had died of a heart attack a day before your arrival, and administration had given you his room, the one that had been a formality.

Sighing, you willed yourself to think.

You had been blind, you really had. You had ignored all your well founded reservations about the First Order, sweeped away by a pair of beautiful brown eyes and an amazing job. But it was suddenly becoming too real. All the Stormtroopers walking around with giant guns, all the faceless Officers greeting you in the morning as you walked, and being on board a fucking “Star Destroyer” hadn’t been enough to make you remember what you had agreed to be. The imminent destruction of a planet did. It had done the trick. 

Had you been rash? Fueled by betrayal and a change of air? No, no, no. You didn’t want people to pay to sleep with you anymore, you didn’t want to dance around a pole anymore, you didn’t want to be exposed to “incidents” anymore. This job was good, something dignifying and challenging, and you were kicking ass in it. More importantly, you had found someone, someone who made you feel indescribable things. It had been quick, maybe a little thoughtless, but your gut told you it had been the right decision coming here. The sooner you came to terms with the way of the Order the better.

You just hoped it would be quick, since the pit in your stomach was making you sick.

The need to compose yourself was the only thing on your mind as you entered the lift to take you to the lower floors. You were thankful it was empty, but that was to be expected given the hour, you were a solid 30 minutes ahead of schedule for the morning shift. As you exited on your level, you looked around by instinct, even though you were almost certain you wouldn’t find who you were seeking. 

On your first week as a new recruit you were required to be escorted everywhere by a Stormtrooper, under some sort of vigilant notion but also as your personal guide. You had asked if you could possibly request someone, really cracking your head to remember Finn’s serial number. After that mandatory week was over, Finn kept meeting you in the morning under the premise that your route was “on the way” to his assignment.

You liked that he knew you weren’t really who you claimed you were, but he still never asked where you had come from. Besides, he really didn’t know about you and Kylo, he had only escorted you to temporary rooms in the past and knew you had dealings with Hux. Other than that, he took your identity from the first day.

“Quite early today, aren’t we?” The voice modulator placed on the trooper’s helmet was supposed to make them all sound the same to avoid particular identification, but by this point, you could pick Finn in an ocean of Stormtroopers. Turning on your heel, you encountered the white silhouette walking towards you. 

“You too apparently.” You wished you had been able to throw him a smile like you always did, but the turmoil inside your head didn’t allow you to. Gesturing with your head to the corridor you were supposed to follow, you began walking.

Normally by this point Finn would already be ranting about his brigade leader, apparently a very strict Captain, but today he was just staring at you as walked at your side. “Hey are you okay?”

Shit. You needed to mask your feelings completely before you arrived at your station. “Yeah.” You knew you needed to ask him something to divert his attention and change the subject, but your mind couldn’t for a change come up with something.

“Are you sure? You are looking kind of pale. I can show you where the med-bay is.” Okay that was enough. Acting a little coy, you let out a chuckle.

“No, no, I’m fine. Just a little bit nervous. They are giving new assignments today.” You raised your brows for added excitement, which made Finn finally back down and begin his normal conversation about the many things he despised of his brigade. You always wondered what he looked like underneath the helmet. In your mind he had a kind face, but you were sure that if he ever did take his mask off, it would be like meeting him all over again.

* * *

“Before we go, and as some of you may know, Consul Golhor has been promoted to a permanent position in Coruscant, with his new title of Senior Diplomat.” You had arrived safe and soundly to your work area, your early presence allowing you to calm yourself and momentarily block what Kylo had disclosed in the morning. You were now on the daily briefing listening to Consul Gilnes, your direct supervisor, a fine woman who intimidated you in all the right ways.

“This means that the sectors that were managed by him will now be distributed among the rest of us equitably to keep a balance on the workload.”

Sticking with what you had picked for the gala in case someone remembered, you were now Meira Deladar, from Kalinda, a specialist on logistics and food ration supply. You had not attended the Academy, which was apparently a very big deal that might rise suspicion, but you had been discovered and recommended by a “General Pryde”, whom you hadn’t really met in person, in one of his dealings in Naboo.

You basically had to foresee that the bases and sectors of the Order under your supervision were well stocked of the necessities, like food, potable water, clothing, and amenities. The whole thing was a bundle of logistics and dealings with suppliers, but you had gotten the hang of it pretty fast. Your days went by in a rush between holo calls and spreadsheets.

“Your new designated assignments will pop-up in your station navigator, so use today to get more familiar with it. Dismissed.”

Everyone stood up instantly, rushing from the small conference room to their workplace. No one had their own office, except for Gilnes, but private rooms were at everyone’s disposal in case a holo call had to be made.

As you sat down on your desk you turned your navigator on, smiling internally as you managed to keep the negative thoughts quiet. Gilnes had assigned you with a bunch of small outposts, mostly in the Middle and Outer Rim, nothing too complicated, which is why to stood frozen with wide eyes when the screen finally lit on.

**_Starkiller Base._ **

Aside from the destruction the place could soon bring, it was the most important base in the Order, one that everyone had hoped to get because of the status it brought upon in your division. Almost instantly a voice called out for you all the way across the room. “Consul Deladar, a word in my office please.” Gilnes was looking straight at you, almost as if she had expected your surprise. You arranged your dress quickly and made your way towards the room, ignoring the stares of your coworkers.

“You must be pretty surprised about your assignment, but I found it appropriate to give you an explanation, in case your comrades ask.” She only began talking after you had closed the door but without gesturing you to sit. You got the idea. This was going to be quick.

“It all comes down to workload, right now you are the one with the least responsibilities around here which means you can put a lot of focus into this.” It was true, the newness of it all had made it very interesting, but you could see yourself getting a little bored in the future if the responsibilities remained that low.

“I have General Pryde on a very high esteem, and I trusted his judgement when he appointed you here. I can also see you are adapting quite well and your work has been impeccable so far, but I need you to be aware of the importance of this task and what it entails.” You simply nodded at her and read between the lines.

She probably meant you would have to put in more hours, perhaps even travel under these new circumstances. “I understand Consul.” The silent reality was that you were dancing inside your head from happiness. She might’ve been formal about it, but she had praised you. To her you were an asset, no personal feelings involved, and she was deeming you worthy of such responsibility.

“Good. I advise you to get on to it right away.”

* * *

The hours blended with each other and amongst them all you found yourself respecting the hell out of the guy who was in charge of Starkiller’s supply needs before. The numbers were giant and you had spent all of your day analyzing trading routes and communicating with the suppliers to introduce yourself.

When you finally dared lift your eyes up you were greeted with an empty room. All your coworkers had already left for the day, except for Gilnes, whose office light was still on. You sighed and quickly gathered your things. Maybe you had unconsciously stayed after hours to avoid the hard conversation you had waiting for you in your quarters, which you had succeeded at not thinking of all day.

Joining the corridor, you immediately distinguished a dark looming figure casually leaning on the wall. By now, you were able to distinguish all the Knights by their helmet and weapon of choice, which they always seemed to carry. It dawned on you that Kylo must’ve surely sent him, considering the hour, but his Knight choice was certainly not your favorite.

Trudgen was always quiet. He never even made the slightest attempt to talk to you and you had a theory that he simply didn’t like you or overall didn’t trust you. You had asked Cardo about it, but he had never given you a straight answer. Expecting nothing different from him today, you walked past him with a reluctant nod. Five strides later and you heard him shifting behind you. Great, so he was supposed to follow you as well.

You wouldn’t be surprised if Kylo was mad when you arrived. So, maybe your sudden exit in the morning was not your highest moment, you could agree with that, but he couldn’t expect you to be immediately okay with the prospect of a planet being destroyed. Yes, you had willingly chose this life, for whatever personal reasons you had, but you could feel the tendrils of imminent guilt that would approach you in the future.

The lift ride was also silent, Trudgen standing as far from you as possible, as if you had the plague. Not for a second did you not feel his eyes digging the back of your skull, and if you were anyone else, you could possibly be terrified to your toes. 

The lights of the main living area were completely on and the glimmer of hope that he was already sleeping left your body. You took your shoes off, feeling the exact moment he greeted you with his presence. You lifted your gaze from the ground, and found yourself a little startled.

“You are late.” He in full attire except for his mask, something completely uncommon for the hour. It looked as if he was going out, and you gulped when you saw he also had his armor on.

“I know.” The pin that was holding your hair was suddenly on your hand, as you fumbled your fingers through your hair, trying your hardest to feign disinterest at the heavy tension in the room.

“Why?” His tone was serious, a little too serious for your liking. Yes, he was mad alright, and you weren’t having it.

“You’ll be pleased to know I don’t mind working extra hours for your organization when needed be.” _Even if said organization has no respect for life_ you wanted to add, but for the sake of delicate tranquility you didn’t, at least not yet. Maybe you had thought it loud enough for him to actually hear.

It looked like a standoff, both of you staring at each other, at least a couple of feet separating you. The stark difference was the fact that he was all geared up and you were… well… barefoot. He took you in, all of you in, as your long hair fell comfortably over your back and shoulders. With a short breath, he sighed.

“I knew you would be upset, but there is no other choice on the matter. People can’t go thinking they can defy the Order, precedent needs to be made.” His voice was clipped and you were certain he was trying to soften it up a little bit.

“Defy? So that’s how it is? I didn’t know that bruising the Order’s ego was a capital crime.” You were mocking him with your dripping sarcasm, something he clearly was not appreciating. His hands were in fists and his nostrils were flaring a little. Any other day it would effectively turn you on, a clear indicator of a hard fucking ahead, but now, you were too busy trying not to cave and match his energy. It would undoubtedly lead to chaos.

“It’s not that simple. You know that.” Yes, you knew it. It didn’t change the fact that they were taking measures the Empire had once used.

You took a cautious small step towards him, decided on easing up on him a bit. “Did you really exhaust all the possibilities?”

“The council did, yes.”

That made you audibly and earnestly scoff. “As if your council wasn’t filled with masochistic snakes.” He couldn’t fight you with that one, you both knew it.

His back seemed to straighten, his whole expression changing. “This is the way of the Order, it is how peace and security is achieved, even if sacrifices have to be made.” He looked at you all serious, simulating an unfeeling, invisible mask on, similar to when you both first met and he tried to radiate intimidation. Against all better judgement, you decided to mirror his expression, forcing yourself to detach from the shiver in your chest at being talked to that way.

Yes, you were his employee, but you were also something more. If you were going to be nice to him, you would be if you wanted, not because he was paying you to be, and right now? Right now you couldn’t find it within yourself to calm him down. The normal warm feeling that flowed between you two was now crackling, similar to the erratic nature of his lightsaber, intangible feelings bouncing from the walls and too big to fit inside the room. 

“I get it.” Harsh voice, harsher than you had intended it to be. He almost sneered at you and you knew you were taking it too far. Not bearing his penetrating gaze anymore, you looked away. “I just thought you were a different kind of Leader.” Almost whispered words that apparently held much more weight than you had anticipated.

A long silence fell upon you both, neither of you daring to move.

“I have to leave on a mission.” You couldn’t help but frown, a little worry slipping from your control and presenting itself on your face. So that’s why he was all dressed still. You wondered if he had waited for you before he left. Your expression soon softened, apparently moving something in him as well. “I’ll return in two days.” You silently thanked him for telling you that in spite of his mad façade.

Now, more than ever, you felt the urge to kiss him, to press your hands on his chest and wish him good luck. You wanted to ask for him to give you time to wrap your head around things, to tell him about your new assignment and how excited you were about it, to voice that you understood the circumstances you were being in war and all, that you understood him and what was being expected of him, but that you couldn’t help the guilt that was creeping in your bones.

Before you were able to do any of it, Kylo had put on his helmet and was walking out the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have officially reached the 100k word mark!!! I never thought we would reach this point, (actually I did) haha, but I'm very excited for what is to come. 
> 
> You can also jump on my Tumblr! My ask is always open ♥︎♥︎♥︎  
> https://maryforyou.tumblr.com/


	30. Belonging

Two days. He had said two days, and it was now almost a week later.

His whereabouts were not something that was disclosed to you either, you figured only High Command really knew the specifics about his mission. You made sure to walk the halls slowly, attentive of their faces in case you should find worry or, in the case of his enemies, apparent glee. You had encountered none of that, life going on with normality at the Supreme Leader’s absence.

The Knights had gone with him too, well… most of them. You could sense Trudgen from time to time, tailing you from a considerable distance, but watching your every move. You didn’t appreciate Kylo appointing him as your personal babysitter, but you couldn’t find yourself to care in the midst of your overall preoccupations.

Finn had been quick to notice your worry on your morning walks, and for once, he hadn’t badgered you with questions, as if he knew you couldn’t answer him. Still, you had asked him where you could check the scheduled arrivals of the day under the pretense that your superior had asked you to. You knew he didn’t buy it, but he didn’t argue the least bit. So every morning, before your shift, Finn and you walked towards a small little module outside the closest hangar, where all the flight plans were displayed.

You muttered a silent curse earlier, Command Ship was not in the manifesto for this day either.

You couldn’t help it, not knowing where Kylo was or whether he was okay was making you steadily feel full of dread. He had said two fucking days, and he was still not here. Not a holo call or a message given to T to relay to you either, he surely had a communication system in his ship, then why the hell hadn’t he called?

Needless to say, you weren’t sleeping either.

You berated yourself endlessly for getting used to him and his presence so easily, but how couldn’t you when the last couple of weeks had filled your chest with warmth and comfort? This is why you also hated the war. Oblivion and tranquility had been fine, but now? Alone and in worry? Your mind went to dark places. With Starkiller you were reminded more than ever of the destruction and death in every step towards victory. 

Whether out of luck of mere coincidence you had remained distanced from it, it hadn’t dawned on you the finality of a probable tragedy. You knew Kylo was strong, you sensed it every time he walked into a room, every time his hands wandered your body, every time that electric touch ignited your insides, raw power running through his veins. But he was still human after all, and in war, well, only a few people returned home.

Which is how thoughts about Poe had also crept in at night.

In spite of everything that had transpired between both of you, knowing that he was with the Resistance only made your head spin from time to time. You missed him, there was no doubt of that, but you were also afraid for him. You couldn’t even stomach the thought of something happening to him, even if with each passing day, it became more likely.

Stretching your inner strength to new limits, you still walked every morning through your assignment with a new determination. It came from two different places. You desperately wanted to do a good job, your superior had tasked you with Starkiller and the pressure was real. On the other hand, work had been the only thing that kept your mind a little distracted.

Rumors were alive about Starkiller’s debut as a weapon, and each time you heard them, your mind shifted towards working even harder, because despite your personal turmoil, you had a plan. You couldn’t blame Kylo, as you had gracefully done that night in your quarters. Like he said, that had been the way of the Order for the longest time, and before him, the way of the Empire. There was a striking difference though.

You weren’t in the picture before.

And it was not as if you held yourself in the highest of standards to think that Kylo would be opposed to the destruction of Caltama, the planet the council was considering for the attack, just to please you and the goodness of your heart. Yes, what you felt for him was strong, a feeling certainly above explanation or normal conception, and he showed you every day that he reciprocated, but it wasn’t enough to change the whole identity of the First Order, neither you wanted to.

So, the first night with him gone, as you tossed and turned in the empty bed, you got up and started planning. Yes, death and destruction was the way of the Order, but there was still another card to play that hadn’t been used, at least on your hand, and no, it wasn’t sex.

It was good old politics.

Your data pad felt heavier on your fingers, its contents shining a glimmer of hope to avoid what surely could be an act in the same level of historic as Alderaan. You had a plan, one that you had invested several hours into, and it was time to put it in motion.

Caltama wouldn’t be destroyed if you had a say in it, and well, that was the trickiest part of it all, wasn’t it? You first had to earn a say to have one. 

Entering Gilnes’ office was harder than you had anticipated, you felt the same weight upon you as the day you walked into Terrgar’s office just a couple of months after your incident to try and convince him about not throwing you into the street. Your coworkers didn’t help either. Ever since you had arrived they seemed to be a very closed group, and you getting Starkiller as an assignment made them hate you even more. Not that you cared, but you certainly didn’t enjoy the stares as you walked by.

Gilnes was the only representative of your division in the council, so when she listened to every word you said intently, and as intimidating as she was, you held your stand and acted as professional as you could. You would admit that your plan wasn’t all that humanitarian in which all parties involved would have a good outcome, but that is just what made it more attractive and believable.

“I would like this idea to be proposed to the council.” You knew that the last sentence of your little presentation needed to be strong and full of conviction. If you wanted Gilnes to appeal to the council you needed to show her that you believed strongly on your plan, so that she could deliver the same level of confidence, and agree to stick out her neck.

Her eyes casted downwards after you were done, as if she was thinking. Even if the council ended up saying no, which would be incredibly stupid in all the definition of the word, you wouldn’t be able to feel good about yourself without at least having your idea heard by those in charge.

When she sighed, you felt your lungs deflate a little, and when she started shaking her head you started contemplating the possibility that the way of the Order also entitled that workers could be punished for daring to open their mouths. You stood stiff, your hands clasped behind your back, just waiting for the insults to come, but they never did. A small smile started forming into her lips as she eyed you from head to toe.

“I have to say, I really did underestimate you Consul Deladar.” Full of relief, you allowed yourself to smile a little over your façade. “Tomorrow morning there is a meeting of the council, I’ll put the topic into the agenda.” Your part was done, whatever else happened was in the hands of Gilnes, but the council would also be foolish to ignore her.

“I’ll send you the proposal immediately.” You were about to do that courteous military nod everyone around the ship did and excuse yourself when Gilnes gracefully interrupted you.

“Oh, I won’t be needing that.” Before you could stop it, your brows knitted together, did she really learn everything from memory? Chuckling at your expression, she continued. “You’ll be doing the presentation yourself.” A remnant of Starkiller’s teeth-clattering cold ran over your body. You had secretly decided that for your own good you would also maintain a low profile in general, and briefly being the center of attention of the whole council wasn’t in the lines of that.

Shit. _Shit shit shit_. 

Consul Gilnes stood up from her desk, amused by your sudden fright, and with a hand in your back, she started walking you to the exit of her office. Still stunned, you blindly followed her lead. You faintly heard her say the hour the meeting was on and the room it was going to be at. Of course it was High Command’s floor, near where you knew Kylo’s office was.

Just as you crossed the threshold, Gilnes looked at you in the eye, donning you with apparently the most ridicule piece of advice she could give you. “Oh, and Consul Deladar?” Your mouth was a little open when you really paid attention to her.

“Wear your hair down.”

* * *

To the spectator’s eye, you surely looked like a mad woman, pacing back and forth inside one of the small private rooms rehearsing over and over again the lines of your presentation. Kylo had briefly spoke about his council, and you had gathered that they were all ruthless, soulless scum, well, in your opinion that was. So how the hell where you supposed to stand in front of them, you, a low ranking worker, a literal former prostitute, to try and convince them not to blow up a planet with over six million habitants?

Surely they would dismiss you. You didn’t understand why Gilnes couldn’t do the presentation herself, since apparently she had donned your idea worthy. Despite everything, and even though worry was still creeping at your bones, you were a little thankful that you wouldn’t have to give the presentation in front of Kylo. You just hoped he would arrive tomorrow afternoon, maybe talk a little bit about your altercation before chastising the living Force out of him for scaring you that way with his absence and silence.

And after that was done, you would feel content enough to jump on him and indulge the cravings within your body. It was his fault really. His never ending stamina and sexual appetite were the only culprits to the deeply rooted sexual frustration that accompanied you each step you took.

Before you knew it, the office had emptied again, this time, not even Gilnes remaining. In all honesty, you were also dreading the emptiness of your quarters, but you needed sleep if you wanted to be in a right state of mind for the morning.

The sound of your heels clacking on the polished floors was almost the only thing you were able to hear, every now and then steps of a platoon of troopers doing rounds was also perceptible. There was no Trudgen, you had checked your back several times, perhaps his interest was done spiking. There was something ominous of the big halls, sleek steel the only form of decoration that overall contributed to the threatening ambiance.

Just as the doors of the final lift on your way to your quarters were about to close, a pair of troopers joined your ride. Not feeling in the mood for pleasantries, you avoided their gazes and didn’t done them a smile, as you normally would. They stood on your flanks as the machine started moving, silence hanging heavy. Maybe any other day you would’ve questioned their random presence, any other day you would’ve fled immediately, but your tiredness and reverie didn’t allow you so.

Your steps as you exited were interrupted, brute hands clasping on to your biceps and dragging you in a whole other direction than your and Kylo’s shared quarters.

A gloved hand covered your mouth, your growing scream suddenly becoming muffled. You thrashed around, legs trying to kick the white armor, arms moving with force, willing your body to become dead weight, all futile. Even as you prepared your vocal cords for an excruciating exercise, the walk towards wherever they were taking you was very short, because it wasn’t a cell or a dark room as you had started to assume, they were living quarters.

General Hux’s living quarters to be more exact.

You rolled your eyes as you saw the redhead standing in the middle of his main room, his smug smile ever present as the troopers quite literally threw you inside the room and exited immediately. You scrambled to the ground, putting your hands forward to avoid falling on your face and cursing the fucking theatrics of the General.

“Well, if it isn’t the whore… I see old habits never die, you look like you belong on your knees.” You couldn’t say you hadn’t been expecting this sort of encounter with the General, in fact you thought what had took him so long. But surely in all the scenarios you didn’t imagine being handled like a ragdoll around High Command’s living quarters halls.

Smoothing your dress as you struggled to come to your feet, you sighed at the inevitable wit war ahead of you. “Is this the only way you can get women into your room without paying for them Hux? By dragging them against their will? How scandalous.” Your face was stoic, not appreciative of his little stunt. You didn’t even try to walk out right away, you knew the doors would be closed until he was finished with whatever made him bring you here.

You took a glace around the room. Clearly the General gave the place much attention, as the furniture did not look like something military donned. The whole cold aesthetic remained, but you could distinguish hints of green velvet here and there. Ignoring your commentary, the General spoke again.

“You and Ren aren’t as deceiving as you think you are. Your presence here has been questioned a lot, although I would admit, he did a fine job burying down your vulgar past.” You had supposed Kylo had done something of the sorts, but he never told you the specifics, it was dangerous enough that the Resistance knew your real identity for the First Order to know it too.

You eyed him as he moved towards a liquor cart by a wall, and after he poured his glass with amber liquid he looked at you, a silent offer which you gruffly declined. You wouldn’t put it past Hux to poison you, whatever the specific reason might be. “Could we skip the pleasantries and move to why I am here General? I’m sure a man of your position values their time, let’s not waste it.” You donned him an innocent smile full of venom, which only made him more erratic.

“You know, I was going to leave you alone, after you proved yourself to be completely useless to me in the gala, I was fine with Ren using you as his personal fucktoy. It sure has lowered his tantrums and he has stayed out of my way.” He gulped his entire drink down, not grimacing in the slightest bit, but visibly enjoying the burn. “But then… a little birdie told me about how there was this new girl who had a proposal for the council.” He lowered his glass on to the cart, leaving his pale hands free. You would’ve been annoyed and dismissive had Kylo been in the same ship, but something told you there was a need to be careful. “Normally I relish looking at the fresh meat, you know, for when I don’t feel like paying for professional company.” Your stomach turned at the statement, for its disgusting nature and the fleeting thought of Marla. “But apparently, this girl had some strong opinions on the use of Starkiller.”

A glint of bewilderment surfaced as the General started taking cautious steps towards you. “And then I thought, what female Officer could possibly _dare_ speak to the council about Starkiller before spending a couple hours here, strenuously begging for my support.”

You wanted to vomit out of pure disgust. If you had a doubt if the General was deranged before, it had suddenly dissipated. The tone in which he had said the word ‘begging’ implicated sexual favors. You wanted to flee, get away from Hux as soon as possible and forget momentarily about your pride to call Kylo yourself. But not yet, you couldn’t get down to his level, you wouldn’t be intimidated, not when you had things over his head. “Careful General…”

The next couple of things happened too quickly for you to keep up. In a second you found yourself pinned to a pillar, a sharp pain on the back of your head, hot breath fanning your face, deeply contrasting the cold emanating from a small blade pressing at your neck. Hux’s green eyes were piercing at you as your gaze lifted to meet his. It was only natural for you to feel fear, given the circumstances, even if it was just passing.

“Careful? You should be trembling, you foolish cunt, you have no idea what you got yourself into.” He looked like a rabid dog, snarling the words at you, a crazy air around him. This was dangerous, evidently, he looked erratic and overall unpredictable.

But every man had a weak link.

“Get your fucking hands off of me.” You wished you could’ve shoved him away then and there, but you needed to be patient, the blade was grazing your skin, too close to your pulse. A false movement would surely result in your death, which was something you were not particularly looking forward to, especially at his hands. You limited yourself to a paced voice, but eyes shooting daggers.

“What is it Y/N? Scared of a little knife play? I thought they trained you for that at the whorehouse.” The wicked smile forming on his lips would make anybody freeze in horror. “I advise, for the sake of your life, that you don’t interfere with MY plans for MY base.”

“Your base? I wonder what the Supreme Leader would say about that.” You needed to tread lightly as you figured your way out of this. Your eyes briefly wandered towards his stance, to see how much of an advantage he had at the moment.

“The Supreme Leader isn’t here, is he?” He felt closer, parts of his body already touching yours as you tried to figure out his intentions. There were only three scenarios, none of which you would let happen. The first and more harmless of them all was that he wanted to scare you, a feat in which he wasn’t succeeding at. The second, he wanted to kill you, albeit very unlikely, the sharpness of the knife told you to stay alert. And lastly, he wanted you to beg, in his own, sick sense of the word, which you definitely wouldn’t do.

Matching his conceited energy, you relaxed under his grip. “You’re so right. But don’t be mistaken General, I don’t need him to end you.” Perhaps it was the look in your eyes, or the way the air shifted, but Hux didn’t plainly laugh at your comment, as you half expected him to.

“Says the person who is gasping for air.” He showed you his teeth through that snake-like smile, pristinely white as he applied more pressure on your neck. Maybe he was trying to leave a mark, a memento of this moment and his absurd intimidation tactic. He should know better as to leave anything for Kylo to see.

Inhaling a very difficult breath, you finally delivered your blow. “Wha-what would your mother say?” The General’s eyes finally widened. You had to give it to him, he tried and mask his reaction fairly well, but in that moment of indiscretion, while he gauged the weight and truth of your comment, you acted.

You had hoped never to use them, but after your incident you had taken a couple of classes on self-defense. You were going to do absolutely all in your power for a thing like that to never happen again, so as soon as you saw the redhead in front of you falter, you moved one of your legs in between his and kicked on his inner ankle. Just as he started to stumble, you shot a hand up to his wrist, immobilizing the blade, and at the sudden pressure on his extremity, he let go of the now warm metal.

He was quick to regain his footing, and before he could get any ideas of retaliating the attack, you quickly put some distance between you. Once you were near the door, you felt a little calmer, but there were still things left to be said.

“Don’t cross me Hux, or I’ll let all the Order know the truth of your parentage.” This time you had been lucky, getting to him off-guard, a mistake he most likely wouldn’t do again. Kylo would continue going on missions and apparently his trusted Knight hadn’t been enough to stop the semi attack you just suffered, so you had to make clear to Hux he shouldn’t mess with you.

“You don’t know what you are saying.” He was grasping the last bits of dignity he had left as he managed to stand tall, still trying to sound menacing, seemingly his only knowledge. He wasn’t denying your statement, which served you as confirmation that he truly feared the identity of his mother leaking.

“Oh I think I do. Don’t be so naïve as to think I’m new to this game, because like you, I’ve made a living out of manipulating men.” That was the cherry on top. You didn’t need to say anything else, because you knew that despite everything, General Hux knew this to be true. You started your exit, turning your back on him, a bold move you wouldn’t have done if the blade had fallen anywhere near the General.

“Is that what you are doing with Ren?” he said. A genuine question marking his features when you looked at him over your shoulder.

You softly shook your head while managing a chuckle. He still didn’t understand, and you couldn’t blame him. There was no way he could conceive the reasons behind your presence here, your blind allegiance to a man always dressed in black with its characteristic surrounding darkness. Perhaps he had never felt it, that feeling in one’s chest, and he never would. He only wished for power, and found you as a threat for thinking you wished it too.

“For a man who thinks they have eyes everywhere, you are still so blind.” You knew the feeling, you had been blind before, living in your own little bubble at Domar’s, blinded by the credits, the passing faces, the false luxuries, the impersonal sex. 

But ever since meeting Kylo, ever since getting a glimpse of his mind and allowing him in yours, you weren’t blind anymore.

You had called it several names on your time together, “a feeling”, “comfort”, “warmth”, but right now, standing in front of General Hux from all people in the galaxy after he had attempted against your life, you had figured it out. Kylo himself had hinted it when he repeatedly called you “mine”, and back then you hadn’t understood why you so easily made yourself his. Now you did.

_Belonging._

And you knew, that underneath the cold exterior that he presented towards everyone, he had started to slowly belong to you too. You saw it in the way he stared at you with his deep brown eyes, in the way he would whisper sweet nothings in your ear when he thought you were asleep, in how he could handle you with so much tenderness and also roughness when the mood called for it, and every time he called you darling.

The intentions of your actions resided right there. If it was Kylo’s duty to gain control of the galaxy, then you were going to try your damn hardest to help him with it, even if it meant putting up with snakes like Hux who could end your life every step of the way.

“I’ll see you tomorrow General.” With nothing left to say, you swiftly exited his quarters, lightly touching the part of your neck where the blade had been.

Droplets of crimson coated the pads of your fingers, but in a sense, you were thankful for them, as they granted you a clarity you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would end up being a double release, given that ao3 crashed yesterday and how advanced I am in the next chapter, but here we go :), I'll be posting tomorrow or on Thursday. 
> 
> Happy new year all of you! I hope you all had amazing holidays. 
> 
> All the love, Mary ♥︎


	31. Under the Radar

At least wearing your hair down would do you a favor.

It’s not like you had a scar, it was a cut, a small one really. The General had applied enough pressure to make a little damage before you could stop him. After you had washed it in your void quarters it looked more like a dash, like if you had scratched yourself a little too strongly. Still, you wanted to appear as pristine and polished as could be in front of the council. You needed every point of credibility you could muster.

That morning you got out of bed very early, literally that, since you hadn’t bat an eye all night. Kylo’s pillows were losing his scent, and even though you had started wearing his black sweater to bed to maintain certain amount of warmth, there were just too many days without him.

You ordered T to get you a curling iron, and decided that today was going to be the last day you would tolerate being in the dark. If Kylo was not here by the time you got off work, you would start raising some hell, for T and Trudgen specifically.

A little concealer did the trick, and with the waves in your hair, any evidence from yesterday was covered, not that you would forget anytime soon. Your data pad ringed with a message from Gilnes while you were finishing your breakfast, stating the specific time you were supposed to arrive to the meeting. You were not going to be allowed to sit throughout all of it, for confidentiality issues, just when the agenda called for you.

Having to take another route towards the meeting, you didn’t encounter Finn, you just hoped he wouldn’t wait for you long before leaving for his assignment.

Normally, you suffered from a few stares, given your special uniform and the fact that you were actually showing some skin on other places rather than your face. The lipstick and heels were another component, but today, as you walked dripping a confidence that was partly genuine and partly fake, it was like a parade. Troopers and Officers alike looked your way, small mischievous smiles were given, pleasant nods with which they hadn’t bothered before were also in line.

The long hair was a little too much, but in reality, just what you needed.

You had understood Gilnes intentions since she had mentioned it, but the conversation you had with the General yesterday was just as enlightening. You weren’t ignorant to what you could get with a pretty face and an exotic trait, but in an institution as big as the Order, that was only half of it.

Three troopers guarded each side of the door to the conference room and even as you felt positive about your knowledge on the topic you were just about to present, you were still nervous. After stating your identity, you were told to wait, and you took this time to breathe deeply, trying to get your ideas in order.

Wide doors slid into their slots as the enormous conference room came into sight. The table was sleek, a long rectangular shape that filled the expanse of the room. Chairs lined each of the sides, as the faces of nearly 30 people turned towards you, eating you up with their eyes. You had been expecting it after yesterday’s occurrences, the feeling of intimidating stares, your long walk over here almost as a test run for it.

Your eyes wouldn’t have widened, your nerves would’ve been tranquil, your walk would’ve remained steady, all if a certain dark figure hadn’t been siting tensely just at the end of the table.

His helmet was well planted over his head, visor sharp and unforgiving as he followed your movements. You had learned to read him alright, as the contour of his biceps became more prominent under his garments, and the way his chest moved a little to visibly, you knew he was just as shocked, perhaps a little mad too.

Your mind was in a whirlwind. On one part, you felt immense relief at seeing him alive and well, your body reacting naturally at his presence, and the constant tug of nervousness you had been feeling at the back of your head, finally receding. On the other, realization that you were going to have to do the presentation in front of him too was dawning on you. With a gulp you took place at the other end of the table.

This wasn’t the time for a stare down, the shock at Kylo’s appearance in the meeting and his apparent sudden arrival had no place right now. Adverting your eyes from him, you quickly scanned the faces. Spotting Gilnes, she gave you a nod, code for a go ahead.

“Good morning… I’m Consul Deladar.” You desperately tried to find your voice and make it strong as soon as possible. You were prepared, and the fact that Kylo was just a couple of feet away from you wouldn’t change that. Actually, as you thought about it, you needed to convince him of your idea just as much. Silence greeted you as you placed your data pad on the table. “I’ll get right to it…”

“As established on this week’s general report, the vote for the destruction of Caltama due to some unsuccessful negotiations on the notion of fuel is set to be on Friday. I come here to persuade you against it.” You could almost feel Kylo stiffening even more. As whispers threatened to start, you continued.

“I think this is a short-sighted move.”

The once silent room was now filled with hushed voices, and as you waited for them to calm down, you heard a set of hands being slammed in the table, gathering the council’s attention. You didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“With what authority you waltz in here stating such nonsense?! This is outrageous! Consul Gilnes, is not wise to waste our time out of bitterness for not being promoted to the position of Senior Diplomat.” Hux’s voice had not lost its volume even as he screamed several sentences. You watched as Gilnes narrowed her eyes at him as the whole room stared, probably used to this kind of conflict. 

Of course she had her own personal agenda as well, maybe trying to piss off General Hux, and you had blindly mistaken it as agreeance of your idea. This was why she made you do the presentation, to literally avoid being held accountable should your proposal be discarded. Whether you wanted to accept it or not, every word Hux was spitting was like a blaster shot in your credibility and reputation.

You didn’t dare look towards Kylo, this was as much for him as it was for you, but you desperately wanted to do it based on your own merit. Raising your own voice, and ignoring the General’s outburst as if it hadn’t happened, you continued. 

“The logic behind is fairly simple. If Caltama is blown to pieces, we will still have a fuel shortage. Our fleet is currently working at 62%, and Caltama is the only planet with enough reserves to supply it.” You took a pause to let the information sink in and to make it easier to follow. Sparing a glance at Kylo, you saw one of his hands in a fist. “We’ve theorized about sourcing from different locations, but it’s a logistics nightmare and a very expensive one.”

“We already know this, the leaders there simply won’t sell, stronger measures need to be taken.” This voice was closer to you, it belonged to an old man, probably here since the times of the Empire, but with shockingly kind eyes.

“I agree.”

“What is a Consul even doing here when we have our energy experts on it?” Another officer came up to interrupt, a female, young, visibly irritated at your presence since she was looking at you like a snake. You really tried not to mirror her disgust, since you knew where it came from. She was probably used to being the center of attention, you didn’t need force powers to know probably half the council was lusting for her, and she had immediately seen you as competition.

“Because I’m the one who found a flaw.” The room remained silent, visibly more interested in you now, and you reveled on the fact that even Hux chose to sit this one out. Turning to the now tight lipped woman, you continued. “As you said, I’m a Consul, I specialize on living supplies, and that’s Caltama’s biggest weakness. They refused to sell because they have the option to. We shouldn’t give them an option.”

“What do you propose?” You met eyes with the source of the sound. It was General Pryde, your alleged sponsor, at least on Gilnes’ mind. From all the people in the room, he was the one that looked the most unfazed.

This was the key to the presentation, the idea on itself. You grabbed on your data pad, and after clicking some buttons you had practiced with, a holo-projection of the galaxy appeared in the center of the table, where everyone could see. “Caltama’s operations are enormous, but all of their food supply comes from one place.” You zoomed on the source of your restless nights.

“This planet in the Inner Rim is called Alebra, an agricultural and industrial post. I think that should be the target.”

The words felt bitter on your mouth. This was a better solution in the grand scheme of things, but it was just as destructive. There were a couple of reasons why it had caught your attention, the main ones being that, it was a planet four times smaller than Caltama, and that it was technically considered a prison planet.

Some of the worst scum of the galaxy often served their time with manual labor, working the crops and the lands, obligated to serve in hopes of a sentence reduction. But even in the ethical dilemma that had taken place in your head, there was an option with very little fatalities. Prisoners were rotated for different assignments all across the galaxy, and crop season in Alebra didn’t start for the next two weeks. If the council voted on your idea, and the blast happened before the prisoners returned to Alebra, the theatrics and outcome they wanted would play out perfectly without massive amounts of death. Nobody had to know…

You weren’t aware if Kylo had spoken much words before you had arrived, but hearing his voice, although rigid and modified, made your ears perk up. He said two words, further clarifying your angle, and grabbing the attention of the whole council.

“Starve them.”

“Exactly, Supreme Leader.”

It was obscure the way you both had spoken, for the outside eye, anyone would probably think you were both the definition of evil at this moment, fitting perfectly to the First Order’s aesthetic. Your eyes were dark, and you could assume that Kylo’s were the same behind that visor, but underneath there was something deeper. He obviously knew what you were trying to do, and you hoped dearly that he would fall into the realization you had the previous night.

You wanted to help him, join him, accept him and what he stood for, but all in your own particular way, your previous job taught you to know better than to give up all parts of yourself for a man.

Despite the strong feelings in your chest, you wore a serious expression. The moment was broken by the voice of a general you didn’t care to look at as you drifted your gaze from Kylo. “What is going to stop the leaders of Caltama from buying their food somewhere else and still not sell us their fuel?”

“20 years ago, both planets made an allegiance through a marriage, which means the prices they manage with each other are close to nothing.” You projected pictures of said allegiance, and at the time you had investigated, you discovered that arranged marriages were still a thing very common in the galaxy even in these ages. “If they are forced to buy from somewhere else, with actual significant costs, their profit would be nonexistent, meaning the price of their fuel will increase and make it non-competitive in the galactic market.”

“Forcing them to sell to their only buyer.” Pryde’s eyebrows went a little higher, in pleasant surprise hearable in his tone, although with a creepy smile that seemed obligatory for the whole council.

“Us.” Somebody else chipped in.

You took a deep breath of relief, it seemed as if you had actually managed to talk some sense into these people, as inexperienced with these things as you were. If only they knew the reality of your situation, and more specifically, the reality of your sleeping situation, they would’ve probably jumped on board the moment you opened your mouth. Which is what made everything even more satisfactory. You had come up with this yourself, and without any help from Kylo or anyone else, you would probably save the lives of millions of people.

“Yes. Even with this expected increase in fuel price, it is cheaper than any of the other options being considered.” You showcased the projections you had also made, graphs, charts, everything. Each member analyzed the information closely, and in your head you liked to think they were wondering something along the lines of ‘why the hell didn’t I think of this?’.

“Besides, the position of Alebra in the Inner Rim will provide us with the amount of exposure we are seeking. The whole galaxy will be able to see the blast, thus, reinforcing presence and power.” You spared a glance at Hux as you finished speaking. He wasn’t even looking at your presentation and you couldn’t help the satisfaction it brought you to make him shut up completely. 

“Consul Deladar will be sending her proposal to you during the day shall we wish to consider it for Friday’s final vote.” Gilnes spoke with a speck of superiority, a small smile on her lips. You knew you had her approval, you just hope this whole ordeal would pay off.

Kylo’s mask remained immobile as you swiftly thanked the council for their attention and slipped out of the room, heels sounding loudly in the cold floor and hair swaying. It might’ve been quick, but you somehow understood you shouldn’t linger in that room any longer. Finding the nearest supply closet, you quickly stepped inside, and in a moment of childish stupor, you started smiling like mad all over again. A few squeaks of happiness also came through.

Yes, the vote was on Friday, but they would all be idiots if they still blew up Caltama.

A small part of you felt giddy throughout the next hours, as you worked on some problems going on with Starkiller that the Consul before you had completely ignored. Besides, you felt lighter knowing that Kylo was on the ship already even if you were simmering anger inside for him leaving you in the fucking dark so long.

As if you had summoned him in your head, a sudden beep turned your attention from your workstation. Your data pad screen coming to life to display a single message.

**_Immediate presence required at: Sector 14, Level 1, Area 23._ **

You gulped. You knew exactly what that place was. The Throne Room. Kylo had never asked you to go to the throne room, and of course he would choose this day to do it. Maybe he was mad, that you had exposed yourself that way in front of the council, perhaps you were a little mad at yourself for that too. But it was necessary, and also, bound to happen at one point or another.

Standing up from your workspace, you held your head high as you walked the halls. The effect from your hair had not been lost yet, and you were being greeted even more than in the morning. Yeah, you could kiss the whole ‘under the radar’ plan goodbye.

You could swear you felt someone following you, and for once, it didn’t feel like Trudgen. Good, the knight’s mask was the last thing you wanted to see right now. You didn’t give whoever it was the pleasure to look back, and given by the energy you surely were emanating right now, they didn’t bother you either. Even though you missed Cardo and the others as well, you were pretty pissed off at the moment and mentally preparing to face Kylo once again.

When the lift doors opened, you suppressed a gasp. At the end of a long runway, perched on a carved rock, with giant windows that showcased the galaxy behind him, he had never looked more powerful to you. It should’ve been intimidating, his presence so ominous and strong, but instead it left you overwhelmed.

He looked like he belonged sitting there, the Supreme Leader in all his glory.

You almost missed the two figures standing at his flanks, Vicrul and Kuruk, probably standing a faithful guard for him. As you regained your senses, you started walking towards him, trying to control your emotions and not blatantly gawk at him. His thighs were a little spread with the way he was sitting, making his lap ever more inviting, but right now was not the time for such thoughts.

Getting all serious and mighty, you stopped several feet away from him, you didn’t trust yourself if you stood any closer. Your arousal was pooling, that much was certain, and even though you wanted to give in and jump on him right at that moment, he was going to get a piece of your mind first.

With a condescending tone and almost a glare in your eyes, you broke the ice. “You asked for me, Supreme Leader?”

Based on the movement of his chest, you assumed he took a sharp breath. The inside of your cheek was suddenly stinging, realizing you were biting it. With almost a growl, he spoke to his Knights, even if his visor did not for a second leave your figure. “Leave us.”

You were pretty sure Vicrul was sending cautious eyes at you under his helmet as he crossed beside you, but at the moment you were very busy having a stare off with Kylo. Behind you, the doors of the lift closed, leaving you alone with the familiar figure.

A clasp, a hiss, and a thump.

It wasn’t fair how flawlessly his hair fell around his head. His nostrils were flaring a little, his expression stoic. And the eyes… you really loved those eyes. When he spoke again, his words made you alert.

“Come here.”

You were almost a millisecond away from speaking over him. “No.”

Okay, perhaps your tone was too harsh, but remembering how restless your nights had been without him at your side not knowing if he was okay, you didn’t care if you came off too strong. “I was worried sick!” His jaw was clenching but you caught how his eyes softened momentarily. Your brows furrowed and you suddenly couldn’t look at him anymore. “You went away and you said two days, which were hard on their own and then you were gone for almost a week…-”

“Darling, come here.” Although he was speaking endearments, his tone was a warning all on itself. A warning you didn’t care to listen since you did not stop your rambling at all.

“No! And you didn’t call, and you left Trudgen to babysit me and I don’t like him because he’s mean…-” Your hands were gesturing all around, your eyes drifting from the floor to the windows, to the rock, anywhere but him.

“Darling…”

With how entranced you were in your own venting, there was no way you could’ve realized the way Kylo had stood up from his seating place, and was now using the Force to drag your body closer to him. “And I wanted to tell you I got promoted and about my proposal but I couldn’t because you weren’t here and I thought you were mad at me and I’m sorry for getting all mean with you about Caltama, it was just very shocking and…-”

Your lips went stiff for a moment before they catched up with reality and slowly started moving with Kylo’s, which had pressed against yours without warning. How could you resist being silenced by such an inadvertent and soaring kiss? A big hand was resting behind your head, while the other wrapped around your waist, holding your now flailing legs. You willed yourself to relax under him, truly letting go of all your preoccupations and the tension in your muscles.

He was here, he was with you, and that was all that mattered right now. When he separated himself enough to breathe, you were able to finally finish your sentence.

“I missed you.”

You saw the corner of his lip twitch upwards, staring deep into you as he replied with his own kind of apology. “I’ll call next time.” You glowed internally, you often bickered with each other, but this time it had been more of a fight, both of you running away from it at one point or another, and to a certain level, things had resolved themselves. That made you happy, and ultimately, smile big at him.

“I knew bringing you here was a good decision.” He said as he placed a small peck on your forehead. “But I never expected _that_ …” You catched as his brows slightly shot upwards in surprise. “The majority of the council plans on voting for your idea on Friday, and I plan on approving it.”

The words of praise went directly to your core. He had told you once he wanted your perspective on things, and even though you hadn’t let him know about your plans, he seemed to be proud. Still, you needed to ask.

“So you aren’t mad?”

“No…” Something in his eyes suddenly turned very dark, as a smirk covered his features. “But just because I am not mad doesn’t mean you won’t get punished…” The air had suddenly changed completely, and those feelings that sparked your insides when you entered the room and looked at him sitting in his throne, suddenly returned.

“All day I’ve been forced to hear the filthiest thoughts about you from Generals, Lieutenants, Officers, even Stormtroopers…” His grip on your waist became tighter, not letting you move an inch away from him. His next words, almost ended your entire existence.

“But you are mine, aren’t you darling?”

You nodded meekly at him, not being able to do anything further as you got lost in the black mist that was his presence. It didn’t help that he leaned down once again and started placing soft kisses from your cheek to your jaw. His hold was as strong as durasteel, which you were thankful for, because his hot breath reached your ear as he whispered.

“Be a good girl and say it.”

“I’m yours.” There wasn’t even a pause, your answer completely automatic. As he moved your hair out of the way, you felt his small smile between the kisses that had lowered to your neck. Small moans fell from your mouth, only for you and him to listen to.

Your mind was racing through the possibilities, Gods you wanted him badly, and now. Maybe you could give him a blowjob while he sat at his throne, maybe even ride him in it. You just knew you needed to stay standing. Your hands gripped on the clothes unfortunately covering his chest, and just as you were about to start backing him up against the throne, he stopped. His face separated a little from you, and as you moved to search his eyes for an answer, one of his hands had moved to maintain your jaw immobile.

“What is this?” Still on a haze, you didn’t immediately know what he was talking about, but with a leather clad finger, he lightly pressed on the little souvenir the General had left you the day before. Your body instinctually winced at the action, making Kylo tense. He was looking at you very intensely, and you knew that if you were anyone else, he wouldn’t have granted you this much patience to answer. By this point, you knew better than to lie to him.

“Hux, uh-he um… he tried to threaten me last night.” Anger was rolling off of him in waves similar to that time of his outburst on his quarters. Back then he had been wearing a mask, but now, you could see the several emotions running along through his eyes. These were dangerous grounds.

When he suddenly separated from you, you knew he had snapped. “He… HE WHAT?!”

Your first instinct was to become small, but you didn’t have the luxury to allow for Kylo to know you had been briefly scared. He had quite literally screamed and you needed to act fast, because with the way he was acting, you knew there would be a dead General in the next couple of minutes.

“It was nothing! I took care of it!” You tried and reach from his bicep, to try and slow him down, but the man began pacing back and forth. His mumbling was inaudible, but in the dense mist of his now anger, you knew he was blaming himself.

Without allowing you contribute anything further, he began walking towards the exit, force calling his helmet and leaving you there, dumfounded and still trying to escape the remnants of his energy. When the lift doors closed, your complete mental abilities returned and you began running towards the exit yourself.

There was no stopping Kylo, and as you finally catched up with him in the distance in one of the halls, you became a little tenser. He was walking straight towards the bridge, where the General was. It was not as if you could scream at him over here, there were too many people passing by and it would be accusatory. So you had to follow from a sane distance, trying very harshly to not let your desperation show on all the eyes that fell on you.

He didn’t even pause as the doors opened on the main operations room of the Finalizer. Everybody went silent at the sudden and very much intimidating presence of the Supreme Leader. His steps were full of purpose, directed straight towards one unknowing red headed General. You hid yourself behind one of the many consoles, and like the rest of the people there, silently watch the scene unfold.

Without any help of the Force, Kylo’s hand wrapped around the General’s throat, and by how his eyes started bulging and the pale skin from his face started turning red, you knew he was cutting off his air supply completely.

While working you had heard that Kylo used to Force choke people he deemed incompetent, never actually going as far as to touch them because that was just too much trouble.

But this, right before your eyes, was personal in every sense of the word. He was relishing the way the General hanged a couple inches from the ground all by the sheer strength of his arm. His hands desperately crawling at Kylo’s hand, but futilely so. The General’s cries for help were becoming more spaced between each other and falling into deaf ears. His once red face, was now turning blue.

Just before you were sure this was going to be Hux’s death, Kylo brought his face closer to his, to speak in the deathliest of tones you had ever heard from him.

“Not. A. Finger. On. Her.”

Your own blood ran cold, and not nearly satisfied with such threat, he let go of the General by shoving him straight into one of the consoles. The piece of machinery broke down, but that was not the only cracks you heard. When the General regained enough breathing, his screams full of pain were a clear indicator he had broken some bones as well.

Making an exit as dramatic as his entrance, Kylo left the room, and as soon as the doors closed again, the room became chaos, all with a spark of gossip. Behind your shock that Kylo went through so much trouble for you, you were able to hear things here and there, but mostly the following: “Who was this ‘her’ the Supreme Leader was talking about?”

It didn’t take long for the rumor that the Supreme Leader had a concubine or lover or girlfriend, to spread around, and for bets to start getting placed on the identity of this woman.

Yes.

You could definitely kiss the under the radar plan goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, it's been a while... 
> 
> I did a brief explanation on my tumblr, but I hope I can come back to regular schedule soon. 
> 
> Anyways, I'm always thankful for your reading, sending you all much love. ♥︎
> 
> maryforyou.tumblr.com


	32. Vessel

You walked the halls cautiously now, your feet guiding you straight towards your quarters.

You only stayed long enough to see General Hux being taken away on a gurney towards the med bay. Even though he was too busy wallowing in pain, he had made eye contact with you for the tiniest of seconds. You were still trying to decipher if what you saw in his eyes was a very severe threat or his own kind of understanding he should’ve never messed with you.

You hoped it was the latter for his own good.

This time, as you entered your living quarters, the loneliness didn’t strike you, but the alterative was not much better either. Kylo was removing his gloves, his helmet by the stand he had at the door. Just like the first day you had seen him without his mask, he was giving his back to you, shoulders moving in sync to the deep breaths he was taking in.

With cautious steps you came near him, and as you glanced over his whole body, you wished his lightsaber wasn’t clipped at his belt right at the moment. As a precaution, you spoke before you placed a hand over his shoulder blade.

“My dear…”

The speed with which he spun around and pressed you to his chest made you dizzy. His desperate hands hurriedly circled your frame and held you close. You could still feel the sparks of electric energy coming off of him, he had been truly mad and was still trying to calm down.

After several seconds of just standing there, breathing each other in, he finally spoke again. “A med droid is on its way.” His voice was low, a little clipped and rasp. You sighed before carefully separating from him.

“Kylo, there is no need. I told you, it’s nothing.” You made sure to hold one of his hands, you missed his skin with every fiber of your being, and you wouldn’t let go that easy.

He still remained expressionless and firm as he spoke with you with authority. “The med droid will come and you will let it revise your cut. Yes?” You were tempted to refuse once again, but even though his voice was serious, his eyes were filled with emotion, so you nodded. He had formulated a question, but there wasn’t many room to argue.

Just then the doors of the quarters opened and in came a small droid who aimed straight towards you. Moving your hair to the side, you sat in one of the couches to let it work as Kylo stood a couple of feet away, observing. “What happened?”

You felt a couple of pinches of a needle in your neck, but for the sake of keeping him calm, you didn’t flinch. “He wasn’t happy I was making a proposal about Starkiller.” You wondered if he had seen into the General’s mind whilst he choked him, replayed the scene over and over again. “I think he was deeming me as an obstacle in more ways than one.”

He nodded at you, everything about him on edge still. With just two stitches done and a little bacta spray, the droid was finished. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but you understood why he was taking it so seriously. It was not a pretty imagine to think the second he left for his first mission, you had been attacked, and in that moment you felt a little pity for Trudgen because not only had you called him mean, but if Kylo had indeed left him to take care of you while he was gone, he had failed his job astronomically.

You wouldn’t deny that you were still a little mad at him, and a piece of you demanded answers about his absence. You were just about to ask him in a very straightforward way about it, when the med droid chirped and rolled away. Instead you stood up and walked towards the kitchen, with every intention of serving yourself a glass of wine. You deserved it after everything that happened today.

“I’m okay, really.”

You thought that if you tried and play it casual, ignoring to a certain level how distraught he was appearing, things would soon return to normal. From the corner of your eye you saw how his hands started tensing, his gaze no longer directed towards you. Unbeknownst to you, a storm was simmering at the other end of the room. 

“I shouldn’t have exposed you to this.” He was steadily starting to get riled up again, his words becoming more of a mumble and his eyes that had been so cautiously watching you, now unable to meet you. There was just a slight problem now. There was no outlet. When he found out earlier, he immediately went to find Hux to take out his anger on him. Like a solution to a problem.

And you knew what he was probably thinking now. That he might be rid of the threat of Hux, but there was no way you were going to be spared from all the other evil minds of the ship. You were thinking it too, it was a scary thought, and a recurring one last night, but you wouldn’t let it take hold of your life. Not when things were starting to be genuinely happy. 

Trying to remain peaceful, you gently lowered the glass you had been holding on the counter, leaving your hands free. “Kylo… this was always a possibility.” The air was turning a little colder and you threaded your steps cautiously. Sooner, rather than later, he needed to calm down, so you could both move past this. “We talked about this, and I still accepted.”

You walked a little bit closer, even if he was still refusing to look at you, taking a hold of how his frown had diminished in the slightest bit. “Because I care for you.” You slowed your words as you came close, so close you were almost chest to chest. Your hand lifted ceremoniously and you softly placed it on his cheek, hoping dearly he wouldn’t flinch. Realizing your true feelings about him was one thing, but saying them out loud, was a whole ordeal on its own. Swallowing an impending amount of nervousness, you waited until his eyes willed to connect themselves with you once again.

“Because I belong to you.”

It was not about possession, not really, it was more of a collective chemistry not only of the body, but also in the mind. An alignment one could argue. Today was a prime example of it. Even if you had been consumed by the Supreme Leader during the time you had spent together, you had not lost yourself and preserved your core values on morality and ethics, even in war. On the other hand, he respected you enough not to try and force you to agree with him. Sure, he ran from conflict, left on a mission to the Maker knows where, but didn’t despise your efforts to go against the council, in fact he praised you for it. Both of you were fitting with each other, like puzzle and longed for last piece, the complexity of the challenge only one you could both understand.

In his eyes you saw the emotion sparking, maybe he wouldn’t be able to answer you right back, and you were okay with that, because you knew he felt it too.

He remained silent for a while, which you mistook for a growing tranquility. Your hand on his cheek hadn’t moved, and you relished the tingles that coursed through your fingertips and that he surely felt on his mole filled skin.

He spoke again, the deep rumble of his voice never failing to make you melt a little. “You make me strong.” A tight but fond smile grew on his lips, one that relaxed your own features and you mirrored. “The Force runs through me with purpose and more at balance when you are around.”

One of his big hands went up to your raised wrist, circling it. It was funny how it dwarfed between his fingers. His thumb caressed the skin there, and you felt as though he was going to lean and press your foreheads together with how intimate the moment was growing.

“But you also make me weak.”

The pause between his words felt eternal, his tone hinting a lingering dread. Your brows furrowed a little and you tried to remain calm and let him finish before you jumped to conclusions. “I wish for no harm to come to you, and that is just what has happened. I won’t allow it…”

You could practically grasp his train of thought. It was falling on you like, ironically so, a tidal wave. He was trying to leave you, and for the sake of keeping you safe of all things. This couldn’t be happening. Not right now, and certainly not this way. _You_ wouldn’t allow it. 

His grip became a little tighter on your wrist as he lowered it for you, separating his body and forcing you to leave the comfort of his touch. What had been the electric energy of his erratic feelings had now become something dark, looming, the kind of thing that haunts eternally. His face was becoming hard and emotionless once again. Not even all the endearments in the world would change his mind right now.

But in the midst of conflict, you had proven over and over to yourself, and to him as well, that you were able to put up a fight with the weapons you had at your reach.

And after all, sometimes darkness could only be fought with darkness.

You took a couple of steps backwards. Your own insides igniting into an intricate mix of what you could only describe as anger, refusal, and determination, all swirling around to create a persona with a strong voice and an even higher confidence.

“I’m NOT made of glass.” Perhaps you were shouting, perhaps you weren’t, it was hard to tell in the middle of your emotions. You could see the way Kylo was trying to rise above your antics, standing tall as he always did, with hard but beautiful eyes. If you had learned something about him, was that he would try and make an exit soon, so you needed to take action soon.

“I WON’T break.” You bent towards the straps of your shoes, moving them angrily to try and remove the clasp. You almost leaned to the sides several times, but you were able to maintain your balance as the heels hastily came off and were thrown across the room. 

“I might not be a skilled warrior, or a Force user, but I am here for you. I WANT to be here for you.” Kylo’s gaze was on you, even if you could practically feel his need to turn away. There was a small frown between his eyebrows, which only increased when you moved your hands towards your back and started peeling off the zipper that held your dress together.

His chest was now heaving, and you silently celebrated, you wanted to grasp any reaction you could from him. Just when the zipper was down and you hastily pulled the fabric away from your skin, did he turn his head the other way. Your dress had ended in the floor, next to any of the doubts you had about expressing your feelings to him.

“Look at me.” He didn’t. “Look at me!” You said with a little more volume which worked for him to press his attention on you once again. The shade of his eyes was more somber, but familiar nonetheless, he was about to break, you knew this and he knew it as well.

“I’m made out of flesh.” You didn’t even feel the cold, or the goosebumps filling your skin as you stood in your underwear in the middle of the room. You needed him to see you, see all of you, see the reality of your condition. You had made peace with your circumstances a while ago, about the dangers in every corner, and it was time for him to make it too, only then could you both be sated.

“I might bruise, I might bleed, but I want to be here for you.” You touched your own neck, fingertips gliding with purpose, where the cut was almost gone, trailing your way downwards to your sternum, following the line of your abdomen only for your hand to rest by your side again. At that moment Kylo took a couple of tentative steps towards you, his eyes following the trail you marked, each foot placed on the ground with the weight of dark intentions.

In an almost breathless whisper you spoke again, your own energy combining with his creating a storm maybe a little too big for both of you to handle. “You just need to want me too.”

It was you who couldn’t look at him right now, but he had come close enough to you that you stared at the front of his dark-cladded chest. A pair of big hands rested on your waist, holding it, grounding you to the moment, and albeit soothing, there was nothing tender about them. With a wave of final declaration, your voice rose to the occasion once again. “No one is going to hurt me.” You smoothed the invisible wrinkles of his fabric as you slowly looked up again. He was staring at you like he was about to eat you, no more containment, only raw nature.

“Not even you…”

And with that, the man pounced.

Like a predator latching on his prey, not intending to letting go, just like you wanted. In crudeness, you weren’t a prey, you weren’t scared, never had been. You could basically see the doubts vanishing from his brain as his mouth started to devour you, consuming you as your body struggled to keep standing.

He was a force to be reckoned with, that much was certain, but you could take it.

Wet and hungry kisses trialed down your jaw, towards your neck, and when his hunched figure became too apparent, he did not waste any time to forcefully pick your legs up and wrapping them around his waist.

Your hands gripped tightly at the black waves of his hair, and your head fell backwards in pleasure as he sucked intently on a tender spot in your collarbone.

You didn’t worry about balance, or about watching where you were going as Kylo started moving, you knew he was in complete and upmost control of you right now. A tight yank at his now unruly hair earned you a primal growl from him, one that served the arousal pooling in your core. Fingers were buried in the flesh of your ass as he maneuvered your hips to grind on his cock making you moan out loud. Only a feeble layer of lace was covering your cunt at the moment, providing you no protection to the harshness of his clothed bulge.

Your head felt light as he spun you around only to immediately press you into one of the bookshelves.

Books fell to the ground, heavy pieces of decoration broke into a million pieces, all of which you paid no mind whatsoever. Desperate fingers rummaged your back as he ripped the clasps of your bra from their places and straps were extended as the insulting piece of clothing was tore from your body and sent to oblivion.

His mouth was on you again, an arm holding your rear while the other was too busy groping the soft skin of your breasts. You felt the urge to scream as his tongue made its way to one of your nipples with the other was being pinched by mighty fingers. Your whole body was buzzing with wild desire as your nails dug on his biceps.

A wild hiss escaped your lips, as you called for his attention and pressed your lips on his, this time, biting his lower one as you rolled your hips again, giving your aching clit some friction.

He groaned at the attack, suddenly stopping everything he was doing to look at you dead in the eye. His energy didn’t lower, it only paused, just for a moment to say something in challenge.

“Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.”

It was defiance, question, and asking for consent all weaved into a sentence. There was something inside him, something that had started to come out steadily in his anger, and he needed you to agree, otherwise he was going to try and shove it inside again.

So you nodded, and before you knew it, you had been thrown unceremoniously into the bed.

Kylo vanished for a second, stomping harshly around the bedroom in which you had spent so many lonely nights, only to return with two things in his hands. One you recognized immediately, the other one was new.

You gulped at the vision, his eyes searching your face for sudden surrender, which you didn’t grant. The red and soft piece of fabric from the first time he had you under him was on his right hand, a pair of First Order prisoner cuffs on the left one. There was no smirk, no cheekiness, only need in his expression.

Albeit shakily, you nodded again.

He dutifully placed the silk on your eyes, blinding you from whatever look he was showing now on his face. You were able to feel the slight tremble of his hands as he grabbed your wrists to clasp them on the cuffs with the most care he had shown you in last couple of minutes.

You knew what he was needing. This was the outlet he required. It was all about control, control that had slipped from his hands in his absence. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, you trusted him that much. He covered your eyes to be able to let out whatever was inside him without the worry of you seeing him, even if you certainly wouldn’t judge. And the restraints? Sometimes they could be very liberating, for both parties involved, so you followed his momentum as he lowered you back into the mattress and moved your hands above your head, securing the cuffs somehow to the headboard.

“Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.”

Your breath came out quivering, slowly letting your inhibitions deflect. You opened yourself to your senses, and nodded one last time at him.

In the darkness, you were able to hear the frantic shedding of clothes, which you were grateful for in the middle of your near nakedness. His presence was suddenly above you, a verve so clear and recognizable to you, hot breath falling in your face, the dipping of the mattress on the sides of your head and the sides of your thighs, caging you, trapping you.

You whimpered against him as your mouths connected again, his tongue forcing its way inside your mouth, fighting yours as if they were mortal enemies. Every trace of his fingers was electric, sinking in your skin, only to be replaced by his mouth. He sucked, nipped, and bit all around, littering your chest, your ribs, your abdomen with souvenirs of this lust that was covering you. You held on to your moans, making you a whimpering mess, which he didn’t mind.

He was still holding on, for the sake of what? You didn’t know.

But all that self-control he was somewhat showcasing, came to a halt the minute he reached your cunt. With a growl he sunk his teeth on the fabric of your panties, making the sensitive skin there come alert. His grip lowered, and the piece of clothing practically was ripped away from you. The tear of the fabric was like music, a melody filled with anticipation.

Hands holding your hips in place prevented you from bucking them wildly the moment his tongue glided your slit. There was no time for niceties anymore, he just went in, lapping at every crevice and tracing patterns encouraged by the sounds of your now shameful moans. His teeth grazed your sensitive clit, with care and fervor blended together, just before his lips surrounded the bundle and began sucking. Underneath the babbling mess you were muttering, you could hear his groans of pleasure, seeking your unraveling with the upmost might.

Your arms unconsciously fought with the cuffs, your legs also putting up a fight against the invasion, your whole body writhing, which was seemingly what he wanted, as he used more force to keep you in your place. It was too much, too many sensations that made your skin feel on fire, his tongue now unforgivable, entering your cunt as far as it was capable, savoring your juices which were probably now dipping to his chin, fuck you wished you could see that, a thumb stretching from his hold to reach your clit, circling it as you felt your orgasm start to ripple.

Too much. It was too much.

Just as you were about to fall over, he stopped, just separated from you, making you whine in earnest. Your legs thrashed around in complaint, but that didn’t go for long before brute hands started handling you to open yourself up to him. With some level of reluctance, you did, only to be pressed under his complete weight.

There was no much preamble, and your scream resonated through the walls as he slipped inside you in a single, languid stroke. A hand held your back, as he lifted you the tiniest bit from the bed, the other grabbed your restrained wrists, moving them from the headboard to clasp them around his neck. The motion moved you closer to him, foreheads together, a combined panting mess, both of you staring at the eye of darkness, a literal and a figurative one.

Skin on skin. Naked chest to naked chest. Naked soul to naked soul. No judgements, no questions, only untainted desire uniting your bodies as one.

This, this was what he needed.

The shuddering breath he took as he bottomed out inside you told you that. He remained still for a moment, your pussy fluttering around him, trying to accommodate his whole length. Time stopped, problems melted away, fears escaped both your pores, real relief coursed your veins.

And then he snapped.

Hips pistoned against your delicate body, the sheer force of his thrusts rising and sinking your body unto his cock with a rhythm completely up to Kylo’s will. Grunts of effort flourished from his throat as he ravished your cunt with every tortuous inch of him.

Even with the cuffs on, you managed to get your fingers on the back of his neck, and you held on to it, like a lifeline, because you needed in earnest to hold on to something or you were going to pass out from pleasure. Your wrists had started to feel sore, but you couldn’t care less. Your legs were now tight on his waist, and you realized your body wasn’t even touching the sheets anymore.

Kylo had complete hold of you, your body so close to his that when he knelt a little on the bed, you went along with him, doing your best to circle your hips and keep up with him as he maneuvered your body up and down. His mouth on your lips was plain sinful, exchanging pecks and grunts between each other, tongues going crazy. Cries of pleasure surfaced whenever he would hit a particularly deep spot, and you felt like you were getting closer and closer to meeting the Maker.

You felt connected to him, to all of him, his energy beckoning you and you, blindly following it.

Just as his rhythm was getting steady and another orgasm was about to hit you, he slammed both your bodies again into the mattress, and if it even was possible, his thrusts came even faster. You were not even moaning loudly now, your jaw just went slack at the intensity of all and your throat capturing every scream that wanted to escape. Your brows were furrowed, your body tightened, and if Kylo hadn’t spoken again, you would’ve forgotten to breathe.

“Tell me to… Tell me to stop.” He didn’t sound like himself now, his tone throaty and wounded with emotion.

With a yank, the blind fold left your eyes, the sudden light that hit you not enough to ignore Kylo’s penetrating gaze. His browns were desperate, looking for some sort of denial to the ravishing ministrations he was inflicting upon you. Not even if you had been burning in pain would you be able to refuse him.

He didn’t understand, he just didn’t understand. You had already told him you were here for him, that you wanted to be here for him, but he didn’t understand. Even if you didn’t know everything about his past, it wouldn’t take a genius to realize that he had never opened himself up to someone like this.

The exertion was visible in his frown, his mouth a little open, letting out tiny breaths with every quick and deep thrust. A coat of much earned sweat surely covered you both now, your bodies pushing themselves to extremes. You could feel your walls tightening once again, sucking his cock further and further inside you.

Right at this moment, with your wrists restrained and your body entirely at his mercy, he had all control, but at the same time, looking into his eyes and grasping his emotions underneath the surface, you realized you held all the power.

“Let go my dear.”

Your voice came out breathless, barely hanging on to reality as his pace started faltering and his eyes adverted from you. Your arms went over his head and you snaked them between you, using your bind hands to grab the sides of his face to force him to look at you.

“Let go.” And that look, that look he gave you just then was your demise, what tore your throat into a high pitched groan as you came all over him and clamped his cock as if you never wanted to be separated from him again.

Not only did his movements stopped as he came with a shout, but the whole concept of time did too. Rope after rope of cum coated your insides as he pressed his lips with yours to resonate together in a guttural moan.

Both of you closed your eyes, welcoming the warmth of your pants, of your synchronized breaths, of the darkness that surrounded you and had been liberated in the air with your bodies as its chosen and tired vessel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this my formal apology for not giving you throne sex in the last chapter... 
> 
> I love you all ♥︎


	33. Demon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some warnings: mentions of physical abuse and facing trauma. (Just in case it might be triggering.)

Even though the surface of his palms had always been rough and callused, Kylo’s fingers worked with gentleness as he removed the cuffs from your aching wrists. Your body felt weightless, floating in a stream of hush. There was also a clarity you had been gifted, like the gush of fresh air that hits you after you step outside from a building on fire, as if years and years of tensions had been removed from your shoulders. From what you were able to catch in Kylo’s eyes, he was feeling the same way.

Cathartic. That was what it had been.

You were sure the room shook a little after both your orgasms, and that ripple of dark energy was now roaming around the halls of the ship, finally let free and contributing to the whole atmosphere of it.

His body soon made way besides yours, not wasting any time to grab your frail arms and pulling you close to him, over his chest. You breathed him in, his scent, his presence, and as you exhaled, a content smile appeared on your lips.

With the Force he pulled a blanket over both of you, and even though the day had been tiring physically and emotionally, you didn’t have an ounce of sleepiness in your system. You remained there for minutes, maybe hours, there was no way to tell, under that cocoon of placidity, not even bothering to keep your eyes open as everything you needed was the sensation of your skins together. His fingers roamed your back, exploring the crevices of your spine, just tracing invisible figures with no particular purpose.

“Where were you?” you whispered softly to him, as if you were scared to disturb the tranquility that had grown and was now thriving. Your head moved to bury itself in the crook of his neck as you finally glanced up at him.

His hold on you became tighter as he planted an unexpected kiss on your forehead. Gods, you missed him. The broadness of his chest, the feeling of his skin, the sound of his voice, everything.

“I did something.” Hadn’t you been so at peace, you would’ve rolled your eyes at the vagueness of his answer, but still, you understood too well that maybe you weren’t meant to know it yet. Besides, he had said that next time he would call and honestly, that was all you needed, a reassurance of his safety when he was away. But after a small pause he muttered something that forced you to look up at him with confusion visible on your features.

“For you.”

You blinked even though the rest of your body had gone frozen, slowly repeating the statement in your head. “For me?” 

The man had the audacity of just nodding without saying else even if your eyes were full of question. He was not being playful nor was he looking amused at your reaction, immediately you knew that it was something serious. “What is it?”

“If you get dressed, I’ll show you.” You would’ve brushed it off had it not been for the look in his face, one that for once, you couldn’t read. Although staying in bed sounded like literal glory, festering curiosity was what got you promptly out of bed and into some First Order lounge wear.

It was late hours of the night, but still, you found it a little riveting that Kylo had foregone his usual characteristic ensemble, mask included, copying the comfortable style you went for with the sole exception of also clipping his lightsaber. You didn’t question him about it, but you hoped dearly no one would see you walking by side by side. Given the ruckus from earlier, probably the whole ship knew by now about the events that happened on the bridge, so you also put on one of Kylo’s cowls and your hair up as a precaution.

Silence floated among you as you both entered one of the lifts. You didn’t know why but you had started to feel a little nervous since the moment you stepped outside your chambers, your body becoming alert for whatever reason. He wasn’t making the situation any easier either, it was abnormally weird seeing him walk without his mask through the halls. Even without it, the man looked like he could slash anyone in two because of his everlasting dark energy, but his demeanor seemed more relaxed than it had ever been.

The whole mysterious nature of his behavior wasn’t sitting right with you and when the doors of the elevator opened, a frown grew in your face.

Rows upon rows of doors lined the walls, each of them with a special pad on its side, different than the ones from any normal rooms, sturdier. Before stepping outside, you glanced towards the small screen of the lift that showcased the level you were on.

You gulped. Finn had told you about this floor, it was part of his midday rounds and the place he confessed he despised the most from all the ship. Gathering your voice and following the man who was patiently waiting for you, you spoke.

“Kylo, what are we doing on the containment level?”

He stayed quiet as he kept on walking. You flinched and hid your face as you reached one of the guarding stations with the screens showing all the prisoners, where a couple of officers and troopers were in the middle of their shift.

“Hey! You! What do you think you are do-…” the man didn’t get to finish his sentence before Kylo had waved a hand in front of him, and with a booming voice, commanded something.

“You won’t remember our presence here.”

It was almost distinct the way you could felt the thrumming of the Force leave Kylo’s fingers to be inflicted upon all those people. Their gazes became vacant as they returned to their jobs without any regard for both of you, as if in fact, you weren’t there. You didn’t know he could do _that_. Quietly amazed at his power, you no longer felt afraid of being identified.

Theories rushed through your mind as you walked beside him, sparing him a glance every now then, searching for any indication as to what you were doing here. Given the surroundings, you were obviously here to see a prisoner, but who or the reason why was lost on you.

His huge body came to an abrupt halt outside one of the doors, and you promptly gazed up towards him as he finally looked at you. His face looked like he was debating the way to approach the subject correctly and with a face stoic as ever, he began.

“The person inside this cell is scheduled for a broadcast execution.”

You had heard about those. Not many had been made since Kylo became Supreme Leader, but they were pretty common before. It was a very effective terror technique, which led to the loyalty many systems now held with the Order. A public assassination of a known enemy could sure stir allegiances.

“I spent the last week dismantling his whole organization.”

Your head tilted to the side, trying to tie pieces together about this mysterious mission he had gone on and your apparent association with it.

“He turned out to be one of the heads of a very famous crime syndicate, one that specialized on the manufacturing and distribution of narcotics.” A knowing look crossed his face as he paused. “Ryll, specifically.” 

It took you a moment, but forceful realization fell on you and you couldn’t help the quiet gasp you emitted. He didn’t have to say anything further for you to know who awaited behind the durasteel walls, nonetheless, disbelief coated your tone. “You found him…”

His eyes glinted as he gauged your reaction. “I did,” and to further make his point, he added “for you.”

Time suddenly slowed down, the room wasn’t spinning, but the nausea in your stomach made it seem that way. Your eyes darted from the door towards him a couple of times, distress now clear on your trembling lip. 

You recognized this for what it was. An opportunity. Kylo stood patiently, like he was not going to force you to take it if you didn’t wish to, and just like that, with the four syllables he had spoken, a scarring decision fell on your hands. This was the reason he didn’t put a mask on, he wanted you to see the support in his eyes, since words had never been his forte. 

With a breath in and a breath out, you stopped and considered your own emotional state, trying to evade thoughts of what Kylo might think of you or what your future self would have to say about this. Tingles of earlier in the night still roamed your skin, making you feel a little ablaze, and provoking adrenaline to help you cope. Your mind made up.

“Ca-can I?” It was difficult to find your voice, but he seemed to understand what you meant when he nodded. He proved that over again as he remained outside when the doors suddenly opened and you silently thanked him for the privacy you didn’t know you needed.

With a couple of heavy steps, the first thing you noticed was that it was dark. You had never been inside a cell, but if the complete loss of hope was what they were going for as decoration, they had succeeded. The overall facility seemed to be void, except for the restraining mechanism that stood at the center of the room, illuminated by a revealing spotlight. A swish was heard in the distance, informing you that you stood alone.

Just you and him. You and him. You and the monster that had almost ended your life that fateful night a year ago. 

You glanced over him quick. The structure held him in almost a standing position, wrists and ankles constricted with unforgiving metal. He wouldn’t be able to move an inch, which relaxed you and explained the reason why Kylo didn’t mind staying outside.

He looked like he had taken a harsh beating, blood running from the corner of his mouth, bruises littering what was exposed of his skin, a sadist reduced to a shell of a man, if he had ever been one.

Stopping in front of him you finally spoke. “Do you remember me?” you sounded small, almost a whisper trying and failing to fill the room with a trace of authoritativeness. In all honesty, at the moment, you didn’t know what you wanted to say, what you wanted to get out of this. Closure maybe? How does one even get that? From all the scenarios you had pictured if you ever saw him again, this wasn’t one of them.

You imagined him going to Domar’s once again, genuinely forgetting what had transpired with you and in search for a new lady to accompany him. You imagined Poe beating him for hours on end before he gave him up to the New Republic’s authorities in hopes he would rot in a cell. You imagined encountering him in a commission, seeing him in the distance, maybe with a girl perched around his arm, a girl who you would warn about his nature the way nobody did with you.

And even though you had a little trouble admitting it, you also liked to imagine him dead. A sinister part of you did that, that only attacked from time to time, imagined him dead, body cold, life sucked right out of his eyes, and alone, like he deserved for what he did to you.

His head was slumped forward, possibly all he could manage with the state of his body. You saw the creases in his forehead become prominent as he lifted his head the tiniest bit to spare you a glance. “Why would I remember a First Order bitch?”

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair the way your whole breath catched in your throat, or the way the room went ice cold. Just the sound of his voice triggered your insides, the insecurities you worked so hard to ignore, the fear that you repressed for so long behind the strong exterior you portrayed to everyone so flawlessly that it got Kylo into your life to begin with.

It was maddening, because after all this time, the scum still had a hold of your emotions, but he… _he didn’t even remember you_.

With every ounce of calm you had left in your body, you took one more tentative step towards him. Your hands went up towards your cowl and you gently uncovered your face. In the corner of your eye, you saw how his head lifted again at the sound of shuffling, examining you. With a short sigh, you also removed the pin holding your hair, letting it fall around your hardened face. The smirk that pulled the corner of his mouth told you he recognized you now.

You both stared at each other, dread at an all-time high for you, waiting for him to speak or for yourself to gather the courage and open your mouth again. Just as your lips parted and you were about to, he beat you to it.

“That look in your eyes you have right now, I remember it. Pretty little thing you are, although, not so pretty after a deserved beating, am I right?”

You had to stop breathing all together to avoid the retching motion your body was threatening to make. Even with the wheezing of probable broken ribs, he made the sound of a chuckle at the sign of your eyes becoming more sullen.

You wanted to be sucked right into the ground. Why the hell had you done this? You could’ve just thanked Kylo for capturing him, maybe watch his execution in the distance to give your mind some peace, but no, you had still entered here at your own will. But perhaps there was a silver-lining to this, one that Kylo had anticipated and that was slowly unwrapping before your eyes.

Demons are an intricate thing.

Some of them are real, some of them are not. They can be ghosts from our past or perhaps fears of the future. You knew Kylo had lots of them the second you were able to finally stare into his eyes, and you knew he battled them each day, more so now that you were around, now that he was starting to open up to someone. And maybe those demons had been the ones that created a link between you. Because even though your lives had been strikingly different, as well as your circumstances, you both carried them.

And one of yours was staring right at you with a grin on their face, in mocking and also in delirium at the prospect of his inevitable death.

It was easy to know it wasn’t curiosity that made him speak again, only pure morbidity. “Look at you… And here I thought you were nothing more than a worthless whore,” his demon eyes skimmed over your body, briefly stopping at your breasts, to where the logo was embroidered “although I imagine sucking First Order cock isn’t much of an upgrade.” His face was contorted in amusement, and at that moment, you decided you weren’t going to give him any more pleasure.

Now, as you took another step closer to him, your jaw lifted, no longer appearing apprehensive, even if inside the effort of maintaining yourself standing straight was almost killing you.

A part of you wanted to reach out and touch him, return some of the pain he had gifted you. But that had never been you, so you settled for a weapon you had been using more and more as of lately.

Words. 

“You know, I never blamed you.” Your voice was as apathetic as you could manage, very different to when you first stepped inside, not giving him anything more to taunt you with. “I figured you were just a monster, that you couldn’t help it, besides, you were so high it didn’t even make a difference.” You remembered Poe calling Kylo a monster. He couldn’t have been more wrong. With more serious eyes, he began following you as you circled the vertical bed, analyzing and relishing all the injuries visible.

You sighed as you ended up in front of him again. This was a more difficult part, something you had never admitted out loud. “So I blamed myself,” your chest deflated a little at the confession and your lids felt heavier “for not being more careful, for not learning how to properly take care of myself before, for being wooed by credits.”

You gazed on to the darkness over his shoulder, somehow reminiscing at your past self and reflecting how much things had changed, all in the course of a second. It all seemed comical now, to be able to stand in front of him with so much power, so much that you practically huffed out a laugh, which visibly made the man in front of you uncomfortable.

Good.

“I guess I should thank you.” Your hand shot upwards and he visibly flinched. Now it was you who spared him a little smile. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to slap him, hit him, anything, but instead, you gathered one of his bloodied locks of hair and moved it out of his face, tucking it behind his ear with care. His head moved forcefully to the side, away from your touch.

Unbothered, you continued, savoring how his breathing was getting more labored. “You practically forced me to grow, to be more wary, to learn new things, and to actually pick a side in this war.” It was almost as if you were speaking with fondness, a perversion coming to light that you didn’t know you had in you. 

“You are the reason I’m here today, and ironically enough, I’m the reason you are here,” You saw the shock flashing in his eyes, the sparking anger. Even if he would never know the exact meaning of your words, you didn’t care anymore. It was a long pause before you willed yourself to finish your sentence.

“And now you are going to die.” It was said with cold bitterness, just the stating of a fact that he already knew, but coming from you made it more prophetic.

It triggered something in him, as the eerie calm of the containment level was disrupted by his angry screams. “You fucking cunt, I should’ve killed you!” You stood frozen as he thrashed wildly in his restrains, his battered muscles struggling against immobility.

The twisted humor that had enveloped you for a second was already gone, your face becoming phlegmatic as you watched him closely. In an attack that came as no surprise, you saw how a ball of spit from his mouth tried and failed to reach you, landing close to one of your boots.

You waited until the grunts and curses had receded to deem your goodbye. Your head tilted as he no longer stared at you with defiance, but with what you could almost call regret.

“You haunted my dreams for so long…” His eyes darted away but you made sure he looked at you by tenderly grabbing his jaw, holding back the disgust you were feeling. 

“I hope my face now haunts you in death."

And with that you let him go, caring little about the profanities being screamed at you, or the commotion he was making. Without any other prompt, the doors shot open when you neared them, and you hastily stepped outside.

You knew Kylo was there, waiting for you expectantly, but your brain had entered in a sort of automatic stupor that didn’t even gave him a glance as you unconsciously started walking towards the lift. Your eyes were frozen forward, not taking the surroundings anymore, lids remaining open only for the sake of equilibrium.

Anguish had started clogging your airway, and the tight space of the lift wasn’t helping. You didn’t have it in you to speak at the moment, but you were eternally grateful Kylo wasn’t trying to fill the silence or trying to touch you. Your hands were trembling, beads of sweat on your forehead, teeth grinding, pure containment as you tried to hold yourself together just for a couple more minutes.

You didn’t have the capacity to discern if your steps were slow or quick, only that they were moving you forward through the cold halls of the Finalizer. 

Seeing the door of your quarters was like seeing an escape pod available and with your insides about to combust. Something resembling relief filled you and just as you had taken three steps inside, a choked whimper broke the shield and you fell to your knees. Pain didn’t even register as your chest started heaving and your vision started blurring. How long had it been since the last time you genuinely cried? The action felt foreign, but there was nothing you could do to stop a couple of tears from falling down. 

Your hands pressed on the floor, the only balance to avoid you from falling on your face. You felt ridicule as everything you had been holding inside for the last year suddenly started to pour out uncontrollably, the recent encounter serving as the spark to a fire you didn’t know if you were going to be able to control.

But just as your sobs pierced the silence and the air started to not be enough for your lungs, a big hand on your back acted as a shot of oxygen through your veins. In silence, he swiftly grabbed your limp body from the floor, picking you up and cradling you bridal style. His face was stern and his eyes were soft as he led you towards the bed, laying you down in it with care.

You looked at him through the wetness of your eyes as he started taking your clothes off. He was focused, not doing it in an enticing way, just helping you be more comfortable.

You hated yourself for it, for not being able to control yourself as you finally came face to face to the source of your nightmares, for not getting over it sooner, or simply for avoiding your emotions for so long that when you were forced to face them, you came crumbling down.

But as he started to remove his own clothes and positioning you under the cover, you reached for him to look into his eyes. It was stifling, because you saw no judgement in them, just the type of understanding that only comes from experience. You didn’t know where it came from yet, what event had transpired in his life that had also split his spirit to the bone, but you hoped you would come to find out.

You found yourselves just like the beginning, naked and dealing with the fragments of crippling emotion, laying right next to each other, and just as you thought calming down was going to take longer, he began doing what he done the day of your nightmare. Hints of light rushed from his fingertips to your skin as he caressed you, a comforting gesture with no palpable comparison.

Now, you were actually tired, and as your breathing started to even out, you whispered to him the gratitude you thought you would never be able to repay. “Thank you.”

He remained silent for a while, and as reality and the beginnings of dreamless sleep began mixing together, you heard his voice soothing and clear. 

“I’m here for you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a tough one to write.
> 
> Thank you for reading. 🖤  
> maryforyou.tumblr.com


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